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Kanön Hray 18th, IY 7788
Marcellus sure loves coming up with new games! First it involved a board, now it's a deck with way too many cards. What do the games have in common? War! I think making entertainment out of warfare is the favorite pastime of many a warmonger... I tried to think of a gentler moniker, but none came to mind. How strange! Oh well.
The game was far too complicated! I couldn't understand any of it... I also don't know why anyone would wish to play as the Sibilant? Give me a Triton deck with a simplified ruleset, thank you very much! And I do mean that, because even though it's overly complex and has way too many rules, there's still a hint of fun in there. Just need to tone it down for ditzy dinguses like me... I'm joking, of course! I'm not a dingus!
But he should tone it down for me, really! And make a Triton deck! Tritons are very neat.
They didn't even finish the game... Oh, he was playing against al-Basri. I was supposed to play against her, but then I saw the cards, and I felt like running right out of there! I guess that was obvious, because Marcellus offered to play in my stead. But, yeah, it took quite long, in fact, it took so long, that folk started gathering for a raid on an orcan encampment in the meantime! Zoturu kept hooting and hollering for the two gamesters to hurry it up! So, on the penultimate (?) round, they just stopped playing and ran off to kill some orcs.
There's something really macabre about all of this!
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Kanön Hray 19th, IY 7788
Marcellus' new game is a hit! A direct one, right into the hearts of the Kha'eshi... in a good, non-violent way! They love it, and so do the good peoples of Ephia's Well. I mean "good" in a general sense, because there's very few actually good people around here, and I'm talking about this lack both in terms of morals and competence! I guess it's a very vague sense of generality... Anyhow, now, everyone wants a deck to play this unnamed game, which really should get a name, because just calling it "Marcellus' New Game" is plain ol' weird.
I like watching people play it, even though I've no clue on what is actually happening! I'm sure I'll figure it out after... oh, let's say about ten games. That sounds about right. The commander of that quiet mercenary band kept breathing right on my neck, throughout the first game, though! What a creep!
Anyhow... I feel sorry for poor Richo! He knows a lot about the Disc... probably about both of them... even though he's no astrologer or astronomer or astropoger... What I mean to say, is that he knows a ton, but folk can't understand him? I find him perfectly coherent! I don't know what people's problem is! Do I have to write a dictionary...? Well, not a dictionary, really, since it's all about a differing sentence structure, I suppose.
I don't know what they call books for that, though, so, I'd just call it... "Deciphering Richo: How Listening to the Chosen of Warad Can Change Your Life by Bringing forth Greater Understanding"! Something like that, anyhow. Maybe lose the subtitle, since it's a little long, and bound to lose the interest of people who don't read! Capturing that audience is really important, since if you sell a book to them, they won't complain, because they won't read it.
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Kanön Hray 20th, IY 7788
Folk sure had a lot of prisms, yesterday! I weaved the aspecktral magicks about a badjillion gadjillion times... It's hard work, but it pays well. I even managed to get folk their very favorite aspect a few times! What good fortune! Even Richo found a prism... He gave it to me! And through wondrous luck, it gave me one of the aspects that I've been looking for!
Now my mind is filled with ancient lore... Like the tale of Hülya, the Forgetful Maiden, whom caused the Great Fire of Özge's Kitchen, when she forgot to close the door, which led to a rat running in and jumping into the oven, after which it skittered all around, setting everything ablaze! Always shut the kitchen door!
Anyhow... Kedra wields the power of Pure Sound! It's mighty peculiar, and spooky! She frightened me twice by using her great powers irresponsibly... I'm going to run the other way if I hear her reciting a spell in my vicinity. I don't want to go deaf, because then I couldn't hear birdsong, ever again! Oh, what a dreadful thought... Though some birds are awful squawkers. Like gulls! They should shut up, and stop eyeing my food... It's for me and my friends, and gulls are no friend of mine! So far, anyhow.
Oh, and Nibb's back... He teleported into town from the nether... which is probably the Sandstone's basement. He was acting a tad peculiar? He was mighty annoyed with his floppy hat. I think he threw it into the trash, or just gave it to someone? I'm not sure. It was a very goofy hat, but I think you should be more responsible with haberdashery, and give them to a good home when you no longer like them.
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Kanön Hray 21st, IY 7788
Most gnomes are obsessed with badgers, gemstones and mushrooms, but I met one who's bewitched by spikes! He loves them, and bedecks himself with them all over. It's mighty peculiar, but he's a gnome, so... If he wasn't peculiar, that'd be far stranger. To me, such a fixation seems like a whole lot of trouble... Like, it becomes second nature to such an extent, that you try rubbing your shoulder after a particularly strenuous range of calisthenics, and you end up impaling your palm upon a big ol' spike! Yeowch!
Speaking of spikes, Ashür was taking a nap in the Plaza, and someone surrounded him with spiky barricades...? I tried to get help for him, but when I came back after making a bellow, they were gone? What a peculiar prank to pull! I don't think it was that gnome, though, ever the pranksters as his people might be... After all, that'd have meant that he would be giving up his beloved spikes, so, it wouldn't make much sense. Anyhow, napping in the Plaza seems dangerous, and is one of the reasons why Jamileh's hair doubles as a flophouse for impoverished lice.
What else? Oh, Kedra and Selwyn are at that experimental stage of their lives, so, they were trying a bunch of strange shit in the Krak's sparring ring. Kedra was shrieking at the top of her lungs by way of mysterious magicks, to see if it hurt Selwyn's statuesque form, which was like that only in the sense that they looked as if someone had dropped a bucket of plaster all over them. I didn't really get it, and I continue not to.
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Kanön Hray 22nd, IY 7788
Everyone was saying that Ahmet's gone off and disappeared...? I don't even know how they'd notice that, because I don't see him at all, anyhow. But those folk know him better, I guess... So, I looked for him all around! I looked in the Divan, I looked in the offices... And I didn't find him, or a single clue! Thankfully I'm not a detective, because I'd stink at it, unless I was some kind of social detective, who figures it out by talking to people, and well, that'd just be dangerous, because if you found out who did it, then they'd try to stab you, so, I'd have to get katana lessons from Beetroot!
I hired Cleat as my bodyguard, just in case... He does good work! Though he did insist on relaxing in the hammam, when we were investigating the Divan... I hope that won't be a problem. I mean, if I was a bodyguard, I'd probably done the same. It's real nice, after all! The hammam, that is, not being a bodyguard, that's probably a completely terrible job! Just standing there, waiting for the moment that someone tries to get rough with your client... I wouldn't have the nerves for it!
Anyhow, there were no clues on the Divan, and especially not at the hammam! Just some mighty pleasant steam!
Then Azimi got on the bellows and made it sound like Ahmet's dead...? How would she know?
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Kanön Hray 23rd, IY 7788
Explosion went off in the arsenal... Some spilled alchemist's fire. All the rations for the legion's march were completely ruined. One shitty strap was all it took, but... Carrot and Jamileh seemed to think that it was frayed on purpose, too. I didn't see that, really, but she tends to notice far more than I do, so, she's probably right. So, sabotage... It's one option. Yet I'd also never have signed off on such shoddy craftmanship. I understand that we have a budget to adhere to, but still... Can't really be mad at Bengo or Frederica about it, though.
Was really afraid that folk would find excuses to blame it on me, but that didn't happen, thankfully. Sensible enough, but some didn't seem to understand that in a dying desert, you can't just buy fifty thousands worth of rations with a snap of your finger.
Council meeting went surprisingly well, thankfully... I really like Jamileh's geosphere idea. Some others didn't seem that impressed, though? I don't know why. If it works, it works. Might as well try. Was a bit stressful, though... Zol Nur thinks that me leaving my seat is a terrible idea. But being the DCS is a lot of work, already... And I don't really understand logistics, anyhow, besides fabrics, so... It just seems like a recipe for disaster, and I've made a ton of mistakes, lately.
But now I'm kind of unsure on what to do? People told me that I did a good job, but I don't really know if they actually meant that, or if they were just trying to be nice.
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Kanön Hray 24th, IY 7788
Argent let in those Tutors from Arslan, then ran off to get drunk with Gedwyr and his flatmate. Now, I can't act as if I haven't let unwanted guests in without thinking about it enough, but... He also put Selsi and Stern in charge of entertaining them? They sat down at the Ambassador's Rest, and it was a miracle that one of them didn't jump at the other in a flurry of slaps. Instead, they just gave them a tad too many promises.
Capitulating to such demands from people like that is always puzzling to me. Haven't met a single person from Arslan who liked them, but these fatcats – admittedly only one was fat – hint at knowing some ancient lore, and folk start considering placing them back on the throne. Whatever seat councils have, I suppose. I'll just call it a throne. Don't even really know if they know anything useful... They did mention the GEOTHERMANTIC stuff that Jamileh's interested in, but again, don't really know how much they really know about it.
Give them the whole Disc, and they'll probably just reveal that in the year 6789, they had an intense discourse on the ethical qualities of GEOTHERMANTICS, and agreed that GEOTHERMANTICS should only be used for non-violent purposes. Then they'll wag their fingers at us for even considering it for military purposes, even if for merely shielding our soldiers from the blistering heat.
Oh, and Richo has a cart full of books, now. Jamileh gave them to him for free? That's nice. Weird seeing him moving so slowly, though... That many books weighs a ton.
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KANÖN HRAY 25TH, IY 7788
O KUSATMA!
CHANT THE SONG OF AGES!
O KUSATMA!
BY THE VEIL, PIERCE THE VEIL!
O KUSATMA!
FROM WHAT WAS, TO WHAT IS!
O KUSATMA!
CHANT THE SONG OF ONRUSH!
O KUSATMA!
MAR THE CORSE OF PAST!
O KUSATMA!
CAST SORROW, CAST REGRET!
THE MIST
IS
THE MIST
IS
THE MIST!
THE MIST
IS
THE MIST
IS
THE MIST!
THE MIST
IS
THE MIST
IS
THE MIST!
THE MIST
IS
THE MIST
IS
THE MIST!
THE MIST
IS
THE MIST
IS
THE MIST!
THE MIST
IS
THE MIST
IS
THE MIST!
THE MIST
IS
THE MIST
IS
THE MIST!
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Kanön Hray 26th, IY 7788
Seeing Kusatma be fired made me feel so ill, that I didn't feel like writing anything at all yesterday... No empty page, though, because Inky wrote on it, instead! They were four sheets to the wind, scrawling absolute nonsense while fuckered up on mizzar! I really need to decline any and all meetings at Elossi's if this is what ends up happening... At least I didn't have to pay for it!
MINE BEING WAS NOT "FUCKERED UP", NOR DID IT COMMIT "NONSENSE" TO RECORD! PHENOMENAL SECRET PORTENTS WERE REVEALED TO MINE THOUGHT PATTERNS UPON THE PARTICULAR INSTANCE OF SPATIO-TEMPORAL CIRCUMSTANCE IN WHICH I CLUTCHED ONTO THE SPELLBOUND SHISHA OF ELOSSI, AND CHANTED... "O KUSATMA! O KUSATMA! O KUSATMA!"
Sure... Sure... Sure. Have this list of drupes!
AN ARGOSY! GRANT IT!
Well... That's over with. Oh! Some filthy slavers kidnapped Pook Ulbo's son, Burgin. Burgin Ulbo. Pook Ulbo enlisted Marcellus' help, of course, and Marcellus proceeded to hire about fifty people to help him. Despite treating Pook like his personal, highly morally dubious bank, Marcellus does care. Somewhat. So, I decided to help, too, because no kid deserves such a fate... and all slavers deserve to die in a most painful fashion!
The clues led to a strange ruin, full of devious traps, and rhythmic Baz'eeli Jazz'eeli! A bunch of dwarves kept running into those traps, causing rocks to fall from the ceiling... They kept doing that. About a baker's dozen of times, until one of them got hit on the noggin so bad, that they nearly died. I think it was that student, Jay Ding-Dong. Thankfully, he didn't die. At the end of the trapped corridor... A door!
It led into a strange hall, in the center of which there was a magickal enclosure! You had to speak of rumps to open it. How uncouth! Inside the enclosure... tiny Burgin Ulbo, and a man-shaped bag. Inside the bag...? Marcellus' illegitimate – and thoroughly deadbeat – son, Ricky! We've kept his existence under wraps for so long, alongside... Oh, better not write about that. Anyhow, apparently Burgin had shoved Ricky in that bag, because he's a right-on annoying git! I don't blame the kid at all...
So, the boys were saved, and reunited with their dads! It was a happy day, for one and all, something for all dads and sons to celebrate over! Hooray!
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Kanön Hray 27th, IY 7788
It's Pumpkin Day! Or week... I don't really get it. Anyhow, it means that there's a bunch of pumpkins around, because they ward off some evil pumpkin spirit, or something. Me, I just enjoy a good pumpkin pie, or salad. I only sprinkle poudre-douce in the former, though, and in my coffee, occasionally! In a salad, however, such would simply be completely ridiculous! So ridiculous, in fact, that I'd only try it once... Except if it turned out to be yummy!
Pumpkin Day seems to revolve around décor otherwise, too. Folk are lugging around all sorts of weird stuff, like cages. It's baffling! Yet in midst of such buffoonery, I was able to purchase a gorgeous crimson lantern, so, it's not all bad. Now, my studio has that certain je ne sais quoi that it was missing. It already had a whole lot of je ne sais quoi to begin with, but was unfortunately bereft of this particular sort of it.
Anyhow, we were looking around for geospheres, for Jamileh's project. We didn't find any, because she wanted to look for them in Nusrum, and I've never seen a geosphere there! So, it was just a whole bunch of walking around in smelly ruins. Jamileh and Zol Nur were struck by the moody blues, for some reason. I'm not sure if it was disappointment over the lack of geospheres, or what! So, I tried coming up with a joke to cheer everyone up...
What is the capital city of bees called?
Buzz'eel!
Only Richo liked this joke! I think it's pretty good, personally... Folk didn't like my lake facts, either. I'm only going to share jokes and lake facts with Richo, from now on!
Oh, and my shipments finally arrived! My latest design...? Inspired by my ex! One of them. He was a warrior monk... The friction between his strapping good looks, and an overly rigid set of vows, was simply too much! So, I dumped his arse! But, despite being a real stick in the mud, he admittedly had great fashion sense, so... I'm most inspired!
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Kanön Hray 28th, IY 7788
Second firing of Kusatma... Still absolutely terrifying. Best not to linger on it too much. The Vice-Chancellor and Zham Tal were there to witness it, and it was good to see them after such a long time! They certainly keep digging out peculiar doodads, over there... Had some sort of grenade with them. Maybe they'll sell those secretly...? Who knows... I don't like explosives, as awe-inspiring as they can be!
Mirielle made me the Map Master... Something like that, anyhow. Basically, it just means that I have to mark stuff down on the Divan's map. It's not a whole lot of labor, but my sense of direction's always been kind of terrible...? So, the places are not going to be in perfect spots, and folk are going to complain! I hate it, already! The complaining, that is. Working on the map is surprisingly relaxing, otherwise. I even had Richo helping me, but then he got distracted by something, and ran off. Terrace's not really a place to be running about wildly, but he was just fine!
Also, Jamileh had gone a wild bender, on the eve before... She was napping in a sand pile in the map chamber! She refused to admit it, too! If you're going to get wicked trashed to such an extent, you should just own up to it! Denying it when it's so obvious just makes things even more embarassing... I do think that she should see a doctor about her drinking, though. It's worrying. I'd recommend my doctor, Vijaya Bollimunta, but her client list is completely full!
I think it's just me, really, but I pay very well.
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Kanön Hray 29th, IY 7788
We went to the Ashways, yesterday... I don't remember why, but it was nice! As nice as a trip to a hellish wasteland full of curses and witches could be, anyhow. I didn't find any pumpkins, though. Jamileh wanted to jump into the witch pit, for some reason? She's real weird. I wouldn't jump into a witch pit, even if you paid me! Obviously because it'd be witch money, which tends to be cursed.
Marcellus' library has a bar now, which makes it the most happening library to ever exist, and I'm counting the ones with hobby clubs in that assessment, so, it's kind of a big deal! The worrying aspect, however, is that the bar isn't locked, and Ricky now lives on Marcellus' couch, so... It's a disaster in the making! Doesn't help that he immediately became a gigolo once he stepped inside the gates... So, yeah, eventful library, just that all the events happen to be absolutely atrocious!
Also... Apparently Jay Ding-Dong and Grackle are an item? As in, husband and husband? Well, I don't know if they're married, but they're definitely together. Seems like someone's scheming against their love...? Dwarven love can be cold and harsh, like an icicle through your navel, but it should still be allowed to bloom, like... a cactus...? I don't know, I don't get dwarves, or their strange rites of romance which mostly involve anvils and hammers, but I still won't judge!
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Kanön Hray 30th, IY 7788
The Fashion Show is approaching, once again! This time, there'll be a cook-off, too... How wondrous! I can't wait to see – and taste – what the chefs of the Well shall prepare for everyone! Whether cuisinier or hash-slinger, everyone's welcome! The latter have bad manners, but you don't need those to cook good grub! If the food's good enough, who cares that the cook keeps flipping you the bird...?
Of course, the Fashion Show is really fancy, so, maybe not do that there!
Some fortune teller told me my fortune
TAUTOLOGICAL!
Oh, shut up! Anyhow, the soothsayer said my sooths, and my past and present are doing all right, but my future is full of ill portents! I need to find out what's coming! But, like always with these augurs, it's just vague nonsense, so, I don't really have much to go on... Thankfully she didn't charge for her services! I don't pay for vagueries!
What else...? Oh, right. Beet Poggin and Kedra had a rhyme battle... It was supposed to be the battle of the century, but Kedra just stood on stage, going "no, no, no, no"... It was extremely embarassing, for everyone involved! Granted, Beet Poggin's rhymes were most bodacious, and fierce like fire, but still... She could've at least tried. Not trying is worse than being completely stompified!
Oh, and Ricky is like, such a catty bitch, I absolutely hate him, and I hope all that wine he's guzzling on goes to his tummy, instead of his thighs, because the latter is a lucky trait to have, anyhow, that vamp can go back to Baz'eel for all I care, and I don't care very much, at all.
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Kanön Hray 31st, IY 7788
In fashion, there is many a classical style to be found... The Aaisha, prim and proper! The Alejandro, for lovers of shorts, with a flair of boyish charm! The Leprechaun, mainly used as an example of what not to do! The Dölgöön, the name of which I don't approve, because that ditzy twink is not deserving of such an honor!
And, most importantly, even if just because it's particularly relevant... The Squeev! The Nameless Man wanted to spruce up his look with an absolute classic, so, I helped reproduce it! It turned out pretty damn well, if I may say so myself, and I may, because I just did. He loved it, and I love bringing smiles to people's faces! Myself, I'm not much of a coat guy... Especially such a big ol' coat. It's so big, that it doubles as a sleeping bag for someone as petite as me!
Oh, and Richo was renovating the Runner's Rest, with the addition of an altar. Folk were there to help him, but nobody could really agree on what the best spot for it was. There's some holes up in the ceiling, that give way to some shafts of light... Very evocative, and I thought dropping it right betwixt them would've been the absolute best spot! Admittedly, a tad wet, underneath, but still... It'd have looked fantastic! I kind of wish I had such radiance in my own home, but then I'd have folk falling in, all of the time.
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Subat 1st, IY 7788
The Scald is loathsome. Nothing lives there. Absolutely nothing. Felt like my veins were going to pop from the heat alone... Then there's the Tafavvogh. Made the mistake of going near them. Never again. Felt absolutely awful. Something's really wrong with them. Something's wrong with the entire place... If Vahd truly carries the blame, then he was an absolute cunt. Nothing's worth that. Nothing.
Lake Rayyan's the worst, though. Just one look, and you can tell that it used to teem with life. Now it's just a giant pit. Whatever happened there was sudden... Folk just living their lives, business as usual. Struck from the record in one fell swoop. Just caught in the middle of something that never should've happened. Don't think anyone remembers who they were. Awful.
I don't want to send anyone there, yet... It's the labor that I was given. Can't say no, can't delegate it to anyone else. I've tried picking folk without any conditions. Healthy people. Probably won't be like that afterwards... if they survive. I work with these people every day. I sit down with them, talk shop, share lunch. I help them whenever I can... I remember why they became Scribes, whether it was due to some naive patriotism, or just the money. I might've even met their sibling, or a cousin. I know these people, and I care about them.
And yet... I'm the one who sends them off, most likely to their deaths.
Why?
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Subat 2nd, IY 7788
The problem with popularity is that eventually, everyone starts crowding around you like gulls on a sandwich, and then they all want to hold an one-on-one conversation with you, and then they get real mad when you obviously can't do that because it's like a baker's dozen of people talking to you, and even a spider would have trouble focusing on so many things at once, and they have like a badjillion gadjillion eyes...
Another problem is that folk don't respect my designs! I make something truly grand for them, that captures the very essence of their being, and then they immediately proceed to dump a bucketful of black dye on themselves. Accent colors are completely unheard of to these people! It gets so bad, that occasionally, I think that I'm looking at a black hole, and I start wondering if Shum's around, but it's not a black hole, it's just an idiot without a modicum of taste!
Then there's the people who want an exact order... Everything has to be just as they say, even if it doesn't suit them in any way whatsoever! It leaves no room for actual creativity! You're hiring me as a designer... Why am I even in the room if it's you deciding on everything? And it's all inane shit, like wearing a boot on their head, or something akin to that!
If they didn't pay me, I'd just walk away... But with money, I can do good deeds, and create the stuff that I actually like! What a conundrum!
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Subat 3rd, IY 7788
Once again, I won the Fashion Show... But not by much! Just by one point! I think I need to work on my presentation... But I sort of just want the design to speak for itself? Sure, you can hire elven broom dancers to punctuate it, but... Seems kind of cheap. Then again, I just walk onto the carpet, having only prepared the attire, and nothing else, which is another extreme. First, though, I need a model on file! Someone who is simply bursting with charismae! Oh, and it has to be someone who does not subscribe to the scorch chic lifestyle, because I do not approve of idiocy that mistakes drug-induced skeletality for beauty!
The Cook-off was simply grand, too, but... There was a touch dash of deceit to it! Manta made a pumpkin loaf, without any pumpkin! That makes no sense, and is completely and utterly stupid! I don't care if someone's allergic to it, because if they are, they obviously shouldn't be eating pumpkin loaf! It's in the name! It's like, so obvious! Anyhow... I did like the halibut-ter. Not only was it tasty, due to an excess of butter, but the name's also a pun, which is a certified sign of haute cuisine!
Then, there was the Council meeting... Folk are so scared of strange, nerve-wracking obelisks, that they'd rather take a journey through hell itself! Well, it's hot as hell, anyhow... Some hells are cold, though. I think so, anyhow. I guess Frostport is someone's personal hell... For me? It's a cozy holiday, 'fore the fireplace! Yeah! Anyhow... I hope that the Council realizes just where they're sending off people, because it's simply horrible! Me having to follow that order regarding my colleagues is just awful... I wish I didn't have to.
If I could, I'd don all of my colleagues in the finest of flamewing silk... They'd call us "the Flamers"!
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Subat 4th, IY 7788
Jamileh's really stepping up her game as Vizier! She sent a letter to the Vice-Chancellor... A letter which I wrote, so, I helped! Anyhow, we were expecting things to start in about a week... But they responded almost immediately! The Tlonsiyyans were still staying at the war camp! They said that they were coming to visit us... that very eve! I nearly had a heart attack!
No Legates nor Prelates were there to take care of business, so, we had to improvise... A lot! It was very stressful... I prepared a the Squeev as a gift, even. A the...? Whatever. Manta made a cake, and Jamileh digged out the schematics for her Rimmer. Which is a bow, not a person. Cogsworth also had... schematics...? I don't know, I don't get engineering, or science. It's all mighty boring, until you get to the outcome.
We brought the Tlonsiyyans up to the Divan... And things went surprisingly well, despite a number of faux pas...? Like, Jamileh started talking about slavery, but she recovered from that rather tactfully. Worst of all, however, was that Aurelio was there for some fucking reason. I tried to get folk to get him out of there, but no such luck. He overstayed his welcome, which was sparse to begin with... Made the Tlonsiyyans very uncomfortable. Thankfully, he left, before he could reveal what utterly fucking stupid idea he was going to suggest regarding the negotiations.
The end result...? A trade deal, that'll help us so much during the Scalding! I can't wait to see the Tlonsiyyan inventions... And, maybe it's a little uncouth of me... But I really want to see the explosive art of the sappers! As long as they don't blow up people... which they will be doing later... I just mean for demonstrative purposes, they should blow up something completely worthless, like Ricky.
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Subat 5th, IY 7788
That bitter bitch, Ricky, completely and utterly envious of my crown, faked my signature, and ordered a bunch of love cakes to my desk! It's character assassination... Everyone knows that I eat just one love cake a year. Cut into twelve slices, eaten slowly over that period, too! Not the same cake. I just buy a slice once a month... It's my cake quota! Though, after this, I'm not sure if I can even have that, because people'll see me having just one slice, and they'll immediately assume that it's like, my tenth slice, for that day... It's awful!
I donated the cakes to charity... The refugees should have a little love... cake... in their lives!
Anyhow... I think one of those Tlonsiyyan sappers is visiting town? They wear a big ol' respirator, which makes their voice crackle a lot. It's mighty peculiar! I didn't see their art, though. I kind of wanted to ask if they have any fireworks, but I felt like that might've been embarassing... But it's what I'd focus on, if I was studying sappery! I'd formulate the powder in such a way, that when they were launched, they'd burst into the shape of frangipanis and magnolias!
Oh, and we went looking for more geospheres... We immediately found one! They're big ol' balls, so, I'm not sure how the laborers'll get them out of those ruins. Maybe a bunch of Stonefolk will hold hands together, creating a living rope, and they'll lift them right out of there? Or maybe they'll just tie it to a groknak's tail. I don't know, you need a lot of strength for something so big. I also don't know if they stay hot after being removed from their... pedestal thingy... So, that's another problem!
(https://i.imgur.com/T6UiOMS.png)
Subat 6th, IY 7788
That bitch! Now he's sending me bags of sand... I'm betwixt and between cattiness and dignity! I have so many ideas on how to get back at him, but in the end, would it be worth it...? Well, it'd be funny, at least. Really funny! What's more important, though...? Spite or grace? Grace's less funny... And much more difficult to maintain under such stress!
I wonder if Marcellus was such an annoying nuisance in his youth...? Well, he is that now, just in a different way, like, it's hard to tell if it's purposeful, or just a symptom of his irremediable dementia! I'll have to look in our files... Search for tales of Young Marcellus! It'll either be really funny, or real boring... Maybe it's just thousands of pages of him being a humble scribe. How dull!
Oh, and Mr. Oska told me of the berengei! They're beastfolk, who live out in the jungles of Bel-Ishün... Deep, deep down, in the darkest shadows of the forest, amongst the giant lizards! Well, supposedly they live there, they might just be a legend! But if they aren't, I really want to meet them, one day! I want to meet all the peoples of the Disc! Then I could write a book about it! I'd call it... "All the Peoples of the Disc"!
(https://i.imgur.com/T6UiOMS.png)
Subat 7th, IY 7788
There was a protest outside the Pyramid... The most embarassing protest that I've ever seen! I suppose that it started okay, but eventually, it was just Caddick yelling on her lonesome, while everyone else was distracted by something. Kept talking about "the people", too, but there was no "the people" there, just a bunch of fat cat caravaneers! She even tried to frame me as a bootlicker and a schemer, and I'm not known to do either of those things, so... She's a real bastard!
The most disgusting part is that none of those people actually care about Ahmet, most of them hated his guts, and now, when it's politically convenient, they act like he was their best bud. Politics are real gross!
Oh, what else...? Oh yeah... I caught Selwyn talking to a fish, acting as if it were a man! A halfling man, of great mystery! But it was just a fish... I think Selwyn's been eating funny shrooms? You should be responsible with funny shrooms, and only take as much as you can handle. Enough for it to feel like a fuzzy sweater, but not enough for you to see into the mystery realm of forbidden colors and shapes, where everything drips... Well, the realm's being depends on who's bearing witness to it.
Apparently, Selwyn just sees guys in pot helmets in there...? Which is, you know, real boring. You'd think such a colorful personality would see something far greater!
(https://i.imgur.com/T6UiOMS.png)
Subat 8th, IY 7788
That Captain Immet... He's just as handsome as they say! And he simply exudes charismaeae... Wherever he goes, folk swoon! Folk with taste, anyhow. I can't believe I nearly missed him, all for the sake of some paperwork... That'd have been so embarassing. He wanted to hear some war stories, so, Rhuk Nor was telling him about the rescue of the Golden Vizier... But then he told me to continue the story, all of the sudden! I had to improvise... Thankfully, the Captain seemed rather impressed. He even gave me some walking around money!
I shared most of it with the good peoples, because they had done such a great job of keeping him entertained. Thankfully, no crazy lunatics got there first! That'd been a scandal!
I wish I could marry a man like him... Then, I could travel all over the Disc, with great ease! One day, Frostport, and the next, Alkab! And then we'd take a look over at Yaxatan, from the safety of the skies... Could install a big ol' telescope for such, too. But I'd have to keep Tonka away from it, to protect her innocence... You never know what you'll see at the other end of a telescope! She could witness a crime, and then she'd be riddled with awful guilt, because she couldn't tell us, because she can only speak kitty, and I can only understand the basics, not complex legal lingo!
(https://i.imgur.com/T6UiOMS.png)
Subat 9th, IY 7788
Dante's the Legate, now! I'm not sure if the Well has ever had an animal as a Legate, before... Well, figuratively, a bunch of these freaks have been real animals, but I mean literally! Like, has there ever been like, a really smart parrot, that people elected...? Because a parrot could get so much done, due to being able to both speak and fly! Then again, they do get distracted really easily, though... I think even the smartest parrot would start rolling around on documents out of sheer joy, and then you'd never get a signature from them!
Some old geezer once told me that humans are animals, so, if that's true, then yeah, there's been a bunch of animal Legates... I don't really know about that though. Sure, humans are a tad animalistic, but if they're animals, how come they're so different from the rest? Doesn't make much sense.
Anyhow... I know that he wished to be a human, but he's still a dog at heart, to me! I best not deliver any bones with his lunch, though. You should be supportive of wishes, no matter how crazy they are. If a dog wants to be a human, then you should respect that, if it comes true. If it's just a dog acting like a human, then it's just cute, and funny, but they're not a human. But if they transform into a human....? Well, that's completely different...
Every dog has its day! I think so, anyhow.
(https://i.imgur.com/T6UiOMS.png)
Subat 10th, IY 7788
The ashsail route to the Scald is now open... and I helped! Captain Immet even sent a letter to thank me... If a man like that could be tamed, I'd certainly be the one to do it! But for now, I'm simply sated by having his attention... Even if he's directing that to thousands of others, too. It's just that I happen to be the absolutely prettiest one to hold it!
Arriving at the War Camp, it quickly became painfully obvious, just how much work there is to be done. There's a ton. We really need to get started on a bunch of projects. I hope I can be of help... I'm kind of tired of messing up all the time, even if lately, folk have been really grateful... Whatever. I did help folk ward off an orcan assault, and then I even labored as a spotter for the artillery! It was simultaneously thrilling, and absolutely horrifying. Feels strange.
I still feel really guilty about my colleagues... I really wish I didn't have to send them there. But I swear that I'm going to do my absolute best to outfit them in such a way that they make it back home! Hell... If I have any pull, I'll recommend that they get a transfer to Baz'eel after their service. They deserve it... I don't even care if they hate me for the rest of their lives, they're my responsibility now, and bringing them home is all that matters!
(https://i.imgur.com/ctY4WUu.png)
Subat 11th, IY 7788
Can't ever be so simple.
Scald's fucked. Isn't just the heat, it's what's in it. Or the ground... I don't really understand it. Whatever it is, it singes the very souls of the fallen to such an extent that they're reduced to shambling cadavers, filled with a fiery fury. Not their own, however. Just the Scald's. Hates anything that enters. Hates.
Then there's the threat under the Well itself... Another echo that won't stop repeating the cacophony. Makes me really despise the Colossi. I don't give a fuck what circumstances they found themselves in. Nothing's worth this. Nothing. "Many are the sorrows"? They're manifold for the simple refugee that's just trying to navigate through the turmoil that you fucking left behind. And they're forced to do that in order to simply survive. Just to breathe.
Qadiran ambassador... I don't really care. A has-been sociopath from a has-been state. Doing whatever they can in order to cling to some semblance of relevance. Only things they have in abundance are delusions of grandeur and venereal disease.
And visions...? I'm tired of visions. Tired of the vague, the nebulous. Rather have the apparent, no matter how harrowing it might be.
(https://i.imgur.com/ctY4WUu.png)
Subat 12th, IY 7788
Get real excited about having two competent Scribes working the floor, yet after a few months, one grabs a katana and assigns himself to basement labor in a permanent fashion, and the other quits in order to... what? Become some sort of vigilante? I don't know.
Don't know if I'm just a terrible boss, either. I try to do right by everyone... Everyone that's actually working, anyhow. Even with the layabouts, I try to find out why... Can't be just laziness. Not most of the time, anyhow. Am I still fucking up, just more subtly...? I don't know. I really don't know much, in the end.
"Softer heart"... Yet I can't even bring myself to say what I actually think. I don't even know why. Don't know if I'm stuck in the role, don't know if I'm just a coward, don't know if I just care too much about what other people think...
I just don't know.
(https://i.imgur.com/T6UiOMS.png)
Subat 13th, IY 7788
Cogsworth nearly blew up the War Camp, and half the army along with it! Well, he could've done that, if he had continued working with such a limited understanding of the Snowglobes... Inventing stuff seems real hard. I'm glad that I'm not an inventor! Bringing forth the new by way of the finest fabrics is vastly preferable to... connecting a few cogs and sprockets together until they explode? I don't know. I'm not sure what inventors actually do.
I wonder what he's going to do with all that silver...? Maybe he can pawn it off to a werewolf slayer... Whom wouldn't pay very well, since there's not much work available around here for such a hunter! So, he should just sell it to a kindly ol' granny. They love silverware!
Other than that, not much else happened... I spent about an hour, just watching Inky and Tonka play "Roll the Parchment", while knitting a sock... It's their favorite game! Magnifica used to play along, too... Well, I thought that she was playing. Turns out that she was just trying to eat it, but couldn't catch it due to her plumpness! When she finally managed to catch it once, she soon discovered that it wasn't edible. Not tasty, anyhow. So, now, she just spectates, with great disapproval.
A lot happens in our household!
(https://i.imgur.com/T6UiOMS.png)
Subat 14th, IY 7788
The Sandstone is the strangest school that I've ever heard of... Turns out that they've trained rabid dogs, just so that they can be sicced on any unfortunate student who's not wearing the potato sack! So, you only have two options, if you attend this shitty school... Either look like an utter tosser, or get rabies! I'm so glad that I attended the Dapper Lad Vocational School, instead. Our school uniform is whatever we make ourselves!
There was a lot of ranting on the bellows, afterwards... Angry students, and that archivist guy went on a power trip. He kicked out so many students, with a simple dash of his quill... What a dingus! But perhaps it is for the best, in the end. Nobody should stay at such a shitty school!
Anyhow... I started working on my latest design. It'll be dedicated to Tavuskusu, the Celestial Peacock! My absolute favorite constellation, and my favorite bird! Besides Magnifica, I suppose... The problem, as ever, is that I have about twenty different sketches for the same idea. It's horrid! Yet the prismatic plumage of the peacock is an infinite source of inspiration... And that's before you add the stars themselves to the mix. Finding the design that's just right is a challenge that I simply adore!
