Star Witch Estellise's Diary of Hopes and Dreams

[cmenden]

Tammuz 9th, IY 7788

Qari wishes a fresh start. I have cautiously agreed to such, but I will be ever-mindful of the possibility of betrayal. If he thinks this will trip me up, he will be sorely mistaken.

The Torchbearers seem open to my proposed arrangement. I am hopeful that we can resume descents shortly. I will finish what I started down there.

I have been able to keep myself adequately distracted, for the most part.

It would be easier if you had not sent Selsi away on some errand right when I most need the diversion she would present.

Or perhaps you sent her away to keep things fair... I don't imagine I would be able to engage your finest piece at my best, admittedly.

And what of "Margarethe"? Did you expect her arrival? Have you made plans to counter this most unexpected of moves?

It's okay to admit that you did not. I will not think any less of you.

[cmenden]

Tammuz 20th, IY 7788

I find it difficult to think about anything except the "lost time" earlier.

I cannot imagine what I could have done, how I acted or behaved, or worse yet, what was said. If I embarrassed myself, then I apologize.

It was pleasant to get to speak to you, admittedly. I was concerned that you were far too busy with all your new charges to make any time for such.

To that point, it is clear to me now that this new surge of Acolytes, including the early arrival of Sister Jamei in this cycle, is your countermove.

To have Selsi and Jamei operating concurrently within the cycle will mean having to tread ground perilously close to that which has seen my predecessors defeated, but so be it.

My next move is locked in. Even if you can see it, countering it should be an impossibility at this stage.

[cmenden]

Tammuz 23rd, IY 7788

I made a mistake.

I let myself forget that the Janissaries possess no souls.

I'm normally better than this but they used Cosine against me, and I'm still not over his death.

He died for them yet they would destroy his memory and everything he cared about for what? A pat on the back from a superior? An appearance from whatever djinn is pretending to be The Wroth that day?

But I knew all this. I shouldn't have allowed them to trick me so.

Other than Master Oro, sometimes I feel like you're the only person in the Well who cares about my fate.

I can't die like this. If it came to it, you would save me? Right?

No, I imagine at the moment, it would be preferable to just let it happen, to let me reap what I have sown.

I need to pull myself together.

This isn't like me.

I can't let despair or fear cloud my mind.

[cmenden]

Tammuz 26th, IY 7788

Today is the day that Alejandro died, a Key Event that only occurs when Legate Balstan takes power in Year 1.

This was the move I spoke of. I hope you are suitably impressed.

Even though I think he is a wretch, his election was necessary to capture an important piece from your side of the board.

Still, I feel some guilt. Not for the man Alejandro became, but for the man he was. He saved my life once. If he had stayed that man, I would have seen Nasreen to the Legate Seat and the Prince expelled.

The burden of a Witch of Fate and Time is a heavy one.

[cmenden]

Tammuz 28th, IY 7788

It's her. How long have you known?

Wait. That's a foolish question. Obviously, this is entirely your doing.

The vast Gulf of separation that exists between the current me and the first me makes it only natural I wouldn't recognize her reborn into this world as a Witch of Darkness.

Still, I felt the connection from the start, and it unnerved me. So I allowed others to deal with her.

Could there be any other explanation?

She was unmade by the Demon King, so how is any of this possible?

Was it her in past cycles or is this new to this one? The book never gave specific attention to her, so I didn't know. They would surely have warned me.

Only "Margarethe" warned me, but she would know what I know, not limited to the knowledge of those who have failed in the past.

What am I supposed to do now? I can't destroy her without risking a violation of the Covenant. But, I can't let her destroy me either. Would she even be able to? What is her own Covenant?

I will need to consider well my next move.

She is more than just a piece after all.

[cmenden]

Maribeh 4th, IY 7788

I couldn't find Mae, which was extremely irritating. Does she truly not care about her own future?

By refusing to speak at Kardesler, she has reduced her esteem and increased her irrelevance in Ephia's Well.

How will she ever attain Zenithar at this rate?

I'm calmer now, which is good. My initial instincts were to act somewhat rashly and likely that would have made Mae extremely displeased with me.

Fortunately, Margarethe stopped me before I made it to the bellows, and I was able to get over my initial surge of anger.

In truth, I need to focus less on these matters and more on my research. I've acquired many pages of notes on the Acolytes now and can update my notes accordingly.

They're all rather intriguing to me. They are extremely rough material. Do you plan to ensure they all are polished to perfection, or do you expect that some will fail Discernment?

Your piece moves differently than before. Her movements are more dangerous to me, but my defensive barriers still hold strong.

Did you tell her my favorite animal or did she truly guess in 4 tries?

[cmenden]

Maribeh 7th, IY 7788

It pains me to doubt Hypatia.

This is what the Witch of Utterdark meant, however, when she said that a Witch who gets too attached to a single life, a single piece, will die.

I'm well aware that such attachments have led to my countless deaths in previous cycles.

But I'm not ready to give up on my attachments yet. I like Hypatia. I like Mae. I like Naelin. I like Aubrey. And many more besides.

In a way, it's not about her... it's about myself. I feel as if I have reached the point where if I believe the theory that Hypatia is entirely false, if I believe that she holds no love for me or even for Mae, then I will have given up a significant part of me.

Even if I win the game after having given up so much, was it even "me" who won the game? Or was it someone entirely different? Was the game won by a hollow existence that wears my face and speaks with my voice, one who has given up everything for a victory she can't even enjoy?

I will believe that Hypatia is still Hypatia, until too much evidence has been accumulated to argue otherwise to myself, and I am cornered with the realization that she is no longer Hypatia.

But only then.

[cmenden]

Selsi, sorceress, her beauty a spell
Enchantments weave, her allure to compel
Yet hidden deep down, where shadows do creep
A witch's touch, crushing minds with a sweep

Her expressions shift, sudden and bold
Donning human guise, a creature untold
Dancing darkness, appears as a woman
Memories lost, in the void they summon

Amid a game, secrets to unveil
Guessing my favorites, without a fail
Her braids intertwine, a work of art
Reveals a bond, connecting the heart