I love quotes. They're easy and quick bits of wisdom or humor, sometimes even both with a lovely bit of satire. Bad quotes are ones that require significant explanation beyond the time, place, or short description of the author, so don't put those here. Aside from that, bring out your own favorite quote or two with the topic of it (government, friends, joke, etc.) for everyone to enjoy.
Inspired by Wern8's current signature.
Government:
QuoteI believe in political equality. But there are two opposite reasons for being a democrat. You may think all men so good that they deserve a share in the government of the commonwealth, and so wise that the commonwealth needs their advice. That is, in my opinion, the false, romantic doctrine of democracy. On the other hand, you may believe fallen men to be so wicked that not one of them can be trusted with any irresponsible power over his fellows.
-C.S. Lewis
20th Century ex-Atheist turned theologian, also a professor, author, etc.
General Quote:
QuoteWe all want progress, but if you're on the wrong road, progress means doing an about-turn and walking back to the right road; in that case, the man who turns back soonest is the most progressive.
-C.S. Lewis
QuoteMen are like bank accounts.
Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest
QuoteI am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top.
- An English Professor, Ohio University
QuoteThe vermine is a small black and white relative of the lemming, found in the cold Hublandish regions. Its skin is rare and highly valued, especially by the vermine itself; the selfish little bastard will do anything rather than let go of it.
- Terry Pratchett; Sorcery
QuoteWe're not lost. We're locationally challenged.
- John M. Ford
QuoteA girl phoned me and said, "Come on over. There's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home!
- Rodney Dangerfield
QuoteOh, that is all well and good, but, voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same way in any country.
Hermann Göring, in his jail cell during the Nuremberg trials, 18th of April 1946
Quotealways be comic in a tragedy. What the deuce else can you do?
Gabriel Syme,
The Man who was ThursdayQuoteMurderers, rapists, drug dealers, car thieves, pedophiles, hookers, pimps, and they're arresting me for Dick jokes. I fucking love this country man. I love it.
Lenny Bruce
Quote from: Albert EinsteinTwo things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.
Quote from: "Cynicism/Idealism"An idealist is one who, on noticing that a rose smells better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup.
- H.L. Mencken
A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin.
- H.L. Mencken
A cynic is someone who looks for an honest man with a stolen Lateran.
From the Devil's Dictionary.
This was my signature for a while.
"The older I get the more I admire and crave competence, just simple competence, in any field from adultery to zoology."
-Alistair Cooke
And this was MY signature until two hours ago.
Quote"Rommel you magnicifcent bastard, I read your book!"
~Four-star General George Smith Patton after defeating Wermacht General Rommel by reading the book he wrote on infantry tactics
Quote"A good novel shows us the truth of ourselves. A bad one shows us the truth of the author."
~G. K. Chesterton
QuoteA large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of.
- Jane Austen
Quoted a n e a t s s h i t
"Even in the darkest of times, there is always hope. But sometimes fear clouds our vision. Sometimes our strength gives out. And yet sometimes, when all seems lost, a light shines through the darkness, and we are reminded that even the smallest ammount of courage can turn the tides of war."
Line used by Ignitus in the opening of The Legend of Spyro: Dawn of the Dragon
(he was quite right if you ask me, it can)
WHAT CAN CHANGE THE NATURE OF A MAN
QuoteIf you tell a lie big enough and keep repeating it, people will eventually come to believe it.
-Paul Joseph Goebbels
QuoteNo matter where you go, there you are.
Buckaroo Banzai
QuoteFlash, Flash I love you! But we only have fourteen hours to save the Earth!
Dale Arden
QuoteAlways forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.
Genius is born--not paid.
I am not young enough to know everything.
Morality, like art, means drawing a line someplace.
Oscar Wilde
In war, practice dissimulation, and you will succeed.
~ Sun Tzu
QuoteWhat makes the universe so hard to comprehend is that there is nothing to compare it with.
QuoteShort people get rained on last
QuoteIn order to get a loan you must first prove that you don't need it
QuoteACHTUNG!!!
Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken und mittengraben. Ist easy schnappen der springenwerk, blowenfusen und corkenpoppen mit spitzensparken. Ist nik fur gewerken by das dummkopfen. Das rubbernecken sightseeren keepen hands in das pockets. Relaxen und vatch das blinkenlights!!!
QuoteThere is, in fact, no reason to believe that any given natural phenomenon, however marvelous it may seem today, will remain forever inexplicable. Soon or late the laws governing the production of life itself will be discovered in the laboratory, and man may set up business as a creator on his own account. The thing, indeed, is not only conceivable; it is even highly probable.
-- H. L. Mencken, 1930
QuoteEducation without values, as useful as it is, seems rather to make man a more clever devil.
