The Journal of Bashir Khatara

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Illul 20th

I got a raise! It isn't very much, but at least it's something. Being paid for my work in general is an improvement compared to the past. Now to ponder what I should be spending it on.

• A more complex perfume. One with so many subtle layers that it shall have everyone wondering its contents. How many perfumers are there in the Well?
• More judicial tomes. I hate the prospect of advocating, but I should prepare for it anyway. They're far heavier than my novels. I hate carrying them.
• More novels. The last one I read was terrible, but at least the author had a talent for describing musculature. Can you really have twelve abdominals, though?
• Silk robes to sleep in. Sleeping in my uniform is quite uncomfortable.
• More dinari towards the home fund. It'll still take a year at least. Worth waiting for?

I am actually very surprised that Qari argued that both Aaisha and I should get a raise. Maybe he isn't that bad after all. Maybe he expects loyalty. Either way, the dinari is nice.

The monk Karai asked if he should join us Scribes. I hope that he does. Though I do wish that he does not practise his Miserable Toad style inside the offices, if he does. The stench is quite horrid. The concoction also made me see colors that I have never seen before. Am I color blind, and the poisonous vapors momentarily fixed it? Or was it a mere hallucination? How strange.

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Illul 21st

Karai has joined our ranks. I am enthusiastic to work alongside him, even though it is quite strange to have a colleague come to work with a bloodied face. Not entirely new, though... No matter, he seems quite diligent, and I am certain that he shall learn the more subtle parts of our work quickly. I've considered writing some form of primer for newer hires, as certain aspects of our work get lost between the cracks. As an aside, it is good to have someone who can handle themselves in a fight. Unruly petitioners shouldn't be handled by someone like Martin.

It is becoming quite evident that if I wish to progress as a Scribe, I shall have to to form some sort of personal office. I've no idea what I would focus on. Do I need dinari so badly that I am ready to assume some personal responsibility? Perhaps. Aaisha suggested that I should perhaps assume the census office from one of my predecessors, but I would be quite uncomfortable doing so, if they were to be discovered alive. I imagine that they would be quite angry to see their work taken over by a stranger. Whatever my office ends up being, it should be something that seems innocuous to the public, yet offers plenty of opportunities for information gathering.

On to completely different subjects... The Twindari priest, Hekatomb, is quite a strange man. I wonder what he looks like under the skull mask? Perhaps if it were to be removed, we would discover that he was a skeleton all along? A convenient disguise. In any case, he certainly has a very direct manner of delivering his sermons. And his message seems far more grounded in reality than the utopian prattle that some espouse... Yet I seem far too young to join their church. Which spoke carries the most young bachelors? Never mind, church seems like the absolute worst place to meet men.

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

The writing of this entry is just barely legible, an assorted mess of scribbles and hurried scratches. The usual ash and coffee stains characterizing these types of entries are now accompanied by blots of a blue liquid.

Fourth memory stop it

The basement.

Blood on my palms. Blood on my face. My own?

Ten lit candles. stop it A large candle surrounded by nine smaller ones.

A shrill pulse with no identifiable source.

She stands before a stone slab.

She raises the jambiya with two hands.

She plunges it down.

Anplease stop it interruption.

Explosion. Upstairs.

I fall to my knees.

  stop it stop it  stop it stop                       it stop it stop it stop     
                            stop it                             stop it stop it
          stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it stop     it stop it                   
                it stop it                                               

stop       it

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Illul 24th

Found myself in the home of a complete stranger. Wild night, it seems, based merely on the fact that I woke up surrounded by bottles of wine and half-naked bodies. Well, some of them were only half-naked... Think there was some slice spice too. More than some... Think I might have fucked up. Again...

Looking over the previous entry provides some hints of why I did what I did. Scrawlings of a madman. Fantastic. Booze and spice must've hammered my head just enough, because I'm not really that worried. Feel like moving on. Vomit washes off easier than vice, however. Thankfully I wasn't wearing my uniform.

Headache's killing me, though. Sun hasn't ever felt as hateful as it does today. Maybe splashing some water on my face will help...

Nope, didn't help. And now my kohl is ruined... I'm going to blast a damp towel with a wand of frost and throw it over my head.

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Illul 25th

Some people are always yammering about how you should confront your fears. Those people are utter idiots. Or maybe I am, for walking into Blacke's ritual, so soon after that fucking nightmare. Thought it was going to make me feel more comfortable around blood, but it didn't. Couldn't even look at her, or the bison, or anyone else in the room, just got the bloody dabbing done, walked off, nearly fainted at the Palatial's stairs, then puked inside one of the flower pots.