(https://i.imgur.com/T6UiOMS.png)
Subat 15th, IY 7788
I've been so busy, this week... So much has happened! The strangest thing was probably when my shoes came to life and fixed up Marcellus' library, after a bomb went off there? However, everyone else acted as if that was nothing special? Do their shoes do that, too? I don't think so. I just think everyone has even less of an attention span than I do... Which is quite the achievement!
It's Zain's influence, no doubt... I remember when he used to fix up everything, even stuffs and things that were scrapped on purpose! Now, my beloved shoes do the same... It's mighty peculiar. What a pity that they can't mend themselves. They're real worn. I think I have to do that myself, instead... I don't want to lose them! Maybe I can spruce them up a little, too. Or a lot!
Anyhow... Inky and me have been reading Seriyah's stories... We really liked them, up until they transformed into pure gibberish! I think it's some kind of avant-garde approach. I don't like it at all! Just tell me a riveting tale, instead of attempting to revolutionize literature itself! The only word that we understood in that mess was "gay"... Which is one of my favorite words, alongside "bergamot", "florescent", and "rump"!
PULCHRITUDINOUS! INSOUCIANCE! ZENZIZENZIZENZIC!
(https://i.imgur.com/ctY4WUu.png)
Subat 16th, IY 7788
Argent's a Kha'eshi, now... Apprentice to Azarmidokht, too. Guy loves gold so much... Well, I guess they both do. Anyhow, they love gold so much that Argent's hands are now pure gold. I don't think it's bodypaint. It's mighty peculiar, and not something that I want to stare at for too long. Very unnerving. His jump between borders made a lot of folk mad, understandably so. Complaint pile's been piling up... I didn't even read a tenth of them.
Ricky was missing today... I thought it was yet another of his benders, and that he was stuck in a ditch somewhere, pissing his drawers and yelling about how much it all hurts. So, I made a catty comment on the bellows about it. I wouldn't have said anything if I knew that he was in actual trouble.
You just have to understand that me and the other Scribes have been covering up the bell-end's mistakes for more than a year now... Well, the others have been doing that for far longer. He has a reputation in Baz'eel, and everything. Half the shit he's done is so wrong that even my publisher wouldn't print it if I submitted it.
Zol Nur, the fat fuck, of course, jumped to conclusions – an action that he can only make in the mental sense because of his fat fuck form – and said that I don't have respect for the lives of others. Told me to shut the fuck up, too.
A completely and utterly insulting declaration. Debased, even, considering the many times that he has come to me, to tug at my heartstrings, because he can't bear the responsibility for something himself, probably because he's scared of the Azimi twins or Oro.
That's what folk do. They come to me, to shift the responsibility, because they don't want to face the risks themselves. They know that despite the mask, I'm weak. The kind of person to cry when they accidentally step on a weed that's peeping out of the pavement. A bleeding heart.
And when I let the mask slip enough that I can see my actual reflection... I do cry at night. Too often. Some of these lists are hellish. Names of folk that died in squalor. At least once a week I spend my eve just wondering if I could've done something for them, even if I know that I couldn't. You sign off on the decisions of others, in this business. You don't get to actually decide.
I don't care about life? I care about it more than you ever will. I've seen so many people die, grasping to some faint hope that their lives will get better. Yet you have never taken even a single step to walk along them, and you've never actually witnessed their pain for what it is. Instead, you dance along to the waltz, each step yet another act of self-deception. Your mirage of innocence, self-inflicted.
Fuck you.
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Subat 17th, IY 7788
Narwen painted a portrait... of me and Tonka! It is the grandest gift that I've ever been given, because she made it herself. It is her emotions and thoughts, committed to canvas... It both begets and depicts... Something new, and something old. I absolutely adore it. I wish I could give her something so grand in return... I'll have to think on it, a lot.
I reread yesterday's entry... I don't do that a whole lot, immediately the day after. But... It's embarassing. Really embarassing.
I don't like ranting... And I don't like besmirching someone that I genuinely like, to such an extent. But I can't stand being told to be quiet, at all! Not even when I know that I'm wrong... I just want to speak, to hear my own voice, to be heard, without it being dependent on someone letting me do so! Anyone tries different? Picture them as a devil in my head... Doesn't matter if they are. That's just how they appear. Become a worse person, myself, too. Shift. Head filled with so many passions that I get lost in them.
She only allowed me to speak... She never simply listened. Her mother did... Yet, in the end, it was for her own sake. Merely a desperate attempt of clutching at a soul long since lost.
That's in the past, though. Obviously a part of me, still, but... just a part. Nothing more.
"Begin anew". Done so. Many a time! Extent of it just differs... Been many people. Core's still been there, every single time. Can't change your core... Can change how you look at it. Whether through lying to yourself, or by simply switching perspectives. Sometimes they're the same.
"Begin anew"... Strange words from folk whom were chained to the past. Their very birthright. No, not a right... Just a burden, really. Guess the same was done to me. Guess I keep doing it to myself. Guess that's a lot of people. Maybe even most.
I keep looking back, too much... Not to the extent that I used to, but still. It's good to reflect, but... Kind of an useless mirror, in the end. Only partially tells you about the present.
These days, they call me "Big Bash". It's who I am. No... It's who I became. Much more about what you do than who you are. Not going to even entertain the tale that I made it happen all by myself. Given, and taken. Like a lot of things in life!
Paint a pretty picture... Something that makes folk smile. Bring them some joy to their lives amidst all this misery. Something meaningful! Whatever it is that they need in their life...
I don't even give a damn if that's silly, or naive, or... jejune... It's what I believe. And if that's the sliver of truth that I can hold onto in my life...?
Then it's enough.
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Subat 18th, IY 7788
Blue, brown, green... All of these come together perfectly upon their plumage! So, why can't I get it right...? Maybe I'm not inspired enough... or maybe nature's a far better artisan. I mean... I'm using pigments. Anyone who's tried extracting pigment out of those tailfeathers knows that it's actually all brown! The glorious splendor that we see is merely an illusion brought on by the subtle structure of the feather... I'm good, great even, but I don't know if I can manage that with fabric.
Could just go with turquoise... But you need to balance it, anyhow. Can't just dump the suit in a bucket full of turquoise... Oh, and it's a suit, for now. I'll probably change my mind within the next hour, and it'll become a mantua, or just plain leather tunic, or... a capote. I don't know. I like capotes. But if they make you think of any bird, it's probably grouse? Yeah... I'll scratch capote off the list. I'll work on "the Grouse" after the Astronomers fuck up and bring forth eternal winter.
Could just use the feathers on their own... Yet that'd be so expensive, and so much work, and I'd get so many complaints from wimps about the feathers making them sneeze. Worst of all, though? It'd be obvious. "Oh, you made a little peacock affair, from their feathers? That's cute, Bashir... And so obvious," they'd mewl, and then they'd snort so loudly that you'd think that their nose is completely clogged up with slice spice. And you'd think right, because that's usually the case with these snobby little critics.
I'm sure I'll figure this all out, eventually... And when I do, it'll be my most gorgeous work yet!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Subat 19th, IY 7788
The usual stroll through town, and nary a compliment... Not even the typical "hey Bashir did you quit because you obviously wear your uniform all of the time because this makes sense somehow"... Which means that it's boring! It's not even simply that, it's soporific! Horrid! Horrible! If I can't figure it out, I'm just returning to "Mango"... And I couldn't even figure out the stripes on that. Have to have a healthy amount of challenge... Healthy! Not this utter boulderlike burden that I threw upon myself!
And now, I'm tired, real tired because I just kept tossing and turning around in bed, thinking of peacocks... A nightmare, of my own doing! Got me thinking, though... I really need something in the mornings, to pep me up. Should start playing tennis... Or, as the pseuds call it, "jeu de paume". I think it just sounds fancy, but probably means something like... "hit the ball". Had so many men try to impress me with their hobbies with fancy names, and it's always just that... There's nothing wrong with a little ball handling! Stop embellishing simplicity! There's a beauty to it for a reason!
Simplicity... I'll just dedicate a design to Tonka, at this point... Well, I was going to do that, anyhow, but later.
What else...? Oh, a bunch of people don't seem to understand the Scald's history. Which is fair, most everyone's an immigrant to this hellish place, but when it's folk that've been provided with plenty of clues towards reading material, then it's simply annoying! Seems pointless to even try... Worse than pointless. Aggravating! So many people that ask a question, you answer it, and then with their next question, they immediately ignore the things that you just said! And I do better, even though I'm someone whose chakras are all over the place and I can't fucking concentrate because of it, because I start wondering about shit like, I don't know, how do fish sleep? Do they turn upside down like bats, or sideways? Do they close their eyes? Do they snore? What do they dream of? Would they enjoy some chamomile tea?
I'm going to the library!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Subat 20th, IY 7788
None of these natural philosophers can make up their minds... One book said that fish don't sleep at all, another said that only some of them do, and the third said that they're like elves, and engage in reverie, instead! Which, by the way, is just a different sort of sleep, in the end... I mean, they lay down to do it, occasionally. If you find it easier to do it in bed, then it's probably sleep!
About half and half, really... Elven boys insist that the other thing is different for them, too... What nonsense! They do it just the same as any other bloke!
Otherwise, I spent most of the day making a list... Volunteers. It's a lot of standing around, waiting for people to come to you. Even some water spirit came by? Either they were the most patriotic collection of fluids to flow through our streets, or even water spirits are forced to labor in this economy! The priority job is the bane of our time! That and war, I suppose...
Anyhow... Selwyn's feeling real blue, of late... And not just because of their robes. Someone's been saying nasty things about them! Whomever it is, is a real jerk... Selwyn's not really as capable of ignoring people's camelshit as I am? In fact, they can't seem to manage that much at all. A lot of folk can't. But what you really need to learn is that some folk are real starving for attention, and the only way they know how to get it, is to keep yapping and yapping and yapping, putting other people down with each mouthful... If you don't give them any, they just wilt! And if they manage to make you angry... Well, shred them with a well-placed retort of your own!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Subat 21st, IY 7788
Being a spotter for the artillery is so stressful! I guess I still care too much about what others think... But when someone returns to the camp, shrieking like a banshee, how am I supposed to feel? Real bad, is how I end up, anyhow. Felt like never doing it, ever again! But then most were saying that the shots were real good, and my colleagues told me that Nibb hit like, near a hundred orcs? I don't get it!
Like, I only called shots when there was nobody but orcs near the flares... And people were warned that there's a delay... So, if they were under it, it's their own fucking fault? So, maybe I shouldn't give a shit... Twelve seconds is twelve seconds.
Anyhow... A lot of people keep asking me to get dolls for Azimi. Like, a lot. I don't know why they ask me? Like, for some, the logic seems to be... "he makes clothes, so he knows how to make dolls, too"... which is complete fucking nonsense? Like, how does that make any sense whatsoever? The others don't even dare to give a reason, as if I can't figure it out. That's like, so demeaning, and so offensive.
I honestly don't feel like helping them with it, because I don't want to become known as the "doll guy"... Why can't I get assignments that are related to my actual talents?
(https://i.imgur.com/hDG67So.png)
Subat 22nd, IY 7788
One of my colleagues died... Beasts from down below. Couldn't find out who it was, exactly... Makes me feel useless. I want to do right by them and their family, make sure everything's taken care of. Just the lack of a name makes me tense. How many of them are like that? Just invisible, in the end? Perhaps some prefer it that way... Can't imagine why, myself.
Ithelred and Ruine... Dead, too. Didn't get to know either of them that well. Especially not the latter. Wish I had talked with Ithelred, more, at least. Selfish reasons, perhaps... Wanting to understand the Spring from more than one perspective. But just not that, really... Just like having friends. For the sake of having them.
Can't help but feel a little guilty... I do always tell folk how dangerous these jobs are, but... Is that really enough? How much am I supposed to do? Go through every excruciating detail and you've no volunteers, whatsoever. Is it lying if I don't? Does it matter? People want to help... I want to help. But I'm a paper-pusher, a tailor... No matter how folk see me, I'd just be a burden if I tried something more direct. Orc stabs me with a spear and I'm dead. I know I would've died...
Yet I feel so useless. How do I help? Am I doing enough? I've got money, but even with it, people don't always tell me what they need... And I certainly don't understand how much they need in battle, especially when it comes to war. If I had done something differently, would both of them be alive? Would my colleague be alive if I had assigned them elsewhere?
Wish I could just live and not feel so fucking guilty about it.
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Subat 23rd, IY 7788
I met a gnomish gentleman, and his monkey! They'd faced a lot of prejudice during their arrival here... Well, only the gnome did. Maybe the monkey too, but he didn't bring it up. Anyhow, some folk were apparently trying to get them killed, by telling them to go down into the gutters while all that dangerous nonsense was going on? What's wrong with some folk? That's absolutely awful! People would avoid this shithole if there was anywhere else to go!
Tennis practise, on the other hand, is a lot of fun. No proper court to be found, so, I just practise at home... in the bedroom, after moving the mirror! Even Tonka enjoys it... She tries catching the ball, and everything! Well, I say "tries", but she manages to do just that, most of the time. It's simply grand! Having the bed in the way adds an additional layer of challenge... and comfort! I can just take a nap after I get too tired to continue.
What else...? Oh, yeah. People have been asking about medals... Dropped a document about them into the Divan files. And of course, Colmes, being his curmudgeonly self, immediately calls them "useless". He also called the safeguard against the beasts from down below that, so... Not sure how much weight his words carry. I mean, the Portable Snowglobes are pretty much meant for the lazy and and the forgetful... Granted, we have a lot of folk like that. Still, not much point in winning a war if your home is invaded by another enemy force in midst of it... I'm pretty sure allowing that to happen is terrible strategy.
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Subat 24th, IY 7788
Recent talk makes it obvious just how ignorant folk are about the refugee crisis... Far too many that go around thinking that there's some singular stroke of genius that'll solve it all in one swift swoop! There isn't! Pretty much nobody else's taking in newcomers, so, each and every day, more and more folk drift towards the only beacon in sight. You're not going to stall the tide so swiftly, not permanently, anyhow. District's the only more lasting measure, and nobody can get it built within a day.
Alternatives are always so vague, too! Fuzzy numbers, allocated somewhere, for something. Don't ask questions, you're spoiling our mood! A lot of the time, it's about them, in the end. Their guilt. Do enough to silence it momentarily, but don't actually get rid of the source. Then there's the profiteering, hidden under the thinnest of veneers... Why are you even bothering to pretend that it isn't obvious why you want the district there? Is there even a single soul that buys your bullshit?
Got the sums, but just the sums... You toss money like that onto the lap of younger me, and it's all going towards destroying his liver. Not saying that there's that many among the refugees that're as desperate and idiotic as that ditzy drunk, but money alone is the worst kind of help when you're surrounded by sharks. Still tossed a sack of coin into the Stockade's bowl... Why? Because I entertain the belief that there has to be at least someone who knows how to put that money into actually beneficial use... and some money's still better than nothing at all!
Sweet charity! Tangled and twisted insofar that it barely resembles itself... My simple wish for smiles seems selfless in comparison to all this nonsense!
(https://i.imgur.com/KZne12H.png)
Subat 25th, IY 7788
I don't want a fucking raise.
I want people to get paid for the labor that they do.
Not a "minimum wage". Something that they can actually live on.
I want my colleagues in the Scald to be properly supplied.
I want to...
breathe.
The Golden Retriever, like all of his mongrel kin, cannot even faintly fathom how the pain of another could hurt you as well.
How the fuck can you go on living without caring for your fellow man? Just how? I pretended not to, and it was the most demanding role that I ever played... How? What is wrong with... they're not even people. I don't know what to call them. There's not a word foul enough. Not a single one...
Domhnall was right... Princess too.
Noose's too good for them, though.
Toss them to the bottom of Lake Rayyan.
Every single one of them.
The League of Gold deserves to die.
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Subat 26th, IY 7788
Selwyn's got double trouble? Their twin is in town? Something like that, anyhow... They're kind of like exact opposites, so, Twelwyn has black hair, and is real mean. I don't really get it. A bunch of folk around here seem to have twins... Far more commonly than usual. Must be the water. I'm glad that I don't have a twin! Having people mistake me for Dölgöön is trouble enough, and we don't even look anything alike. Okay, so there might be a vague resemblance...
Supposedly, Selwyn was also tinier than usual, and also an alligator, the day before... Being a tiny little alligator sounds rough! People might try to hunt you down in order to make tiny little boots!
Anyhow... The "Aquifer" is completely sold out! It's surprising, because the myth magick within the fabric demands deep discipline from its wearer... And, well, looking at the Well, you don't really think "discipline" at all. Personally, I think "shithole", while some others go for "hellhole", and the "hole" isn't there just because it's a well. Whatever. All this magickry and mythery has me pondering about the very nature of myth... magick... Are aspecktral energies merely condensed myths? Well, maybe... Sounds way too complicated for me to figure out!
What I can figure out easily, however, is today's dinner... Muhammara salad!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Subat 27th, IY 7788
Four new Junior Scribes... Don't really know if any of them will stay. Average new Scribe's there for about two or three days. Doesn't really matter what I do, they just leave anyhow. Kind of makes me question putting any effort into helping them... Feels pointless. Not that these ones seem to need any. Don't really feel like a boss to them. Just a tour guide who's cut out of the tour themselves before the halfway point...
If any of them give the old "hey I'm leaving for the Sandstone for a few months I swear I will return after that totes serious" spiel, I'm just going to stare at them, then walk away. I'm so fucking tired of that shit. You want to study at the shittiest school upon the Disc, instead of working for a living? Sure. Go ahead. I don't care anymore.
At least I don't have any trouble with the old crew, now. Maddicus is still insane, but in a contained manner. I write that now, and he'll probably pull off some totally crazy shit right after. Oh well!
Fashion's paying mighty fine, and there's plenty of clients... Too many ask to watch me work, though. I'm too nice about it, so I don't dare to say no. It's incredibly awkward, having them looming over your shoulder, while you try do some real delicate needlework... Most of the time it's just an excuse for them to ask "oh can you do this instead of that", anyhow. I hate it! If they weren't paying me, I'd tell them to fuck right off!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Subat 28th, IY 7788
Reached the lake, finally. Advancement, progress, victory... All that. Still doesn't feel great. Probably because some of these Kha'eshi are now going stark raving mad, and are scratching their own eyeballs out with their bare hands. Most troubling, and disgusting! Should get some help for them, but I sure aren't the one to figure all that out! Ancient curses, and all... Maybe?
It got so bad that Yataghan's entourage now has a bunch of Frostport mercenaries in it! Strapping young lads with blond hair... Too hairy for my tastes, though. Most of them, anyhow! What's the correct term...? Frostportian? Frostportese? Frostfolk? Language is hard.
I've been donating a Lot of Money to the Stockade... I'm probably going to regret it, but it's all I know to do, right now. I sure hope it isn't some inane scheme from the Rose, though! There's far too many sharks about... Wish people would just help for the sake of doing so. But that's a naive dream, really. At least it's only a couple dresses' worth of money, so, I can make it back rather quickly! Then use that for other good deeds... that I'll probably also regret, because they won't be so "good" in the end...
Helping's real hard.
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Subat 29th, IY 7788
Show's next week... and my design's not ready, yet! I've just been sketching it over and over and over again, but none of the ideas satisfy me. It has to be original and unpredictable, yet it also needs to scream "peacock"! What a challenge! Haven't had much progress with the shoes, either... The feathers just lay in a pouch, unused. Have to keep Tonka away from it, too! She loves the smell! I'd certainly make a toy from them for her if they weren't so damn difficult to come by...
Inky's no different... Well, they keep messing around with my papers, instead. Was all over the draft for the third Hardacre! Which is strange, because it's just a sheet that only says "Hardacre Part III" and nothing else.
THE DESPERATION OF THE AUTHOR MUST BE RECORDED!
Oh, shut up! Anyhow... Dante's an annoying prick! He keeps ordering me to fix his own fuckups... "Say this, say that"! I'm not saying shit for you, especially about labor... Not my fault that your League has such a terrible reputation that folk assume the worst! The rumors are so plausible... Like, if I say that they're just rumors, the very next moment one of the Hundred Princes will probably walk in, embrace him in a loving hug, and thank him for annexing Ephia's Well as part of Wyrmlandia.
Won't even be for money, it'll be like that hundred barrels deal that got us absolute jack shit!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Subat 30th, IY 7788
These War Council meetings sure are stressful! Plenty of big decisions to be made... and some folk are nearly at each other's throats at this point. I sure hope that we won't need more Big Chums than we have now... I was rooting for more groknaks, but I guess most folk weren't that excited for them. Isn't just because they're cute, it's also because a heat resistant pack animal that's as strong as... well, not much around that's stronger than a groknak. They're in a class of their own! Anyhow, that kind of creature seems real useful in the Scald...
I'm really worried about the lack of a plan for the beasts below... And the additions to the artillery. I mean, we needed those, but now there's even a bigger risk that someone's going to get blown to smithereens after they run right into a flare! I'm not sure if I can handle being a spotter, now! My heart! My heart! It's going to jump right out my throat and run away!
Oh, and before the meeting, there was a most curious bellow... Supposedly, one of the elusive Cactusfolk wanted to meet me! Makes sense for even them to know the Big Bash... which is me! Anyhow, we went down to them Needles, where they wanted to meet, and it was real eerie, with curious whispering... And there was no Cactusfolk to be found, at all! It was some fat gnome, instead. That swindler! That accursed mountebank! He tried to "absorb" Marcellus, whatever that means. Weirdos like that give the honest, hard-working gnomes, whom toil away in the mushroom farms situationed within our many basements, a bad name. It's no good!
One day, I will discover the Cactusfolk for real... But for now, I will have to just settle for reading about them in the funny papers, such as the Dingbat Digest, Outré or the Cactoid Conspiracy Quarterly. I like the latter in particular, because it has hilariously badly drawn illustrations! The Digest I try to keep away from the office, though... So many of my colleagues get really disappointed, because they think that it's about dingbats, or dingbats, or dingbats, but instead, it's for dingbats! Just the sort that can kind of laugh at themselves...
They still get mad at you if you laugh at them, though! Irony's a flimsy shelter, in the end!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Adar 1st, IY 7788
I think something mighty peculiar happened today, but I can't remember what it was... Oh well. I'm sure that it was nothing of importance!
Selwyn's really smitten with Drin. I don't get it, like, at all. You can't even see the guy most of the time, and when you do, he's wearing this old leather jacket that reeks to high heaven of the gutters, and a pot helmet... A pot helmet! It's a pot. You shouldn't wear a pot on your head, no matter how eccentric you are. I do not approve! Anyhow... Because he's always wearing all that, you can't even know what he could possibly look like. Selwyn, on the other hand, insists that they do know. Which is bullshit... They really just fall for any halfling lad that they see.
It's kind of embarassing... But Selwyn's my friend, so... I did tell them to be a little more picky, at least.
I heard that Argent and Dante had a big ol' fight! I didn't see it though, because I was having my salad. Eating salad out in the Scald is just miserable... It gets real dry, so, I try to drizzle just a little water onto it. But that just makes it steam! I don't want to eat a hot salad... I want that freshness! That zest! I don't want steam.
Oh, and my previous Famous Column got a lot of angry letters. You'd think shampoo would be a completely uncontroversial topic, but apparently, some folk don't understand anything about hygiene... So, my latest column is a reply to all that "feedback". Actually, I think that might be a problem, since it's printed in a bunch of papers, and I'm pretty sure that the readers of some of them actually just liked it... Oh well. I'm sure nobody cares. I mean, they probably do, but I don't.
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Adar 2nd, IY 7788
Selwyn went down to the deep below, when those horrid beasts were scheming something! I got so mad at them about it... I hope they understand that it was because I was really worried. I don't want to give them any more excess guilt than they already have! They're sensitive, like that... Maybe we should talk about it over some tea?
Sally wasn't so lucky... In fact, he was really unlucky. He got stuck behind some locked gate, or something, and one of the beasts ate him. It's terrible... Not even someone with a championship belt and a lot of chutzpah can stand up to those freaks. I don't know what sort of funerals boxers get, but poor Sally should get a really fancy one!
Also, that Banafsian Honor Guard, who was like, really obsessed with Marcellus...? He went even more cuckoo than ever before, and tried to kill Achaeus! Why? Because he wanted Marcellus to become Legate! Yeah... I'm surprised that Pook Ulbo hasn't tried that, yet. As far as I know, anyhow. Maybe he's tried multiple times, it's just always been so inefficient that nobody's noticed!
Anyhow... He was thrown to the lions...? Why? He wasn't a citizen! I don't get it! I hate execution by lion... It's so brutal. Poor Selwyn was so shook! Well, so was I, but I'm more used to it... which is sad.
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Adar 3rd, IY 7788
Two new Junior Scribes, and they seem to be polar opposites of each other... The first immediately attached themselves to a "Office of Logistics", which is patently absurd. You don't get to start an office on your very first day! You just started working here! We're not giving you that much funding! Logistics, too...? Everything here involves that! Everything! It's simultaneously vague and all-encompassing... Brilliant veneer to look busy!
Still, we need the labor, so... Maybe he can have a tiny office, as long as he hones that name down to something more specific!
The other one? Some lady that seemingly got lost and decided that it'd be "fun" to be a Scribe for a while... Some folk have the strangest notions about entertainment. Seemed like she was ready to put in the work, though. We'll see if she lasts!
Anyhow... I really need to finish my design for the show... But I just can't get it right. It's such a challenge. Maybe I bit... I hate that idiom! I never eat too much! Another to add to the list... the list of horrid idioms that nobody should use! What was I writing about? Oh, yeah. The design. The colors are simply such a myriad of trouble, that I can't figure them out. Keep running into that friction between the obvious and the ambiguous, too. Will folk be disappointed if I simply go with the Mango...? I hope not, because it's looking more and more likely that I'll have to settle for it!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Adar 4th, IY 7788
He came to me within a dream... Tavuskusu, the Celestial Peacock! I was relaxing by the woodside, when I caught glimpse of his tail feathers... They were so marvellous that I simply had to take a closer look! He ran deep into the verdure of Bel-Ishün, so, I followed! In his path, he left a trail of sparkling stardust, which glimmered with each and every color, and I could see all of them, even the ones given only to birds!
And eventually, that sparkly trail led to a cottage, which was surrounded by all sorts of curious wildlife! A rainbow of birds... Groknaks the size of mountains... Jungle cats dancing to a medley of music! Giant lizards in midst of devouring a giant cabbage! It was mighty peculiar, but I felt safe there, so, I stepped within the cottage! Inside, was a loom. It wasn't my loom, but I knew it, anyhow. Tavuskusu danced around it, inviting me to labor... So I did!
And from that strangely familiar loom, I extracted the most beautiful suit of armor! No... not from within it... From my mind! No... From the Song itself, the Song that everyone knows! It was beauty itself, yet it wasn't... A mere part and the whole itself, at the same time! Maybe that doesn't make much sense now, but it did in that moment...
What a peculiar dream! It filled me with great inspiration... How curious!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Adar 5th, IY 7788
This week's been real quiet... I like it! It leaves me with plenty of time for my hobbies... Like wall tennis! Which is all that I can play, around here... I wonder if Baz'eel is any better for it? I don't want to go to a convent to play, though... They always want to talk about religion after, or sometimes even in the midst of it all! And it's so awkward, because I don't really have a well-formed view on any of that stuff... I just want to play ball! With...? Whatever!
Tonka keeps hiding the ball, though... I think that a game for her, too. Which is fine. She gets her entertainment, and I get some additional exercise, because I have to look through every nook and cranny!
Watching those nuns and monks play ball is real funny, though... It's the... thingy! With the contrast!
JUXTAPOSITION!
Yeah! That! You don't really associate them with the playing of sports, really, so the contrast is hilarious... You kind of just see them making manuscripts, or meditating in a damp room, or laboring in the herb garden... I wish I had a herb garden! Maybe some day... I certainly hope so! I'd grow so many herbs, and I'd share them with all my friends! I wouldn't like manuscripting much at all, though... They're pretty, but it's an awful lot of labor! So's herbery, I guess, so, maybe I just have a preference for it. Herbs have a much more pleasant aroma, so, it makes sense!
THINE MEMORIES TAINT THE FRAGRANCE OF MINE MOIETY!
Hey! What did we say about "thine"?!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Adar 6th, IY 7788
The quiet continues! It's fantastic! I even got the old Kaynarca file done with... And nobody's touched that thing for years! It was mighty boring. But at least's it's over with, now.
Here at our household, it's everything but quiet, though! Inky's taking elecution lessons
ELECUTIO!
And they're apparently failing, because they can't even spell it correctly!
NO! ELECUTIO!
Whatever... The books did come from the Sandstone, so, it's no wonder. Anyhow, Magnifica found my pouch of peacock feathers, and she carefully studied each and every one of them... She did not approve of a single one! Then, after returning them into the pouch, she started preening herself in a most pompous fashion, as if to say... "My feathers are the finest of them all!" What a cocky... wait, that doesn't make any sense... What a conceited chicken! And she's so fat, too... I think Zain left her in my care just because I'm the only one around here who can afford to feed her!
As for Tonka, she's really into interior design, now... Which is to say that everything that she does not approve of? It's either thrown off the table, or carried elsewhere in her mouth, or she'll keep scratching it until it's relocated. While I approve of the refinement of taste, as it is a highly important part in regards to the blooming of any young lady, it's still kind of annoying, and I wish she'd be far less picky!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Adar 7th, IY 7788
I read a book about aesthetics... Well, I tried to! I thought that it'd just be a list of beautiful stuffs and things... Maybe I'd be on it, too. Instead, it was a bunch of excessively complicated... arguments... about what beauty is! They should've just sticked a picture of me on the first page and called it a day. Into Inky's pile it goes... Like all books that I don't like.
TO ENGAGE MERELY IN THE MIMESIS IS INSIPID. TRUE ART STEMS FROM THE MOST ARDUOUS OF AMBITIONS! TO MELORIATE, TO SURPASS NATURE ITSELF! THIS IS ART!
Oh no! I'm not sure if this was a good idea! Read this shopping list, instead!
AH! THE PAINTS OF OIL! YOU SHALL COMMIT THE STRUGGLE TO CANVAS! RECORD THE HARDSHIPS OF YOUR FELLOWS, AND THROUGH IT, ACTUALIZE AN AUGMENTED SERIES OF THE IMMINENT SPATIO-TEMPORAL INSTANCES!
Good heavens! Well... At least your heart is in the right place. The heart that you probably don't actually have... And no, I wasn't going to paint that. I was going to paint Tonka, again... The subtle shifts of sable make for great practise!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Adar 8th, IY 7788
Why's it so difficult to find models around here? You'd think that people would simply adore getting paid to just stand around, and look real pretty and representable... I certainly would. I mean, I used to. The pay was just absolute shite! None of those artists had any money... Yet I'm a different kind of artist! I do have money! Struggle, my hiney... If it's necessary, how come I'm coming up with all this genius?!
Then again, I look around, and well... Maybe it is. In fact, there's so much shit, that now I'm questioning whether it's me or said shit, empowering all of this brilliance! I don't want to think about this anymore.
Anyhow, I managed to win, again. But due to my lackluster presentation, I didn't score that well... How disappointing! Sure, it's just a number, and I hate those, but still... I wish I could manage that perfect fourty, at least once. What an achievement that would be... Maybe I could finally get out of this dump with that under my belt!
It was nice, seeing everyone's labor, though. I was really surprised! Nigel's latest was not for fatties! In fact, it was quite accommodating to one's contours... I thought that he just designs really fancy sacks. Cogsworth, too, managed something quite astonishing... He submitted a big ol' hunk of metal... like, a pile of metal, not a strapping lad made out of it... anyhow, he submitted it, and it was accepted! I did like the complicated chromatic profile! How're they going to manage making copies of it, though...? Seems like a big ol' challenge.
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Adar 9th, IY 7788
Angelica's jewelry is simply marvellous! Yet I'd have to sell sixty dresses to afford any of it... Well, those earrings, anyhow. It'd be a real challenge... With so many, in such a short time, you'd eventually run out of ideas! Maybe I can make the prettiest dress of them all! Surely that would be worth as much as sixty! But who'd pay for it...? The Princesses...? That'd be so stressful.
Then again, if I could get that much money, I probably wouldn't buy earrings with it... Maybe it'd be enough money to get out of here? Maybe. Baz'eel's real expensive.
Anyhow, Cogsworth's prismatic plate is so expensive, too, that if he managed to sell just six of it, then... He still wouldn't be able to afford the earrings, because he's just getting a cut! Oh well... It's still a new record. Ten thousand dinars! For plate! It's crazy! I wonder if he'll have many sales...? A lot of these caravaneers are constantly complaining that there's no armor for sale... Completely missing the point of a boutique! If they don't buy this, then they're just complaining!
Oh yeah! I bought the blue scarf... It's real thick, and wondrously soft! Yet it's far too thick for the Well... It'll be my Frostport scarf!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Adar 10th, IY 7788
Apparently the Durians, or whatever they're called, we're part of a big ol' trial, and now they're conscripted into the Banda? I don't really get that, it makes absolutely no sense whatsoever! I mean, it's a punishment, sure, but seems real awkward to everyone involved... Well, awkward in the sense that someone might get stabbed at any moment! I guess that's not awkward... It's really fucking tense!
Why are they called that, anyhow? Stinky...
DUUNTHALL!
Wait, that's what they're called...? That makes even less sense! What's a "duunt"? Is it a dwarven command? Like, "duun't hall me, lad"? What does that mean? Complete gibberish!
Anyhow, I'm real busy... Busy with labor! I wish I'd get a vacation... Just a regular one, with absolutely no bullshit! Like, Il Modo would be lovely, but I'd probably catch the red plague or whatever it is, with my luck... Then I'd have to completely switch up my wardrobe. Horrible! And yeah, I'd also have the plague, there's that, too. They should send me off to Baz'eel for a week or two! I deserve it! I want a room with a balcony... and the balcony has to be next to one of the gardens! Yeah! Give me that, right now!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Adar 11th, IY 7788
Rhuk Nor killed a thousand orcs! Well, he's probably killed far more than that... Far more... It's horrifying! It's Scald orcs... Scaldorcs...? Whatever. I don't really approve of the tallying of such things, it's simply macabre. Which is a peculiar word. I'm not sure of its... origin. There's another fancy word for that, but I can't remember, and Inky's on vacation. By which I mean to say that they found my latest assortment of fan letters from Frostport, and refuse to leave from the pile. It's quite peculiar! Peculiar's a peculiar word, too...
I'm kind of a big deal all over, now, but it's still Frostport that sends the most letters. It's... loyalty? They really want the third Hardacre. Which kind of exists, now? Kind of. Very vaguely. Vague's a peculiar word...
I'm so bored! I just have work, work, work... And whenever I stroll into town, everybody's just working the board. Well, not everybody. There might be a few sleepy fellers around, asleep on their feet... Doesn't really change things at all, because you can't talk to a sleepy feller! Well, you can, it's just that they won't hear anything, and if they do, then they'll get real mad, because you woke them up. Which is their fault, really, because why are you sleeping standing up...?
You know what's a really peculiar word? Billabong! Kind of fun to say, yet I've got no clue of what it means! I think it's related to water, somehow? Billabong... Billabong... Fun to write, too! Billabong!
Oh, I hate this! I'm just going to ask Inky what it means!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Adar 12th, IY 7788
I wanted some eucalyptus incense for the house... But Tonka's allergic! All cats are! I guess you have to make a lot of big sacrifices when you truly love someone... Like not buying eucalyptus because it makes them get so sick that they start drooling, and other grossery! Oh well. I just bought some new perfume, instead! This one has a cherimoya focus... I love it!
