A Leaf-Bound Journal

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Map of the Great Ring
Tesin Hray 10, 7787

"Black and White, Higher Res"

https://i.imgur.com/6T3Yagd.jpg

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Drawing of Antique Pipes
The Song of the Wellfolk
Tesin Hray 14, 7787

[MAGIC]

The Tale of Saphraak and Luvocci
Once upon a time, long long ago...
When the world was still young and new and rich with the song of creation...
In this time great beings roamed the skies and swam in the empty spaces between the stars.
I will tell you of two of these great ones.


Saphraak the Spider of a Million Eyes
Saphraak was a hungry little spider with a great many eyes. She did not see tangible things, as you or I do, but saw instead the invisible and intangible things. She had many eyes and so she could see many intangible things. Including fate and destiny. She could not only see these intangible things, but she could also weave them into strands.

Saphraak would weave great, elaborate webs of fate and string them across the sky in beautiful designs which she would then hang from the stars. Lesser creatures could not see these webs, for they could not see fate, and so they would become caught in them. And it would become their fate that Saphraak would feast upon them.

And Saphraak would sit upon her webs and watch them with her vast eyes. She would look for movement in them from the things that would get caught up in the destinies that she had woven.

And Saphraak was pleased for the designs she had woven meant that she would not go hungry.


Luvocci The Untouchable One
Another creature came to witness these designs in the skies. This was Luvocci the Spirit Fennec. He saw how the strands of fate and destiny sparkled in between the skies. He saw the great and beautiful designs that they made. And he became desirous of them and wanted to wear them about him like a mantle.

Luvocci lept up onto one of the stars and tried to take the first web. But the patterns unwound and the delicate strands broke apart at his touch.

So he pounced to another star and tried anew. Again the patterns in the web unwound and the strands broke.
From star to star Luvocci lept, trying again and again to snatch up those beautiful designs so he might wear them as a mantle. But he broke every one he touched.

Saphraak felt a tremble in her webs as the strands broke and snapped. Her beautiful tapestries were becoming undone. She scuttled along her webs searching for the cause. She could tell that nothing was caught in them and she could not see what was responsible for breaking them. She could not see that except which was hidden and invisible and Luvocci was not hiding. He stood upon his star and laughed and laughed.

So Saphraak set to making new webs, more elaborate in design, their strands wound tighter and more intricately, weaving more complicated and inescapable fates. She set these out to try to catch whatever was eluding and breaking her designs.

And Luvocci would see these webs and nets and he would dance under them and around them. He would pounce upon the stars and paw at them, and watch with amusement as Saphraak would scurry over to investigate. It was a great amusement to him to make the weaver of fates dance like this.

For years they played this game. Luvocci would laugh at the fun of it, Saphraak would grow more and more irate as all of her webs failed to catch the interloper. She made it her entire purpose to catch what was ruining her designs and she forgot about everything else. And so all the little creatures whose fate would have been to be feasted upon by her were instead free to fill up the world with their young.

There are many more tales to tell of Saphraak and Luvocci. Tales of how they schemed and fought and played. Over time Luvocci grew more and more cunning and he would not just unwind her webs and break them - he began to take delight in moving the stars about and forming new patterns in her designs. And Saphraak, unable to see the interloper from her position upon her webs, began to pluck her eyes out and scatter them about the world below, each watching one of the million stars, hoping to catch a glimpse of the illusive interloper.

Eventually their hunt moved out of the heavens and into the world.

Today the Spirit Fennec bounds across the sands and ash, fur bright and gold, eyes like cool silver. No fate can touch him, no destiny can bind him. It is said that if you wish to break an unbreakable curse or to slip free from an unshakable destiny then you must hope to see Luvocci, and to give chase, and to pluck from his bushy tail a single hair.

And Saphraak moves beneath the sands, scattering her eyes in her wake, hoping to catch glimpse of Luvocci. She still weaves her webs and anchors one end of them upon the stars. But the other end she anchors in the world, favoring the dark places where secrets go to hide. Her strands of fate no longer form the grand and vast designs woven across the starry heavens, now these are subtle and secret things, kept small and hidden lest Luvocci take notice of them. You can find her eyes out in the ash and in caves, and through them, you can see the invisible and secret things that she can see. And through them you might see her glimmering, shimmering webs. If you do, you should avoid them lest you become trapped in a fate of her design.