Maybe the ritual will keep me hidden during the war. I hope so. I want to find a cozy closet somewhere in the Pyramid, and hide inside all day long, reading these new stories about Velan Volandis. Whoever's writing them is a genius. I'm starting to see why Velan is so popular. I am also intrigued by the mysterious hin scribe. What are they so confused about? I simply must know more.

Marcellus wants to hunt for a groknak's skull. I think I know why. Doesn't matter though, I'll probably get told why as if I didn't know, anyway. What does a groknak's skull look like? All encrusted with gemstones that they happened to eat? Fancy. His announcement made the Stonefolk angry, and now Agu wants to find a groknak's carcass so one doesn't have to be killed. Kind of naive, that one, but at least he's nice. Maybe if I was naive, people would like me.

Nah, I'd still be an annoying bitch.

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Illul 26th

One of the Nadiri booked an appointment one month in advance. Really wanted that specific date, due to some vague notions about population, and the present state of it being unsuitable. If I understood anything at all correctly. Diviners are a strange lot. I'm pretty sure that one of the requirements for joining the stargazers is to have a debilitating scorch addiction. 

I'm no seer, but I'll use my powers of abductive reasoning to predict what shall happen at the assembly. Someone will walk out of offence at the allotment's size – most likely an Astronomer. Someone will ask repetitive questions, ignoring previous answers. At least two people shall be kicked out of the chamber due to constantly interrupting the proceedings. Many people will complain about the briefness of the assembly. Someone will suggest that we send a letter to Diakos' grandmother, so that she can scold him in order to stop this war from happening. A traveling circus will break inside the chamber, and ask if their elephant can use it as its personal lavatory.

On a more serious note, I lit a candle at the scene of the incident. Didn't really know her that well, in the end, but might as well do something. It's been a month. Is one month enough to engage in reminiscing? I wouldn't know. Never had anyone I even slightly cared for die. At least I don't remember. Don't remember much beyond the pasha, actually. Did I have a mother, or did I just pop into existence due to a wish granted by a djinn? "Here's your beautiful adult son... The catch is that they're an asshole with crippling anxiety!"

I need a smoke. What else... I spoke with Guivarch, one of the more moderate League of White members. Or rather he spoke with me. Attempted to ingratiate himself with me and the Scribes, to be even more specific... A bunch of exaggerations. Despite this, I did promise that we could talk in the future... In the end, perhaps I am very much like a cat, fond of the tone of a compliment rather than its actual content. Alarming.

Oh, and Karai quit. That was fast. So sudden that I don't have much to say. I'll miss him? The sun will go out before I will. 

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Illul 27th

I forgot to pack some coffee for the Assembly and Allotment, and I nearly fell asleep. Felt like an entire day had passed by when it ended. I wish the Astronomers were represented by Stern instead of Azimi. I am certainly glad that she barely comes out of that tower of theirs. Could stay there for all eternity, for all I care. What an insufferable bitch. Takes one to know one, I suppose...

Out of the proposed laws, I liked two and a half. Domhnall's law made perfect sense to me, though I would prefer if slavers were left in the Wastes, and covered in honey, to be eaten by giant ants. Are there giant ants out there? I would not know, I never leave the walls. Al-Hayim's law made sense as far as shrines go, the other part was filled with giant loopholes. Stern's suggestion was already under work, so common is the hatred for brookers. As for the Lyrist's suggestion... I am certain that the folk of the Well would simply love to review "art" regurgitated by some errant poet. If the Balladeers are to drown us in paper, at least have it be copies of "Velan Volandis and the Flight From the Serpent's Boudoir".

Madame Nasreen gave me quite the idea. And I do mean that she gave it to me. When was the last time I had one of my own? No matter, the idea is so grand that I can only hope that it bears fruit. If it doesn't, I'll just be skulking around, making notes of the dust gathering inside the Pyramid. Qari's campaign sign can barely be seen from under all those dust bunnies. Maybe I can sell it to a collector after a century passes.

When I was younger, I thought that dust bunnies were actual, living creatures, perhaps related to dust mephits in some form.

When I was younger, I was extremely stupid.

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Illul 28th

The Well certainly has a lot of animals living in it. The color shifting bat living in the Krak's rafters... The falafel loving rat in the Pyramid's pipes... The exorcist's pack tortoise, Walnut... Marcellus' newly acquired pet crow... The camels at the Gate of Coin... There was a draconic sorceress with a parrot for a familiar... Considering she seemingly could only transform into a parrot, I do wonder if she was more avian than draconic, in the end. Sorcerers get their powers from the strangest of bloodlines.