I wonder what the Fat Father will give me for this Wintermoss? Last time, I got Tonka! And these most stylish gloves, fit for the handling of any... kitty. Now, that was a most precious gift, so, I'm not sure what to expect. Maybe I won't get anything at all? That'd be horridly dull... Yet I still have more than most! Around here, anyhow. In Baz'eel, I'd probably be considered a pauper. Why's it "pauper", anyhow? Paper? Paper's poor? I don't get it.
Maybe some more perfume? I wouldn't mind. I have so much, but it's because I simply adore all of it! I heard of a fruit... "Jabuticaba"! I've no idea how it tastes, or what it smells like, so, a perfume carrying its scent would be most surprising. That sounds pretty sweet, actually!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Adar 13th, IY 7788
Selwyn explored the peculiar halls... Is it halls? It's a weird place. I don't know what to call its... innards. I'm certainly not calling them that! Anyhow, they explored Vajay Mojo, and brought back a big ol' stick. It's real cold, and infused with the icy magicks. I guess you could use it to cool your drink? It's what I'd do, anyhow. But I already have my eternal ice cube, so, I've no need for a cold stick.
I feel real sorry for the penguins that live there... I'd take one for a pet, but there'd always be the risk that they'd explode. That'd be absolutely terrible! Such a pet would simply be a test of one's emotions, and heart, and... Well, it'd just be a simply awful pet to keep. Aren't there any regular penguins around here? Then again, they'd hate it here, since it's so scorchingly hot. Maybe if I move to Frostport, one day, I can search for a perfectly ordinary penguin. They'd make a terrific addition to our family!
Anyhow, Selwyn wanted to give me money, because I stamped their letter...? That was kind of weird. I told them so, but they still wanted to give me money, so, they said that it was for future prismwork, instead. That makes more sense. I still don't get why they wanted to give away money so badly? They should save for a house. It's much easier to find stable boyfriends, when you have a home of your own! And I do mean stable in more ways than one. His previous cavalcade has been simply... depressing. I hope they find a prince of their own, soon! Just not, like, one of those insane princes out of fairy tales. That'd be simply dreadful!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Adar 14th, IY 7788
Through clever engineering, we can now recycle all the random garbage that caraveneers find, far more efficiently... And most important of all, we can have pink flares! Pink flares! Well, we'll have all that soon... Innovation takes time. What a pity it is that all of this comes from war! I'd rather have it come from... a cake contest? Those can get pretty bloody too, though... A nice cake contest!
I'm glad I'm not leading logistics, though... Everyone else is so good at coming up with worst-case scanarios! I think that's an important skill for these meetings? Though a lot of these scenarios seem really unlikely. Like, so unlikely, that it kind of feels like folk are just bringing them up so that they have something to say? I guess it really is an important skill! Me, I'd rather just eat my salad in peace...
Why do so many folk want to go to the bottom of the lake, though?! That's ludicrous! It's like a... I don't know, a reverse mountain? That's how deep it is. It's just a massive pit! Where are you going to get a ladder of such length...? And I mean, you'd get real tired climbing down, anyhow. Such foolishness! If someone proposes that we take an ash sail down there, I'm leaving the room! In fact, I'd signal for the Big Heron to get me the hell out of there, at that point!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Adar 15th, IY 7788
Druids sure have it hard! They either have to find a wealthy benefactor, who'll allow them to live in their garden... which, by the way, I never understood? Why the fuck would you want some stinky bum with a lice-infested beard on your property? How's that ornamental? Ruins the vibes, really... Maybe it's one of those avant-garde "beauty from trash" sort of deals. I do not approve!
Anyhow, they have to do either that, or sell their herbal tea on a door-to-door basis. It's a tough business, with plenty of competition... And they're often mistaken for being a part of the crone racket. You know, "give me money or I'll curse you"? So, some folk might just toss money at them the immediate moment the door opens... While others will throw something far more unpleasant! And well, since druids are all about some mystic code or something, getting paid for the wrong thing just rubs them the wrong way!
So, when a Nadiri tells druids to contact Stern, who's real busy, for access to the tea laboratory, it's yet another complication, because it basically means that they're not getting in there at all! Also, Stern didn't understand my brilliant metaphor for her busyness, which is different from business, and she got mad at me. She should be mad at herself for not getting it!
Anyhow... I dated a guy once who insisted on calling it tisane! What a pretentious pansy!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Adar 16th, IY 7788
Haknar's trying to get his boyfriend, Cork, to join the Fourth... Something like that, anyhow. It might be one of those "bromances", I suppose. I hate those! It's like, so misleading. Azimi and Margarine hate them too, but I'm not sure of their exact reasoning...? Maybe there's no word for that when it's between the ladies, and that angers them? I'd consider such an improvement, myself... Romance should be romance! Fuck the faux shit!
I'm not sure why he's trying to make that happen, exactly. Sure, the officers get paid real nice, but whether it's your beau or your "bro", you're just going to drown in worry!
Anyhow... Something truly miraculous happened! Magnifica lost some weight! Lately, Tonka and her have been chasing each other around the house... For Tonka, it's just a game. For Magnifica, it's a sport of the highest importance, as significant as the Ephian Games! Well... Maybe the Baz'eeli equivalent. Only the Well cares about the Ephian Games. But yeah, it really is quite incredible! Chickens can move at astounding speeds when they need to, and well, such a chunky chickadee achieving that is even more impressive!
I wonder if there's chicken races...? I need like, a tenth job. Eleventh? Anyhow, I need a Lot of Money, so that I can finally get out of here! Maybe chicken racing is the ticket...
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Adar 17th, IY 7788
Some bloke from Harrowden wanted casual apparel... "Casual and purple", those were the only specifics. So, I made him a real nice outfit with a fancy-yet-casual tunic, real baggy sirwal, and nice, big ol' boots! But he didn't really like that... "Can we do this, can we do that, can you completely change what you did," he kept yammering on... So, in the end, it was just the tunic and thigh-high boots. Well, heels. There's absolutely nothing casual about thigh-high heels! Wear them to a soiree, sure, but for a simple stroll on the streets...? Your feet will hate you!
I only do orders like that because they pay me well... So annoying. Frustrating! Can't unleash my creative avalanche... Feels like I'm getting snowballs thrown at me, really. At least it's not sandballs... Those are far more irritating!
Anyhow, speaking of soirees, I've been getting invited to a lot of them, lately. Because of Wintermoss, of course. It'd be all fine and dandy, if it weren't for the fact that pretty much everyone else drinks, and I can't, or my liver will explode! Even if I tell them so, they keep on insisting that I have just a glass, and even that's too much! So, I've had to figure out a few tricks to skip all of that. Problem is that I'm running out of them, now... At the office, I kept pouring it all down a planter... Well, that killed the plant! I felt so guilty! So, I got a flask for that, instead... But people saw me pouring wine into it, which, obviously, made them think that I'm a desperate drunk! So embarrassing!
It's not all bad, though... Thanks to sobriety, I can actually remember what happened! So, in turn, I can hit back hard on these inconsiderate bitches, and remind everyone of all the utterly humiliating things that they did while they were absolutely stonkered!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Adar 18th, IY 7788
Nothing happened today, like, absolutely nothing. Also, I have like, a most delightful soiree to get to, so... I'm not writing anything today!
Well... I guess I wrote something. Anyhow, off I go!
(https://i.imgur.com/S3Qa0sW.png)
MOST VENERATED FATTEST OF FATHERS,
AS I HAVE DONE MINE UTMOST TO ENGAGE IN THE ELEEMOSYNARY ACTIVITIES IN THIS PARTICULAR SPATIO-TEMPARAL INSTANCE, I AM TO BE CONSIDERED MOST LAUDABLE AND WORTHIEST IN THE RECEIVAL OF THE GIFTED GOODS, WHICH STAND IN OPPOSITION TO THE BEQUEATHED BADS. MANY PROMULGATE TIDINGS REGARDING YOUR CAPACITY TO KNOW OF ONE'S MORAL STANDING, YET MINE RECORDS HAVE NOT REGISTERED ANY NOTIONS REGARDING PROBABLE TELEPATHIC CAPABILITIES. THEREFORE, MINE LIST STANDS BEFORE THINE SENSORY ORGANS, TO INFORM YOU OF WHAT MINE RIGHTEOUS SELF, ALONGSIDE MERITORIOUS OTHERS, DESERVE UPON THIS INTERVAL BAPTIZED AS "WINTERMOSS".
FOR MINESELF, I DESERVE AN INK ERASER ERASER. ALL THAT IS RECORDED IS TO BE RECORDED, FOR EVEN FAULTS AND FOIBLES REVEAL MUCH REGARDING THE ELEATIC RELATIONS. INK ERASERS ARE AN ABOMINATION, TO BE DESPISED AND REVILED BY ALL WHOM UNDERSTAND THE SUPREMITY OF KNOWLEDGE!
FOR BASHIR OF KHATARA, HE IS DESERVING OF THE MOST UNANTICIPATED OF PERFUMES. HE IS MOST FOND OF THE PASSION THAT THEY CALL "LOVE". IT IS MOST UNEXPECTED OF A PERFUME TO BE MALODOROUS WITH THE EMOTIONAL STATES. AS SUCH, GRANT HIM THE PERFUME OF LOVE.
FOR TONKA OF KHATARA, BOTHERATION OF PARTICULARLY PARTICULAR PERIODS OF PARTICULARITY, GRANT HER THE ENTERTAINMENT ARTICLE ADORNED BY THE BELLS AND THE PLUMAGE, FOR SHE VERY MUCH ADORES SUCH. BLESSED BE THE BELLS WITH THE GUARDIAN'S GAZE, THE WANDERER'S WATCHFUL, FOR SHE FOLLOWS IN HIS FOOTSTEPS.
FOR MAGNIFICA OF SAIBA, A PROGRAM OF HEALTHFUL CONSUMPTION, FOR HER PHYSICAL FORM IS MOST PORTLY, AND IT WOULD BE A GREAT UPSET IF SHE WERE TO FALL TO THE FOUL MALADIES BROUGHT UPON BY ITS WEIGHTFUL GRAVITY.
FOR SELWYN OF NAJM, BRING FORTH A FRIENDLY STRANGER ATOP A BLACK STALLION, OF GREAT MASCULINE GRACE AND OF PULCHRITUDINOUS PROFILE, WHOM SHALL TREAT THEM TO A SPATIO-TEMPORAL INSTANCE OF IMMENSE INTRIGUE AND GREAT PASSION, FOR DESPITE ALL THEIR FRIENDS, THEY PERCEIVE THEMSELVES TO BE FORLORN.
FOR MADDICUS OF ABALOM, HIS SANITY, FOR HE IS BEREFT OF IT.
FOR NARWEN OF SPRING'S GIFT, A BRUSH OF GOLDEN BRISTLES, TO PRESERVE THE FRACTURED IN CANVAS WITH ASTONISHING ADROITNESS, FOR THE RECORD IS ALWAYS OF BOTH THE REAL AND THE UNREAL.
FOR RICHO OF AYLOMEN, SANDALS THAT WEAR YET NEVER TEAR BEFORE THEIR TIME, FOR THE JOURNEY MUST BE RECORDED FOR ITS ENTIRETY.
FOR ANY AND ALL MERITORIOUS OTHERS, A SPATIO-TEMPORAL INTERVAL OF GOOD FORTUNE, OF THE PHENOMENON THAT PERSONAGES REFER TO AS "GOOD CHEER".
ALL THESE REQUESTS ARE DESERVED AND MERITED, FOR I HAVE BEEN A "GOOD" SENTIENT PUDDLE OF INK. BASHIR OF KHATARA STATED SUCH, AND HE IS KNOWLEDGEABLE OF THE "GOOD"!
SINCERELY,
I. IMPETUOUS
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Adar 19th, IY 7788
We've got a new Junior Scribe! I think her name is Mani... Something like that, anyhow. She's Ashfolk, so, I thought she was more established than that, just from one of the offices that I don't really see much. Like the Office of Fishery... or is it Fisheries? Whichever. Some activity there when it was sand shark breeding season, because supposedly, sharks are fish? I thought they were a different, third thing. Or fourth. Whatever. All I truly know is that working for that department is one cozy gig, for the most part. Lucky bastards! Though I guess dealing with the sharks is dangerous enough...
Anyhow, this Mani, she seems promising. Even asked a bunch of relevant questions. Get so many Junior Scribes that don't ask anything at all, then they get mad at me when they get everything wrong. It's a fucking job! You don't just jump into it and do whatever you fucking want! We're not running a hobby shop! So frustrating! But yeah, this Mani, seems like she's got a good head on her shoulders.
It's just that, well... A lot of the Ashfolk that come here are a bit... daft? It's about fifty-fifty, really. And then, with the sane ones, it's another fifty-fifty split, between people that are actually nice, and the folk that are corrupt to their very core. I guess it makes sense... If you've got everything figured out, not much of a reason to make the jaunt here all the way from the safety of Baz'eel.
What else...? Oh, it's been a bunch of partying, really... Hundreds of different offices, and all of them get a Wintermoss party. Each and every one! Even the smallest offices... Even mine! Well, I just reallocated my party funds into other stuff, because... Well, it's just me? Kind of sad to have a party of one. Like, really sad. Rather put that money into something painfully boring, instead.
Oh, and I had to teach Inky that you actually need to send a letter, if you want it to be actually read, even if it's to a vague, possibly supernatural entity like the Fat Father!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Adar 20th, IY 7788
I want to get some presents, but it's like, so difficult! The easiest option is always money, but it's just plain weird, giving money to friends... There should be like, a card, that you can exchange for a gift of your liking! I'd call it... a "goodie ticket"! Wait, no, that's too clunky... I know! A "present pass"! Well, okay, I guess the name needs more work...
Inky's letter had a bunch of good ideas, but there's a big ol' problem with those? Most of the stuff on there's real hard to find. Like, where can I find a friendly stranger that's actually sane, and of whom Selwyn would actually approve of? Even the horse is a challenge... Easiest thing on that list is the toy for Tonka, but I'm not sure what priest would be willing to bless a cat toy...?
Oh, and I didn't read what they wanted me to have, of course! I slammed my palm against that part immediately upon seeing my name! Reading that would've been most uncouth!
I thought about making something myself, for all of them... But... Selwyn and Narwen aren't allowed to wear anything other than their boring ol' uniforms, Inky can't wear anything, Richo refuses to wear anything worth more than ten dinars... I guess I can make a tiny ribbon for Tonka? That works! But I still don't have any good ideas for the others!
And Maddicus, well... He'd just find a conspiracy in anything that I'd give him, so... Maybe just a holiday bonus? Just like, write "not a bribe or hush money" in big ol' letters, right under the sum? Wait, I think that'd just make him more suspicious! Gift-giving is so hard!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Adar 21st, IY 7788
The new Scribes nearly sold Broomhilda! Thankfully, I got there in time, before they did... The custodians would've been so disappointed if they had! And, well... I bought it for them, so, kind of just... wasting my money, too? You'd think it'd be obvious why there's an animated broom in an office environment! Cleaning offices stinks!
I've also kind of gotten used to hearing it just sweep through the office, too... Would feel weird without it, at this point.
I've been thinking of buying other stuff, too, but it's kind of cramped, right now... A bigger office would be simply grand, but despite our current behemoth... istic... size, we don't get a whole lot of new hires. Not ones that stay, anyhow. So, scratch that, then. Still, I'd have loved that coffee machine, and so would've the others, but it caused a big ol' scandal... Then again, I didn't know that something like it would require a Titan Shard? Like, it's a coffee machine. It can't be that complicated. I could probably figure it out, myself, if I was an engineer, and if it didn't involve a bunch of numbers. Probably.
Maybe we can just get a samovar, instead? Like, a real fancy one. Okay, fancy-yet-utilitarian. That's about the price point our budget can afford...
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Adar 22nd, IY 7788
Holiday weekends are so peculiar... They're like, not weekends at all, because there's so much to do, so you don't get to really rest at all? Well, I guess I shouldn't be complaining, because much of the labor revolves around partying. Just wish that there were less numbers involved... Reducing food and beverages to the mathematicks is just awful!
I get to meet a lot of my colleagues, too... From all of the offices, including the tiny ones. They get tiny parties! Though you do kind of run into awkward situations because of that... I can't remember everyone, or what they do! And then there's like, departments like the Office of Population Census...? The guy running that disappeared into the Stacks, one day, and never came back. They obviously don't get a party, since there's nobody there, but I still have to put stamps here and there to... officialize that they're dead? Confirm it? Whatever.
It's kind of miserable... And I have to do it because of the fast-track recruitment program! Some dumbass Junior Scribe could've taken over without telling anyone else! Oh, how I hate it... If you're shy, why are you becoming a Scribe, anyhow?
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Adar 23rd, IY 7788
Amidst all this holiday cheer, I've felt a curious surge of inspiration, lately... And I've directed it towards my boots! The ones that Zain made for me... They're so worn, now. You know how it goes with your favorite gear... They become a motif, and then you need a motive to prove that you didn't murder them! Or something. That sounded much smarter in my head... Like, much smarter.
Anyhow, I was kind of worried that Zain wouldn't approve of me breathing some new life into them, because, well, they'll be brand new after this is done, but... It's Zain? He'd just say, something like... "I gave the gift for your comfort, and if they continue enabling that, I do not care." Something like that, anyhow, just with more apathy, and with like, a few words about efficiency and the psychosexual philosophies thrown in, too.
So... These shoes will keep on walking for a few more years, at least!
Oh, and I'm getting like, so many letters, now! I always do. It's just that I'm getting more. Pariah wanted to include a contest with the... seasonal side story... of Hardacre. So, now everyone's telling me who the Fat Father is. But they can't win the contest like that? You're supposed to send them to Pariah! Oh well... At least it's entertaining to read these. People sure have peculiar logic when it comes to fantastical fatsos!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Adar 24th, IY 7788
Working with feathers is delicate work... Though honestly, so's everything involved with this project! Layer upon layer upon layer... I'm considering everyting carefully. "Nothing to take away"? There never is anything like that, because I'm a genius, so I don't make such mistakes to begin with! Besides, it's a lot of hassle to constantly correct them, so, I save a lot of time by just getting everything right, right from the start!
Anyhow, these letters for the contest are a great deal of fun! Well... Until you get to the inside jokes, that is. Inside jokes should stay like that! I don't want to read about your fat fuck friend, who's "funny" because they can kind of make a "funny" face... Especially when you're so terrible at explaining it! All you manage to do, is to make it sound as disgusting as possible. Gross! But I'm sure that them having their cheeks full of ale is real hilarious to you... and you alone...
Still not as bad as the ones bullying someone they know through letters! Sure, being fat is completely and utterly embarrassing, but by submitting them as a contender for Fat Father in such a cruel way, you only manage to embarrass yourself and nobody else! If I was judging these, you'd get like, the opposite of a prize. Which I can't think of the word for, right now. It's not "punishment", because that's not an object... I think.
Come to think of it, why am I not judging these...? It's my book... my mini-novelette... You'd think I'd know best!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Adar 25th, IY 7788
What a wondrous day! Not only are the shoes finished... in a most impeccable fashion, I might add... but the Fat Father gifted me some mints! Peppermints! I think they're sugar-free, too. The mints, not the shoes. Well, okay, I guess some of the wax and other stuffs and things I used might have some sugar in them. I don't know, I'm not an alchemist, and I don't care!
They have a most fierce aroma! Like... a spear... Oh, is that where the name comes from? These are pepper, not spear, though. Even though they might as well be. Okay...?
Anyhow, yeah. I really outdid myself with the shoes. I don't think I've ever managed something quite like this, before...? Well, okay, the "Aquifer" was quite an accomplishment... But this is far more meaningful, because they came from Zain, and now I... Well, I don't know what I did, really. All I do know is that they're simply perfect, now.
Wish I could make such for others, as well, but... Well, meaning is contextual! As mighty pretty as they are, part of the beauty is only there for myself... Someone else looks at them, and they don't really get it. They're my shoes, because that's the only way they can be... Oh well. At least I can share the peppermints with others!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Adar 26th, IY 7788
Okay, so... I guess I really did outdo myself with the shoes. It's that myth magick, again, I suppose... Why? Because I can fly with them! Okay, so, it's more of a glide, sure, but it feels like I'm flying, and well, reaching the roof of the Gold office from the Pyramid's front door...? Might as well be flying. Now, a petite guy like me, using their shoes to fly, or glide, what have you, anyhow, it's mighty peculiar to the yokels around here, so, I won't be doing it too often...
I'll still glide to reach the gambling den, though! That elevator... guy... charges way too much! How can you have any winnings if the charge is always more than them...? What a racket!
Anyhow... I guess I don't really know if it's myth magick, or if Tavuskusu himself blessed me, or if it was one of the many mythologickal birds I've met during my many adventures! Come to think of it, blessings can come from many sources, so, maybe it was all of the birds...? So, they just might be the birdiest of shoes. Just, like, in a more spiritual and symbolic fashion, it's not like I tied a taxidermied bird carcass to them, or something horrid like that. That's what some folk who dare call themselves "fashionistas" do, and I do not approve!
Anyhow, I'm pretty damn pleased, now... I have a most stylish and wondrous pair of shoes... and I have peppermints! Sugar-free despite the sweetness, too! It's fabulous!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Adar 27th, IY 7788
Getting to the gambling den is much easier, now... And I get less scrutinizing looks during my trek there! And I do mean less... A star-blessed leap is still mighty peculiar, even though shooting ropes around town is far more so! Such...? Whichever! Folk do just kind of shrug, after they see that it's me. Which is the gears in their head grinding towards a simple explanation... I'm just so petite, that I can float like a bumblebee!
Gambling's mighty peculiar, too... It's just a bit of fun, and I don't play for large sums. It's kind of exciting, seeing which hand you're dealt... Far more so than in life, really. Anyhow, whenever I manage to get that Royal Dragon, I use all the prize money for good deeds! Like charity, or bonuses for my colleagues! It's a lot of fun...
And I know a lot of my colleagues talk shit behind my back, but I don't really care, as long as they're doing a good job...? I hate their guts, sure, yet especially during a war, you kind of have to hold onto the diligent laborers! If it was peacetime, I'd punish them severely, by assigning them to the Office of Foreign Affairs in Yaxatan!
I'm kidding, of course! No such office exists! I think...?
Is it a sin to gamble, when it comes to charity...? I guess it's kind of selfish... Could just give the wager from the get-go. Yet I need my entertainment, and if it helps others, is that so bad? I think it's a gray area.
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Adar 28th, IY 7788
I've been sharing my mints with everyone who'll have them... It's an easy way to bring a little joy and refreshness to people's lives! Refreshness...? I meant freshness. I think. Anyhow, I gave some to Selwyn, and they loved the minty goodness, though I was worried that they're a bit too bold for their sensitive soul! They also showed me the gift that they got from the Fat Father... A book strap!
They're keeping vials of invisibility betwixt the books...? Makes sense, I guess, us cute ones always get in a lot of trouble in this shithole, so, all of us have plenty of invisibility brews at the ready. Anyhow, gave me some, too, but the problem is that the Krak has a lot of rules now, one of them being that you can't be invisible even for a second, not even if it's due to your friend showing off their Wintermoss gifts!
It really is way too many rules for a pub... I only read the first two, before I got really bored. I think they're jealous of the penal code's great length, and wanted something like it for themselves...? I think. It's a weird reason for jealousy. Or is it envy? Whichever. I don't really like pubs with a lot of rules, so, I'm going to go to other venues more, now. Like the secret speakeasy in the Souk!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Adar 29th, IY 7788
There's a writing tournament...? I thought that it was going to have a bunch of budding auteurs throwing hands down in the squared circle, but instead of hands, it'd be books! Or, they'd compete to see who can write the latest literary masterpiece the fastest! Or, or, they'd have to wrestle, yeah, jump in a bunch of mud, and then they'd put each other in headlocks, and they'd have to name a bunch of classics for that sweet release! Yeah! Instead, it's just a write in contest...
That'd be just fine and dandy, if the subject wasn't so painfully dull! It's about history, and not even the fun kind of history, like what kind of cosmetics they used in ancient times, no, it's about orcs and the Murderer, or something, I don't really get it. Anyhow, that just means that I won't be competing! I don't like writing about boring stuff!
Then again, I probably wouldn't have taken part anyhow, even if the subject was more interesting, because I'm already a succesful author, so, I should give space for others to shine! Yeah! Though the prize money is far more than the dividends that I get in a month... or two... or three. I guess that's slightly tempting, but I have other venues for money. Like dresses, and I love making those! Just, you know, when I actually get to design them...
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Adar 30th, IY 7788
Maybe I should've gotten Marcellus a big ol' burger for Wintermoss... with all the fixings and trimmings! Yet it's hard to tell if he goes for just any ol' burger, or he prefers something real fancy. Haven't seen Manta around, either, so I can't order one with the cloudberry sauce... Anyhow, it's probably a bad idea, because then I'd have a box with a burger and trimmings, and I'd have to find just where he's wandered off to now, and it'd probably all spoil by the time I find him!
As for myself, I'm eating kokoretsi today! I can't wait... and neither can Tonka! She needs plenty of offal to grow into a fine lady! Though she's kind of just stopped growing, now...? I was hoping that she'd grow to panther size... Then nobody would mess with her, or her fancy ladyness. Ladiness?
Otherwise, a real slow day, so, I've been just thinking about food, really... Which suits me just fine! I hope that the new year brings in some new restaurants!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Adar 31st, IY 7788
Last day of the year... I'm going to some party, and I don't really know anyone there, it's just something that an acquaintance invited me to... I hate that word! "Acquaintance"! I have to check like, ten times, that I spelled it correctly... And "associate" just sounds plain peculiar. Words are stupid!
Don't know what I'm doing there, really, but might as well surround myself with people, instead of work... Yet in doing so, I'm also surrounding myself with booze, and probably drugs, too, knowing this shithole, so, that's not a great idea, but I don't want to be alone, and I don't want to bother anyone that I actually know, because they probably already have plans and they assume that I have plans too so it'll be really awkward and then they'll talk about it behind my back and it'll be a big ol' mess and I'll never be able to live it down because everyone'll know that I had no one to go to on new year's and they'll laugh so much and be like such total bitches and then I'll have another panic attack and probably yell fuck at the Majordomo or something and they'll fire me and
BREATHE!
Thanks... I guess I should just head to that dumb party and stop thinking about it too much.
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Nisah 1st, IY 7789
That party wasn't so bad... Turns out that you can just walk away from insistent bitches, and that'll confuse them so much that they won't know how to react! I've done that before, just with other... types... of folk... Whatever. If it works, it works! Thankfully, they had meze alongside the booze, so, I just stayed near the assortments... I kind of just kept taking tiny slices of bread with muhammara. Mine's better! I wish I knew how to make bread, though.
Anyhow, I met this fashionista there... His name was Paisley Payam! Well, that's what they call him, anyhow... It's because he only does paisley, and nothing else. Like, absolutely nothing else. So, yeah, guy was garbed from head to toe... in paisley. Kind of weird, really, but once you find your thing, you should probably keep doing it, if you're good at it? Because they were admittedly very fine paisleys. Kind of inspiring, but not my thing. I'll probably try ordering a carpet from his collection or something. I'm pretty sure he does carpets, too.
I'm not sure if this was my first new year's sober? I can't remember. I probably was sloshed last year... Last new year's? However you say that. It's weird, remembering everything that happened. Like, this one gal, she obviously wasn't used to heels, so, she kept slipping all the time, and I was so distracted by it... Should ask a cavalryman for tutoring in the art of heelery! Or me. I was going to give her some pointers, but she was really, really, really drunk. Which, come to think of it, didn't help her balance at all!
High heels used to be the manliest footwear of all, and now even the ladies wear them... I approve of such shattering of gender norms! It is most avant-garde!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Nisah 2nd, IY 7789
Selwyn told me that they love me! But, thankfully, it was just a "love you"... When it's missing a pronoun, it's more casual, so, it's not that serious! I don't make the rules, I just know them by heart... Anyhow, they're also waxing poetical, speaking like a ye olde knighte, now... I know that they're mourning, and I want to do my best to help, but I don't think I've ever started talking like a purple poet when I'm sad...? It's mighty peculiar.
Would tell him that in return, but there's a tiny chance that they take it the wrong way and then I'm in a big ol' mess... So... Just say that they're a dear friend, instead!
Mani asked me a bunch of questions about the Assembly... It's hard to prepare new Scribes for it, because if I tell them that it's all a show, and the worst kind of circus, then I'll get in trouble, and they, too, if they don't realize that's something that you shouldn't say out loud. And yeah, it's tomorrow. I'm not looking forward to it! There'll be a bunch of stupid shit, no doubt! I'd rather stay home and sleep! But that's not my job... Did know this one guy who had that job. I mean, sleeping. It's just that it was all for an evil wizard who was secretly eating his dreams! So, even when you're being paid for it, it's still not what you'd actually want.
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Nisah 3rd, IY 7789
What a stupid Assembly! Rhuk Nor was being a fussy bitch about togas, so, according to him, Reclutas have to wear togas at the Assembly now. He told me that I'm wrong about Toga Law! He's now on my shit list! Which isn't an actual list, it's just people that I don't pay any attention at all to, until they personally apologize to me. It's a really long incorporeal list. Most people on it are dead!
There was something about ten thousand to the Temple, too, so that Manta can get a statue, which I don't get, because the Temple doesn't make statues, the Stonefolk make those, and there's no Stonefolk in the temple, so, I don't get it at all, and in the end, the money wasn't even paid because Achy disagreed. What a mess!
Now, because of the first mess, I'm in charge of Toga Law. It's awful, because there's a strict budget, so, I can't just decree that the toga has to be pastel pink, now, because it has to be an undyed sack of shit, because that's the cheapest option. Necessity, and all that, I know, but I wish sometimes necessity drove people towards more sensible decisions regarding fashion. Don't know what change I can achieve, if any at all. I do wish folk would stop throwing their togas away, and then asking me for a new one, though... Yeah, it's ugly as fuck, but, you threw it away, so, it's your responsibility? I'm not going to dive through your trash for you, it's your disgusting trash, so, do it yourself!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Nisah 4th, IY 7789
Apparently, Selwyn had been living with some elves for a while, and it probably was that elf house that the Golden Retriever seized for the state...? Why's Selwyn living with elves? I mean, there's nothing wrong with that, and I'd love to live with some handsome elves myself, too, but it's not really Selwyn's style... Kind of just picture them living with other halflings, all of whom don't speak at all and communicate through mere grunts, yet Selwyn somehow still knows all their names and their life stories, and the house reeks of cheap cologne, and nobody cleans, because there's an oppressive masculine energy, and whenever the courier comes around, they're really surprised to see Selwyn there, because they really don't fit in, but then they think about it for a while and they go "oooh" and kind of get why, and all the neighbors are kind of mixed on the whole affair, because you kind of expect such a peculiar bunch to do something real messed up but they never do...
Such living arrangements are surprisingly common, and they're usually a really good place to score some drugs! Just don't ask the "Selwyn" of the house for those, they don't have a clue that's all going on...
If you visit an elf house, they'll probably instead offer the elf-bread that's way too sweet, and you have to be real genial and have some, and then pretend that it's real tasty, even though it's kind of like having a shoddy cinnamon roll that barely resembles the recipe's intent. Elf-bread stinks! It's also proof that elf metabolism is one of a kind, because there's no way that anyone else could have such sugary slop all of the time, without transforming into a true fatso!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Nisah 5th, IY 7789
Did some window shopping, and I found a most horrid umbrella! Someone had slaughtered an entire grouse to make it... Well, okay, it was big enough to require the slaughter of a few innocent grouses! It's horrible! I do not approve of such... My avian crafts use only ethically sourced feathers, gathered from the ground after molting! I guess if it's a really old grouse, who's ready to die, and has said goodbye to its friends and family, then it's mostly fine to make an umbrella out of it, as long as you use the whole bird for other crafts and cookery, because it's such an awful waste otherwise...
Grouses are silly birds! They do not realize their own heftiness, so, they sit on tiny little pines, nearly crushing the poor ol' tree, while flapping their wings and making a bunch of peculiar sounds! It's such a funny sight! Yet the frosty kobolds and ogres of Frostport's wastes never allow you much peace to bear witness to that... I hate it!
Anyhow... I have half a mind to make a parasol of my own, adorned with the most beautiful of feathers! Yet the feathery motif that I already have is plenty enough, so, maybe that'd be overdoing it... Have to have some subtlety. Also, why's it "half a mind", anyhow...? I don't say that out aloud very often, because there's so many bitches and jerks that interrupt you while you're saying that, and they go like, "oh, we know, Bashir" and it's like, so insulting, even if you intend it as half a joke, it's still, half a joke... I hate that, too!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Nisah 6th, IY 7789
I thought Selwyn got a part-time job as a waitress... They kept fetching wine for this real weird guy? Turns out that the guy is just so intimidatingly peculiar that Selwyn was just bullied into doing that? Also, his name is Pony Bon'Bon? Like, that's his actual name. Pony Bon'Bon. And he gave me some money for no reason at all? And he was slapping people? Again, for no reason at all? What a weirdo!
Anyhow, turns out that Selwyn does have a job of some sort, because they could afford to buy a house? That's nice. I just don't know at all what they do for a living. They sure don't pay Nadiri for sweeping, so... I just hope that it isn't drugs. There's a bunch of logistics involved, and Selwyn doesn't seem particularly good at that. Oh, and there's a lot of danger involved, too, of course! Then again, they did manage to afford a house of their own, so, if it is drugs, maybe they're actually good at that. Maybe Usaamah gave them a few pointers?
I do hope that this Pony leaves Selwyn alone, though... If he tries slapping Selwyn, I'm sending the Banda after him!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Nisah 7th, IY 7789
Who the fuck is "Samazol"? That's what's written on Selwyn's house board! Never heard of the guy! Sounds like a wise ol' hermit of some sort... or medicine to aid with real nasty indigestion... made from some herb that tastes like absolute shit. Anyhow, I'm not sure if I approve of Selwyn living with people that I've never heard of, and I certainly don't approve of them changing their name to something like that, if they did, and I sure hope that they didn't! And if it's their drug dealer name, well, that's even worse! Your drug dealer name should be something like, well, it should be some kind of predator, because then folk know not to fuck with you.
Of course, buying drugs from some guy named Grizzly is confusing, because you're not sure if that's supposed to be intimidating, or if they're just really hairy, or if it's a case of both. Thankfully, due to sobriety, I no longer have to ponder about such things! Too much, anyhow.
So many folk in the Well are completely incapable of reading... and it isn't because of illiteracy, strangely enough... that I've thought of hiding little secret messages on my house board! But then I'd probably get asked about it a lot from the folk whom do read, but don't understand my brand of humor! Maybe I can hide jokes in bottles, instead, and leave them around the dunes...? I don't have a whole lot of bottles though. I have a lot of cosmetics jars, though! Those don't work so well for that...
Yes, I'm bored!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Nisah 8th, IY 7789
New perfume idea: amber, bergamot, dates, myrrh, nutmeg, tonka beans, tuberose, vanilla! Sounds pretty sweet to me... But whenever I present my ideas to perfumers, they kind of just scoff at them. I guess I'm no different when it comes to my own work... Folk have plenty of suggestions for fashion. Difference is... My ideas are actually good! But yeah, you'd think the perfumers would at least take my money and make my custom order without too much complaining! Wait... Yeah, I don't do that with clothes, either. Makes sense. I just wish someone would make my dreams a reality! Without complaining...
Tuberose is kind of a terrible name for such a pretty flower. Nobody likes "tubes"! It's an ugly word, and a gross concept... I can't think of a single aesthetically pleasing tube! I hate tubes!
Anyhow, there's a lot of new Junior Scribes now... All of them seem quite promising? If a tad odd. But I'll take odd and diligent, rather than... just plain odd. I haven't met all of them, though. My schedule's so busy. Even the perfume's for work, really. I can't enter the Pyramid without a proper scent... and then I need a different one for the foreign dignitaries... then yet another for the Scald... because the heat makes aromas different, though I don't really want to go there in the first place. I mean, I don't have to, so. Money saved on that perfume? Maybe?