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Saphraak and Luvocci
Once upon a time, long long ago...
When the world was still young and new and rich with the song of creation...
In this time great beings roamed the skies and swam in the empty spaces between the stars.
I will tell you of two of these great ones.


Saphraak the Spider of a Million Eyes
Saphraak was a hungry little spider with a great many eyes. She did not see tangible things, as you or I do, but saw instead the invisible and intangible things. She had many eyes and so she could see many intangible things. Including fate and destiny. She could not only see these intangible things, but she could also weave them into strands.

Saphraak would weave great, elaborate webs of fate and string them across the sky in beautiful designs which she would then hang from the stars. Lesser creatures could not see these webs, for they could not see fate, and so they would become caught in them. And it would become their fate that Saphraak would feast upon them.

And Saphraak would sit upon her webs and watch them with her vast eyes. She would look for movement in them from the things that would get caught up in the destinies that she had woven.

And Saphraak was pleased for the designs she had woven meant that she would not go hungry.


Luvocci The Untouchable One
Another creature came to witness these designs in the skies. This was Luvocci the Spirit Fennec. He saw how the strands of fate and destiny sparkled in between the skies. He saw the great and beautiful designs that they made. And he became desirous of them and wanted to wear them about him like a mantle.

Luvocci lept up onto one of the stars and tried to take the first web. But the patterns unwound and the delicate strands broke apart at his touch.

So he pounced to another star and tried anew. Again the patterns in the web unwound and the strands broke.
From star to star Luvocci lept, trying again and again to snatch up those beautiful designs so he might wear them as a mantle. But he broke every one he touched.

Saphraak felt a tremble in her webs as the strands broke and snapped. Her beautiful tapestries were becoming undone. She scuttled along her webs searching for the cause. She could tell that nothing was caught in them and she could not see what was responsible for breaking them. She could not see that except which was hidden and invisible and Luvocci was not hiding. He stood upon his star and laughed and laughed.

So Saphraak set to making new webs, more elaborate in design, their strands wound tighter and more intricately, weaving more complicated and inescapable fates. She set these out to try to catch whatever was eluding and breaking her designs.

And Luvocci would see these webs and nets and he would dance under them and around them. He would pounce upon the stars and paw at them, and watch with amusement as Saphraak would scurry over to investigate. It was a great amusement to him to make the weaver of fates dance like this.

For years they played this game. Luvocci would laugh at the fun of it, Saphraak would grow more and more irate as all of her webs failed to catch the interloper. She made it her entire purpose to catch what was ruining her designs and she forgot about everything else. And so all the little creatures whose fate would have been to be feasted upon by her were instead free to fill up the world with their young.

There are many more tales to tell of Saphraak and Luvocci. Tales of how they schemed and fought and played. Over time Luvocci grew more and more cunning and he would not just unwind her webs and break them - he began to take delight in moving the stars about and forming new patterns in her designs. And Saphraak, unable to see the interloper from her position upon her webs, began to pluck her eyes out and scatter them about the world below, each watching one of the million stars, hoping to catch a glimpse of the illusive interloper.

Eventually their hunt moved out of the heavens and into the world.

Today the Spirit Fennec bounds across the sands and ash, fur bright and gold, eyes like cool silver. No fate can touch him, no destiny can bind him. It is said that if you wish to break an unbreakable curse or to slip free from an unshakable destiny then you must hope to see Luvocci, and to give chase, and to pluck from his bushy tail a single hair.

And Saphraak moves beneath the sands, scattering her eyes in her wake, hoping to catch glimpse of Luvocci. She still weaves her webs and anchors one end of them upon the stars. But the other end she anchors in the world, favoring the dark places where secrets go to hide. Her strands of fate no longer form the grand and vast designs woven across the starry heavens, now these are subtle and secret things, kept small and hidden lest Luvocci take notice of them. You can find her eyes out in the ash and in caves, and through them, you can see the invisible and secret things that she can see. And through them you might see her glimmering, shimmering webs. If you do, you should avoid them lest you become trapped in a fate of her design.