- C.S. Lewis
QuoteOf all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It would be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end for they do so with the approval of their own conscience.
- C.S. Lewis
QuoteMany forms of Government have been tried, and will be tried in this world of sin and woe. No one pretends that democracy is perfect or all-wise. Indeed, it has been said that democracy is the worst form of government except all those other forms that have been tried from time to time.
- Winston Churchill
Anything Charles Bukowski-- a nice offset to the dreadful C.W Lewis spam.
QuoteIdeas are more powerful than guns. We would not let our enemies have guns, why should we let them have ideas?
- Joeseph Stalin
Quote42nd Street: Women's breasts draped across every billboard, every display, littering the sidewalk. Was offered Swedish love and French love, but not American love. American love; like Coke in green glass bottles, they don't make it anymore.
- Rorschach's Journal, Watchmen
Quote from: derflaro;109026d a n e a t s s h i t
QuoteI had only a little time left and I didn't want to waste it on God.
- Meursault
QuoteAny fool can make a rule, and any fool will mind it.
-Henry David Thoreau
"Everything today has its point, but nothing is more important than becoming a person. More is required to produce one wise person today than used to be required for seven;and more is needed to deal with a single individual in these times than with an entire population in the past."
-Baltasar Gracian, 1647
Caddies, provide us some! It's more insightful than calling someone else's quote (or perhaps simply the quantity of them) awful!
These are some great quotes, but a little more background might help everyone understand them better! Don't hesitate to explain the who's, what's, or where's if they might be helpful.
"You don't have to burn books to destroy a culture. Just get people to stop reading them." ~ Ray Bradbury
"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country."
~ Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC ~
"One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors."
~ Plato ~
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
~ Benjamin Franklin ~
Call your best friend let's take him with us!
Eugene Hütz
QuoteTo the fall of Zordon and the destruction of the Power Rangers, Ha ha ha ha ha!
-Tommy (Evil Green Ranger)
Some of my favorites, all quoted from Mark Twain:
QuoteA man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way. - Mark Twain
QuoteAll right, then, I'll go to hell. - Mark Twain
QuoteBe careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. - Mark Twain
QuoteClothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. - Mark Twain
QuoteDon't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. - Mark Twain
QuoteDon't tell fish stories where the people know you; but particularly, don't tell them where they know the fish. - Mark Twain
QuoteFew things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example. - Mark Twain
QuoteI didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it. - Mark Twain
QuoteThe trouble ain't that there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain't distributed right. - Mark Twain
QuoteWhat would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce. - Mark Twain
I don't want to get rid of all the voices in my head. One of them really gets me. - F Minus 090201
Ofcourse, it's very important to be sober when you take an exam. Many worthwhile careers in street-cleansing, fruit-picking and subway-guitair playing industries have founded on a lack of understanding this simple fact.
Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures
"I mean", said Ipslore bitterly "what is there in this world that turly makes living worthwile?"
Death though about it
"Cats", he said eventually. "Cats are nice."
Terry Pratchett, Sourcery
Mohandas GandhiI like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ. Thomas PaineI cannot see how a man of any large degree of humorous perception can ever be religious — unless he purposely shut the eyes of his mind & keep them shut by force.All national institutions of churches, whether Jewish, Christian or Turkish, appear to me no other than human inventions, set up to terrify and enslave mankind, and monopolize power and profit.
Quote"Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your tea." -- Lady Astor
"Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it." -- Winston Churchill
Quote"Quotes are the bravado of 'knowledge', I do not wish to disguise myself behind the wise words of other great men (and women!)."
- Someone not so famous
QuoteBessie Braddock: "Winston, you're drunk!
Churchill: "Yes, and you're ugly, at least tomorrow morning I shall be sober."
Sir Winston Churchill
Quote"You, sir, are drunk."
"And you, miss, are ugly. But in the morning, I will be sober."
A man who won't die for something is not fit to live.
Martin Luther King, Jr.
[[Total Forum Necromancy ftw]]
"If there were no god, we would have to invent him"
-Voltaire
QuoteThe rain ...falls upon the just and the unjust alike; a thing which would not happen if I were superintending the rain's affairs. No, I would rain softly and sweetly on the just, but if I caught a sample of the unjust outdoors I would drown him.
- Mark Twain, a Biography
QuoteLet's pray that the human race never escapes from Earth to spread its iniquity elsewhere.
C. S. Lewis (//%22http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/c/cslewis140770.html%22)
QuoteMen sleep tonight with hands of bone
And will awake with hands of steel
With these hands we will destroy
And with these hands we will rebuild
And we will stand above the city
Rising high above the streets
From tops of buildings we will look
At all the lies beneath our feet
And we will raise our hands above us
Cast down shining in the sun
And with these hands that will not bleed
My father's battle will be won
The Protomen - The Good Doctor