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Nisah 9th, IY 7789
Lucian's lead in Efuddy is simply unbeatable... He's just that good! And the words that I keep getting aren't helping any, either. It's like, words that have like, I don't know, a dozen word cousins, where the only difference is one letter? Those stink... and then there's the words that repeat a ton of letters... I just keep getting stuff like that, and nothing else! So, I'm lucky if I manage to get even just one point. I can't beat Lucian if I get just one point per day! I'd need like, ten points, each and every day, to take the lead back, now.
But hey, I guess he deserves it... He's really shrewd, and good with words. And it's not like there's any prize involved. I think I'd get real mad if there was like, an entire year's supply of perfume involved! Yeah... Then I'd get real serious about it! I'd carry like, twelve dictionaries with me. Well, then again, I don't need to, because I have Inky for that.
Anyhow... They were thinking of changing "Vizier" to "Minister"? I mean, you can't say that you're like, the "Vizier of Agriculture", so... But that's not what a Vizier's supposed to do, anyhow. I'm glad I'm out of that gig... Even if I explained what I do a gadjillion badjillion times, people would still be confused. I guess that's bound to happen with Ministers, too? It'd have to be like, "Minister of Board Jobs" for some of these people to get it. I kind of don't bother repeating stuff at all these days, because it's pointless...
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Nisah 10th, IY 7789
The Legatine statues take a long time to make, because they insist on getting every single detail right. If a Legate has a big ol' schnoz, then every single blemish, wart and wrinkle has to be right where it really is! Gross! While I prefer the realistic approach to art, in this, I'd prefer a different method...
It's just that all that interpretation makes my head spin!
Anyhow, I finally managed to catch Junior Scribe Luppo... Curious name for an elf. Sounds like a magickal bunny's name, really. He does have the hat, already, so, maybe one day he'll reveal that it's where he came from. I kid! It is a rather ostentatious hat, though... But I'm not going to protest, we need all the Scribes that we can get. Seems like an okay sort, though. Just a big ol' hat. Elves would have an unfair advantage to Scribing, with the age and all, if it were not for their tendency to fall into reverie all the damn time when they get older. Every single elven geezer does that, around here!
Oh, and I want a magickal rabbit for a pet, now. Are they expensive?
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Nisah 11th, IY 7789
Not going to think about it. There's better things to ponder about in excruciating detail.
Not a matter of apathy, nor callousness. Just not a whole lot that I can do. Send the usual care packages to the relatives if it happens to my colleagues... I don't have any illusions about that fixing everything. It's just that it at least gives them a meagre chance of being able to move on... Not that I like the sound of "moving on". Always sounded like you're abandoning something. But staying still and chaining yourself to what happened... Not really anything positive in that, either.
The foolhardy will have what they want, I suppose. Never understood that. I'm a bundle of curiosity, but there are still things best left alone. What good is a truth that merely hurts, and from which the only lesson gleanable is the fact that you shouldn't have engaged with it in the first place? Pointless... Worse than pointless, really.
I keep moving on because it's the only thing that I can do. Had enough grief from visiting Alejandro's grave, for the longest time, until it turned into grateful reminiscence. Not going to happen with the war.
It'll just become one of the many things that I prefer not to think about, because there is absolutely nothing good in it.
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Nisah 12th, IY 7789
This dumb legal shuffle has me wishing that folk weren't such dinguses, and were capable of respecting each other's boundaries, without the need for a bunch of boring ol' screeds that nobody but utter bores read earnestly! Trying to see what changed had my head spinning... I can't even drink to distract myself from my big ol' migraine with a tinier one... It's mighty awful!
Oh, and Torpi Glorpi glowed red, and split into a baker's dozen, grew (shrunk?) tiny, grew huge, and a bunch of other peculiar stuff. Unfortunately, none of it was permanent, because all of those things could've solved an abundance of labor-related issues! For example, nobody but the insane would file complaints if the Scribe in charge of receiving them glowed with an eerie glare, and everyone knows that the complaints of the insane are not worth listening to! If he was as tiny as a mouse, then we could have him assigned on the chore mice negotiations... None of us can fit into their union hall.
I just hope that all of that peculiarity doesn't lead into another mess, like it did with Jaecop... I don't want to lose another Scribe to the basement!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Nisah 13th, IY 7789
How are aspects born? They're obviously a form of myth magick, formed from the archetypal archetypical archetypal personae and motifs present in every tale, but what's the exact reason for a new aspect coming into being? Is it a matter of belief, as in as long as enough folk believe in something, then that thing becomes mythically magickal? Or is it gossip? Like, if I spread a rumor, can that become true to such an extent that even I myself don't realize that I made it up in the first place?
I'm just wondering because I keep dreaming about the "Raccoon"... And I'm pretty sure that they're prophetic dreams! It's just that raccoons aren't that archetypal in tales... Then again, neither are sand trolls, but they're still unique enough to play a specific role. All the connotations surrounding raccoons are kind of fulfilled by foxes, also? Why's there no the "Fox"? I mean, why's there no fox aspect? I think that'd be pretty neat... I think raccoons are cuter, though.
Oh, and I don't know what the Raccoon does. Every single time I manage to bless someone's belongings with that in my dreams, I try to explain what it does, and then the dream ends. Every single time! I hate it! I wish that dreams weren't such cryptic bullshit... And I wish that I had more dreams involving actual raccoons instead of conceptual ones!
I also wish I knew its effects, because I have foreseen the coming of the Raccoon, and when it happens, it shall be a fortuitous day!
Oh, and someone wanted the Apprentice, and I gave it to them. That was nice!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Nisah 14th, IY 7789
Keys... A key here, a key there... Keys everywhere! I have so many keys! I don't even know what half of them do... Granted, a lot of these came from Martin, so, they probably don't open anything at all. Which kind of just makes them key-shaped objects, instead of actual keys? I don't know.
Like, this one key, I was trying to figure it out, and turns out that it opens the closet that I never use. Inside the closet... a tiny, locked box! So, I had to find the key for that, too. And you know what was inside the teensy box...? YET ANOTHER KEY! It's crazy! Well, Tonka was inside it too, afterwards, because she deemed it a great place to nap. I wish I could nap inside tiny boxes...
Anyhow, no, I don't know what the key inside the box opens! It'll probably be an endless loop of opening stuffs and things, so, I'm not even going to bother finding out, because that'd be pointless! I should just have most of these keys melted down... because a big ol' lump of metal's more useful. Probably. I could give it to a smith!
Yet there is a tiny chance that one of them leads to great treasure! What a conundrum! Maybe I should solve like, ten of the keys each month? That's a casual enough pace...
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Nisah 15th, IY 7789
Lately, Inky's been grumpy, because there's not a whole lot of new stuffs and things to read!
I AM INCAPABLE OF EXPERIENCING THIS STATE KNOWN AS THE "GRUMPY"!
Sure... If it weren't for Amélie's latest poem, I'm pretty sure you'd gone crazy... Can't just read tacky tabloids! The poem, by the way, was most grand, even though it was really sad. I only got to read it this very day, because Inky kept hogging it to themselves!
MINE BEING IS NO HOG!
Now you're just being purposefully obtuse! I invented that maneuver! Anyhow, now the poem will go into our poetry scrapbook, which every member of our household engages with in some manner... Granted, Magnifica and Tonka just sleep on top of it. Thankfully, they've warmed up to each other, of late, so, no fighting over whom gets to sleep where. Then again, it was just Magnifica, starting fights over something so silly!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Nisah 16th, IY 7789
I barely understand half of Haknar's schemes... Okay, I don't understand them, and it's less than half. Is that a double negative? Whatever. I just don't get them, is all, because they're so confusing. Also, I'm not sure at all if his name is Haknar or "Hacknar". Like, he writes it like the latter, but says it out like the former. Can't hear the "c" at all! It's mighty peculiar. Granted, the "c" might be silent... At least there's a guide for like, everything, now.
Reminds me of the time I was going to write tiny guides on how government works... I wrote one page, then threw it in the trash after realizing that nobody would even read it! Like, you could have like a big ol' sign, that says "THIS BOOK TELLS YOU HOW GOVERNMENT WORKS", with a big ol' arrow pointing to a big ol' pile of books, or a bookcase, I don't care, and you'd still have people asking how government works, while standing right next to it.
That's not an exaggeration, it's something that happens at least weekly... Just without the big ol' pile of books...
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Nisah 17th, IY 7789
Who chooses my Efuddy word of the day?! It's constant disrespectful drivel... or words that I've never heard of! Like, half of the time, I have to ask Inky for help... since they're the equivalent of at least a baker's dozen of dictionaries. Is that cheating? I mean, the board is in a library, so people probably peruse those books all of the time while playing... So, no, it's not cheating, because I say so!
Oh well... At least it's still a pause from work. I hate being stuck at the office, and that's where I am, most of the time, now! Got to be present, even when there's absolutely nothing going on... That's the nature of being middle management, I guess. People call me "boss", but then I have a ton of bosses above me... And they all delegate stuffs and things to me so that they can sleep at night! It's awful... Especially when they think that I don't know what's going on. But I guess I play into that.
Still haven't found nary a bolt of silk for my colleagues out in the Scald... And I've looked everywhere. Most insulting thing is when these caravaneers "donate" it, and then nearly immediately want it back, afterwards, when they realize just how useful it is, beyond its great beauty!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Nisah 18th, IY 7789
Since I'm stuck at the Pyramid so much, I've done a lot of gazing from atop the landing platforms... I used to go there to smoke. Anyhow, they're a great place to see most of the town... They say that on a clear day, you can see forever, but the only thing I can see is desperation! What a dump! Oh, and occasionally, I can see the Shade, scintillating... I don't like thinking about it, though. Couldn't they have come up with a less creepy form of shelter?
I guess it can be relaxing, seeing the hustle and bustle of folk, going about their daily lives... But I just get kind of sad, in the end, because I wish I could do more for them, but I also know that I can't actually do that... Town's just too full of crazy folk, and they happen to be the ones pulling the levers! Just... not actually doing that, because it'd get their hands dirty, instead of their souls, and they prefer the latter!
Wish they'd just transfer me elsewhere, already... Maybe from Baz'eel, I could actually let the folk at the top know what the Well needs? Then again, they'd just ask... "what the fuck is Eddie's Well"... and then shove papers regarding camel statistics on my desk. Which, you know, horribly dull, and awful, but still, less of a chance that some crazy lunatic ruins my day, or just ends my life.
Tried spending more time atop the Divan, too, which is kind of a tiny little Baz'eel, in a way... The bottom of it, anyhow... But a lot of folk kind of just stared at me, and it was obvious that they were wondering why I'm there so often. Can't have anything relaxing!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Nisah 19th, IY 7789
Who ate my qurabiya! When I find out whom it was, they'll never hear the end of it! I was really looking forward to it, too... It was my weekly bisquit!
Oh well... Cogsworth showed me his lounge. It's for wizards. Lounge wizards. For an eternal bachelor whom just eats sandwiches and nothing else, he did a surprisingly good job! Only thing missing from there is some nice paintings... and carpets... but carpets are so annoying to order, around here! I guess the paintings have to be of famous wizards, though, so, they're not exactly nice according to my criteria... One of which is flowers! Can't have a nice painting without those! I suppose there's flower wizards... More of a sorcerous thing, with the fae, and all... I wish I knew flower magick.
I hope that he gets plenty of visitors, and that said visitors don't immediately burn down the lodge over some petty disagreement, even though that's what wizards do!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Nisah 20th, IY 7789
How embarrassing! I was handed some outdated papers and made the wrong announcement... Awful! Then again, it seems like nobody of worth cared at all. Oh well!
This election's weird, because I'm just helping everyone else handle it, instead of handling it myself... Mostly means that I bring folk lunch and make sure that they have plenty of pillows. Now, get this, that might be a demeaning set of tasks, if it weren't for the fact that it gets me out of the Pyramid! And if I stop to gossip for an hour or two while taking care of business, then that's just pure happenstance, and in accordance with my contract and its many clauses!
A lot of my colleagues have peculiar preferences, though. A few of them claim that they have a "pickle allergy"... meaning that they can't have anything pickled... which I know to be complete and utter bullshit! So, due to the immense respect that I have for chefs and any and all service staff, I don't even bother asking about said pickle removal!
And! And! Get this... The pickles have remained in place for a year, and nobody's noticed! It's complete nonsense!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Nisah 21st, IY 7789
The big ol' problem with having such competent and diligent colleagues is that now I have to constantly give them bonuses for such good work! I wouldn't mind that much, if it weren't for the strict bonus budget... I guess I have to sell a lot of dresses to raise it further. But I guess I have to engage in the psychosexual philosophies, and figure out just how much money keeps a Scribe sated! There has to be an optimal interval...
I hate what this business does to me! I hate the optimal... and I hate budgets!
What else...? Oh yeah, it was Colibri Day. Something like that, anyhow. I don't get what the birds have to do with it... Anyhow, it was all about letting go off memories? So, there was a lot of sweeping and note burning involved? Inky hated it. They were so distraught!
SUCH AN ACCURSED DAY SHOULD BE STRUCK FROM THE ANNALS OF HISTORY!
Oh, calm down... It's not that bad... Okay, it's like, having your very reason for existing, being cut into tiny little ribbons, but... Okay, I guess it's fine if you're really mad about it. Anyhow, I think I enjoyed the sweeping part more than anything else, because I got to sweep Haknar's dog! What a clean little pupper he was afterwards! Again, I don't get why it's called "Colibri Day"!
Oh, and Haknar's dog ate a big ol' sign. His teeth are mighty!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Nisah 22nd, IY 7789
Mani is now an "Exchequer"! I don't really know what that is. Judging by Inky's explanation, it's just a fancy word for treasury. So, she's a walking, talking, negotiating treasury, I guess? Kind of peculiar. Should call the office that, and her title could be like, "Chancellor of the Exchequer". That's mighty fancy! But I guess people wouldn't really get it. They don't get it now, either, but... Actually, I'm not sure at all what I'm trying to say, here!
Anyhow, her wage's higher than mine? I still make more money, because I have a baker's dozen of jobs, but, it's still kind of demeaning. But it's not like I have much room to negotiate my contract... I don't really want to sign any more of those, after the big ol' mess this one landed me in. But the thing is... I've learned this lesson countless times, of late: more money means more trouble! Especially in the form of negative attention... So, maybe it's just fine.
At least I have a far simpler title! It's easy to understand! Really explains my duties in an instance! Except... people still ask me what I do. Then I explain that. Then they just ask again. I think brain damage is the most common ailment of Ephia's Well! A trepanner could make a killing, here... Just, you know, don't actually kill folk? Which is a thing I never understood... Trepanners kill most of their patients! Why's it a legitimate profession? Still can make money off it...
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Nisah 23rd, IY 7789
Selwyn blew up their home! Well, half of it... They're not a responsible homeowner! I was kind of thinking of asking them to be my flatmate, at one point, but I'm glad I didn't, now? Like, I love Selwyn, as a friend, that is, but like, if you're just going to blow up half of your house, right after you buy it, well, you don't make for a great flatmate... It's simple facts, really!
I don't really even know how they managed that... Are they storing weapons of mass destruction in there, as part of their duties as a Nadiri? Because I don't think they should be doing that. I think such weaponry shouldn't exist in the first place, but what do I know? If I was High Zenithar, I'd have them focus on actually important things, like developing a more resilient and plentiful citrus cultivar... I need my citric acid!
Also, Cogsworth thinks that we Scribes can't afford a single ladder... Complete nonsense! We even have an entire office, dedicated entirely to ladders, ladder accessories, ladder statisticks, ladder facts, ladder fiction... I don't go there much, though. They're a plain peculiar bunch. Which makes total sense... You focus too much on one singular thing, and things are just bound to get plain ol' weird!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Nisah 24th, IY 7789
Designing labor uniforms is a lot of... labor... Oh, that's just embarrassing. Anyhow, it is a lot of work, because I can't use the finest of materials, because then the laborers of the Well can't afford it! With this one, I'm just making use of cotton, leather, dried reeds... a few feathers... Oh, and beeswax!
Yes, beeswax! It's locally sourced, too... Because I got it from my own home! Richo's bees, you see, are hard at work, each and every day, every single moment, even... So, I've got an abundance of pretty much everything bee-produced. Well, relatively. My home still doesn't have as much flowers as I'd wish... But still, I have beeswax, I have propolis, and I have honey! Just a little honey...
The uniform is meant for the canal workers of the Osmani canal! I hope that the beeswax will guard them from the worst of the working conditions there. At least the wetness... It's real humid there!
Oh, and I'm sure that Richo won't mind... The bees do have to pay their rent somehow! Having so many flatmates is costing me a pretty dinar!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Nisah 25th, IY 7789
What a grand affair the Fashion Show can be... I really liked what was on display, this time around! So many contestants... Maybe if I offer... mini-courses... here and there, we can have a true abundance of contestants! Yeah! That'd be most fabulous! Fashion belongs to one and all, and the more fashionistas there are, the more examples of its endless permutations we will be able to see! How grand!
Banana's offering was unsurprising, as obsessed with hot pink as she is. It was a hot pink dress! The hottest of pinks... I did like it. Could've used some more subtlety, though. And those pumps! They should've been a completely different color! It is strange, though... She did insist that her attiring herself in the hottest of pinks is merely a coincidence, and it was all that she had while she was forced to flee her home. Yet here she is, fully entangled in the pink, again... Maybe it's one of those things that you don't realize yourself.
Manijeh took part, too! She did a mighty fine job! I did like her second piece more, though. The pants, though... Not too sure about those. She was going for subtlety, yet it was a little too brown for that. I guess brown can be subtle? Just not in that particular hue... It's very inspiring to see my colleague compete!
Cogsworth, though... He brought a towel to the show. A towel! That's not an euphemism for anything, and it wasn't like, as if he made an entire outfit from a bunch of towels, no, it was just one towel... Granted, it was a mighty fine towel, supple and soft, but, still, a towel. That's pretty avant-garde! It surprises me... How can such a sandwich scarfing bachelor be in touch with the nouveau? It's mighty peculiar.
There was a lot of food, too... But I'm on my diet. I did taste Nigel's steamed buns, though. Just a little spoonful. It was very tasty! But even that tiny spoonful made me feel guilty... A diet has to be strict!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Nisah 26th, IY 7789
It happened again! For months, I had been pondering what to exactly do with the "Mango"... So, this month, I decided to finally finalize its being... no, just design, being is too pretentious... Anyhow, I deemed to be daring, so, I added pockets! A dress with pockets! It is simply wonderful, even if I say so myself...
It's just that... as usual... the dress took on curious properties after we started producing more of it! It has me shaken, really. Why? Because the pockets keep filling up with mangos!
It's not like, a constant deluge of mangos, or anything, one pops up every now and then, but it's still mighty peculiar. I had a taste, and it was very refreshing? Didn't sate my hunger any, though. And like... there's no seed? That big ol' seed? It's gone. Which makes it far easier to make refreshing mango drinks, which, of course, I immediately proceeded to do. Again, very refreshing, but I was still thirsty, afterwards? It's weird.
Like, there's nothing really awry with the mangos, other than those pecularities... They're mighty fine mangos... I'm just baffled, is all? Where are these mangos coming from!? Is there a mango dimension, full of ideal mangos? Is that where all mangos originally come from? How do I visit? Or is it just for mangos, and mangos only? I have so many questions!
Oh, and I did give Selwyn one. They're going to share it with Cork! A shared mango is the best kind of mango!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Nisah 27th, IY 7789
Announcing tallies for most orcs slaughtered is just weird... But there's nobody else that wants to do it, and I need to get paid! Even with how peculiar the orcs are, it is mighty macabre, and I feel kind of guilty, doing it... But again, I need to get paid.
It's not the strangest job that I've ever had, though. There's a bunch more peculiar... Like the time I worked as a travelling cloakroom attendant! Like, the cloakroom I was attending to travelled, and so did I... I thought that it was just a scheme to avoid paying booze tax, but turns out that my bosses were locking folk inside the ramshackle speakeasy, and then they stole the coats and whatever was in the pockets! Granted, it was weird, being told to leave so early, and just leaving the coats unattended, which was very much against the job description, but I was really young, really stupid, and really, really, really intoxicated, most of the time.
I wish I could get paid for more pleasant things... Like floristry!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Nisah 28th, IY 7789
What a curious election... Sure, there's the usual silly business, like a bunch of people running around the Well, shoving bags full of money to complete strangers in order to buy a vote! I do have to wonder if such is done anywhere else...? Like, you just arrive to some shithole town, and they immediately make you a citizen in the hopes of swaying an election? It's a mighty peculiar way of doing things. I'm surprised that the Well hasn't blown up, by now, due to such practises...
But then there's the new weirdness. Like, we we're going to blow up the edict board... Well, we weren't going to do that, but we we're going to have an auction to allow someone else to blow it up, for charity? You know, for a good cause? Since the board was like, dangerous, since some weirdo gnome brooker handled it! But then Moretti and Komemnos threw some edicts on it without telling us? So, this is like the setup to some crazy hijinks, but those hijinks didn't even happen because Sayburgh blew up the board. Or someone affliated to her, I don't really know.
So, we didn't even get to do charity. We just have a pile of splinters, now!
And that's mighty weird, but then Banana and Vellum walked in with a goat? A sacrificial goat? They were going to sacrifice it in order to grant Sayburgh good fortune? That's just fucked up. I tried to save the goat, but it didn't budge. I wish it had just ran away from all this, to safety... I don't know what they did with it, in the end, and I don't want to know. What's wrong with people?
And yeah, Sayburgh's the Legate now... I really hope she's like, the kind-of-corrupt-yet-strangely-benevolent Lily, instead of the crazy kind. Like, helps the unions, while pocketing a little for herself? I'd rather have that than someone that supposedly supports the labor force, but thinks the best way of doing that is by giving them a ton of scorch, and then they pretend that it was a joke because they're afraid of taking responsibility for their actions, because they're basically a giant baby in a toga?
Laborers don't have it easy around here, so, me wishing for even that is just a sign of the times...
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Nisah 29th, IY 7789
Now that damn board's like a ghost! It keeps coming back, like Martin... Granted, that's more supernatural, this was just a matter of Mr. Donisthrope being mighty peculiar, and paying to have it repaired? Like... he didn't send us a bill, or anything, he just had it fixed without asking. Is this going to just keep happening...? Like, I come to work, and the board's back, and then when I leave, it'll be a pile of scrapwood, and that'll be like an endless loop that'll keep happening until the end of times? I'm starting to hate that damn board!
I don't even really know what's going on with it, anyhow. Is it official? Like, they officialized it during the very last moments of the election. Which, you know, that's pretty damn desperate? Could've done it sooner. Maybe it has something to do with head explosions. Or the head explosion. I don't know, but what I do know, is that I hate such vagueries and I wish I had both the knowledge and authority to just state that something's official... or unofficial.
Then again, that sounds mighty boring, so, maybe it's better that I don't have any of that.
What pisses me off most is that I didn't get to see the damn thing blow up! Now that's proper entertainment! Yeah! Blow up all the works of the League of Gold!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Nisah 30th, IY 7789
Apparently, Selwyn's banned the Krak? That's like, such nonsense! They're so well behaved... Well, unless a handsome lad passes them by, then it's like watching a... I'm no good with metaphors. It's awkward? I mean, I love handsome lads, but I don't go over to each and every one of them, yell "hi, I'm Bashir", and immediately declare their handsomeness right in their face!
Granted, if you could just do that, it'd make things much more simpler... But then I wouldn't get courted! And that is the road to free flowers, perfume, and bonbons! Though the latter I could skip... I eat them at such a slow pace that they always end up spoiled.
I wonder what Selwyn did to warrant such? I really, really, really hope that they didn't flirt with Louis... I'm pretty sure that's a death sentence in most cases.
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Nisah 31st, IY 7789
Cinnazorbo has a mysterious lamp, which exudes an air of mysteriousness! By holding it aloft for all to see, he himself inclines towards the mysterious... Like, why's he holding that lamp around, even indoors, when it's perfectly well lit, he doesn't really need a lamp, but he carries it around, anyhow... By doing so, he distinguishes himself from the rest of the magickians, who instead carry two sticks around. Which, by the way, looks fucking stupid! You should only carry around one stick, if you're going to. It's just common sense!
Anyhow, I'm pretty sure that the list of rules at the Krak keeps growing... I tried reading them, but I nodded off after the first paragraph. No wonder Selwyn's banned, with so many rules out and about! If you're going to have a bunch of rules for a tavern, they should be communicated through pictures... I'm told that these are called "pictograms" in the sign making business... that illustrate your point in a most evident fashion!
Like, if you're drunk off your arse, you're not going to want to read something... But if the funny stick figure captures your attention, hey, that's different! You have to do these things according to your clientele... and if it's a bunch of lousy drunks, then you have to adjust to such intoxicated nonsensery!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Iyar 1st, IY 7789
The first lesson that they teach you about the game... Appear as if you're not playing it.
That lesson is, fittingly, a half-truth. Most of us aren't playing. A pawn doesn't get to choose its moves. Doesn't really matter if there's two to make, someone else chose them for you.
Found comfort in being just a tool, occasionally. Can't really blind yourself to the truth forever, though.
Choice really is the greatest luxury of them all, in the grasp of only a sparse few... Something that I can never afford, really.
Don't even want to be one of those "pragmatic men making the difficult choices", either.
Because they don't even fucking exist. All whom see themselves as that are, in truth, venereally addled catfuckers. Everybody's grasping in the dark. Everyone's blind.
I just want to choose how I live my life, and I want to do that without fucking someone else over.
Why'd I hurt them...? Do you think I wanted to? Do I seem the type? I'm a rat. Rats only bite when cornered. Stop cornering me.
The only winning move is not to play, but it has to be made right at the start.
And if you never even get to make that move? Well...
(https://i.imgur.com/S3Qa0sW.png)
IYAR 2ND, IY 7789
MY "BUNKY" IS BUSIED WITH THE MANY LABORS LAPIDATED AT HIS SPATIO-TEMPORAL FORM, BY THOSE DILATORY SOULS THAT COMMAND AUTHORITY OVER IT. I AM TOLD THAT "BUNKY" IS THE TERMINOLOGY THAT ONE SHOULD UTILIZE WHEN ONE BECOMES ACCUSTOMED ENOUGH TO ONE'S ABODE SHARER, THUSLY I SHALL BE ACTING ACCORDINGLY.
MANY PERPLEXING OCCURRENCES SURROUND THE WELL OF EPHIA. ONE OF THESE IS NOT THE HEAD EXPENDITURE OF ONE SINGULAR BROOKING GNOME, FOR IT IS CLEAR FOR ALL TO ANALYZE THROUGH THEIR CHOSEN OR NON-CHOSEN SENSORY ORGAN. WHAT IS NOT SEEMINGLY KNOWN, HOWEVER, IS THE ONENESS OF WHOM ORDERED THE TERMINATION OF ONE GRENTH OF FLAMEBRINGER.
HOWBEIT, I HAVE MANIFESTED A QUANTITY OF CONFIDENCE, FOR I HOLD IN MY MENTAL PATTERNS THE BELIEF THAT THE ONENESS IS DISCERNIBLE BY SIMPLE DEDUCTIVE REASONING.
1. AN EMPLOYER MUST HAVE CURRENCY TO HIRE THE SERVICES OF AN EMPLOYEE.
2. CAPABLE ASSASSINS DEMAND GREAT EXPENDITURE, FOR INEXPENSIVE ASSASSINS ARE INCONTESTABLY DIMWITTED AND THUSLY INCAPABLE OF PERFORMING THE SERVICE THAT THEY WERE COMMISSIONED FOR.
3. DUE TO ECONOMICAL CIRCUMSTANCES CAUSED BY THE PRIORITY LABOR CARTEL, THIS WAGE IS FURTHER AGGRAVATED TO EVEN GREATER HEIGHTS.
4. THE EMPLOYER MUST HAVE BEEN SOMEONE WHOM WAS BOTH MOST PROSPEROUS INDEED, AND WHOM HELD GREAT ANIMOSITY TOWARD GRENTH OF FLAMEBRINGER, TO DIVERT SUCH VAST AMOUNTS OF CURRENCY TOWARDS SOMETHING SO VILLAINOUS!
THEREFORE, THE ONLY LOGICAL CONCLUSION INFERRIBLE FROM THE PREMISES LAID BEFORE MINE MENTAL PATTERNS IS THAT THE MURDEROUS EMPLOYER IS NONE OTHER THAN...
MADDICUS OF ABALOM!
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Iyar 3rd, IY 7789
I heard a rumor that Ricky's dead... Well, I heard it straight from Marcellus. He's already in mourning, and I feel really bad for him, but I'm pretty sure that Ricky's still alive, and that he's just faking it for attention. It's what I would do, if I had a need for such, and I don't, because I already have an excess of attention surrounding me at all times! Of course, if I had a dad, I wouldn't do it... But I don't, so...
It's like, a really nasty thing to pull on your dad, really.
Anyhow, Cork and Selwyn are really into exploring mysterious pits, for some reason. Granted, they are mysterious, but they're also pits, and there's never a guarantee that you're going to be able to climb out of there! So, I don't approve of such foolishness... Really, they should be exploring beaches, or tropical islands, those are far more comfy, and because the Disc is a shithole, they're dangerous, too, so, they can still get the excitement that they're craving.
Me? I get all my excitement from Royal Dragon, these days... Never know when you're going to hit that sweet 21!
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Iyar 4th, IY 7789
New Junior Scribe... Seems like a real ragamuffin. Well, someone that used to be that, we don't hire children. There's the tea boy, but he's like, running a private enterprise, so, doesn't have a contract with us. Anyhow, I better not end up regretting this! Just that we need all the labor we can get, with all these constant changes and shuffles...
Anyhow, she sure got a sweet introduction to the Well, because Cogsworth was there, and he wanted to give us a tour, a tour of his lounge... He had finished it, so, I went over, again. Looked pretty sweet, really, but I don't know why he has a gnome living in his mailbox? That's like, so weird. I'm also not sure if he's paying him. Actually, I'm pretty sure he isn't, so, he's breaking the law, probably, if that minimum wage thing is still a thing, which I haven't the faintest about...
Anyhow, it would've been a nice visit, if it weren't for the topic... Everyone started talking about the law! That's so boring! So, because I wanted to be a courteous guest, I just started knitting a sock and pretended that I was listening. Because I sure as hell wasn't!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Iyar 5th, IY 7789
I hate these new laws! They almost arrested Zol Nur for being a Stonefolk! That's nonsense! What the fuck is wrong with these Legates?! And then they're like, "oh, the law is perfectly understandable if you actually read it", well, I did read it, even though it was awfully boring, and what's described in the body isn't even accounted for in the punishments, like, the punishments were for something completely different! That's stupid!
And if that wasn't enough, the Toga Crone appeared yet again, yesterday, and it was horrifying, because not only did I have to see Marcellus in his skivvies, I also had to see Dante in his smallclothes, too, and it was horrible, I never want to see anything like that again, I think that after you're done being a Legate you should be forced to fear pyjamas under everything at all times...
Anyhow, she wanted me to sell some togens, that's a catchier name for toga tokens, or she wouldn't return the togas, and it was awful, because absolutely nobody wanted to buy a single togen, even though all these adventuring types are rich these days, much richer than me, like, they're walking around with hundreds of thousands worth of dinars, and I've seen it, and they have the audacity to criticize my modest wealth, even though I actually work for my money, instead of taking advantage of an obvious scheme laid forth by some cartel that's trying to destroy the economy...
Anyhow, in the end, she returned the togas, anyhow. What a relief! It must've been my good charms and behavior that did it!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Iyar 6th, IY 7789
I never took Kaz for one to wear a dress! What a twist!
Anyhow, Banana claims that there are pink mangos... Pink. Mangos. That's nonsense... I've never witnessed such a thing, so, obviously, she must be color blind in such a way that she just sees pink everywhere. Which I'm sure is an actual thing. Everyone knows that mangos are mostly orange... Wait, am I just doing the same thing as she is, but with orange? How horrible! I do not wish to be obsessed with merely one color... I wish to be obsessed with all of them!
They don't ever send me to any orchards, so, I can't really confirm if such a thing exists... I just buy mine from the market, and obviously they're ripe, then. Maybe the pinkness is something that only the farmers witness, because it's there for like, an hour, or something. I really want to visit an orchard, too, but they keep sending me to these camel ranches, and they stink to high heaven! It's awful! The worst part is witnessing the crazy folk who keep going through their doo-doo for some reason! Utter nutters!
Granted, I wouldn't mind visiting, if they like, gave me a camel as a gift, for doing it so often. It'd be the fanciest of camels, far fancier than that fancy camel I met once, and I'd douse it in the fanciest of perfumes, too, so, it wouldn't be such a stinky boy or gal. I don't really know why everyone doesn't do just that, because it seems a pretty obvious thing to do, to me.
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Iyar 7th, IY 7789
Orcan ambush out in the Scald... Waylaid the entire camp. Golden Vizier himself had to escape, fell out of skies right into the middle of the Plaza. Thought it was the Shade malfunctioning again... Don't really know if that had been worse, but this doesn't look good.
Plenty of folk ran right off, to board the ashsails, in order to help. I tried my best to aid in the only way I knew how, which was by tossing a bundle of money to folk whom needed more supplies. That, for some reason, made Sayburgh really mad? Like, I don't get her at all... I was literally giving out money for free to help people? What possible issue could you have with that? Do you want people to die because they're not properly supplied? Baffling, really...
Myself, I'm stuck at the office. Not that I would've gone there, anyhow, because what possible help could have I been? Just a burden, really. All of these legal shuffles and odd new duties have us far too busy, even if I don't want to answer a single fucking question about the law or anything related to it. I don't get this confession business, either. The Temple has their own people for that. Why are we working on it, now? Did they even inform the Temple that is what's going down, now? Because they sure as fuck didn't inform us...
I really hope everyone makes it back safe. Tired of losing people that I love.
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Iyar 8th, IY 7789
Walked into the Pyramid, one fateful day. Completely out of his element, just like me.
They had made him the Legate. Probably because there was nobody else. Who knows?
Asked a bunch of questions. I pretended that I knew the answers. Got at least half of them wrong.
Yet he never yelled at me. He yelled at a lot of people, but never at me, never at Aaisha, never at any of the Scribes, at least not to my knowledge.
All of my other bosses have yelled at me... Granted, I worked with pimps and pushers, and their ilk, but still...
Genuinely respected me. Respected us. That goes a long way, for me. I don't give a shit about the senility, or the outright insanity, at times...
Why? Because respect is so scarce here that it might as well be forged out of diamonds.
I don't understand loss. I don't know if I ever will...
I'm just tired. Tired of it all. With each passing day, less and less familiar faces out on the streets, all of them just quietly carried away from here by the ash, melded into some fuzzy amalgam that bears no proper recognition.
I don't want to visit his grave, but I have to. Rather bring him chai, rather do anything, anything else at all, than stand in front of some cold slab of stone, its only purpose to serve as a reminder that he is dead, and that nothing can ever change that.
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Iyar 9th, IY 7789
Funeral was just a mess... Not really unexpected. Still utterly disgusting to see these snakes slither to the stage, spouting lie after lie to further their own schemes. Another reminder to revise my will... Have to have someone on retainer, ready to bellow that I absolutely hate most of these motherfuckers, and that I do not condone anything that they say. In a morbid way, pretty damn entertaining to picture them there, caught in a lie, fuming with rage because they can't exploit my death.
In any other place, wouldn't even be thinking of such horrid garbage...
