To the Upstanding Gentleman

[Secutor]

[A note arranged in accordance to the specifics of the advertisement, put somewhere to be found:]

To the Upstanding Gentleman,

Quaint pseudonym, hopefully you are not some paradigm of irony, but the genuine article.

I will divulge one detail regarding my character, and leave the rest anonymous, it is this:
I hate puns.

For one thousand and six hundred dinars I would have silenced indefinitely whatever wastrel uses the bellows for to quip highly irritating, rote, and plebian pablum on such subjects as the nature of camels or the transactions of archaeologists.

For another five hundred, you would leave his body berobed in the attire of a jester, crucified outside the Gate of Coin, with some derisive jest of your own. As I despise witless humor, I will not prescribe the specific message. I hope you have a creative streak. If my seneschal finds it amusing, it will suffice.

The due will be paid in the private room of the Sultan's Head by a servant when the rubric is met, the next full moon after the deed is publicly noticed.

[Upstanding Gentleman]

/ This note is collected from the location /