That sorceress has left, and so have many other people. For many, the Well is a fine place to visit, but not a locale to make one's permanent home. I haven't seen Adu in ages. Where did he go? As much as I hated Horsk's signs, I kind of miss her too, in some strange way. Multiple refugees come and go, running first to the boards, then away from the Well when they get bored.

It's hard to build relationships when you're afraid that people will just end up leaving you. Moments can carry meaning, yes, but when they are as short as they can be, then what is the point of it all? The only lesson in such seems to be that life is fleeting and meaningless. How dreary.

As for the oncoming battles... Well, if I accompany Marcellus as part of his entourage, I am most likely going to die. If I stay behind, I am going to be stuck writing obituaries for the next two weeks, at the very least. And I'll be forced to listen to the taunts and jeers of idiots, most likely folk who weren't there either... Or people who think that downing an invisibility concoction and merely standing behind everyone qualifies as participating. What do they want me to do, poke the sibilants' eyes out with my quill? Maybe I should be writing my will, just in case...

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Fifth memory

The Khatara estate.

Corpses decorate the corridor. Smoke and debris. Ash and blood. The stench of charred flesh nearly has me vomiting.

I cannot control my breathing. Every gasp is like a kick to the lungs. My vision is blurry, my focus completely gone.

A hand grabs me. I do not care. If I am to die here, then so be it.

Yet the hand, adorned with familiar looking tattoos, merely guides me outside.

The man speaks, though for the most part I can only comprehend his affectionate tone. A coin pouch is handed to me, along with assurance that someone will come for me soon.

A promise that is never fulfilled.

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Illul 30th

Had company for the night. Told him my name was Timur. Didn't buy it, got offended. Better this way. Don't want anyone waiting for me to come back, because it isn't very likely. But there are people doing that, aren't there...

Never was good with fake names. Still should've done more than just dropped the "adh". But when they asked for a name, I couldn't really come up with anything else than what I'm used to. Stupid. Despite my stupidity, I am lucky enough that nobody here seems to be from Calimshan, or if they are, they don't remember. "Khatara? The devil worshippers? Yeah, I bought ink from you once. Now let me report you to the Fourth..."

Will's written. Don't know who I should hand it to. Martin? He'll just lose it. Frederica? She didn't even want me to go in the first place. How many promises am I keeping and how many am I breaking? Can I still run away? Maybe Marcellus forgot about something important, and he'll immediately send me back to the Well, along with three strapping Janissaries...

As for this journal... I was thinking of burning it, but I thought it'd be more entertaining if some scholar finds it and tries his best to translate a language that he's never heard of. Then he finds out that it's just full of gossip and depressing dreams. I hope I come back as a ghost to see that. Maybe then Strider can get at least one worthy job...

Well, time to start making some last preparations... If I do make it back, I'm going to snort all the slice spice that there is to be found in the Well. Something to look forward to.

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Illul 31st

I'm alive. Feels strange. Is this what freedom feels like? Probably not.

I really am a coward. I kept thinking that I'd be able to deliver at least one important message, but then I was simply stunned by the weight of it all... The fact that I didn't have any clue where anything was in that place didn't help either. I just took notes, of speeches. Highly important. Couldn't even keep up with the dead, before someone else's yelling their names in town... Starting to feel really useless. I feel like sticking to licenses and licenses only, but I made some steps – as vague as they might be – towards my office, so I guess I'm committed to that.

Why did it have to be blood? Can't stars contain... I don't know what they're supposed to contain, but it shouldn't be blood. I vomited the entirety of my meal... which, granted, was only one of Mro Po's salads, but... Still. Thankfully there weren't many around to see that. I kind of don't remember what happened after that, but that giant of a... person... flew the coop, and suddenly we're taking refugees back to the Well. Glad that cup is gone. Throw it in the sea for all I care, those lizards can look for it there at their leisure.

Might as well write about other people, who gives a shit about my meager issues... I'm going to miss Snorri a lot. He's one of the reasons why I didn't just quit after having so many setbacks in a row. He kept complimenting my work, even when I was just improvising... And he was always helping everyone else too. And to think that the day before the battle, we were attending the gloomology lecture. I hate this. I hate losing people that I like.

Who else? Didn't agree about much with Echemmon, but he was a brave man, and had a wit that I often envied. Bruno and the Mermaid's Tale will be sorely missed... Easily the most entertaining thing to read in the Well. And Inquisitor Salvatore... The books of the Well might be safer, but the people certainly aren't. Brookers and cultists are going to have more breathing room, which is never a good thing.

I don't like writing about people in the past tense.