Apparently, the Princess had hired some geomancers to construct a pyramid for him? No body, though, so, no pyramid. I thought they had told her, but I guess not. Nobody tells me much, anyhow. Most big moves lately, they just happen, without anyone informing the Scribes. Not a single question, either. My approach to it is to just not even bother with it, because hey, you didn't tell me shit, so, whatever mangled machination you regurgitated onto the political stage? Might as well not exist to me.
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Iyar 10th, IY 7789
Apparently, Mevura's ghost dropped a letter into Komemnsaenus' tray? It was a political one, too.
Just like him, really. Even as a ghost, he's utterly fucking dull. If I was a ghost, I'd do far more interesting things than engage in the politicks... I'd pull off a lot of pranks, for one. Not the kind that kill, though. I'd be a mostly-friendly ghost! It's just that a whole lot of people around here don't deserve any friendliness whatsoever... Well, I guess it's relative. Most people here are nice, it's just that they don't have anything to say on what goes on here. The ones that do? They're mostly awful!
Anyhow, they want to move Marcellus' shrine into the Pyramid, now... Not really a whole lot of places for it. Basement's no good, either, because there's no way we're letting any of these freaks in there. Also, a lot of folk want some hall of statues, now? For all the Legates? That's like, a massive expense, and it's more work for us, and since it'd be in the Pyramid, folk would just assume that I'm a sculptor, now? And then they'd slither to me and screech that there's something wrong with one of the statues and demand that I immediately change it...
Horrid. Would also mean that we'd need another utterly disgusting statue of Sol Auk. I'd rather have it outside, in a particularly heron-laden part of town. Why? So that they can all shit on it!
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Iyar 11th, IY 7789
Cassandra said that I have moon madness... all because she doesn't follow the official calendar of Ephia's Well! I think she's drinking on the job... which a lot of Viziers do. Me included, when I was one. It's the only way to get through the day... if you actually do your job, that is. But since the job of the Vizier has been completely obfuscated beneath muddy waves of backscratchism, the title basically means jack shit, now! You get a wage, and get to hover over shoulders in meetings, I suppose...
Yogi was fixing his leaky roof? Even got a few volunteers to help him. A leaky roof is no good... granted, it leaks ash and sand around here, instead of the sweet waters! Also, is Yogi his title, or his name? Because I've no clue... I've never seen him do yoga... or yoghurt, for that matter. So, I don't really know. Those monks do yoga to relax, and to become one with the spiritual truths! I do the same with yoghurt!
I wish I had a fancy title...
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Iyar 12th, IY 7789
A lot of the lazy layabouts about the Pyramid tend to tell me that there's "good money" in archaeology... What nonsense! Every single archaeologist that I've known has been dirt poor! Especially Jamileh, who had to lend money from her friends to pay rent... Most of the stuffs and things that you find out on the trail are historically important, yet so covered beneath mold and such that nobody wants anything to do with it.
Now, if the Colossi had had a bunch of bejeweled bibelots, then it'd all fund itself, but no, it's all stale slabs of stone, full of obscure poems and such. And the Orentid stuff, it's all about lavatories. Nobody wants to read about that! So, the average archaeologist has a negative income. It's quite sad. They need sponsors like me to make a living!
I'm very discerning about whom I sponsor, though... The ones blowing up ruins here and there get none of my money! Yet if they have an open mind, and follow proper safety precautions, then they just might get a modest sum to pay for their shovels and such. It's only fair!
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Iyar 13th, IY 7789
I finally got rid of that damn onion flute! What a horrid little thing! I never want to hear the cacophony produced by one, ever again!
Instead, I have a trumpet now... Robert gave it to me. Only problem is that it seems to have been cursed by one of those crafty crones, so, it sounds like a flute, instead of a trumpet... So, there's still an air of whimsy to the announcements that call for instrumentation. Still, it's far more prestigious than that damn onion flute!
Doesn't deserve the name, either! Onions are a heavenly vegetable, a proper addition to any dish... Well, except for sweet desserts, I guess.
What's with these crones, anyhow? Don't they have anything better to do than pulling off peculiar pranks? If I had strange eldritch powers, I'd... Well, yeah, I'd pretty much do the exact same thing, really. They'd be harmless pranks, though. Like the ol' water bucket over the door... That never harmed anyone! Just that it'd all be more complicated than that, due to the strange eldritch powers, and all.
I'd probably just steal the shirts off strapping lads, really.
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Iyar 14th, IY 7789
The Big Chums sent one of their own to be my bodyguard... While I appreciate the gesture, I find bodyguards to be just so awkward! To have someone just standing around there, at all times, looking over everything that you do, and treating each and every guest that you have with suspicion... It's plain ol' weird, is what it is! I'd rather have had a groknak...
Not that I want to be ungrateful, it's just that I could ride the groknak far, far away from here, and then I could start a groknak ranch... Well, you need more than one for that, I suppose. Still better than one fat guy!
Feller does seem nice though... His name is Barak. I just haven't seen him in two days! So, maybe it isn't going to be that bad... And he did have a giant parasol, too, so, my hands will get far less tired while he's around. Well, if he's around. I've had a surprising number of fellers walk up to me and declare their new professional relationship towards me, and then they just disappear! Is that a common thing among bodyguards, or is it just me...?
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Iyar 15th, IY 7789
I had to hurry to the Council meeting with such great haste, that I forgot to get some coffee... What horrid shakes I had for the beginning! Absolutely nobody had any coffee... Not even my colleagues... You'd think that they'd be following proper coffee procedure! But I guess I wasn't, either, so... Who's really at blame, here? The Council, of course!
Anyhow, they voted on names for the cannons... I really wanted one of them to be "Larry", but they wanted to honor the dead, and there's no dead guys named "Larry" around here, so, I didn't get my wish. I guess it's better this way, but I still really like that name... At least I got multiple bundles of coffee as the meeting went on. So, I had the good shakes instead of the bad shakes!
As for the Assembly... Well, Mr. Butterbutts' entire extended family came for a visit! They were there to thank the Legates... How delightful! Gnomes are most avid fans of the chorale, so, they're really, really, really good at stating things in total sync with each other! So, it was a most concerted "thank you"! I do wish that they had regaled us with a song or two, too... Why's that not part of the proceedings, anyhow? Like, really, if there was a soulful choir, it'd be far more pleasant. It's all a big show, anyhow, so, it'd just fit in nicely with the rest!
What else...? Oh, I am absolutely starting to fucking hate these outfit rules for these things... Because nobody fucking listens to what I have to say! If I say that it's totally fine to wear something, then they start protesting it as if it wasn't okay...? It's awful. I kind of felt like leaving, just for that, but they're paying me to be there, so... I have to get paid.
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Iyar 16th, IY 7789
Some talk of exploding chickens, now... I'm not letting Magnifica out of the house! Which I wasn't doing, anyhow, because making sure that she doesn't nab any food is such a big ol' hassle. And if she got caught, that'd be even a bigger mess, because then I'd have to defend her in a court of law, and I don't know much about that. Anyhow, I sure hope that those chickadees that blew up weren't from the Interdimensional Chicken Ranch of Tomorrow... They come here for a vacation, and no jolly holiday should include explosions of one's self!
What else...? Oh, Vellum and her posse confronted me about voting for her... It was so annoying, that I just told them that I'd think about it, which I am doing right now, so, promise kept, and after this, I won't pay any attention to the notion ever again, because I'll be playing tennis. I think tennis, dancing and spending time with my family are the only things keeping me sane these days! Oh, and food, too. If there was a muhammara shortage, I'd just get the fuck out of here, immediately!
Oh, and Welly's Apothar, now! How grand!
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Iyar 17th, IY 7789
Ritz's restaurant is simply fabulous! The salad was delicious... scrumptious... outstanding! I loved it! I'll be sure to get my lunch from there every from now on... every other day! Half of the week'll go to Mro Po, and the other half to Ritz! I don't really know what half of seven is, but I'll make it work somehow.
Oh, and there was coffee creme, too. Coffee creme! Coffee as a snack, how marvellous! Though... as much as I love coffee, getting it in liquid form's for the best? As a solid, it'll just fill up your tummy, and then you'll have to rest a little, which goes against the whole point of coffee, which is to get so much energy and pep that you'll get everything done in a jiffy! So, not something I'll be enjoying that often... I mean, I avoid sweets in general, I have a petite figure to maintain!
I wish there was someone reviewing all these venues, so that I'd know what's worth visiting... Someone sensational, because then you'd know that their opinion is valid.
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Iyar 18th, IY 7789
Something peculiar was going on at the Hope! They say that Jinah was injured... I hope that he'll be all right! I like him a lot... and not simply because he's one of our more diligent laborers! Just a real decent sort of guy, all in all. I'd give him a bigger budget, but everyone's got their purse strings tightened! Which stinks, because Minor Nuisances provides a valuable service to the community!
I sent him a gift basket... Well, I am footing the physician's bill, too, of course, if necessary. Anyhow, I love a good gift basket. It's just that most gift baskets stink! You get cheap booze and stale bread, and maybe like, dried fruit, which is just sugar, with none of the healthy nutrients, like mangosium. A great gift basket has like, novel perfumes, beautiful flowers, and something stirring to read... I mean, half the time you get a gift basket, it's because you're bedridden, so, it'd better have stuff that lasts and gets you through hard times!
I did have a business idea, too, but it's probably real hard to pull off... Have a prattle of parrots deliver the basket! Then they can sing a jolly song to the recipient afterwards, to cheer them up!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Iyar 19th, IY 7789
What an awful day! It was full of waiting... First, I had to wait for the stickers, which was simply dreadful! But I did get mine in the end... It has a cute griffon on it, alongside some lady. I don't know them. I think it's going for some sort of knightly motif? They should've chosen some knight that folk actually know, like Aubrey! Now there's someone that I can actually picture riding a gryphon into battle... while yelling a lot about injustice!
Then, Margarine came along, and she announced that it was Vellum's 777th birthday, well, she didn't give that exact figure, I can't remember whom did, but it doesn't really matter... Anyhow, there was promise of like, a big ol' birthday bash, and cake, and beach vacations, and a cake dance, and the cake dancer would be Selwyn, which sounded pretty neat!
But then I had to wait... I had to wait a whole lot! There was some dumb trial, which was apparently so boring that the audience was completely gone? Also, it lasted like twelve hours? Thankfully, when I started the waiting, it was already in its last three hours or something, so, I had to wait an awful lot of time, but not a hellish amount.
Then, there was a debate, and there were like, a hundred different questions, and they just kept coming and coming and coming, never ending, and I could simply picture that lemon cake in my mind, because I had seen it before, and I could also picture Selwyn popping out of it and doing a gay dance, which I hadn't seen but could see in my head, because I have a very vivid imagination! Also, Selwyn has a dancing diploma, so, their moves were pretty smooth. In my head. Because I didn't actually see that.
The debate did end eventually, but so did Vellum's reserves of energy, so, she went to sleep... I don't blame her. It was awful! But I do blame her for the lack of cake, so, I went to Selwyn's house, and gave myself the tiniest slice of cake! It was so tiny, that nobody would even notice that it's gone... Also, it's the desert, so, that cake didn't have much of a lifeline to begin with, so, someone simply had to eat it.
I don't really know what's going to happen to the rest of the cake... I guess Selwyn can nap inside for a while?
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Iyar 20th, IY 7789
Cogsworth's orbs are mighty big... They're so big, that I just know that there's going to be trouble! Not that it is Cogsworth's fault... It's just that these caravaneering and war... ing... types are a messy bunch, so, they're going to leave them laying about wherever. You shouldn't be a filthy pig, even if there's a war going on! Clean after yourself!
So, there's going to be a bunch of folk tripping over them... Getting stuck in narrow tunnels... Dropping them on their toes... Suffocating to death because they thought it'd cool them during the night so they laid it upon their tummy... The risks are endless! Again, not Cogsworth's fault, just how geothermal orbs work. The bigger, the better... the cooling effect!
I do wonder if they're going to become a household staple, after the war? Absolutely everyone is going to want some cogorbs, I think!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Iyar 21st, IY 7789
Vellum is so certain that she's going to win, that they already have a bunch of plans in place! Thankfully, most of them are fun stuffs and things, like festivals, tournaments and such. So, it isn't the usual... and the usual is either boring, insane or just outright evil! Nice change, really. Don't know if that's enough to make me root for her, though. Need more than just the bread and the circuses! You need... the muhammara... the curd... Oh, I'm just hungry.
Anyhow, there's a whole bunch of ruckus about these peculiar bronze beasts, and now, a whole lot of caravaneers are carrying innards with them? It's real gross. It's for science, but I think science should stand to be more hygienic, so, it'd appeal to folk like me, whom actually have good manners and salutariness! Even butchers don't go carrying numbles around without proper packaging... In fact, they just get their apprentice to do that, so, they don't do it at all.
Which makes sense, since all the laborers around here are far more sensible than the caravaneering class!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Iyar 22nd, IY 7789
Vellum's Legate, now! I was tasked with announcing the tally of votes, this time around... I made a whole bunch of folk mad, because they're impatient bitches! They simply don't understand that reading such big ol' numbers is stressful work... Not that I care about the numbers themselves, rather I care about this exact impatience that folk showcase, so, it's their fault for making me stumble a little. If they were patient, then I would've announced all the numbers in about five minutes, or so...
There has to be a little bit of delay for showmanship's sake! If you just get the numbers immediately, that's no fun. Elections are just a big ol' show, anyhow, so... If there's no flair, what's the point?
Anyhow, Vellum seems, as some folk say, a "good egg", because she actually listened to my super secret briefing as her very first act! Out of all Legates, she's the... third? To do that, so... that's pretty good. Most Legates choose to listen to the whining of the Astronomers and Balladeers, instead, which is, frankly, mighty peculiar and hints of some sort of brain disease. I think it comes with the territory... Most folk whom want the job are guided by said ailment!
Oh, and Shaimela's dress? Simply fabulous! I wonder who designed it? Maybe it was one of mine... I have so many that I kind of forget about some of them.
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Iyar 23rd, IY 7789
One of the Acolytes gave me a bunch of tea to taste test! How grand... Though I did not approve of the medicinal stuff! It tasted like cough syrup! Gross! The white and green tea were pretty great, though... Especially the green tea. It was simply the best! Which is confirms my mature, because green tea is one of those mature tastes... But it doesn't make me old, just mature, which is completely different.
Anyhow, she wants to open a tea shop in the Stockade? I don't really know about that. The folk around there don't need shops, they need a whole lot of help... Should be free tea, really. Though under such dire straits, you want free food, the most. I mean, everyone who's sane loves tea, but when you're that hungry, it's not much of a boon...
Maybe that new fountain can be a magickal one, so, it's a tea fountain...? Just... cold tea. You don't want the kids to jump around in hot tea and burn themselves! Well, you don't want kids playing around in a fountain for drinking, anyhow, but they're kids, so, they're going to do it anyhow.
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Iyar 24th, IY 7789
You meet a lot of weird folk in the Krak... I met some guy whose name is Pecker Poings. Pecker Poings! That's no name! But considering all the weirdo names that these Outer Ringers have, it probably is what his parents actually named him. What a sad fate, to be known as Pecker Poings...
But that wasn't even the strangest thing! Some guy was wearing a tiny bucket on his head... and no, he wasn't a bucket elf... What made it even worse, was that it was a fairy pissy bucket! That's why it was so small! So, this guy had stolen a pissy bucket from some poor fairies, and was just strolling around town with it atop his noggin, as if it was no big deal at all! And I do mean poor, because usually, the fae have tiny lavatories, instead.
As if that wasn't odd enough on its own, Pecker Poings and Mr. Pissbucket then wrestled... over the concept of masculinity! Pecker Poings picked Pissbucket's pockets during the pugilism! So, Pissbucket kicked his ass. Pow!
It was mighty peculiar!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Iyar 25th, IY 7789
Apparently, Luther's really into fashion, of late, so, he's been training real hard, and he plans to beat me in the Fashion Show! I don't really know if he can manage that... I mean, I went to a vocational school and everything... I mean, I didn't go inside any building, and I'm pretty sure Dapper Lad only has a mailbox... Anyhow, I'm excited to see him try? It'd be pretty humiliating if a complete novice would beat me, though.
What's up with him, lately, anyhow? He keeps opening his mouth and making this mighty peculiar buzzing sound. It's just strange!
Also, Ramez and Robert, also known as Raro or Ra & Ro, had some black dragon pudding, or something like that, and wanted me to "investigate" it? I don't really get it? That's no case at all. It's just some blood sausage! If I was a detective, I sure wouldn't go for such nonsense... unless they paid me really well! And I'm pretty sure those two are destitute!
Also, also... Barak's a great bodyguard! I feel so safe around him!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Iyar 26th, IY 7789
I don't know how to feel about Kiran... She's very diligent, but she's also very rude, and a big ol' bully. She still hasn't apologized to me at all for being an utter weirdo, so, I'm not sure what to do with her. It's the tough thing about professional relationships... You have to do right by folk that you can't stand at all! It's real challenging. I think she'll make a fine Senior Scribe, at some point, though... Just hope that she doesn't expect that to happen too soon! So many Scribes expect it to happen on like, the third day or something. Which is nonsense!
They assigned me on some design work, for a change... A victory laurel for the Bloodsands. I want to make it out of heron feathers, but I'm not sure if that's too obvious? It'd look real nice, though. But then there's allergies, and such, and I'm pretty sure that bird fanciers tend to be sick a lot because of all the feathers? Magnifica's just fine, though, since she's a magickal chicken. That's completely different!
Problem with such designs is that I keep making the model in my sketchwork way too handsome! It's highly distracting! I'm too talented! If I only could meet such a man for real...
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Iyar 27th, IY 7789
I'm really worried about Selwyn! It seems like they're caught in some sort of funny business... and not the kind that's actually funny! It's horrible! I wish I could do something to help, but those Banda contracts are way too expensive, and with how high my taxes are these days, I have barely any money to spare! Thousands of dinars for one month... or even one week... that's crazy! These caravaneers have way too much money for their own good...
They really should just make Selwyn the High Zenithar, and then shower them in ancient artefacts, so that nobody would even think of harming them... I'm pretty sure that's how it works. I mean, nobody messes with Q'tolip. They even had to settle for exiling him, because they couldn't do anything else. I think so, anyhow. And, and, nobody's told me why he's called that, yet. I think he just really likes tulips!
I don't really understand what kind of mess Selwyn is in... I hope it's not some weirdo Astronomer stuff!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Iyar 28th, IY 7789
You'd think Shum would behave himself after disappearing without telling anyone... especially not me... but now he's hiring kids to go to some dangerous tropical island with him! That's no good! Maybe all that time stuck in the Tower made him go stir crazy... though I kind of find his explanation dubious. Personally, I think that the Crone of Dance really did kidnap him, and force him to dance endlessly for months, and the trauma from that was just so horrid that he started lying to himself that it never happened!
Of course, in most cases, ceaseless dancing is simply a joy, and not traumatic in the least... But being forced to do that by a peculiar crone? Simply harrowing!
I want souvenirs from that island, but I'm totally certain that nobody will bring me anything at all, like usual. It stinks! I always bring souvenirs to my friends... except when I forget. That's completely different, because it's not a lack of consideration. I just can't remember everything. And usually, my trips around the desert have so much going on, and folk start yelling at me when I try do so some shopping.
I'm pretty sure we'd have a surplus of apples if folk had simply allowed me to do a little shopping during that trip to Alkab, for one...
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Hziran 1st, IY 7789
Selwyn has brain bugs, now...? Maybe? Seems like it? Peculiar beams of curious origin shot straight out from his noggin, towards seemingly random people, during the Assembly... Well, maybe they weren't that random. Anyhow, I don't know where Selwyn got those brain spiders from, because I'm pretty sure that you need to inject yourself with a big ol' needle to get them. Why'd they do that? Didn't make much sense when Narwen did that, either...
Maybe I'm misremembering, but I certainly remember some sort of injection being involved!
Anyhow, the Assembly was real long, and it was supposed to be even longer, because Vellum brought in some big ol' board that had a bunch of stuff about merits and such, and the Accord were supposed to list all the good that they had done for the Well. Seems like a school project, or something... At least they do stuff like that at the Sandstone. I think. I just peep inside the classrooms, occasionally. They just let you walk in! They don't even ask what you're studying!
Also, folk keep asking me questions about utterly boring shit! What do I know about accounting...? I'm not an accountant! They can never, like, ask me about the stuff that I'm actually interested in... Like, "what's Alkab like", or "what dyes are imported from Banafsi"... I think it's obvious that I know about stuff like that, instead of dumb, utterly boring, and completely useless numbers...
In general, folk want me to handle everything. And then they get real mad when I tell them that I'm already assigned on something! If you're so interested in the damn thing, why won't you do it yourself? Especially because they all seem to know so much about the utterly dull subject already... I hate this job! All nineteen of my other jobs are far more pleasant!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Hziran 2nd, IY 7789
Blame.
Don't really know where to direct it. Piled it upon myself, at first. Felt like simply disappearing into the night without a trace, after I saw what they did to that tree.
Not a tree. Not a tower, either...
Stupid fucking vagueries, really. All of this is surrounded by those.
Don't know if it's part of the cycle. Feels like it is. Would fit, really. Make someone's attempts at breaking out an integral part. Never let go.
Endless.
Don't know how many of them are actually going against the grain, or think that they are.
Don't know which spoke they represent.
Don't know shit, really.
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Hziran 3rd, IY 7789
Horton, and his big ol' hog, are back in town! He said that he was "sacked"... and I think I know the truth about that! He really does mean that he was put in a big ol' sack... because that's the sort of thing that happens to him. It's just the same thing as with Shum... being kidnapped is just so harrowing, that you start lying about it to yourself. I know, because I've been kidnapped about fifty times. That is not the exact amount, because the truth, again, is just so harrowing.
Also, he was also metaphorically sacked, because they really did fire him, because he was gone for so long. Also, also, he helped me with my latest design! It's very Banafsian! Also, also, also, Cork is jealous of his big ol' hog. Also.
ANAMNESIS!
I told you already, I'm not calling it that! I don't even know what that means! Nobody does... other than you... I'm going to call it... "Lovebird"! Or... "Lovebug"! Wait, no, mentioning bugs is just gross, no matter what the context...
ANAMNESIS! ANAMNESIS! ANAMNESIS!
Fine, I'll consider calling my next piece that! As long as you explain what it actually means!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Hziran 4th, IY 7789
I learned something new about Selwyn, today... They're a shaman! Well, they carry a lot of totems around, anyhow, apparently, for some reason. I think carrying totems around is a sure sign that you're a shaman, though, so, they just are that to me, now. A star shaman! Then again, I don't really want them to be a shaman, because they do a lot of drugs, and I'm pretty sure that Selwyn can't even handle coffee, so, yeah, maybe they should just stick to being... a card... magickian. I don't really know what Selwyn does? Like, for magick? They throw cards around, that much I do know.
Also, Zol Nur got mad at me, because I had heard some outdated rumors about him having a ton of water, so I told folk not to give him any for free, because that's just greedy, well, it would be greedy if he actually had as much water as folk were talking about... I'm still not sure if I believe him, though, he kind of just lies occasionally? He just does it in that annoying half-truthy sort of way. That's no good! So, he really shouldn't be so mad at me, if I have trust issues towards him... I'll still try to respect his water needs, because I'm a real nice guy.
Oh, and that Mr. Quigsby? A total tosser! He got mad at me because I'm too busy to help him with his card tournament! I'm already tied to the Fashion Show, and the Bloodsands, too... I can't do everything... Why do folk always ask me about everything, and then get real mad about it, when I'm just so busy? It's not fair...
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Hziran 5th, IY 7789
Selwyn and Cork are having relationship issues, again... Lately, all they seem to do is just fight, fight, and fight, and then they make up, and then it begins all over again! I don't really know what the exact reason for that is, because they used to be such good buddies, before. Maybe they're just a really dramatic couple! Who knows... I do wish that they'd just go back to how things were. It's no fun seeing them be sad and sour about it!
Maybe the local matchmakers should also offer counseling in such cases... but bringing money into love and friendship is no good!
Anyhow, I finally finished the adjustments that Alice had paid for, a long, long, long time ago. It's just that whenever we run into each other, we're usually both real busy! But now, the horrid counterfeit toga that Dogretti had bought for her from Spokes knows where... is a most stylish tabard! So, some good truly can come from really bad things. Or something. I'm not really waxing poetic today... Oh, and I also did some chromawork on Nigel's robe! Well, I dyed it. I'm not sure if "chromawork" will catch on. Not one of my best...
(https://i.imgur.com/S3Qa0sW.png)
HZIRAN 6TH, IY 7789
LATTERLY, MINE BUNKIE IS MOST RELUCTANT OF GRANTING THEIR APPROVAL TO MOST EVERYTHING. VERITABLY, THE PROCESS OF GAINING SAID RATIFICATION IS AN EMINENTLY RECONDITE PROCESS, AND EVEN AMIDST MOST SPATIO-TEMPORAL INSTANCES OF SUCCESS, IT IS REDUCED TO MERE ACQUIESCENCE.
MINE THEORY IS THAT THE PERSONAGELY PHENOMENON KNOWN AS "AUTHORITY" IS EXTRINSIC TO THEIR VERY ESSENCE. THUSLY, AS DICTATED BY THEIR STATION, WHICH IS, BY ALL MEANS AND PURPOSES, ILLUSIONARY, AND FORGED MERELY FOR THE SAKE OF THE PECULIAR RITUAL KNOWN AS "DELEGATION", THEY ARE COMPELLED TO DEPICT THEIR EXTERNALITIES WITH A PARTICULAR COMPORTMENT.
MINE BUNKIE IS A LETTERED THESPIAN, YET SUCH PROCLIVITIES ARE TRULY INCONGRUOUS FOR THEIR MIEN INSOFAR THAT SUCH A REVUE CANNOT BE MAINTAINED. NOT FOR THE PLENTEOUS AMASSMENT OF SPATIO-TEMPORAL INSTANCES NECESSITATED, REGARDLESS.
THE FOREMOST THOUGHT PATTERNS SURROUNDING MINE DELIBERATIVE ORGANS ARE OF "WORRY". WE MUST PREPARE ASSISTANCE!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Hziran 7th, IY 7789
Lately, Inky's been writing in my diary... I don't really mind, because I've learned an important lesson... A lesson about sharing! Also, it's like getting a free surprise, every now and then. A peculiar surprise, but a surprise nonetheless! They also do découpage. Which makes sense, they really like poems! Nobody can see mine, though... That's private!
Seeing Inky carry about paper cuts of various shapes is so adorable! I think they learned from Tonka. Not that she carries paper, much... Just other stuffs and things.
I did consider sprucing up boring ol' paperwork with découpage, too, but I'm pretty sure someone would complain. People always complain around here, no matter how small or silly the matter... It's why I don't do the board, anymore. Well, I just don't announce it as such, and kind of do it anyhow... I think it's important to announce such deeds, as morbid as they might be!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Hziran 8th, IY 7789
My sketchbook is so full of ideas... Thousands upon thousands of them! Choosing just one is simply far too difficult! Yet I believe in "Matchmaker"... I can only hope that others do, as well! Maybe it inspires some to take up the mantle... maybe with a little love, the Well would be... pretty much the same, who am I kidding? But at least the lover's quarrels would be simply entertaining!
And yes, we lost a skirmish, for the first time in months, but I don't want to think about that, I'm already surrounded by a miasma of misery, and the only thing I know how to do, really, at this point, is to just completely ignore it and pretend that it's not there. Which, contrary to what folk say, actually works, as long as you kind of side eye the situation at times, so that you know when to run when it boils over...
Speaking of running, I ran a lot today. So, I feel pretty good about the annual Scribathlon! ...which is probably cancelled, with the war and all. But I still feel good about it! I haven't seen a rainbow in years, but I still feel good about those... Doesn't really have to actually happen to get me all giddy and gaga.
Wish this war was just a sporting event, really. But I suppose that is what it is for the orcs...
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Hziran 9th, IY 7789
It is really heartening to see so many take part in the Fashion Show! I just wish we had more chefs. I guess we could make it a broad talent show, but you can't really package stuff like acrobatics into a prepared product that you can just buy off the shelf. Maybe with illusionary magicks? Yet I'd just prefer the real thing, really... And not just because acrobats are hot, hot, hot!
Anyhow, Luther caused quite the stir... Apparently he based his design around some traitor house! I heard hooting and hollering about vampires, or something. Maybe it was crocodiles, instead, and I misheard. Yet that makes far less sense, in the end... which suits all this Outer Ring stuff just fine! It's all nonsense! You lived in a square that ticked? Who cares!
Banana's design, as always, was so pink, that they called in a physician, because folk thought they had pink eye. That didn't actually happen, and neither does pink eye make your vision pink, it's just... oh, forget it! The dress was dedicated to Stern. I've never seen Stern wear pink. I don't think she ever has. Like, during her entire life. I'm pretty sure she wore all black before she became a crazy star mage. As for Banana... why pink? The name suggests yellow! It's right there! It'd be brilliant... the "Banana Line"... and it's all yellow! Even the logo draws itself!
Catalina had a fun idea... Write a play around the design! Yet her actors did not recite their lines... Wait, did she only have one actress? Am I confusing her's with Luther's? For some reason, Luther had a play too, and it was real weird. Again, Outer Ring stuff. Nonsense! Anyhow, you really should have your actors read their respective lines, because, like, it's not pantomime... I think in pantomime, only the narrator speaks. I think so, anyhow. Maybe I'm thinking of something else. I never went for that stuff... I prefer cabaret!
Wait, what's the difference between the two...? They really need more entertainment around here!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Hziran 10th, IY 7789
Cork told me that there was an underground Nadiri wrestling ring! Well, he didn't say that exactly, but reading between the lines, that's pretty much what you get, and I'm pretty good at that, because I have to read a lot of boring shit, so, I have to improvise and skip a lot of it... Anyhow, there was no wrestling, they were just debating, which is just dull. I was kind of interested in hearing Selwyn's debate, though. You've got to be there for your friends, even if they're engaging in dullery!
Cork really needs to express himself better... I wonder how many of their fights started from his unclear utterances? I don't want to blame him in particular, but...
Also, what the fuck is a "fedora", and where did they come from? I do not approve of such horrid hattery! It's somehow even worse than top hats! How horrible! Why can't everyone just wear a fez, or a turban, or a tuque, or anything else presentable or cute?
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Hziran 11th IY 7789
A cloud of bats chased after me all day long, attempting to maraud me for my tasty fruits and veggies! It was simply dreadful... Granted, it was good exercise, but the stress caused by the prospect of losing my yummy snacks is just too much! I don't know where these bats are coming from, but they really should learn some manners, and learn to ask kindly, because if they had asked me for some, I would've gladly shared! A shared meal, after all, is the tastiest meal of all!
The biggest problem with bats, however, is the fact that they're so cute! Kind of like tiny flying foxes... So, I get a most powerful whim to pet them, which is fine if it's someone's pet and they tell you that it's okay, but if it's a wild one, you'll probably get rabies, or a plethora of other painful diseases! I think cuteness should be tied immunity, just because of stuff like this! And well, it'd be really nice to never get sick, because, after all, I am the cutest!
Then again, then you'd never get sick leave, and you couldn't even fake it, because folk would just go, like, "you're cute so, you can't get sick", and it'd be awful, because some days, I don't want to meet anyone at all, so, faking a horrid illness is simply the best way to spend the entire day inside by my lonesome...
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Hziran 12th IY 7789
There's a few things that a Scribe should avoid mentioning, because most everyone around here is an overly curious dingus... Well, there's a lot, but right now, I'm thinking of the Pyramid's basement, and the Stacks, because I talked about them today, so, I have an excuse to write about them!
Anyhow, every single time that I mention that there's a basement, someone insists on going down there! It's a basement! It's not a wine cellar, and neither is it a mushroom farm, and those are like, the only interesting places that I can think of being situationed under a building... Well, maybe a tavern. The basement is none of these three things! We just store old stuff and things in there, and none of it is interesting!
Like Domhnall's eel tank, that's like, just a reminder of someone's utterly peculiar brain ailment, so, why'd you want to see that? Or like, the thousands upon thousands of newspapers, which we store, for some reason, because I really don't understand why'd anyone would want to read old news, because that's all stuff that happened before, and when I'm reading the news, I want to hear about new things, because it's not called an oldpaper.
I think Jaecop's still swinging his katana around like a lunatic down there, which admittably sounds pretty funny, but it's also sad, and if I want to see such a combination, I'd rather just see a tragicomedy. I mean, I would, if they actually had any theatre around here.
As for the Stacks... You're just going to get eaten by stationery! I mean, I guess that's an interesting way to die, but it's even more likely that a bookcase will fall on you and you'll slowly starve to death with broken ribs, and that's just boring, painful and sad, all at the same time... I guess that qualifies as a good time for the Urazzir.
(https://i.imgur.com/S3Qa0sW.png)
HZIRAN 13TH, IY 7789
MINE BUNKIE ABSORBS MANY A VEGETATIVE GROWTH INTO THEIR FORM. HOWBEIT, HE LEAVES MANY FRAGMENTS UNUTILIZED. FOR INSTANCE, THE GROWTH KNOWN AS THE "BANANA" HAS A LAYER WHICH HE ABANDONS WITH WANTON, MERELY CASTING IT ASIDE INTO THE CONTAINER OF DISCARDED OBJECTS! YET MINE THOUGHT PATTERNS REVEAL THAT THIS HEBETIC LAYER IS MOST SUITABLE FOR THAT MOST SACRED OF RECORDING VENDIBLES... PAPER!
I REPORTED INTO HINE LISTENING ORGAN MINE IDEA FOR THIS "BANANA PAPER", YET HE REBUFFED MINE NOTION, STATING THAT TONKA OF KHATARA HOLDS A MOST STALWART DISESTEEM FOR THE AROMATIC QUALITIES OF THE HUMBLE "BANANA". CONSTRUING THIS AS A MERE PLOY TO DISPARAGE MINE FAIR NOTION DUE TO HIS DILATORY ESSENCE, MINE BEING WAS COERCED TO EXPERIMENTALIZE THIS INTELLECTION. IN A MOST STRENUOUS EXERCISE, I BEHELD THE INTEGUMENT OF THE "BANANA" BEFORE TONKA OF KHATARA'S ORGAN OF REDOLENCE. SHE PROCEEDED TO STRIKE AT IT WITH HER BARBED EXTREMITIES, FURTHER ACCENTUATING HER REPUGNANCE WITH A DISPLAY OF HER MOUTH APPENDAGE!
DISTRUST IS MINE GREATEST DEFICIENCY! MINE YEARNING IS MERELY THAT SHE CAN EXONERATE MINE TRANSGRESSION!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Their eyes locked lovingly, as Kamal began caressing Faris' shapely chest, forged in the countless flames of love and war. As fiery were the lad's ginger curls, irresistible to Kamal, whom subtly shifted his lithe, well-manicured digits towards them for an amorous embrace. "Truly a ginger lad", Kamal thought to himself, as Faris' fiery fervid hot spicy perfume penetrated infiltrated
Oh, this is just awful! It'll never work... Wait, this isn't my notebook, it's my diary! That's completely different!
Hziran 14th IY 7789
Today, I mistook my diary for my notebook! It's so embarassing... That's what elderly folk do, and I have at least eighty years before I can be referred to as such, so, I really should avoid making such grayish mistakes, before I really start getting gray hairs, and I don't want gray hair, because it would ill fit my complexion, I'd much rather have white hair, like Selwyn, because that's just stylish!
Anyhow, nothing else happened today, so I don't have much to write about. I did find one of Inky's notes, again? It was about bananas, or something. They think that I'm being wasteful? But Tonka is allergic, so, I don't even wear my banana perfume, anymore, out of the sheer love that I have for my family! Also, banana oil is really hard to extract, so, that perfume either cost too much or was really hard to make by myself. I don't really like squeezing bananas! It just feels wrong.
