A letter contained within a large, sealed, incredibly heavy envelope is delivered to the Matterheim Furniture Company by a dauper, well dressed and brilliantly handsome gnome. The gentlegnome flashes Lucibella a charming smile before promptly turning invisible and boldly dashing away, leaving the heavy envelope on the floor...
The envelope is adorned with an ornate, bright blue wax seal. When Lucibella opens the envelope, she smells the overwhelming aroma of fine gemstones (probably due to the crushed gemstones weighing the note down). The note is written in the reddest of red inks, by a clear master of stenography. --
Dearest Lucibella Matterheim,
I know we haven't met, But I see you every day I know you owe me no debt, But you'll hear my plea I pray
I'm desperate for your affection I'm clamoring for your time And if you don't respond to this desperation I'll just respond with another rhyme!
Because you're the kind of girl that makes a gnomish man exalt More than ruby, diamond, crystal or a fine basalt And I'm the kinda gnome who could sweep you off your feet With a little bit of magic and a whole lotta deceit! We're made to be together, Lucibella my desired I only write you now because you make me so inspired!
I'm the kinda gnome who needs A real gnomish girl So when I'm done with performing heroic deeds I can spend my gold on the finest of pearls (for you!)
When I first saw you I admit I couldn't look straight in your eyes With your gnose so large, your feet so big, your face so hard and long, I nearly quit But when I looked upon you again, I knew in my heart of hearts, that this was not the end my dear and I knew I'd be your guy...
For you're the kind of girl that makes a gnomish man exalt More than ruby, diamond, crystal or basalt And I'm the kinda gnome who can sweep you off your feet With a little bit of magic and a whole lotta deceit! We're made to be together, Lucibella my dear So let's get together and have us a beer!
Lucibella, my dearest, my desired, I pray You'll say hello when I return one day But you ask "Who's the dashing gnome who wrote you this ballad? Perhaps a gnome who loves turnip salad? (Or maybe a gnome who was a Councilor once)
-- Baron Sparklegem Former Councilor of Sanctuary Knight of the Greycloaks