Also, turns out that slice spice is surprisingly expensive.

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Qdim 1st

I am glad that most Ashfolk seem to be capable dancers. If I could not dance after my duties, I would lose my sanity, slowly but surely. Even when they aren't skillful, the pain caused by your partner stepping on your toes is far lesser than that caused by tall-folk... Finding a husband sure carries many pains, towards both the body and the soul. What pompous nonsense. Should've just written "finding a husband is a pain in the ass". In more ways than one...

I had some samples done.

Office of Current Affairs
Office of Current Affairs
Office of Current Affairs

I think I like the second typeface best, but I am not sure if it's "official" enough. Now to actually discuss this with someone. I wonder if I can charge for this? Would certainly help the treasury a little bit. And my home fund, of course.

Should also prepare for travel, once again, I suppose. Can't miss free entertainment when it's available, and that tournament in Kha'esh is sure to be entertaining. Maybe a little too much blood for my tastes, however. They should just wrestle. Now that would be grand.

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Qdim 2nd

Remembered that I was still a member of the Gold. Promptly had my name removed from the roster. Considering recent events, I want to be nowhere near them. The only reason I joined in the first place was because Gers was throwing huge sums of dinari around during the election. Partially paid for my Voice. None of these Leagues interest me, really. White might be helping the refugees on some level, but in the end it all seems like a political ploy, rather than actual compassion. I suppose that the Purple would be quiet enough, and might help me on the road to Baz'eel...

Interviews are difficult. I'd prefer if I could just spectate and write about the observations, like I do with this journal. Maybe one interview per month, or even less, might be fine after I get done with these. I would very much like to avoid any activity that brings any extraneous attention to myself.

Nasreen might have found her chef, finally. Strange man, but he seems to have some talent. More nervous than me, though, and he has a soft spot for mice. I guess a mouse makes for a good taste tester... Though I hope that he never admits that. "Lady Shabani, my pet mouse found this dish delectable, so I am certain that you shall as well."

I wonder if they would allow me to wear a scarf with my uniform? Silk damask... Black or gold... Perhaps a floral pattern...  If I could only find such in the first place. A Scribe must look presentable, after all. Maybe I can convince them of such.

Also... I want a cat. Maybe I should just rent a room from the Krak and keep it there. There's plenty of alley cats... I want a kitten though, so I can raise them myself. Maybe someone's selling them.

My mind really does wander when I haven't smoked.

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Qdim 3rd

The Stonefolk sculptor, Zaraq, claims that boulders can speak. I haven't heard many metaphors from Stonefolk, so perhaps he was quite literal... He also told me that Stonefolk come from boulders. I wonder if that's a jape that the Stonefolk play on outlanders? Perhaps I should talk to one of those talesingers, they might have a song explaining this... Anyway, if boulders could actually speak, I can't see that making a sculptor's job any easier. Imagine all that screaming.

Screaming.

The screams, the blood, the ash, the maimed bodies, the wounded stares.

I'm used to pretending that I'm fine to others. I'm not used to the act convincing myself.

I know that I helped in getting that device working.

It saved the day. Supposedly.

Did it curse the future?

Did I collect all the baublium I could have? If I collected more, could some deaths have been prevented? Or would that just have caused another Ringfall?

If I feel this awful for merely being an ancillary collaborator, Stern's entire existence must feel like pure, condensed loathing.

I always fuck up. Even when I'm just trying to help.

Especially when I'm just trying to help.

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Qdim 4th

I wish I could say that funerals always make me cry, but this was the first time I've ever done so. As far as I can recall, anyway. The first funeral that I can remember was for the pasha's mother,  Zhaleh. Didn't even feel a hint of sadness at that one. Not because she was particularly horrible, no. She just was an almost literal shell of a woman, bedridden for multiple years. Could only speak in whispers that barely anyone could understand. Quite suitable for a family of ravenous dogs, as one could just claim that she had made lavish promises in that state. Lots of fighting over such claims.

I do have some vague memories of her before that state. I think she thought that I was a human child during a dinner. Was that more embarassing for me or her? Me, most likely... Though admittedly I remember being quite young during that. The pasha kept bringing me to these family gatherings, mostly to take notes, but I can't fathom why she brought me to any dinners...

That dinner wasn't nearly as awkward as the meeting today, though. I wish I could do something to restore even a semblance of respect between Aaisha and Marcellus, but... I can't even get alley cats to stop fighting each other. Which I've tried. On multiple occasions. Those two are too bullheaded. If you gave them a camel on a rope and told them to take it to the Gate of Coin together, they'd pull in different directions so hard that the camel would explode.