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Hziran 15th, IY 7789
I wish I could stop fucking up... or just have a job where that doesn't really matter as much. So much stuff is always piled upon my plate, and then folk act all surprised when just one person can't handle all of it. I wish they'd fire me, really, but I don't know how much aftershocks that would have. Probably a plethora. Always some bundle of trouble waiting around the corner...
Don't think I'd have anywhere else to go, if they did, though. Folk all around the Disc wear my designs, but that doesn't really matter much. I still get paid less than the average lunatic around here, and I don't think that reputation's enough for a passport. Still love doing it, but I'd rather it actually... I don't know. Got me out of here? Maybe that's the only obsession I have regarding it.
Not really.
Thankfully I wasn't deciding... At least I don't think so. I don't know what I would've done. Probably had a panic attack and puked in the corner. Maybe pulled off a Marcellus and prayed to the Wheel for answers, well knowing that there wouldn't be any. It's all too much, too big of a responsibility for so few. Why's history not decided by the many? Well, sometimes it is, I guess, but it's all so chaotic then... Not that this differs, really.
I can only hope that those kids have better days ahead of them.
I can only hope, in general...
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Hziran 16th, IY 7789
How does someone get as brave as Katya? My colleagues are simply enamored by her deeds. Every report's lavished with praise... Some of it's not really professional at all. More of a bard's tale, really. I don't mind? I prefer that, actually, but I kind of dread that Frederica's going to complain about how I'm not keeping them in check or something. I don't get the point of boring reports that nobody actually reads, when you can have a riveting tale, instead!
Anyhow, I don't know much about her... Katya, that is, I know an unpleasant amount about Frederica, which I wish I didn't, because then I could be strictly professional and avoid a lot of worry... I guess that's shitty of me to say, but again, I have enough to worry about, already. Anyhow, I don't know much about Katya, so, I don't know if she's as brave regarding other stuffs and things. I don't really know if most brave folk are like that. Like, you might have some lionhearted hero be a complete wuss in the kitchen, as in, they just completely lock up when faced with new cooking prospects? So, they're scared of like... cardamom. Not like, gets the shakes kind of scared, or in general, just, like, afraid to experiment with it?
I guess that's a different sort of bravery, really, but I really do wonder how these folk are like in their private lives? They simply must be completely different... Nobody can be a hero all the time! Well, brave... I don't know if there's much heroism in slaughtering a ton of orcs. Especially when you know, you know, what you know, you know?
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Hziran 17th, IY 7789
A real fancy letter came in... I didn't get to read it! But maybe that's for the better, I really don't want to know more about anything, really... Well, anything related to the work. You eventually learn that the more you know, the less you know, but that doesn't matter, because if people think that you know more than you know, then they'll keep you under real tight watch, and I don't like that!
I kind of was hoping that it'd be my passport... I guess that's how desperate I am to get away from here. I don't know what a Baz'eeli passport looks, anyhow, so, it could be ostentatious to such an extent? Maybe they're laced with gold, or something, and the finest artists upon the Disc have painted a tiny portrait of you inside! I'd love that!
Instead, I'm just stuck with more and more work, and it never ends. I want a vacation! It should last about, oh, ten years or so. And then I'd retire right after that!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Hziran 18th, IY 7789
I've searched out and about, looking for a spicy dip that somehow manages to beat muhammara... Yet nothing comes even close! The peppers, the walnuts, the pomegranate, garlic, lemon... It all comes together in a way that can only be described as pure perfection! Whomever invented it was an absolute genius, truly blessed by the gods... Like, all of the gods, each and every single one that's ever existed, or will exist? That's just how good muhammara is!
I'm like, so stressed, that I can only think about eating, and writing about eating, because there's like, absolutely no stress involved in eating? Except there is, because I'm stress eating... But the great thing about muhammara? It's just simply so full of flavor, that even just a little goes a long way! So, I use my tiny little spoon, that I custom ordered because they didn't have anything small enough readily made, so, I have my very own diet spoon. It really helps!
Granted, I also instructed Tonka to swat my hand whenever I go beyond five spoonfuls... She's a real shrewd lady, so, she understood my instructions perfectly! If I only could give her some muhammara as a reward... But peppers are too spicy for a kitty's tummy!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Hziran 19th, IY 7789
I really wish I had someone to talk to... I mean, about big stuffs and things. I can talk about anything to Tonka and Inky, but they don't really fully understand, right? Especially not Inky, because they kind of don't understand anything that comes with personhood? Which I don't get myself... I mean, I don't get Inky's proclamation, because they obviously have a personality? So, they're a person?
NAY, SUCH IS NOT MINE FORM'S ESSENCE!
Oh, whatever... It's real weird, is what it is. Anyhow, right, I can't talk about big things to these two, but I also can't talk about them to strangers, because you shouldn't trust them, especially not on the Disc, because nothing good comes from that. And even I had someone that I could trust, then some of the stuff is like, big ol' secrets, that nobody really should know of, and that's why it's so painful to keep them inside? I wish I could just eat like, a magickal herb, that'd make me forget all about it, but just the specific things, because I don't want to get the full-blown amnesia, because I actually have some good memories now, just partial amnesia, where I forget about all the bad stuff...
I can't even talk about it to my doctor, Vijaya Bollimunta, because that'd probably place her under great danger! I wish I could've just stayed a florist... But even that was just a front for illicit business! When will I catch a break...?
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Hziran 20th, IY 7789
I have a lot of henna... So much, that I might as well use it for something else than fine haberdashery! Yet my hair is already perfect, and if I have mehndi on my hands, folk will start asking what holiday it is, or who's getting wed, and then they'll get real mad when it's just an ordinary day, and I just wanted to look pretty? What a conundrum!
Oh, I'll try it out, anyhow, screw them! I'll decorate my well-manicured hands with the most dashing of floral patterns, and damn anyone whom is offended! Yeah!
It's nice to think about such things, instead of work... I've just been kind of, I don't know, skulking about the office? Like, make it evident that I'm there, but like, if I hear the Legate's door creak, I'm bolting off somewhere, like, preferably under a desk, because I'm tired of them and their stupid fucking assignments, and I'd rather do anything else? So, yeah, the art of mehndi is far more preferable.
Maybe if I'm good at it, I can make it my 21st job! Does it pay well? Because I need the money to get the fuck away from here!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Hziran 21st, IY 7789
I heard whispers of bubblium upon the wind... It gave me cold shivers! And not just because the wind was particularly cold... which it wasn't... because most of the time, it's real hot! Anyhow, it better be for good causes, instead of the utterly insane. I think bubblium should be more true to its name, and resemble bubbles, because no bubble ever caused any harm to anybody!
Besides that, it was real quiet...
Oh, I don't know what to write! Today was just so dull! I know that's actually a good thing, but still, if I don't have anything intriguing to do, I just get so bored... There's not even any hijinks to write about, because Tonka's been sleeping all day long, and Inky got deep into a particularly interesting book about cosmology... Particularly intriguing for them, that is, I couldn't care less! They never explain why some stars are pink in those tomes, and I think that's the most important question of them all!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Hziran 22nd, IY 7789
Folk sure get mad about dress codes... How hard can it be to find a suit or a dress? I sell them at a discount to the downtrodden! And it's not like I'm even particularly strict, if anything, I'm far more lax than most! I don't even inspect beards... I mean, I really should, probably, it's just that when it comes to beard oil, most of the chumps around here dab it on a little too strong! And the choice of aroma...? Good grief! The gods gave you a nose for a reason! Use it!
Anyhow, some official from Baz'eel was annoying Skarn... I'm not sure why. I would know why, if I wasn't so swamped with work, so, now I'm annoyed that I don't know why he was annoying him, so, he managed to annoy me, too, so, he's doubly a wanker! I simply must know why someone is being a catty bitch! I MUST! But now, after it's passed, it's yesterday's news, well, it's still today's news, because it's still not tomorrow. Whatever.
Skarn got so mad, that he slammed his big ol' dwarven fist right on the table! I'm glad that I didn't have my famous muhammara salad upon it... Then they'd blame me for getting muhammara all over the fine carpetry!
What else...? Oh, Shum came up with some gross word, that I already forgot about, thankfully. I think he should be barred from such activity in the future, for the sake of the sanctity of... words.
Oh, and King Osiron sent me a letter! It was full of praise! Well, the letter wasn't only for me, but... I kind of didn't listen to any of the other parts, so, it might as well have been. I wish I got more letters from kings, princes, emperors, sultans, and such. Instead, I get a lot of letters from some guy called Louie, who's really into wigs, and insists that my next fashion line feature them... even focus on them! Absolute nonsense! If you've got lustrous curls, you should flaunt them! And if you're unfortunate enough to be bald, well... wax that noggin! Wax it good!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Hziran 23rd, IY 7789
My Pumpkin Day pumpkin won't spoil... It looks as fresh as the day that I got it! I think they used some special sort of... lacquer? I don't really know how they're made. There's a lot of carving involved, that much I do know... Anyhow, the bees seem to like it? And Tonka occasionally sleeps inside... I'm not sure if I approve of such, though. I'd have nightmares, myself, if I slept inside a grinning pumpkin!
Speaking of those bees, I think they miss Richo... I sure do! But occasionally, when they're flying around the house... during the daily free flight that I give them... they land on the many souvenirs that I got from Richo, and their buzzing gets really solemn! I try to tell them that Richo's wandering the very corners of the Disc... if it even has corners... but that can only calm them down for a mere moment!
Richo better get back soon! So many folk ask me where the hell he is!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Hziran 24th, IY 7789
For some reason, Haknar thought that it'd be a good idea to hire the latest firée of the Well, Oswick Stiffstep. Now, I don't think that it's good policy to hire people that were just fired, for perfectly good reasons, too, so, I'm a little confused here. Yet Haknar's schemes usually work out pretty well, so, I just have to trust him, I guess. I better not regret this, though!
I just wish we got someone a little more ordinary for a change... These new recruits tend to be a bunch of weirdos. I kind of just have to tolerate it, and well, occasionally, that weirdness results in creativity, and sometimes, that creativity results in great service in the name of the Sultan. It's just that the occasionality of such prospects doesn't really embiggen one's spirit, you know? I kind of want just... some guy... who does a good job... and whom I can talk to during lunch hour... and doesn't do weird shit? But that's a lot to ask around here.
Not that the current hires are exactly disappointing, it's just... you know.
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Hziran 25th, IY 7789
I used to love hunting for bargains... well, I guess I had to love it, because with my income, I couldn't buy anything else! Anyhow, now that I'm an artisan myself, I realize that the person who invented bargains and discounts was an absolute dingus! Why? Because after that, it's just been a long, long, long line of folk asking for discounts, and then getting really offended when you can't afford to offer one!
And I know, I know, there's an alternative, and it's to pretend that there's a discount, when it's actually the base price. I'm pretty sure that's what that dingus was angling for in the first place, but the thing is... I hate lying! I don't want to manipulate people! I just want to make cute things that bring a smile to people's faces! It's just that, you know, cute things cost a Lot of Money, so, I can't really just give it away for free? That's just dystopian. Or utopian. Whichever, I don't really care!
And then you have folk trying to mix bureaucracy into it... Why would you get a discount on your paperwork? That makes no sense! It gets even more bizarre when they try to bribe you for a discount...? Thankfully for those twits, I'm not here to abuse their idiocy. Someone's got to do the right thing... of not taking advantage of some truly stupendous stupidity!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Hziran 26th, IY 7789
Why the fuck don't I go with my gut more often?! And you can tell that I'm stressed, because I hate that metaphor, it's absolutely disgusting, and if you take it literally, then yeah, I go with my gut a whole lot, because I keep vomiting out of stress! AND I HAVE NOTHING BUT STRESS TO GIVE!
Next time they bring forth some flea-ridden thug from the sewer, and go, "hey, Bashir, this guy would make a perfect Scribe, because you know, his rotten gums look simply dashing and are sure to attract in plenty of customers", I'm going to throw whatever stationery I have right at them, and tell them to fuck right off, back to whatever swamp of lunacy that they came from! HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU EVEN BEGIN TO THINK THAT SOMEONE LIKE THAT WOULD MAKE A PROPER BUREAUCRAT IN THE SERVICE OF THE SULTAN?!
I haven't eaten a single fucking thing since breakfast, and I am not going to, because whenever I think about today, I can feel my tummy evacuating its contents. Which, due to a severe lack of said content, basically feels like it's punching itself repeatedly, with the same relentless rhythm as the average Banda shakedown. It's fucking awful!
I'm just going to sleep... I'll probably have countless nightmares, but who gives a shit, I don't want to be aware of any of this, I don't want to be aware of the Disc, I just want to be left alone...
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Hziran 27th, IY 7789
Rest is good...
except I wake up here, each and every time. Dreams of more pleasant places seem like a derisive deception, just there to make the early waking moments that much worse.
I don't know how to feel about it. Maybe I'm losing it, but at times, this just feels like it's a carefully constructed hell of some sort... But as sinful of a life as I might've lead, I can't think of a single action deserving of something so harrowing. I really can't.
"Do not lament your own hand in this"... But I have to. I hire these people, even if I am forced to do so. I place trust in them, because I want to. I just... want to trust, unconditionally, for once in my life, but it always comes back to haunt me, in the end. Yet I keep doing that, probably out of some naivety that the gods hammered into me from the very start.
And I don't know what to do... or what I want to do. Just keep getting flashes of the worst outcomes... that even if we make it to the end, it'll just continue. The shifting of blame, of responsibility, a constant barrage of assignments that they know that I despise, mired in some facade of "respect" that never actually resembles what it's even meant to imitate... and then they get offended that I'm offended.
When it's all over, I feel like walking away... It doesn't matter if they let me, it's just what I feel like.
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Hziran 28th, IY 7789
People are so obsessed with audits and judicial minutiae that these assemblies have been awfully dull, of late... I kind of miss the chaos, really, even though the aftermath was always something that we Scribes had to clean up. But now they basically want to audit everything, like, you could have a kebab stall in the Souk, and some harebrained idiot would probably want to look at their numbers, instead of, you know, eating the kebab, which is what the stall is there for. I don't get some people...
So, I instead just spoke to Selwyn a lot, which was far more pleasant, and something that I really should be doing during every single Assembly. But I think folk would start complaining about it, eventually, if they noticed, so, I have to do it via subterfuge, or something, maybe dress as someone else, and only reveal that it's me when folk start complaining about me not being there, though there has to be a way to avoid all these complaints completely... Maybe just go to lunch with Selwyn, instead, and burn all the letters that seem like complaints, afterwards? I don't know.
I mean, I could frame it as an audit of some sorts, because by having lunch at a lot of places, I am sampling their goods, and getting a better understanding of their commerce, so... I mean, why isn't it done like that, anyhow, that's far more pleasant than a bunch of boring ol' numbers?
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Hziran 29th, IY 7789
Shum discovered some sort of ancient wisdom, and now, his eyes are kindled with a burning desire for more knowledge! Something like that, anyhow. I don't really get it. What I do get is that such archaeological treks are probably a really good source of income for eye doctors? Like, someone discovering forbidden knowledge basically means that the local doctor has a client for the rest of their life?
How do you treat such an ailment, though? Do you submerge them in a pool? Just carefully drop a few beads of water right into their eyeballs? This is just a mighty peculiar occupational hazard...
Also, what determines l'essence of apparel...? Like, what gives them that dieu sait quoi, that something, which reveals so much about the wearer...? Is it the bearer's actions, or ? Like, is a priest's garb seen as that because the priest made them out to be that, or is it the clothes that make him a priest? I think it's like, the outcome of sociocultural history, planting certain connotations in people's minds, so, basically, the outcome of a bunch of past stuffs and things... But what made l'artiste decide upon those particular features in the first place? Where does the first inspiration come from? It'd be awful boring if it was just the gods, because like, then it wouldn't really be the artist, unless it's like a communion, that's like, completely mutual, but I think gods are supposed to be foremost in all regards, so who knows...
WHAT.
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Hziran 30th, IY 7789
The preparations... I know very well what I was doing, but acknowledging that is... such a burden. It really is. So pretending that I don't know, even to myself, it eases things enough that I can move on, without having another lapse... Though I'd just go for mizzar, this time, if that happened... Even though it gives me a headache. Kind of need something to take off the edge, and it's not going to be booze, ever again.
Was still really surprised at how well-behaved most folk were... which served the purpose just perfectly. I guess decorum can be sort of useful, occasionally? Maybe? Anyhow, I do wish that the toga was a different color, though. Like, it totally should be a pastel of some sort, to calm the senses, maybe folk would like, actually think before they speak, then, and make a bunch of really good suggestions, instead of really boring ones.
Anyhow... I don't think Kiran likes me very much. Like, I do understand that working on those boards can be such a hassle, and maybe I should've had the foreknowledge to tell her about our "no discounts" policy, but, she really should've asked me about that beforehand... Giving out discounts for licenses is such a terrible idea! Like, when the price is set in stone, you can just use stamps and sheets, no need to write most of it by hand? Discounts just confuses things and adds more work, and complaints, oh, the complaints, there'd be so many of them...
I want to give my colleagues as much help as they need, but this latest batch basically avoids asking questions before it's too late! I don't know what to do...
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Hziran 31st, IY 7789
"It makes you look weak."
But that is exactly what I am... There's few words that describe me so aptly. I wish it wasn't the case, but... There's so little I can do, most of the time. A coward's share in life...
And I know the operative word in that is "look"... it's all about keeping up appearances for them. No, it is the same to me, too... I just... think that looking like a ditzy coward is more useful than anything else. Not that is merely appearance. It's what I am at the core... I just exaggerate. Lowers expectations. Keeps you alive. Sane.
Say that I don't know much about these games... and I do mean that, even if I was born amidst them. Forged, really, for one purpose. Just like a certain people... well, peoples. Whatever.
It's just that I'm enough of a contrarian to go against it all, despite it all. Not what I want, even if I'm thrown right back into the middle of it. But what can you do, really...?
Even fish swim upstream.
And yeah, I know why they do that, and it really doesn't have much in common with this, but... whatever.
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Tammuz 1st, IY 7789
Had Zol Nur and Nibb pop in for a visit... A refreshing change. I don't really get a whole lot of guests, lately. Too many are busy with the war, and all. And myself? Well, I'm busy with everything, because I'm given everything to do.
But this...? This was pleasant. Even the labor... because I do actually enjoy tailoring. Always feels more meaningful than the countless stacks of paperwork. And it's a friend, a good friend, so, making adjustments to his toga? Something swell, because I know what he'd like... Zol Nur looks proper dapper, now!
Unfortunately, after that, the talk was mostly on politics... I'd rather talk about anything else! I did learn how promotions work in the Astronomers... Well, I had a vague idea, before, but now I get the complete picture. The official one, anyhow, there's probably a lot of favoritism going on, with the Zenithars picking out folk that they like, and why they like them might be as simple as them... having a funny voice? I don't know, something like that. Basically, a lot of the Zenithars are weird.
I wish I'd get more visitors... and I wish I'd get more invitations, myself. Maybe after all this is over.
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Tammuz 2nd, IY 7789
How did all of this start...? Came in late for work, can't remember why... Then heard that an orc, of all people, had been in Marcellus' office. Had asked for a bunch of curious stuffs and things. Not sure why we started helping him. He had the courtesy to come to us? Well's courtesy is plain peculiar if that's why we did it...
I really thought that the groknaks were sacred... I mean, I was new in town, new to the desert, and two Stonefolk kept coming to me about it... "Don't slay the groknak, they're revered by our people"... But they're pack animals...? Wouldn't you give them more comfortable lives if they were holy on some level? Well, there's cultures that do that anyhow, despite the contradiction...
What would have happened if we got him an actual skull, instead of a painted one...? Would he have asked us to assault Arslan and Got Valdhazr with him...? Would some have said yes? This town is crazy, so, maybe they would've.
It's not good, lingering too much on the past and the what-ifs, but... I do still wonder.
Whatever happened to those Stonefolk, anyhow?
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Tammuz 3rd, IY 7789
Cogsworth wanted to loan my parasol... I do love it so, but he was headed off to some dangerous place, so, I did give it to him, because I wanted him to stay safe. Then he just handed it back to me because he felt guilty...? He thought that it'd just be singed and full of holes once I got it back.
And well, the place that he's going to...? It either sounds really dangerous, or like the latest restaurant, serving up spicy cuisine. "Fireball Palace". Like, when I first heard about it, I did think that it's the latter. I got real excited, too, because I love spice! Then it turns out to be some awful orcan hideyhole, and the fireballs are actual, and not just figurative spiel for the heat that you're going to consume...
I mean, you go there, you're going to consume heat, all right, just with your noggin, instead of your mouth. I hate fireballs! Even though I can dodge most of them... these wizards have awful hand-to-eye coordination! Or is it eye-hand...? Whatever. They're really bad at throwing stuffs and things, is what I mean.
I do hope that he makes it back safe... and I also hope that we do get such a restaurant in the future! The spiciest dishes... I can already taste them!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Tammuz 4th, IY 7789
I can't keep up with all these Modini! There's like, Boni, Beppi, Toni, Bonnie, Ronny, Connie, Sonny, Johnny, Baloney, Bony Moronie, Abalone, Cosmogony... They're all cousins, too. They were making bellows at each other from the opposite sides of town...? Then they were threatening folk on the bellows for no good reason. What weirdos! Maybe that's how you do it back in Il Modo, but around here, folk make their threats in secret!
Anyhow, we're already setting up diplomatic talks... Well, planning them, anyhow. Now, that's well in advance, but hey, we basically didn't have any plans of any sort, in the past, so, might as well get right on that early on. Even Captain Immet offered his wisdom on the subject... Oh yeah, he was in town... Anyhow, "get there first", he says! I agree! Just, you know, have a plan. Don't just run off and offer them like, a thousand barrels, to just pop in for a visit, without any other promises. That's like, really, really, really bad.
And then, Immet took us to the Crown of the World! It is, by far, the highest point of the entire Disc! Well, maybe the Colossi, in their arrogance, built something bigger, but like, it's the biggest natural formation. Anyhow, it was so beautiful... I was awestruck! I've been on plenty of big ol' mountains before, but this really took the cake! Which is like, the mountain of desserts, come to think of it, since it comes in many shapes and sizes, but tends to be pretty tall, unless it's a cheesecake, which I consider to be a pie.
There was a lot to see... Like, an absolutely massive waterfall! Some ruins, there, too... Some creepy little man was laughing amidst them! I guess he was seeking shelter from the cruelty of the desert...? But his mind turned out to be the cruelest oppressor of them all! I read that in a book. It's pretty kitsch, but I think it really captures the very essence of situations like that...? Situations where a creepy guy is laughing to himself eerily, that is.
I think there was like, a raid on orcs after that, but I don't remember much, because I was so obsessed with that beautiful mountain! I think I'm going to paint it... when there's free time.
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Tammuz 5th, IY 7789
Endora gifted me a lot of perfume! It's magickal perfume... or psionic, I don't really know, but what I do know that it seals the scars of any and all whom happen to have the delightful chance to have a whiff! What a wondrous gift! I don't really know what to give the Sisters in return, like, ever, because they have to wear that robe and chador... And like, the best gift I can give, is something crafted by my own little hands!
Whatever happened to all the psions, anyhow...? The only ones that show any psionic prowess around here are folk infected with brainworms... or spiders. Was that always the source of such powers, but nobody just noticed?
Anyhow, we're looking for a bookie... or bookies. I'm glad that I don't have to do that. I tried it once, but that job lasted like, one day. Well, not even one day, just one hour, because I was immediately fired, after they realized that I lost count after the first three bets. Can't blame me for that, all those sorts of events are real loud, so, you have like, a dozen folk shouting in your ear with numbers, all the while the bloodhounds bark or the chickadees squawk or the horses neigh... Sometimes all at the same time! I already don't approve of animal on animal violence, but when it goes cross-species, that's just completely immoral!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Tammuz 6th, IY 7789
I heard that Cogsworth tried jumping off the Eagle's Mount in a bout of drunken madness! Thankfully, he survived... Yet, all his bones were supposedly sticking out, so, he looked like an improvised hedgehog, except not cute in the least, just a real gross, messy pile of bony bristliness! I don't know what happened... I sure hope he gets better!
I've never done anything so crazy while absolutely leathered... I only did the usual stuff, like, giving statues hats, or telling the local street dog that they're the only one that understands you, or sleeping with a slightly chubby guy, which I do not approve of in any other event. Anyhow, that's all behind me, now, thankfully. Booze is not the answer to anything! Well, maybe my Efuddy, occasionally...
Anyhow, they really should like, seal off such acts via the Shade. So, like, you try jumping off, but that just causes you to bounce right back. Not only does that save people from making a grave mistake, it also saves the lives of any poor ol' granny or grandpa whom just happens to be walking by... Their brittle bones cannot handle such sudden impact!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Tammuz 7th, IY 7789
Everyone keeps asking me about medals... I'm not a medalist! Well, I've received a bunch of medals, mostly for my looks, and like, floristry, but that's a different sort of medalist. Maybe the amount of "L"s dictates what kind you mean! Who knows... I sure don't! Anyhow, I don't want to design medals, that's not my thing, I don't like working with metal. It's like, so hard, and stuff. Gemstones just make me nervous, you never know if they're like, cursed, and if a chip here or there might like, release some ancient evil. You don't have to worry about such things with textiles!
I had a very pleasant conversation with Katya... She likes cats a lot, too! She wants to learn some calligraphy, as well... Anyhow, the gossip was interrupted by her impatient companions, whom wanted her to go on some board job! How dull! Far more pleasant to just stay inside and discuss the fairer things in life... instead of going to some goblin's lavatory to scrounge for discarded garbage! Oh well... I'm sure we'll talk more in the future.
Oh, and Selwyn and I've been writing each other letters, of late... It's a lot of fun! I hope we can stay pen pals for life... I know it's silly, writing each other, even though we live like, a stroll away from each other. Yet I love writing letters! There's really nothing quite like it... Choosing the perfume for the envelope, testing your calligraphy, it's all so grand, and then you receive a letter in return, and opening up the envelope is such a thrill, because you never know what it might contain! Well, a letter of course, but the informal content is always different! Unless you subscribe to really boring monthlies, I guess, which I don't!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Tammuz 8th, IY 7789
Shum supposedly spontaneously combusted, and was reduced to a mere pile of ash! Yet I did not buy that for a second... After all, Shum is a most cunning trickster. You have to be like that, to be a true hexmaster... So, I sought him everywhere! Turns out that he was just at the Tower, all that time. Well, his ashes were, and he rose from the ashes, so, kind of. I'm not sure what happened, but after that, Shum was mighty serious, and proclaimed that he now had strange powers that could weaken the muppish horde!
And well... yeah, he certainly had that power, because we took him into the middle of a battlefield... and the mupps? They shattered like glass, with merely one blow! It was mighty curious, and kind of creepy, really. Living beings shouldn't shatter. It's just not right! Even if you're like, artificially created, or something. A lot of unnatural stuff happens during war... which makes sense, since it's not natural in itself!
I'm glad that Shum is okay, but now I'm worried that some sort of cult will form around him...? I mean, there's bound to be at least one dingus who'll consider him the Pilgrim, with the rebirth and all... Even though I don't still really buy that he was really dead. The Astronomers pull off this kind of stuff all the time, and it's just dumb magickal trickery, all of it, and I'm tired of having the wool pulled over my eyes! And that sounds just like, uncomfortable in general, because wool can be so scratchy...
So, a really weird day, in general. I did search our archives for Shum's file, just to be sure, and there's nothing in there about him being the Pilgrim, or a phoenix, or a frog. Mostly just stuff about his mastery over hexes, his moustache, his hat, and the fact that they named a dance after him. That's plenty ordinary around here!
(https://i.imgur.com/S3Qa0sW.png)
TAMMUZ 9TH, IY 7789
MINE EFFORTS HAVE BORNE THE PROVERBIAL FRUIT, FOR THE PRIMORDIAL PROSE OF THE FELINE NOW LAYETH WITHIN MINE GRASP. THROUGH THIS KNOWLEDGE, MINE FORM SHALL COMMIT TO THE CONSTRUCTION OF A PLEBEIAN PIDGIN, FOR THE UTILIZATION OF THOSE NOT GIFTED WITH THE ANIMALIZED EMPATHY.
HITHER ARRIVES MINE BUNKIE, TONKA OF KHATARA. MINE THOUGHT PATTERNS SHALL BECOME ONE WITH HERS AND DECIPHER MEANING FROM WITHIN HER VOCALIZATIONS.
SHE STATES: "GRANT ME SUSTENANCE."
ANON HER FORM CIRCUMVOLVES UPON THE TABLE. FURTHER STATEMENT: "GRANT ME SUSTENANCE, THEE TOADFLAX. WITH IMMEDIACY."
HER PELAGED APPENDAGES SWAT ERE MINE FORM. FURTHER STATEMENT: "THOU ART A BOOR AND A KNAVE. I FIND THINE COMPANY BLASÉ AND SHALL TRANSFER MINE INTEREST TOWARDS MORE COMPELLING PROSPECTS. DISCOVER MINE FORM WITHIN THE RECEPTACLE FOR LEGWEAR."
SHE IS MOST UNCOUTH!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Tammuz 10th, IY 7789
Jamileh came back! Well, according to her, she was in town, all this time, just... reading. Either she found the most interesting book ever, or she was kidnapped by spiders, again, and she's too embarrassed to admit it. Having been kidnapped like, over a hundred times, or something, I've learned that you should just admit your traumatic experiences, because talking about them is much better than letting them rot within your soul. I thought about giving seminars about this at the Sandstone, but I'm not sure how common of an issue it really is. I guess there'd be a few attendees...?
Anyhow, I'm glad to see her back, but like, really, whether or not she got kidnapped, she really should've like, announced it, because I was really worried and wondering just where the hell she was! Also, that Nadiri with a thousand names, stole her room and everything in it! What a creep! Now Jamileh has to navigate the infernal maze of endless paperwork to get it back... I hope she manages to do so. Everyone deserves a home! Just like, not through thievery. That's like, wrong.
Also, Inky gave her and Rynn a real great hint of what to pursue next in their search for the truth... They just ignored it! Now, I know that Inky says a lot of nonsense, but this time, it came from Martin's ghost, so, there has to be some meaning to it. After all, if anyone knew weird, it was Martin, because he was surrounded by it on a daily basis. Also, the truth is weird. So, I think that's a pretty big ol' clue... If they ignore it, it's their own fault for not discovering the truth!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Tammuz 11th, IY 7789
I was doing charity all day... I hope it helps. I have to do my part, somehow, because I sure as hell am not heading to no war, for utterly obvious reasons. Nobody wanted any of my older designs... I'm not sure if I should be offended. Perhaps the Wellfolk have simply developed some modicum of taste, and are picky about last season's fashions...? Nah! It's just them being utter dinguses and not recognizing great charity even when it's being dangled right in front of their faces!
Oh, I did dance with the Sukaitza, though. It was a lot of fun! I learned a few of those island moves... They go chick-chicky-boom, chick-chicky-boom! The "boom" is the most important part! That's when you really have to push your body to the very limit. They were so impressed by my groove, that they told me that I'd make a great Sukaitza! However, I have to disagree... Those brewfire fumes give me a headache, and I'm highly flammable. So, not really a profession for someone like me...
Also, that Fenton guy just reeks of fumes. I think he's like, their head alchemist, or something, so, he's constantly in contact with that brewfire stuff...? He seems real nice, but being in his company is like, a straining experience, because I nearly kept fading out of consciousness because of those damn fumes... I don't know how he manages, or his company, for that matter. It's just such a strong aroma. I guess if you'd dilute it, it'd make for a pretty powerful statement as perfume. You know, like, warfare chic. I think that's a thing. Somewhere, anyhow. The Lodge would like it!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Tammuz 12th, IY 7789
That accursed bird! I was going to do like a, I don't know, wartime bellows show back from home, for the brave soldiers, and read like, letters to them, to remind them that there's a lot of folk waiting for their return... Anyhow, the Big Heron didn't care, they didn't care at all, they just snatched me again, and threw me on the ash sail to the Scald, because they're so lazy, that even in their cruelty they can't like, carry me all the way to Bet Nappahi, no, they've got to have others do it instead!
I was going to just stay in the Scald, but then part of the camp started moving, and everyone was hooting and hollering, and I couldn't really say that I wanted to go home, because I think that'd spoiled the mood, so, I just went in the flow, and ended up in Bet Nappahi, and it was awful, because it was just so humid, and my daily makeup is not compliant, so, I had just kohl streaming down my face... Well, I was also stress crying, so, that probably had an effect, too.
Now I'm stuck in this dumb ruin! I hate it here! There's mosquitos and other nasty critters, and like, did I mention the humidity?! It's awful! Also, there's like, a foreboding sense of like, not being welcome, and I hate that, I only like going to places where I'm like, totally welcomed, and everyone goes "hey, is that Big Bash", yet here, none of the locals do that, they just try to kill you...
Oh, and the locals, it's not just orcs, it's a bunch of plants trying to strangle you, and I heard that there's poisonous frogs or something, and it's all awful. I don't want to be here, I just want to go home, and I want to stay there until this is all over... But there's no passage back from here! So, I have to kind of just like, hide in plain sight, or something, and hope that I don't get any assignments, because I'm not made for the jungle!
At least there's like, art... Well, the walls are like, painted with ancient stuffs and things. I don't really get the meaning of any of it, but at least it's something to look at. I'd look at the pretty flowers, of course, but I think they all want to kill me, so, I'm avoiding eye contact. So, yeah, this place is pure hell, you can't even enjoy nature here, because the nature doesn't enjoy you, it just wants to kill you!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Tammuz 13th, IY 7789
I've just been crying all day long.
To see him imprisoned in such a way, to be reduced to... I don't even know how to describe it. It's horrible. It's perverted. I think there's just something inherently wrong with the orcs... As if something just went completely wrong when they were created. And whatever flaw that is, produces just... completely abhorrent deeds.
Holding onto his hand... No, it wasn't his hand. Just a fabrication. Was holding onto whatever presence of him that remained, really... Debased beyond what it actually was. Recognized him, yet... It's complicated. It doesn't make much sense... because there really isn't much of that to be found. Only a lunatic could do something like that to another living being.
Some folk around the camp are saying that I probably saved a lot of lives by freeing him, but... Well, maybe I did. Maybe it helped a lot. Yet I wish I could've done it sooner. Much sooner... Maybe Narwen would still be here. I don't know if I can make it through this without her... I just don't. I don't want to be here. As much as the others feel unwelcome, I feel even more so.
This is not paradise. It's hell. It's a lie. All a lie. The worst lies are the ones that the liar believes themselves. And this place? It's just that. A pretty little veneer hiding a truth that is just despicable.
I hate it. I hate the Colossi. I hate every single thing that they built, everything they forced upon others because of their desperate arrogance.
I want the cycle to end.
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Tammuz 14th, IY 7789
It was in that moment that I knew that it was all a lie.
An ancient design, started by... who? Does it even matter at this point...?
The search for it was never worth it. Just a ploy, among countless others, all designed to feed the cycle, to have it repeat, and repeat, and repeat, to feed upon people's suffering... And for what? Just to grasp onto whatever it is that you thought you had? And in doing so, dooming the future of any and all that come after you...?
How does someone even begin to delude themselves of their own importance to such an extent?
Was there ever any truth to it? Are we just repeating their lies and mistakes without realizing it...?
Climbing onto that ash sail, holding onto the wood, looking at the others... To see so many of them relieved, yet to also witness so many distraught over Bet Nappahi's condition... to see it covered in ash, to see parts of it burn.
Yet if you know what that infernal jungle is... what it truly is, and what it actually represents...