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[MAGIC]

Commission - The Great Falafel Heist
King-in-Exile Hephaestus and Magistrate Squeeve at Hasheema's Hope
Kanon Hray 5, 7787

[MAGIC]

Kanon Hray 6, 7787

Oh Joriel, Miwendel... these new families are a difficult substitute for what we had. I enjoy spending time with the children but I feel distant from everyone else.

I am safe. There were more dangers and plots against me than I suspected. The Sisters will keep me safe.

The robes itch.

You shouldn't do this. You shouldn't do that. Say "beloved" and "dear". Smile and nod. Lots of rules.

Rules are fine. I can follow rules. I can act the part. Brennos was my inspiration for how I should behave as an ambassador. Lynneth, for a Balladeer.

I desire to be myself. Sometimes I slip out of the role. Sometimes I let them see me for who I am. I let them see the ugly truth.

Desperate.

Desperate to be loved again, as you once loved me.




Who can I trust?
   Nobody

Who is watching me?
   They are

What did they do to her?
   Unknown

Have I betrayed my people?
   Maybe

I am safe.

Am I safe?
   No

Am I happy?
   No

I have traded one cage for another.
Eventually
I will be free.

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Kanon Hray 23, 7787

They don't know how to help me.

She was right.

They are only interested in using me.



Acting nice doesn't make you nice.

Acting friendly doesn't make you a friend.

Acting familiar doesn't make you family.

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Commission - Kayo's Delivery Service
Unfinished

Kanon Hray 17, 7787

[MAGIC]

Kanon Hray 26, 7787

Can't trust outsiders. Must remember that. Hold it close to my heart.

Their ways are insidious. I want to believe them. I want to trust them. I want to sing and dance to the tune that they sing.

Ishla and Apogoit, you remind me that I must cling to the truth. I must believe in honesty and purity. I allowed myself to be drawn into these games of intrigue because I trusted them. I sang the false-song of lies and manipulation because that is what they wanted me to sing.

My dear sister, you who sought to lure me out to rob me. You remind me that there is a strength in goodness. That it will cleave through the desperate and wicked thoughts. I pray that you are well.

When I open myself to these outsiders - when I try to think of them as family, as greater-kin - I want them to love me as much as I want to love them.

I want to pour myself into them. I want to drown in them and for them to drown in me.

But they do not love me. They care about me but they do not love me.

It is as she says - they are all using us for one thing or another.

That means we have something that they want.

That means we can control the dance.

[MAGIC]

The Lonely Tree
Subat 25, 7782

[MAGIC]

The Rose Gate, Ephia's Well (Commission)
Subat 22, 7787

[MAGIC]

The Heron Banner
Adar 8th, 7787

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So pale is the cactus bird
Who sings her song at dawn's light,
Who laments the passing night,
Her melodies seldom heard.

Your song alights upon my ears,
Inviting and inciting me
To rise.



The Pale Bird,
Narwen Alendiel

[MAGIC]

Adar 29, 7787

Questions. More questions. As Alejandro says - "you open one door and behind it are three more." I know he was being figurative - but I have opened an actual door and found three more.

You would have loved this, Joriel. You always were so smart. So good at teasing out hidden meanings. I try to imagine what you would say about these things. I try to imagine you saying "Yes, but what if..."

I'm not smart enough for this. I don't know how to make these notes all fit together into a song. I can see the shape of it. I can feel the rhythm of it. I can see how piece A could flow into piece C, even if I don't know what piece B sounds like or what the finale will sound like.

But - Do I want to know? Do I want to hear this song in all its terrible glory?



That is the question that I struggle with.



The Spring tells us to live in the moment. To not be worried or burdened by the sorrows and tragedies of the past. To avoid war and avoid needless violence and the thoughts that those things inflict upon us. The Spring is wise.

Had I only listened to it...

I would have fewer burdens upon my heart, soul and mind.

But knowing what I knew, feeling what I felt... I could not stand by. I needed to do something.

We cannot be ignorant - not when the things you don't know about are reaching out across the ages to influence and shape your destiny. Someone must carry these burdens for the sake of the others. Someone must be the Snorfbait. That is what I have come to learn.

Let this be my sacrifice to you.

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Father and Sons, Seen in Assuru
Nisah 6th, 7788

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Nisah 12, 7788

I try to fit in. I try to make myself into the person they want me to be.

But do I want to be that person?

Am I still "me"?

They say that this is my new family but why does that sound more like a threat than a declaration of love?