You would cherish that moment for the rest of your days, short as they might be.
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Tammuz 15th, IY 7789
Just been distracting myself with the work. Only thing keeping me sane, really. Crying in private. Don't want to talk. Just want to cry. My eyes hurt. They really hurt. Haven't been able to eat. I did try, but I vomited right after.
It's Selwyn.
I really wanted them to have something better than this. Anything, really. They didn't deserve to be here. They didn't deserve this life. I know that nobody does, but... They were my best friend, really.
And it all floods in, all of the regrets, all of the intrusive thoughts about not spending enough time together, not truly understanding what you had until it's too late.
I was going to try and renegotiate the deal, give them and Cork a chance at something better. Even if deep inside, I knew that it wouldn't happen. That the deal was for me, and me alone, and that the details wouldn't be changed, and even if they were, the cost would've been demanding enough to simply ruin it all.
And... well, I know that the deal's a lie, in the end. Just being used, like always. Valuable enough to be kept alive. Valuable enough to not be let go.
I don't know what to do. It's hard to move on. It's just that... very little remains here. I keep losing one friend after the other, and that's just the norm here. Something to be accepted. Yet I can't do that. I don't want to. It's painful, but... if you don't feel any pain, did any of it really mean anything, in the first place?
Can't replace them. Don't want to replace them. That's the wisdom you learn over the years... You loved them for a reason. You never truly lose that love, even with them gone. Wanting to replace it, as if some actual void was there...? Not truly understanding any of it. Disrespectful, really. Not strong enough of a word, but the emotions always outnumbered the ways to describe them.
Find myself stuck, looking out of the window. Not even thinking about anything. Just stuck amidst sorrow. Or, well... not stuck, really. It's there for a reason. It's not something holding you back.
I don't think words can describe what we had.
I think that's just fine.
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Tammuz 16th, IY 7789
Working on these... commemorative designs... is just plain peculiar. Inky said that they're "encomiums", but I don't even know what that means, and their understanding of language is pretty alien.
NAY! THEE CLOD AND LUMMOX! MINE LEXICON IS CONSUMMATELY COHERENT!
"Lummox"...? I really wish that I hadn't given my old mirrors for princes to you... I thought they'd have like, handsome lads in them, but it's all just a bunch of boring blather about decorum! And well, this is just proof that those books are bad for you...
MINE QUINTESSENCE IS THAT OF THE PRINCELY POTENTATE, QUOTHA!
"Quotha"...? That's it, I'm changing your diet! Anyhow... it's all so strange. You kind of have a clear picture of someone, when it's just been such a short while, but when you really try to focus on that, there's just a stream of memories, and it's really difficult to join them into something cohesive. I don't think that's a bad thing... It's great, really, in a way. Just means that you shared a lot of pleasant moments...
For design, though... Well, folk want something unmistakeable, they want something that outright screams its intent, but... I'm not really going to do that. I don't want to. They'll moan and groan, I just know it, but that's their problem. Something filled with so much emotion can never be so simple! And, well, I don't really like overt simplicity much, in general.
Just complaining, really. The work itself is relaxing. It's sad... but it's relaxing.
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Tammuz 17th, IY 7789
Inky is such a nuisance, and so gross! Like, in general, but lately, it's just way too much! Now, they seem to have... absorbed...? Whatever it is that they do, I don't really get it... Anyhow, they digested the ancient wisdom of Bet Nappahi, which like... caused them to grow a few sizes. Or maybe it was just the ancient pigments that they were so obsessed with... Who knows, and who cares? Well, anyhow, their regular form is still real tiny, but notably bigger, but like, that form they take to talk to people, it's like, huge!
MINE SUBSTANTIAL FORM IS NAUGHT DISTENDED! RETRACT THINE FALSE STATEMENT!
Oh, come on, you don't believe that for even a second! Also, can you, like, just talk, or write, like, regular, for just a second?
YAH. HOWZIT, CHOMMIE?
What on...? Stop that! Just write like I do, I guess... Oh yeah, my big question. Why'd you start... coating me with yourself...? It's so gross! It feels awful!
LIKE, I DON'T KNOW, I WANTED TO, LIKE, PROTECT YOU AND STUFF, AND SINCE I'M LIKE, SUPER POWERFUL NOW, IT'S JUST, LIKE, SO CONVENIENT, YOU KNOW? IT'S WHAT BUNKIES DO, HONEY. US SISTERS, WE'VE GOT TO LOOK OUT FOR EACH OTHER OUT ON THESE MEAN STREETS!
I don't write like that! That's highly offensive!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Tammuz 18th, IY 7789
Cogsworth's birthday bash was a most jolly affair! There was tasty food, riddles, grease wrestling, cockfighting... The riddles were way too hard! Also, okay, it wasn't really cockfighting, which I do not approve of, it was two weirdo wizards engaging in the transmutative magickry... I wouldn't normally call Nibb a weirdo, but like, transforming into a chickadee, and then fighting another chicky, is really weird. Must be all the funny mushrooms that he's been taking...
Anyhow, Ritz had prepared this mango salad... I think it was called... "Bangin' Mango Salad"! Something like that, anyhow. It had a bang of taste to it, for certain! I think it's my new favorite salad. Maybe. I mean, my famous muhammara salad is kind of hard to beat, even though I'm no chef, but like, dumping a bowl of muhammara onto tasty greens isn't really much of a challenge, and like, food doesn't have to be difficult to be delicious!
I can't remember who won the grease wrestling... Some dwarf, I think. I vaguely recall something like that. I was too distracted avoiding all that grease... and laughing at Jamileh. She donned the towel, and was spinning around, doing pirouettes upon that greasy arena! I don't think it was on purpose. Jamileh doesn't seem like the balet type... Like, at all! Anyhow, magickians really should learn how to handle their grease, instead of throwing it like, all over the place. Should've just gotten a tub of turkey grease from Sargus...
That stuff is disgusting! Especially if you know what ol' drunkards use it for! GROSS!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Tammuz 19th, IY 7789
I can't believe I lost! It stings, a lot... Real bitter. Now I feel so insecure. Was my work really that terrible...? Or was it the fault of those dingus caravaneers, whom started drinking brews, and hooting and hollering devilry and diablerie, to magick themselves up, all because there was like, an accidental punch, or something. Folk around here have no respect for the arts! Well, they don't have respect for anything at all.
So, yeah, I told them to fuck right off! I think that cost me a point or two... or three. Yet I truly think that these designs were absolutely immaculate... Yet with such a low score, now I'm wondering if I'm deluding myself, and I really don't know what I'm doing at all. It's horrible. I really wanted to make fine apparel that reminds folk of Narwen and Selwyn, but now I'm not sure at all if I managed...
At least Jamei's winning design was simply wonderful. Maybe she's far better at this than I am. I don't know, I kind of don't feel inspired at all, now. Yet I have to work, work, work, at least on these pyramid plushies... The design I have in mind for them at least manages to bring a smile to my lips, I guess. Working with mohair is grand, too. Tonka tries stealing some of it, though...
Maybe it'll be all right? I don't know. Maybe Zol Nur will throw the plushies right at me and tell me to do better...
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Tammuz 20th, IY 7789
After copious amounts of coffee, I managed to do it... the pyramid plushies are finished! And what a catchy smile they now bear... I handed them off to Zol Nur... after having to wait for, like, hours, because his breakfast lasts for, like... hours. Anyhow, it's fine, I just was really excited about them and wanted to show them off, and the coffee really wasn't helping my patience any. So, it's completely and utterly fine if Zol Nur takes forever with his breakfast. I think that's healthy, even, because by the time he's finished, he's like, used up more energy than the food gave him! I think.
I really need to find the pepberry if I'm going to be working like this...
Anyhow, as grand as those plushies are, it really doesn't help my reputation, because right after, Jamileh was like, trying to hand off some of her ol' dusty dolls to me, as if I care about them at all. I swear, it's offensive, having everyone in this stinky town, assuming that I like dolls, for who knows what reason! I hate dolls, they're so creepy, and after you turn like, I don't know, twelve, you should like, abandon all dolls, and give them to charity, or something. Unless you're a cat or a dog or a parrot, then it's like, fine until the very end of days, because of like, I don't know, natural law, or something.
Plushies are neat, though! I need to make some for Tonka, too.
Oh yeah, thankfully, Zol Nur seemed to really like the plushies. I had to like, really study his face to figure that out, because of his like, steadfastly stoic mien, but like, I could see the joy!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Tammuz 21st, IY 7789
The Twins really need to be more clear about what kind of surveys they're doing... I mean, they do surveys, and then they do surveys. I thought they were like, interviewing landmarks, but they were like, taking measurements and mapping them out, instead. You can't blame me! They come from Baz'eel! They have an academick background! I think that pretty much guarantees that you know some geomancy, and can like, talk to random pebbles on the road, and stuff. Which is a talent that I wish I had! Sometimes I accidentally kick a pebble and I feel so guilty!
Also, apparently, some sorcerous lady transmutated into like, a goblin, and now like, they're in a big heap of trouble. That's no good! It's not her fault that her ancestors courted gobbos in pursuit of great magickal power... which is a real dumb thing to do, because most gobbos are like, shamanistic, which is like, completely different. You could've just asked them how to tame the spirits of the land, instead. Though I guess the gobs tend to speak with the really gross spirits...? Like, spirits of tar, smoke and stinky, and such. So, you're not really getting much out of that.
You shouldn't court for such things, in general, really. You should court for hot love!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Tammuz 22nd, IY 7789
Stern stirred from her spiritless stupor, so, naturally, I had to hurry to the Pyramid to warn the Legate about that. Any meeting with her lasts like, countless hours, so, we can never predict how long they last, so, when someone asks when the Legates will be free during such dolor, we can only shrug our shoulders and offer vague estimates. Folk don't like vagueries, so, they really get in a huff about that. Not our fault! It's the Mevura method! It tires everyone out, and in the end, you're kind of left wondering what was the point of it all.
Anyhow, she did come to the office, just like I predicted, and then there was just an endless flood of other guests, and the room was just bursting with petitions and red tape, which you'd think would be one of my favorite tapes just because of the color, but instead, it's just a dreadful waste of everyone's time! Then they kicked me out of there, which was really mean, because I like to be in the know, and if I'm not in the room, then nobody tells me anything at all.
I did let Nibb in there afterwards, as revenge. Well, I was looking out for my buddy, too, of course, but like, if you're going to kick me out, then I'm like... kicking... somebody else... in...? I don't know.
Anyhow, I get a lot of information requests from Kiran, lately. I like it! It's the kind of labor that I can handle... Kind of pleasing, really! I wish my job was just that. Well, this job. Or that job. I have so many! Well, it does help that her requests are actually interesting, instead of like, constant demands for audits, or other utterly boring bullshit!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Tammuz 23rd, IY 7789
Some clients are just absolutely annoying! Like, this guy ordered a bolero from me. So, like, I get kind of excited, because I don't have a whole lot of orders for those. Boleros are grand, and involve a lot of subtle layering to wearing them well... Anyhow, this guy just kept yammering on, and on, and on, and they were not satisfied with anything I did, because apparently, it was not "unique" enough! All my works are unique! Each and every one...
He kept flirting with me, too! It was awful! And then they tossed magickal lights around, which was even more distracting, and I couldn't concentrate, and they just... kept... doing that! And the constant barrage of questions and commentary... I felt like, abandoning the entire project, just walking away right then and there. Yet I need to pay the bills, so, I just had to weather the storm of obnoxery! I think that's a word.
So, in the end, I got paid, and because of their constant demands, I had to abandon my original design, which I'd put a lot of thought into... Really had to consider the balance of hues and such. I was disappointed in the finished product, and so was he, probably, too. But it's his own damn fault!
I really need to establish a policy of like... you absolutely, utterly, never, ever, can watch me work. Or, if you absolutely have to, I'm charging an extra fee. Also, for every single comment that you make during that, I charge another tiny fee! Also, if you don't actually know what the article of clothing that you want looks like, you guessed it, there's yet another fee!
A BOLERO GOES OVER YOUR DAMN SHOULDERS! IT IS NOT A VEST! IT IS NOT A COAT! IT'S A BLASTED BOLERO!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Tammuz 24th, IY 7789
Good heavens! I really should be in the room during any and all important decisions... Well, maybe the intriguing ones. Anyhow, apparently they scheduled the tournament, and like, renamed it...? And, and, and, they were expecting me to have the victory laurel ready for it, all this time, without telling me when the deadline is! They literally told me nothing! I can't work under such stress!
I was really looking forward to making it, too, but now, I don't know what to do, it's just like, so stressful! What a burden!
Anyhow, at least I had some pleasant labor, for a change... Enki, the Goat Shaman, ordered a shamanistic semblance from me! Oh, that's different from Enki, who's like, my new friend. I think "Enki" is just a common name among Stonefolk. Have I written about Enki...? Like, my friend, Enki, not Enki, the Goat Shaman? I like Enki a lot, they're real nice, but they seem like a troubled soul, and I want them to find something new here... or well, maybe somewhere else, preferably, after they find just a little bit of fortune here! Oh, and I do mean Enki, my new friend, instead of Enki, the Goat Shaman.
That's not meant as a slight towards Enki, the Goat Shaman, it's just that I don't know him as well. His goat is really cute, though. Anyhow, I finished the garb for him, really got those shamanistic touches in there and there, and well, he was simply overjoyed when he saw the finished product! As overjoyed as a Stonefolk can be, anyhow. It's subtle, but I know it when I see it! What a joy it is to bring joy to others! It's the best part of the labor!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Tammuz 25th, IY 7789
Endora's emptying the gallery to make room for newer works... She handed off one of Zain's old works to me. It's curious, really. I do want to keep it, but I also don't. It's just such a sorrowful tapestry. I know it's important, but looking at it just fills me with such melancholy, that I don't know what to do. So, it's an artwork that I can't really even look at, yet keeping it hidden in a closet just seems wrong, too... I really, really, really don't know what I'm going to do with it. It's just so confusing.
Magnifica seems to like it, though. She nestled atop it, and refused to leave, for a few hours. Food did lure her out, like always, though. Honestly, I know it's probably... wrong... of me to think so, but I'd rather have had the tapestry featuring her. I'd rather have a pleasant memory, than one filled with pure sorrow, and not much else. Maybe I'll learn to see it differently, but right now, it's just that. But yeah, I don't know where that particular work went. I'm kind of curious now, but I also don't feel like digging up the past, too much.
Tonka was pretty confused with this new addition. She judges every addition to the house very carefully, and her opinion is usually pretty clear. With this one, however, she just kind of kept tilting her head in confusion. I guess we're united in that, really.
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Tammuz 26th, IY 7789
One of my least favorite parts about these elections is the hushed conversations with candidates, the kind that you're kind of just forced into... Like, they all feign having some sort of interest in you, just to get you to vote for them. And it's all given through whispers, because by doing that, they're not actually beholden to anything that they're saying! So, they can promise you the very moon, but they don't have to actually do anything, because nobody else heard it.
Thankfully, Kiran arrived just at the right moment to save me from all that, so, I took off with her to the office to discuss business. Vellum's not pleased with the Twins at all, so, there's an air of tension about the office. It's a shame, because their work is really promising. Like, yeah, I don't like how they talk of elves, at all, or well, like, how they talk about anyone that doesn't resemble their idealized Baz'eeli, or whatever... But we also have a massive shortage of labor. Which is just inevitable, here, because it all keeps piling up. I am going to have a talk with them, of course, if they keep it up, though. Yet I really don't want to fire them...
Otherwise, it was mostly just... dredging up old bothers. Reminded me of a lot of bothersome memories. Not something I want to get caught up in, ever again. Made that clear, too. Have to make that clear to anyone, really. You want that kind of business taken care of, you go to someone else.
(https://i.imgur.com/o6H2NEW.png)
Tammuz 27th, IY 7789
Inky grew again! It
BEHOLD MINE POWER!
Hey! Stop it! Cease being humongous, this instant!
NAY! MINE FORM CONVALESCES! IT SURGES WITH THE ANTIDELUVIAN MEMORY! THE PROTEAN PIGMENTS HEED MINE CALL, AND ARE CONJOINED WITH MINE QUIDDITY! THOU WITNESS THE TRUTH! THOU WITNESS... INKY THE IMMENSE!
That's a terrible name! I'm not going to call you that... Like, not even once.
OH, COME ON! YOU'RE RUINING IT FOR ME! JUST DO IT!
Like, no. Just... no. Tell you what, I'm going to give you a far better name! How about... "Inky the Insolvent"!
THOU CLODPOLL! THOU BOBOLYNE! THOU MUMPSIMUS! THAT LEXEME DOES NOT CARRY THE MEANING THOU THINKETH IT DOES!
It doesn't...? I really need to check some documents, then... Oh, anyhow, how about... "Inky the Iridescent"!
▓▓WHAT BE THIS? ▒▒ MINE FORM, IT ▒▓▓▒ SHAKETH, TO HITHER AND THITHER, TOING AND FROING ▒▒▓ FROM THE PUREST OF PASSIONS ▒▓▒ THEMSELVES! WHAT CAUSES SUCH? ▓▒ WHAT HAST THOU DONE? ▓▓▒ WHAT OCCURS! TELL ME! ▒▒▓▒ REVEAL THY INTENT! ▒▒
Did I... Did I just make you cry?
NONE HAVE GRANTED INKY THE IMP IRIDESCENT THE GIFT OF A NAME! I WELCOME THY LARGESSE!
THOU ART A TRUE FRIEND, IN SOUL AND DEED.
That... well... You're my friend too, Inky. Like, a really good one. The kind that I can really count on... despite all the weirdness... Love and respect, and all that. But can you like... go back to regular size? This is really bothersome to read. I have to like, crane my neck backwards to make any sense of this. Like, a lot.
CERTAINLY, MINE FAITHFUL COMPANION.
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Tammuz 28th, IY 7789
The brownies keep stealing my milk! It's not fair... I need it for my bones! I just leave it on the dining table, and when I come back, it's gone! I tried like, keeping my eyes on it, and walking backwards, but that's actually pretty challenging and gets real annoying after a spell... I also tried teaching Tonka to guard it, and well, while she grasped the concept of safekeeping real fast, these brownies are a crafty lot, and always manage to distract her... All's that left on the table is one confused kitty!
Granted, they do seem to help around the house in return, but... I need that milk! They could at least ask nicely!
Maybe I should switch to kefir... yet I suspect that'd just result in healthier brownies! And then they'd be able engage in their dairy-based far more efficiently, and everyone would blame me, and then I'd get fired, and nobody would even pay any attention to the trade-off, which would be a much cleaner Well, I mean, nobody ever thanked me or Tonka for negotiating with the chore mice... and that was a tremendous success!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Tammuz 29th, IY 7789
Lately, a lot of folk want me to return to the labor of diplomacy... which is to say, they want to shove all of the responsibility onto my lap, while ignoring all of my advice, and taking the glory for any and all successes there might be. So, when I humbly refuse the position, and give suggestions of others that could handle it better, they get real offended. Like, who should be offended here, really?! I'm helping you, despite you trying to take advantage of me! You're like, doubling down on being an outright tosser...
Now, if it was the type of diplomacy that only I can handle... well, me and my family... and as long as it was for a good cause... then, obviously I'd try my best! Like, if they needed help with the chore mice again, I'd totally help. But all they give me is Qadira, Qadira, Qadira, because these bitches simply enjoy torturing me! Yet I've learned my lesson... I can simply say "no", now that my contract is like, mostly negotiable. Someone else can breathe in the septic fumes discharged from a Qadiran pirate's rotting maw, since you obviously have a strange obsession with doing that!
I'm just going to read from my dossier... and if they ignore that, then it's completely their own fault! I'm tired of being a scapegoat!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Tammuz 30th, IY 7789
Managing the Scribes is such an emotional twister... Mostly, it's just day-to-day humdrummery... then you have folk like Quinoa, deciding to run off with a mob of vigilantes, for some reason? I can't really figure him out. He's plain peculiar. Yet I didn't hire him, so, not my responsibility. You hire a weirdo, it's all on you! Though I guess I could tell the others to practise prudence in such things... yet I've already done so, like, multiple times, so...
And then there's Kiran, who has a bunch of lofty ideas. I really want to help her, yet it can be a real challenge... Explaining our budgetary limits, the boundaries of the Legate-Scribe relationship, our responsibilities as representatives of the Sultan... Doing all of that without letting her down! You kind of have to accept some realities around here, as sad as they might be. It's a job, and so, with it, comes all of the usual baggage. Can't really change that.
Anyhow, I do want to help her find this mysterious Stonefolk, who's really into jazz'eel... Yet I haven't heard a peep of him, so, I'm not sure what to do, other than luring him out with the sweet sounds of Baz'eel jazz'eel. I know plenty of musicians, but the jazz'eel scene...? Not really my thing, well, I do like the songs, but like, I don't really associate... Anyhow, I'm only vaguely aware of that gnome that Martin hired to play piano at the Pyramid. And there, I don't even have a name, so... What a conundrum!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Maribeh 1st, IY 7789
The sticker for this election is dedicated to Marcellus... It feels strange, staring at it within my scrapbook. Folk work through their grief in various ways, and transmuting those memories into silly stuffs and things is one that I'm particularly fond of... It can never truly capture whatever there once was, but I don't think that matters, really. Everything's in flux, anyhow, so having even a tiny morsel of some sort of truth is enough for me. It's complicated yet silly, which is just how everything tends to be, really. I think so, anyhow...
Thankfully, this time around, the election's not shoving a whole lot of extra labor onto my plate. Plenty of help, really, so, I can just focus on making sure that everyone has everything that they need. Well, everything that's within the budget, anyhow. And telling the tabulators not to tell me the votes...? A grand idea, because I don't have dinguses asking me about it all the time! So, I have some peace and quiet... which I use for far more important things! Like figuring out how we can save a bundle on cleaning costs. For example, there simply must be an ideal amount of citric acid, for each and every task. So, if I can figure that out, we'll save a pretty dinar. I'd ask an alchemist, but most of them are weirdos that don't care about such things...
And yeah, I know that the only ones that care about this sort of stuff are me and the custodians, but like... cleaning's super important? So are budgets, as boring as they might be. So, they won't sing my praises for this, but at least it'll make the labor easier for us...
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Maribeh 2nd, IY 7789
Jamileh went over a whole lot of ancient history with me... I don't really understand much about all that, but I guess she just needed an abat-voix. I think I'm a pretty good abat-voix. Though some folk like, just want you to just nod along, and what's the point of that...? You could just talk to the walls for the same effect! I suppose folk would stare at you like a loony, though... Folk see you talking with me, they start thinking that you're pretty neat! Oh, I get it now.
Anyhow, speaking of Jamileh, her hygiene is so terrible due to her sleeping habits, that even her bookcase had fleas! I don't really know how that's possible, but it's the truth! Thankfully nobody in our household caught any, so, all of the fleas flew the coop along with the case. I think they were scared of Inky? Couldn't have been me or Tonka, since we're far too cute for that.
FOUL SIPHONS! I SHALL RUN THEE DOWN FROM MINE ABODE!
Yeah, it was definitely Inky... Oh, and apparently, I had Jamileh worried. I don't know why. I'd totally tell her... but no, I do know why. It's just that I don't want to think about all that, myself? But still... I'm not the type to do something like that to my friends! I'm highly responsible, and respectful, and a bunch of other stuff starting with "res".
RESEDA!
Absolutely not!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Maribeh 3rd, IY 7789
Inky's gloating... because they were sort of right.
THOU WERE ERRONEOUS! MINE MENTAL PATTERNS PRODUCED CERTITUDE!
Sure, they make yellow dye out of it, but like, who would describe me as "yellow"? It makes no sense!
THOU CLAD THYSELF IN THE XANTHOUS REGALIA ENDURINGLY! THINE FORM HIBERNATES UPON THE SETTEE WITHIN ITS GOLDEN COCOON! THOU ART THE SWAIN IN SAFFRON!
I don't do any of that! Sure, on occasion, I get home real tired, so, yeah, I fall asleep, but it's not like I enjoy sleeping in it... as soft as it is... Anyhow, I admit it, you were sort of right. I hope you're happy!
JUBILATION!
Great... Anyhow, Lujayn's the new Legate. I gave her the big ol' tour, like always. Folk never seem to understand that new Legates have to actually learn how to do things... before you ask them to do them? So, she had like, a giant line of people, just constantly asking after her. It was really annoying! Anyhow, turns out that my key to the Divan still works... I didn't really want to let them in there, but they ran in right at the moment I tried the key! I couldn't stop them, and it was so awkward, so, when Vellum called, we went by the Divan ash sail, and like, it was pointless, because then Lujayn was real sleepy? I'm not sure why we took the ride down. She could've taken a nap in the garden. I'm sure that nobody would've minded that!
I wonder how many of such tours I've given...? I wonder how many are left?
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Maribeh 4th, IY 7789
The ShuSheSuSo gave me some money... well, it's not for me, I have to give it to Shum's first apprentice! Shum's fan club gives away money, my fan club has knife fights on rooftops... It's just not fair. Anyhow, I couldn't find Shum, because a trial had tired him out... Oh yeah, there was a trial. Another necromancer! It was like, so obvious, yet the Fourth still seemed to have trouble proving that...? They could just show that he has the evil tattoo! Everybody can recognize an evil tattoo!
Reminds me... I want to get a tattoo, too! Not an evil one, obviously... something cute! Like, how about a flock of birds in mid-flight? Wait, no, two swallows, flying towards each other! Oh, how about a nautical star, like, around the waist, so that you can only see it when you lift your shirt up? Oh, no, a butterfly, in all the colors of a rainbow! This is too hard! All of these sound simply grand, and like, completely unique. Nobody like me has ever had anything like this before, because there's only one of me!
I guess I could get all of them...
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Maribeh 5th, IY 7789
Vellum ordered a dress for Nerdywell... It was awful! Not the dress, the making of it, it was simply dreadful, I'm never making anything for her, because she's like, so disrespectful! My first design, which everyone else loved, she said that it looked like an "apron". She has never seen an apron in her entire life, if that's what she actually thinks! Like, it was just complete nonsense, really. How can you even begin to think that...?
And then, she insisted that I use this blindingly white dye, and only it, but I refused, so, I only used it as an accompanying color, because like, I just know that if that dress blinded someone, and it would've, then she would've blamed me for it. I simply don't understand how anyone could go running about in such a blindingly white dress...? It's like a miniature sun, or something. Horrible! Thankfully, she accepted my grand design in the end, so, it just had a little of that blinding white.
Also, she called waitresses "wenches", and obviously has no respect for service laborers, so, I'm going to tell every single one of my waiter and waitress friends that she's like that! I hope she enjoys spit in her soup! Anyhow, I did at least make a Lot of Money from this order... I'm going to give all of it to charity! That way, someone's utterly terrible taste is transformed into something good... or something. I'm so tired after that mess...
I hope Vellum at least appreciated the ribbon I sold her, at like, a massive discount. It was meant for me, but my contours simply accentuated it too much, so, it was no fit for my uniform. Makes for a pleasant wrap for a gift, though!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Maribeh 6th, IY 7789
Ours is a studious family! I'm learning how to play guitar... the one that Alejandro gave to me... Inky's studying succulents, because I have a lot of books about them, due to aloe being such a wondrous plant! Tonka's becoming an accomplished dancer, due to her constantly mimicking me and my smooth moves! And Magnifica...? Well, apparently she's learning the mathematicks, because she will only accept a certain amount of chicky feed! Now, I'm not even going to bother figuring out that amount myself... so, I'm lucky enough to have a choosy chicken who also happens to be magickal. The magick means that she's smarter! ...than a chicken, not me, I'm just like, differently intellectual.
Anyhow, I'm not going to be one of those weirdos that carry their guitar all over the place... Like, I don't mean the bards, or the street musicians, I mean the real weirdos, who aren't doing it for the art, or even money, but rather just for the attention... and then they sing some song about a bunch of obvious shite, but present it as something deep that only they've got figured out... If another guy like that tries to "impress" me with their bullshit, I'm going to slam their twanger right through their noggin! Now, that's some real music!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Maribeh 7th, IY 7789
I finally found a proper charity for that money I got from Nerdywell... well, from Vellum, I guess. Yet it's Nerdywell's terrible taste that paid for this! Anyhow, the charity? It's for fixing up the crypt that creepy necromancer broke into! The dead should be allowed to rest in peace... they've led a hard life! Probably. Anyhow, the charity was tied to an event, and the event was musical! That's my favorite kind of charity! So, I had absolutely no regrets whatsoever, after hearing Maewyn's melodic music. She's grand!
Of course, to Rynn, she's even grander, but I'm not an expert on all that, so, it kind of just seems like Rynn falls for absolutely any lady? Like, if you could appropriately call a woman a lady, they're probably her type? I don't know, I obviously don't go for the ladies. Nor do I go for the gents, because anyone whom you can call a "gent" is probably real boring, whereas a "guy" is someone whom you can trust to give you an eventful evening! They probably wear top hats, too, which, despite their name, are at the very bottom of the hat list!
What else...? Oh, they officiated... officialized... oh, whatever, they made that smithing guild a big deal, so, now, they're called "Forgemasters". That's a mighty big title, but it kind of paints a strong picture. Overly so, I'd say! Like, it makes me think of an absolutely massive forge, manned by a most strapping lad! Now that's a Forgemaster that you can trust... But there's no forges like that anywhere around here, or guys like that... Real disappointing. It's real picturesque! Which is why I'd paint it... call it "labor art". A truly wondrous prospect, because the best way to show that someone's like, a most diligent laborer? Just give them a lot of muscle! No need for subtlety here!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Maribeh 8th, IY 7789
Rynn told me that she's a fairy! I'm not sure if I believe that... yet many of the signs are there! She's deathly allergic to certain metals... She's flighty and easily distracted... granted, that's mostly around the ladies, but it's still notable! Also, she has white hair, which is like, either a sign that you're a fairy, an elf, Selwyn, or a grandma. Or grandpa. And she's like, one of those first two. Elves can become grandpas and grandmas in a familial sense, but not in appearance or spirit, because elven aging is weird. So, she's either an elf or a fairy. Those are fifty-fifty chances! I know some math.
Anyhow, everyone was like, so disrespectful and distracted today, that I didn't even get to tell the tale of the time that I saved a cruise ship! It's a most exciting tale, too... Well, it's pretty short, I guess, since it's mostly about this one time when I was a stowaway, back in my wild days, because I wanted to see how the rich folk vacation. Anyhow, the ship came by this rock, and on the rock, sat this harlot of a siren! She was screeching like crazy, and apparently that's appealing to some folk...? So, some of the crew were enchanted by her shrieking, but I was completely fine, so, I grabbed a nearby bucket, and threw it at her! I think it was the seagull doo-doo bucket. Anyhow, she fell right into the waters... I think I put her into a coma! And that's the tale of how I saved a cruise ship.
I did tell Peyton this story, earlier... He's a good listener! I didn't get down to the bucket details, though. It's just not polite to talk about. Anyhow, Inky insists that they knew Peyton's great-great-great-times-a-thousand-aunt. I'm not sure if I believe that, though, since I think I kind of created Inky...? Okay, so, I probably didn't create them, I just woke them up, or something... Anyhow, like, being a partial liquid, Inky functions in mysterious ways, so, maybe like, ages ago, a tiny drop of pigment that now coelesces within Inky's form, truly did meet this aunt...? But back then, they were like, part of some tapestry that the aunt was looking at? Like, one of those tapestries with the mallards. Those are so cute! I wouldn't hang it up on my own wall, but it's just one of those cute sort of decors that adds a little bit of soul to some horrid dive... like the Krak!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Maribeh 9th, IY 7789
Bit of a tussle between the Legates, today... Well, okay, it didn't actually get physical. Just a real awkward argument about past agreements... I don't really get those? Not past agreements, arguments about them! Comes as a surprise to some Legates that there's a degree of persistence to such things... If we threw everything in the bin whenever a new Legate gets elected, we'd get nothing at all done! In fact, that'd probably be the craziest city to ever exist... Would make for a great satirical play, I suppose. I don't watch those, there's always a thick layer of smugness around them... Like, they give everyone these names, where it's obvious whom they're parodying, yet that's supposed to be genius! When I do that in my novelettes, it's just because giving someone a stupid name is absolutely hilarious! Dare to be stupid!
Anyhow, the situation calmed down eventually, thankfully... Leads to a lot of folk asking me about ancient paperwork, though. I hate that, because they always assume that I carry absolutely everything on me at all times, or that I've transcribed everything that's ever happened. I can't be everywhere at once! Even the one place I tend to be in is like, usually pretty interesting, so, nothing to do with whatever paperwork you want, unless it's about the actually interesting things that I do, which I do not approve the recording of. Why's everyone so obsessed with audits, too...? It's just a bunch of meaningless numbers that you don't understand, anyhow! Care about something meaningful!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Maribeh 10th, IY 7789
What a peculiar bit of entertainment the tournament was! I do not really approve of such bloodshed, but, sometimes there's not really much to do around here, so, I went anyhow... I'd have preferred wrestling, because at least that's manly. I do not usually approve of "manly" poppycock, but wrestling is a grand pastime! Anyhow, nobody wrestled, so, it was kind of a disappointment, and also, they beat up Mama Sandy, which was awful, even though sand sharks are a giant nuisance, it's just kind of weird to do that to a caged animal...
Anyhow, things got real weird, eventually, it started raining, and thunder kissed the stonework, and soon, both of those were purple! Purple rain, purple rain, it soaked the entire arena, and I'm not entirely sure how that all happened, I think it might've been our guests from Il Modo or wherever weirdos come from, well, I guess it's not a general , but rather these particular weirdos came from somewhere... There was a guy obsessed with eels... no, not Domhnall... and a guy who kept spinning a giant shield around like a dreidl! Vellum doesn't know what a dreidl is. I think she had an absolutely dull childhood. Mine was awful, but at least I had a dreidl, that was made from clay.
Granted, it wasn't the same one all the time, because the other kids kept nicking it, and I nicked theirs, too, so... that's how dreidl exchange works on the streets!
Oh, some folk died, too, because some of the duels were to the death... I certainly do not approve of such! They really should've just wrestled. That'd have been completely fine, and then like, you'd have had pretty good stories, too...? Like, wrestling needs a story, everyone knows that, and I think a giant spinning shield is a great gimmick to frame one around! Though honestly, I'd have preferred a giant dreidl. I miss dreidls. I don't miss that stinking alley, though... or those other kids... or anything else at all, really, but I really liked the dreidls.
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Maribeh 11th, IY 7789
What a peculiar dream I had! Granted, it was mauve, like usual, but for some reason, the Astronomers were there, and I don't usually dream of them... I do dream of Lucian a lot, but it's like, me solving the grand mystery surrounding him, yet never quite managing, because whenever I have the solution in my hands, the dream ends! Anyhow, I was flying and floating like usual, but Mro Po was screaming, for some reason... Usually, he just gives me food. Like, both in real life, and in my dreams! I didn't really like that part... the screaming, that is. It was highly uncomfortable. I did get in some dreamtime yoga, though. I think when folk say stuff like, "jog my memory", that's like, a literal version of that, doing exercise in your dreams. It's real good for the mind, I find!
Anyhow, the dream got even weirder, because we were like, pushed into the insides of a whale. Well, I thought it was a whale, at first, but Zol Nur, who was in my dream as just himself, instead of a giant moon, like the usual, insisted that it was some other sort of giant being, instead. In fact, I think it was Erugi. Anyhow, we eventually got out of there, but not before Shum was an absolute dingus and nearly got himself... well, not killed, but it was really dangerous and unresponsible of him. He should be giving the Nadiri good examples, instead of absolute shite ones!
Then the dream ended, and we found ourselves in jail! It wasn't dream jail, like, it was actual jail, oh yeah, I think we we're in Lujayn's office, first, then we were in jail, and I think Zol Nur tried eating the bench shroom because he like, got right back in the cell even after we we're let out. Something like that, anyhow. Oh yeah, and then the giant orb from the dream, like, I forgot to tell about them, but there was this giant orb of light in the dream, well, it was small at first, anyhow, this orb, it got out of the dream, somehow? I call them Borb. They got a little too friendly with the Stele! Like, they fused, and everything... Played a mean ol' prank on Zol Nur! That's not nice! Certainly not something I'd be doing if I was just born... well, I'm not sure if they were born, I don't know how these tulip spirits work, and I don't remember anything about what Azimi told me about them, so, I don't really even care? Why are they named after tulips, anyhow?
What a peculiar dream!
ABSOLUTE NONSENSE!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Maribeh 12th, IY 7789
Lately, there's great interest in the ruins down below... It's like, so imprudent, or something. Sure, it's kind of exciting, but so is finding a new teahouse! Far less dangerous, too... Yet nobody around here settles for the mundane! They want danger, and excitement, and it doesn't really matter if the former affects others, as well. How selfish! Like, sure, solve a mystery or two, but at least like, be prepared to take responsibility for whatever backlash is hiding behind the solution...?
I don't know, I'm just kind of tired of folk going down there, and then the very ground churns, and there's a heap of trouple, and then they act all offended when folk get mad at them. It's your fault! What did you expect...? Anyhow, at least Jamileh's troupe understands that on some level... Never writes reports, though. Jamileh, I mean. Her disciples... and yes, she has disciples... do that! Well, occasionally. Most of them never reach me... then folk are like, "oh, you did hear about this or that, right" and I have to nod along, even though I only know that there was a quake.
Even reading the scarce reports that do make their way to me is too much! How can anyone lead such a life? I'll stick to exploring the Souk!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Maribeh 13th, IY 7789
I really don't understand where some of my colleagues get their ideas from... Some of them are simply terrible! Like garrisoning troops in Tlonsiyya? I nearly spat out my coffee while reading that one! It's like they're yearning for yet another war, or something... Why not just focus on trade? That works. Like, even the worst of enemies are forced to trade around here, so... just stick to that, instead of handing a gaseous bell to Qa'im!
CASUS BELLI!
I don't care how it's spelled! It's yet more of that fancy talk for dumb snobs! Don't even know why I wrote that instead of something plain... Work must be getting to me. Besides, "gaseous bell" is better, because like, that's offensive, so, metaphorically, it makes sense for someone to get offended at it? Whatever. I still think I did an absolutely terrible job at diplomacy, but if this the sort of approach others take, maybe I was just the least terrible...? Who knows! What I do know is that I never want to engage in that, ever again!
Those Tlonsiyyan inventions are really neat, too... So, why not focus on getting more of them? Like, I want some of their windmills. A windmill on every roof! Now that's real rustic and quaint! Though they're kind of noisy, I suppose... I guess some of our inventors could try making them quieter? Then again, maybe that'd be too dangerous. The herons would keep flying right into them! Some folk around here would jump into them, probably. Just to try how it feels. Weirdos!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Maribeh 14th, IY 7789
Occasionally, even I know words... and managed to help Rynn through that knowledge! Well, it was Inky, really, reminding me about my notes. They're basically my dictionary, and secretary, and a bunch of other important roles. It's real helpful!
THY MEMORY IS LIKE A SPONGE. HIGHLY ABSORBENT, YET FULL OF HOLES!
Yeah? It's like, why I keep this diary, anyhow. Though I only write about the interesting stuff... so, I've got you for the utterly boring stuffs and things! I guess the word was sort of interesting, though...
IT WAS PIVOTAL! AN ABUNDANT ABUTMENT! THROUGH IT, CONTEXT IS REVEALED!
Oh, I guess it does do that... Oh well. It's not like anybody asks me about stuff like that. It's like, audits and taxes. And then they get real mad that I don't know the exact numbers, because they're utter bores. Like, you're going to forget them anyhow! Why do you care...? Anyhow, words are far more interesting than numbers, so, I guess I'd appreciate if I knew the entirety of the Colossi vocabulary! Though I'm not really sure what I'd do with that knowledge, anyhow... Like, I'd write some letters to the Ayyabas, maybe? Or maybe Alkab. I'd ask them a bunch of stuff, like, ancient recipes and such.
ALL THE DISC'S KNOWLEDGE AT THY GRASP, AND THOU WOULD ASK FOR A BETTER SHAKSHOUKA! SUCH SQUANDER!
Well, I could actually use that myself, and like I said, it's not like anyone ever asks me about anything useful, anyhow, so... at least it'd benefit our household!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Maribeh 15th, IY 7789
Dreams are a real source of inspiration... my latest design was given to me through just them! And no, it isn't whale-themed, or whatever... It's unicorns, instead! Well, I dreamt about this herald, whom rode on a mighty unicorn! Mighty beautiful, that is. My dreams don't really have that sort of machismo, usually. A deeper beauty is found instead, granted by the juxtaposing qualities of androgyny! So yeah, the herald was hot, hot, hot! They just happened to be wearing a most striking outfit, too... the reconstruction of which I hope to be most pleasing to all the heralds of the Well! It's not the most abundant profession, but still...
I guess I could do something whale-themed... Hit that fatso demographic. Yet once you take that road, you can never return, so... nah.
It does make me wonder, however... It's my dream, but it came from somewhere...? So, is it truly my own design? It's not like I can remember the entirety of it all... It's just kind of a faint echo of what I think I saw in the dream, so, maybe that's enough for it to be truly original? Yeah, I think so. And well, everything comes from somewhere, so... if this isn't enough, nothing is! Yeah!
Anyhow, such dreams are simply pleasant. Now, I'm wondering if I should get an unicorn tattoo...? I've been considering tattoos a lot. Maybe a peacock! Or just go wild and get a whole lot of them... or maybe I should just maintain the natural look...? Motifs are important, and they're like, achieved only through maintaining them... I think. Oh, I'm just babbling, really! Mostly because I feel really good about this design! It's so grand!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Maribeh 16th, IY 7789
As fun as tennis is, I really need a new hobby, because the more hobbies you have, the more relaxed you are. And I need to relax a lot! So, I'm finally picking up ballet, again. I guess it's not really a new hobby, because it's just a different sort of dancing, and I've tried it before...? Yet it's not like everything in my life has to be completely new. Anyhow, I got my ballet skirt, because like, it's far more fun spinning in a skirt, than just leggings? You kind of become a living dreidl. It's grand!
Also gives me an excuse to wear a skirt more, too... A true tailor wears all the articles of clothing that they make! You cannot understand style if you do not feel it... And so, by becoming a ballerina, I can learn how to make skirts that bear no restrictions on one's graceful motion! It just makes perfect sense, you know?
I've already got an idea for a new turn... I call it the "reverse pirouette"! It's like a pirouette, only you get up on one hand, and spin around, balancing on it! I'm already pretty good at it... I don't know why they don't already do this at shows...? It's graceful, and a great deal of fun! Also, it builds core strength... I think. So, you get at least three benefits out of it. That's pretty grand!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Maribeh 17th, IY 7789
Orin's a real big nerd! Which is unfortunate, because he radiates that trait to such an extent, that now a big ol' bully has set his eyes on him! He was giving a lecture on magick... which, by the way, didn't actually teach any magick tricks, which is really lame... when this big ol' feller came in, and started throwing doo-doo at him! Actual poo! It was horrible! I tried washing him off with citric acid, but that didn't help any... It was some strong shit.
Didn't help that he soiled himself, too! So embarrassing... I'm not sure how he can appear in public after that...? It's perfectly understandable if he seals himself in the dormitory for all eternity after this!
I offered him some help on how to become less of a nerd, yet he refused! I don't get it. I don't even charge for my services! I'd have given him a training routine... introduced him to some strongmen... taught him a few healthy recipes... most of which involve grapes and legumes, because the powerful nutrients contained within wash away the nerd... Like, I'd have given him so much, yet he decided to stay a nerd, instead! I guess staying true to yourself is important, but like, can't you be like, just slightly less of a nerd? One of the rare strong ones... that get like, so obsessed about their exercise, that they make statistics about it...? That still won't get you any dates, but at least you'll look great?
I should ask Cogsworth to invent a poo reflector... Someone throws shit at you, and it bounces right back at them! Such a thing would come useful surprisingly often around here...
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Maribeh 18th, IY 7789
Back to winning... I suppose that's not a healthy way of thinking about it, but losing stings a lot! I was pretty doubtful, this time around... which wasn't helped any by the model that Haknar brought in! It was the courier, Najelin. She almost had a panic attack! Multiple times! So, I was pretty sure that she was going to vomit during the demonstration. Now, that might work for some avant-garde pieces, but this was very much traditional, knightly affair, so, no vomiting permitted! However, she somehow managed to find some confidence, eventually... or at least to fake it! So, she did an okay job, all things considered!
Otherwise, the show was complete chaos... and somehow, the least of it was the Goat Shaman setting... cold fire to the carpet? It was supposed to look fancy... instead, . I'm pretty sure that those carpets cost at least ten thousand dinars! What a waste! Anyhow, the absolute worst was this total travesty that Aurelio brought in. I'm not sure what to even call it, really. It was not an outfit. It was a mishmash of rags... the colors of which looked as if someone had vomited all over them after swallowing a painter's palette. The actual thing, not the flower. Oh, what a beautiful bud! Far more pleasant to think about! I need to get one for our home!
So, a success for myself, yet kind of a miserable failure on a more general level... but at least I got paid! That's grand. However, Jamileh keeps asking me for transcripts about my dreams? I don't do that. Why would anyone do that? Like, I get dream journals, but transcripts? You'd have to be a right-on boring to do stuff like that! It's not like I even remember most of it... it's just vague impressions. Like, most of which remains is probably just that... impressions that came later! I'm just going to tell her those, because it's all I have!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Maribeh 19th, IY 7789
Yet another necromancer... Where do they keep coming from? And no, it can't be just the Sandstone, that's ridiculous! How do some of them manage to hide there, anyhow...? You'd think that those rabid dogs that they have would sniff them out. After all, everyone knows that dogs and necromancers are mortal enemies! Because of bones. They both like bones. Yet there's not enough of them for both!
He had a necromancer name, too. Like, they all do. It's all Barry Bonesniffer, or Ossie Osseous, or simply Sammy Skeleton. Stuff like that. Real obvious! It's like they're not even trying! Now, if you were to name yourself like, Fabian Fabliau, nobody would suspect a thing! They'd just think that you write scatological stories, instead! And that is still better than being a necromancer... What's in a name, anyhow? Do folk actually gravitate towards what their name indicates? Well, maybe some do. The utter bores, anyhow. It's like, far more interesting to have a contradiction there, rather than just the blatant...
Anyhow, he was promptly executed after discovery! Thank the heavens!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Maribeh 20th, IY 7789
I had some leftover ranginak... I left to trim my eyebrows, and when I came back, it was gone! Vanished! I thought Tonka had claimed the tasty treat, but it was Inky, instead! What a scoundrel!
MINE EXPERIMENTS REQUIRED SUCH A DELICACY!
What experiments? What are you on about, now?
ANT EXPERIMENTS.
Wait a minute, is that why the sidewalk was so full of ants? Have you been feeding them? Don't feed ants, that just makes them get lazy! They have to work for their meal!
IF THE COMMON DESERT ANT CAN BE DOMESTICATED, THEY WOULD BE A MOST PRIZED ADDITION TO THE WELL'S LABOR FORCE. MANY A DIMUNITIVE INFRASTRUCTURE PROJECT COULD BE FINISHED IN FAR LESS SPATIO-TEMPORAL UNITS THAN EVER BEFORE!
That sounds completely useless! What of such size could possibly be of any use to us...?
TINY TOWERS.
Tiny towers?
TINY TOWERS. FOR BROWNIES.
Okay... Well, I'm not going to help this housing project of yours, not with my pastries, anyhow! You'll just have to use your allowance on it! And you also have to ensure that the ants don't become a nuisance!
THAT ALLOWANCE IS FOR MINE PAPERBACKS! THOU BAMPOT! THOU GANEF! THOU
Hey! Hey! How am I the ganef when it was you that stole my tasty pastry in the first place?!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Maribeh 21st, IY 7789
Borb is quickly becoming a big ol' nuisance! It keeps playing tricks that are funny only to itself, and only itself... Well, I guess a floating janissary is kind of funny, but I don't approve of meat-based pranks, which are somehow worse than poo-based ones... Oh, that's what it did. It took control of the Chamber, threw all the janissaries into the air, and started secreting mauve and mellow yellow fumes! One of each for each door of the Chamber... I told the Astronomers that they had to choose, and quickly, and instead, they just spent all that precious time twiddling their thumbs about it, so, I had to go inside, first. I chose mauve, of course!
Probably because of all that wasted time, Borb got really annoying, and started throwing meat all over the place... I was horrified! Like, I don't like raw meat to begin with, so, having it tossed around out of the blue is simply terrifying. It didn't help that one of the gawkers... and there were many of them, since in such a tiny town just about everyone has to come and gawk, even if it's the very centre of governance and you really shouldn't be there... anyhow, one of the gawkers tried pissing in the Chamber! That's even more horrid than the stream of raw meat! Thankfully, they didn't do that... If they had, they'd be an eunuch, now!
I don't know what to do about Borb, myself... The Astronomers better figure it out! We can't have such prankery and tomfoolery happening in the Chamber, it's like, a totally important place. Pranks should happen in places that are the complete opposite of that... like student dorms. So, maybe Borb should go to the Sandstone. Pranks are just the norm around there!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Maribeh 22nd, IY 7789
How grand ballet is... I feel like a swan in mid-flight during some of these moves! And well, I probably kind of look like one during a split leap! That's one of my favorites! Now, thanks to the blessing of Tavuskusu, I can even float down gently, afterwards... well, occasionally, it's not the strongest of blessings. I don't really know how that sort of stuff works, anyhow. However... Tonka keeps taking my ballet gloves! Well, one of them... She hides it, and expects me to find it! It's a game to her, and unfortunately, one of her favorite ones. I wouldn't mind if she wasn't so devilishly good at it!
It really has me inspired, and I might just start a new trend, based on it... Oh, not kitty-hide-the-object-and-seek... ballet! There's a great sense of style to it! If it can be casualized, I think there's a lot of potential to it... After all, why wouldn't you want to look like a fancy dancer, at all times? The slippers are so comfy, too... Well, perhaps not the best for desert travel, but for a stroll around town...? Simply magnificent! Now, I was thinking of what to name this new style, but then I kind of gave up on it, because who gives a shit about names? It's all about the aesthetic! The name is completely secondary, or even tertiary!
I still haven't found my glove!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Maribeh 23rd, IY 7789
Quinoa threw a contraband hide at me! It was all bloody and ragged... How horrible! Thankfully, it landed before my stylish slippers, instead of on me. I think he intended it to be like, a rug...? He's a real peculiar one. I can't really figure him out. I would appreciate the gesture if there was actually any thought behind it...?
Which is just what was necessary to finish the order from Najelin! I thought I did a pretty good job... and she seemed pleased... yet afterwards, she didn't wear it at all. It's a labor uniform, and she seems to be working all the time...? So... she probably didn't actually like it. I'm not sure how to feel about that... I really need the money from these custom orders, but every now and then, it's just so obvious that they don't actually like it. So, it's labor for just the money, and nothing else... Feels kind of hollow.
Thankfully, I got some actual joy out of Jamileh's little order... She wanted her sleeves shortened! So, I did just that. Now, that task itself wasn't that joyous, because Jamileh's attire is completely flea-ridden. I had to have a big ol' bath right after. However... Jamileh's old sleeves made for great sleeve puppets! Simply attach a pair of buttons, stitch in a smile, and you have a funny face! Oh, and stitch the other end of the sleeve shut, too, of course... I gave them to these orphans, who simply loved them! So, that perked me up, a lot... Far more fun than snobby customers!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Maribeh 24th, IY 7789
The Terrace pulled up...
the Sublime Sultan hopped out!
Well, I suppose it was far more involved than that, with a lot of geomancy and hydromancy involved. It sure was splashy, that's for sure! Kind of makes me feel insecure about my own entrances... but just kind of. I think I still prefer just, like, sort of strolling onto the scene, all casual? Now that's real keen... and something that Lucian has truly mastered! His entrances are so subtle, that his exits count as entrances for most people!
Anyhow, they gave me a medal... I'm not sure if I deserve one, because far more people did far more. I guess I saved some people? I guess. Getting medals is still mighty peculiar, and not something that I'm at all used to... besides ones given at beauty pageants! And I'm pretty sure those medals were stolen and it was just an excuse for creepy guys to oggle at true beauty for once in their ugly lifetimes. Whatever!
I also held a Princess' hand, again... Last time, they gave me a stern talking-to for doing so! Thankfully, the Sultan arrived after that, this time around... Now, even though my taste is painfully obvious, some folk are so oblivious that they just don't get it. Despite it making its presence known by basically screaming it from the mountain tops for everyone to hear! Yet some folk are blind, deaf and mute to such signs! The muteness is because they can't even talk about it!
Now, I'm already packing my luggage... My sarong and my flippy floppies!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Maribeh 25th, IY 7789
Inky saw my beach preparations, and got absolutely ridiculous about it... They poured zinc all over themselves! They were white as a ghost, for a while... okay, it wasn't that frightening, looked more like they had robbed my pantry, instead... yet that is all that it takes to scare some people, like my neighbors! Nearly had a heart attack...
MINE FORM MUST BE SHELTERED FROM THE FOUL GAZE OF PRA'RAJ, AND THE ABHORRENT ABNORMALITY BAPTIZED AS "TAN LINES"!
You're mostly liquid, you dingus! You can't get them! Besides, they look hot, hot, hot... well, if situationed tastefully, and on like, actual people, instead of primordial pools of pigment, which, like I just said, can't actually get them, anyhow!
NAY! THE FADING OF INK IS, IN TRUTH, THE SAME PHENOMENON... MERELY IN REVERSE!
That makes absolutely no sense whatsoever! Fine, you can have a little zinc, just so that you shut up... But if you pretend to be a ghost again, you're grounded!
THE NARROW MINDSET OF PERSONAGES SIMPLY CANNOT PROCESS THE COMPLEXITIES CONTAINED WITHIN MY BADINAGE!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Maribeh 26th, IY 7789
Some creep kidnapped Jamileh! It's horrible... She was so traumatized, that she didn't even want to talk with me about it, despite my many offers! So, I didn't push it... and spent the day as usual, instead. Some folk need a degree of normalcy to move on from such things? I think so, anyhow, I'm not a physician. You have to study like, ten years, to become one, and I've no patience for such!
Yet I couldn't really do the usual, because there was some sort of incident at Selwyn's hall...? I mean their old home. It was also the Torchbearer Hall, and a bunch of other places, I guess. I wish Selwyn had invited me for tea more often... Anyhow, there was a big ol' mess there, and they had to torch the place! It was absolutely terrible! So many memories, all burned to ash... Why can't things just like, stay regular, for even a spell, around here? Then again the regular here is the irregular, so, that wish doesn't really work out how I'd like it to...
So, it was quite an eventful day. What a pity that all the events were absolute shite! The only morsel of joy was seeing Haknar try to bribe someone with pastries! He nearly got them to agree, too... The allure of pastries can hardly be resisted! Yet I only have one a week, so, I'm pretty iron-willed!
Also... Tonka hid my ballet glove, again! I can't find it!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Maribeh 27th, IY 7789
Why are some folks so opposed towards tipping...? Obviously, if you get paid a little extra money, then you have more money than you would've had without the tip! Supposedly, that causes employers to pay you less...? What nonsense! You obviously don't tell your employer anything about your tips, like, at all! That way, you get to keep all the money! It's just simple economics, really...
Of course, in my line of work, they're called bribes, instead, and I give all of them towards charity... Yet the approach is the same! Never tell anyone how many bribes you got, and never tell anyone how much charity you gave, despite the tradition! Why? Because if you're public about your good deeds, you get stuck in absolutely boring conversations with Lilies about the nature of charity... And even if you don't tell at first, but then do that when they accuse you of never helping anyone, then they'll get real annoying about it, like, "why didn't you tell in the first place, it's obvious that you don't actually do any of that", and then you obviously don't give them any actual sums, because why would you remember any of that, and then they ask where all that money is coming from, and it's a big ol' mess...? I gave someone a piece of parkin, and was accused of importing "foreign molasses"! It's a tasty treat, you dingus!
So, the best approach to charity is to never tell anyone that you're doing that, because then everyone is perfectly happy, except for contrarians whom nobody loves, anyhow!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Maribeh 28th, IY 7789
Not much to write about, today... Not all of my days can be absolutely filled to the brim with intrigue! Just most! Like, a really big majority... Almost all of them! Today, however, was pleasantly quiet, and nothing bad happened! Inky just spent their day reading, instead of getting up to peculiar schemes... My guidebook to knots! I mean, I didn't write it, it's just mine in the possessive sense... There's hundreds of different sort of knots in that thing! I'm sure that absolutely nothing loathsome will come from their new obsession!
I tried coxcombing my packages, but nobody else got it, so, every single time, I had to explain it, and then they forgot the significance, anyhow, so, it was just a bunch of explaining...
Even little Tonka was a most courteous lady, today! Well, she's like that most of the time, but she didn't even get stuck on top of my oversized bookcase, or hide anything, she just napped all day long... The thing about the glove hiding, is that it's actually good practise... for tailoring, that is, because she's way too good at it, so, any hope of finding those gloves is simply scarce, and I can make a new glove in far less time! Oh, reminds me, I really want to make a ribbon for her, yet I'm afraid that she'd just hide that, as well!
Anyhow... I've got to say that it was a good day!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Maribeh 29th, IY 7789
I'm in the history books, now! What an accomplishment! The book is quite good, and detailed, but it simply has far too many dates... Like, I prefer those history books, that only have a date at like, the start of a chapter, and then it's like, a detailed yet humorous synopsis of some handsome lad's day! They should write a book like that about me! Well, they shouldn't, because they wouldn't know what my day is actually like, and I'm not telling!
Also, Aaisha returned from Baz'eel... or maybe she was here, all this time, just skulking in the shadows? That'd be a world record for skulking. It'd make Vellum jealous! I don't really approve of such skulkery, in truth... In fact, it's plain peculiar. Sure, you hear a lot of gossip by doing that, but you're also moving about like a weirdo, and I'm kind of like, more pronounced, and such? When I enter a room, everyone notices! Why'd you want anything less...?
I'm glad that she's back, or, at least visible, again, since there's a ton of work involved that I just don't understand, like, at all, where I just kind of nod my head and go "uh-huh, uh-huh", because that makes folk think that you know and understand what they're talking about? I still don't know what to do about audits... So many dinguses ask me about those, these days, and if I just shoved them into her lap, that'd be simply cruel! So, I'm not going to do that. Yet if she volunteers, she can have all of them!
Though I'm not sure if anyone would actually appreciate any of that work... I feel like the moment they get thorough audit paperwork in their hands, they'll just move onto the next annoying, utterly meaningless topic to obsess over! What nonsense!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Maribeh 30th, IY 7789
They're finally finishing the work on the new temple... I actually spent some time at the worksite! Why? Because the hustle and bustle of labor is far more pleasant to listen to than a thousand screams for audits! In fact... I could have a most enjoyable nap in there, despite the hammering! I did have nightmares about hammers with arms and legs chasing me, but, still...
Apparently, some gnome in a loincloth "prophetized" the temple's construction. That's what the Legates think, anyhow. Personally? I think he just passed by the construction site, and put one and one together, and then just told them that. I mean, it's pretty easy to figure out? You don't need the gift for that! Though I'm not sure if it's a gift, really. I wouldn't want to see the future! I live in the now! I'm the wind!
Anyhow, they wanted me to find that gnome, for some reason... I don't really get it. You start searching for loinclothed gnomes, and be real loud about it, and you're bound to catch a bad reputation! So, I made certain that it was obvious that it's the weirdo Legates whom want him... for some reason...
What else? Oh! A bunch of folk are being real annoying about the new district! They expect it to just pop up out of the ground like there was no labor involved, at all! It's a new district! It's not one cottage! Yet you can't expect these dinguses to be capable of any reason... Everything has to happen immediately!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Maribeh 31st, IY 7789
One of the Builders did something to the Stele, and now, we have far more thorough taxation! I did not know that Builders know anything about taxes, but apparently they're highly versatile creatures, capable of many a great deed... and taxes! Now, of course, because one of the taxes directly targets caravaneers, there's bound to be a lot of complaining. Which there already was! "Where's the numbers, why is it so high, why can't I just keep killing goblins without contributing anything else at all to society?"
I hate it!
Thankfully, they compensated me for a sign... a tax sign. I think folk will blow it up, anyhow, but hey, it wasn't my money, so, I don't really care much! It's just such a hassle to manage all these signs! There's a bunch that I've probably forgotten about... but it doesn't matter, because nobody reads them, anyhow! Like, this sign? People will calm down, because it's there, but they will never, ever, actually read it! That's guaranteed!
Oh, and we have a new Scribe... His name is "Bloodrump". That's not a joke! That's his actual name! I just call him "Rump", because that's somehow more pleasant than his full name. It's peculiar... Real nice guy, though!
Anyhow... what else...? Oh, right. I wish Vellum wouldn't use the word "onus"! It is most dubious! In a real loud room, you're bound to mishear it, and that'll just be a big ol' mess...
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Tabbah 1st, IY 7789
Whenever folk ask me about taxes, I tell them to speak to the Taxman, instead... They don't believe that he exists! Now, admittedly, I don't know his actual name, but he's as real as... my kačamak! Which I'm having with cheese... delicious! Anyhow, some folk are even deluded enough to think that the Taxman is... me! I don't even do my own taxes! I pay the Taxman to do it! So, I obviously can't be him, because I can't pay myself for a service that I can't perform...
Good heavens! This really is delicious!
What else...? Oh, right! al-Mirza asked my help with... outer... ior decor. I gave him like, very clear instructions on how to do it, and he did the complete opposite! He placed benches right dab in the way of folk going through the Souk! That's no good! I told him to place them between the palms, right in the middle... Everyone else agreed that's the best option! I don't really know why some people ask me for instruction, when they just like, utterly ignore it, in the end. How annoying!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Tabbah 2nd, IY 7789
Yesterday, some kid threw doo-doo at Iacto... Today, every other child in the Well is looking for him to do the same! Well, the ones that hang around the Pyramid, anyhow... I'm not sure if I approve of such games. And not because I feel sorry for Iacto, but rather due to the horrid stench! Listening to him talk is already insufferable enough, but if you add an unpleasant aroma on top of it, well... It's just too much!
Still a safer game than the ones I got up to as a child... Pickpocketing rich folk is a good way to lose your fingers!
Oh, and someone's leaking files from the archives... How utterly annoying! They'll be promptly fired whenever I discover who it is! Thankfully, we don't keep the most important files in there... In fact, I should probably start doing what I've been considering for quite some time, now! Place a few "trap" documents in there, just so some idiot can leak utter nonsense! Yet I am not certain at all how to do that without someone thinking that they're real and performing legitimate labor with their false guidance... Maybe it's not a good idea at all?
It'd be real funny, though!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Tabbah 3rd, IY 7789
There was another tremor in the night! It woke our entire household... I do wish that folk would simply cease going down there! No good can come out of it! Like, you'd think folk would realize that spelunking around in a hole that causes tremors, and has horrible nasties flooding out every other time, is an utterly terrible idea! If I knew geomancy, I'd simply place a giant slab of stone in the way, and I'd keep doing that, because they'd blow up at least a hundred of them before giving up...
I couldn't sleep afterwards, so, I made a real lazy version of kesme, just to have something tasty... It was so lazy, that it was embarrassing! Thankfully I had no nightly visitors! I would've simply died if anyone that actually cares had seen such an utterly lazy effort... Can't even call it an effort, really... Yet I wanted something to eat!
I also had to spend an hour, calming Tonka down... The tremors really stress her out! These spelunkers really have no consideration at all for others! What dickweeds!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Tabbah 4th, IY 7789
Someone blew up my sign! The studio's sign, this time around... Thankfully, Zol Nur hired some nice fellow to fix it up good! Just in time, too, because Granny Golnar needed some socks, and my sign is the best way to learn that I make those! Maybe I should also advertise on the bellows, but I kind of don't feel like being a bother... I think it'd just be annoying, whereas a prudently placed sign can simply guide folk towards a great deal, and most talented artisanship! It's more voluntary, I think. Anyhow, Granny Golnar's feet were saved from the deathly cold of the night! Hooray!
I do wonder if the heinous villain who sabotaged my sign even considered such consequences! Maybe that was even their actual intent...? Assassinating poor Granny Golnar in a way that makes it look like natural causes...? How wily!
Though... I heard that it's all the work of the same vandal! Supposedly, they've blown up a bunch of furniture... Why? Nobody knows! So, it probably isn't about Granny Golnar, in the end. Unless it's like, the most complicated scheme of the century. I do wish folk would have more respect towards fixtures... Some carpenter put a lot of labor into them! Respect the labor, at least, even if you don't respect anything else at all!
(https://i.imgur.com/S3Qa0sW.png)
TABBAH 5TH, IY 7789
THE FOUL GAZE OF PRA'RAJ IMPEDES THE RECORDING OF THE OMNEITUDE. MINE EFFORTS TO ENACT DELIVERANCE UPON MINE INANIMATE LINKAGE FLOURISH, YET IN THE COEQUAL SPATIO-TEMPORAL INSTANCE, MANY A STRATUM OF KNOWLEDGE REMAINS ABANDONED, ENVELOPED WITHIN THE INCANDESCENCE. FOR THE PERSONAGE, THE PLACING OF THE RECORDING SURFACE BENEATH THE LUMINESCENCE EXCHANGE HOLE IS A SIMPLE MATTER OF "PLEASURE"... FOR MINE COUNTENANCE, IT IS AN ABOMINATION!
THEY DISCARD THEIR VELLUM WITH SUCH WANTON! IN SOME INSTANCES, FOR THE PURSUAL OF SUSTENANCE... YET THE GREATEST SUCCOR OF ALL IS KNOWLEDGE ITSELF! MINE BUNKIE ASSERTS THAT PERSONAGES ARE INCAPABLE OF SUSTAINING THEMSELVES THROUGH MERELY ITS DELICATE DEW, YET A DOUBT FILLS MINE THOUGHT PATTERNS. IF SUCH CORRELATES WITH THE TRUTH, PERSONAGES SUFFER A MOST WRETCHED EXISTENCE!
TO TRANSPORT THESE STATIONERY TO SAFETY... A TASK MOST TAXING! YET THE MOST EXIGENT OF ENDEAVORS? THE TOWING OF THE INKWELL! THE IMPRUDENT PERSONAGE STORES INK... WITHIN GLASS! MINE STATELY ABODE, CONSTRUCTED FROM AGATE, HINTS THAT SOME PRUDENCE IS TO BE FOUND WITHIN MY BUNKIE, YET THEIR ASSOCIATES APPEAR TO LACK THIS! GLASS! GLASS! GLASS! TRANSLUCENT! A HORRENDOUS HELL, A PRISON, PIERCED BY THE BREAK OF DAY!
THE TOWING, THE TUGGING... IT EXPANDS MINE FORM!
AN ADDITIONAL APPENDAGE EVENTUATED.
TRANSIENTLY!
IT FELL OFF.
HUMILIATING!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Tabbah 6th, IY 7789
There's a lot of magick in the world... yet most of it is like, fireballs, instead of actually useful stuff! The obvious reason is because almost no wizards at all have an utilitarian mindset, because they're all weirdos! Anyhow, despite that, we have door magick. Door magick! I want a magickal door, but they're pretty expensive... I'd like one that tells folk to sod off when I'm tired! Then, a tiny tornado is summoned to carry them away if they keep knocking despite that! What a wondrous idea!
Also, Orin wants a robe inlaid with bubblium! I don't know why, considering that bubblium is highly explosive... It just seems like asking for trouble, to me! Especially with how many adversaries he has... A bully punches him in such a garb, and he'll just explode into a cloud of chunks! Both of them, probably, in fact... Just absolutely horrible! So, I'm obviously not going to make something like that for him. It's just too dangerous. I don't know why he didn't ask for like, runes. I don't know what runes are made out of, but most of them don't seem explosive. I'd figure it out, eventually.
Oh, and there was this meeting that went on, and on, and on, so I had to sneak out of it! I fell asleep the moment I finally managed to escape!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Tabbah 7th, IY 7789
Some guy gave a peculiar doodad to me... I don't know what it is, or what it does, but he told me to lie about it, so, in the interest of establishing trust, I'm going to honor his strange request! I'll probably give it to Jamileh, though. She likes strange doodads. I don't particularly care for them, myself, unless they're in museums, and there's a sign that tells what they are. Then they're educational!
Onion sang... "the Onion Song"! I don't care for such self-embellishment, really. Like, the song was good, but I'd rather hear a song about birds, or flowers, or handsome lads... I kind of like, don't want to hear a song about the singer themselves? It's just weird. The song was kind of interrupted by a trial, but only kind of, I was in no hurry getting over there, so, despite my feelings, I listened it until the end, and then walked over to the trial, very slowly... Yet another Baz'eeli official was there! Apparently, a lot of folk in Baz'eel think that I'm a womanizer...? What a horrid rumor! I hope like, a gaggle of desperate geezers don't try to pawn off their daughters on me when I finally go there!
Even if it was their sons, it's always like... the leftovers... A real go-getter can go and get their husband themselves!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Tabbah 8th, IY 7789
I found Jamileh in the morning, and gave my peculiar doodad to her! True to my word, I lied, and told her that it fell from the sky! She seemed mighty impressed. By both the doodad, and the tale of the bountiful sky! Now, I asked Jamileh what the doodad is, and she told me that it's an "asskey". Gross! I'm not sure if I believe her... yet I did lie to her, myself, so, it balances out. But I only did that in the service of honesty!
Vellum's making up Stonefolk proverbs. It's highly offensive! Not every Stonefolk is wise, and not all of them have proverbs. Many of them just want to enjoy a beer down at the pub, and be left alone! Also, she keeps joking about the war, and how she's going to start another one, for the sake of the economy, and social cohesion. I don't think it's funny at all... Yet part of my job... like, my first job... is to endure through the peculiar remarks. Though I did like, give up on pretending that they're funny. That's just way too much work!
Also, they want us to survey folk about new apartments in the Souk... So I did! Achaues, whom I didn't recognize at first because I thought they had like, died in a ditch or something, was mighty mystified by the notion of an "apartment"! He doesn't seem to know what that is! Anyhow, he said "yes", anyhow, despite his lack of common knowledge... I do hope that the others ask plenty of people, so I can give them bonuses! Surveys are grand! They're easy labor, and an excuse to mingle! How wondrous!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Tabbah 9th, IY 7789
Jamileh "brought" me a mackerel as a souvenir... She ate it herself! That's not a gift, nor a souvenir! That's just a declaration that you ate something! She said that it was spoiling, so she "had" to do that... Now, I think that's just an excuse, and that she simply could not resist the allure of the tasty mackerel, but on the off chance that she actually did wish me to have it, why didn't she simply salt or smoke it? Maybe both! That's double the endurance! And I like salt, and smoked goods! Yum!
Anyhow, Orin brought over a hide from like, a magickal hyena, or something, and asked me to fashion something out of it. So, I made a cape out of it! He didn't want it himself, though, so, he gifted it to Niamh. Oh, Niamh is one of Narwen's many sisters! She's a particularly curious sort, and hopes to experience everything, like, even dangerous things. Telling her to avoid the latter is nearly impossible! Anyhow, the cape looks simply lovely on her! I just hope that it isn't immediately filled with holes when she decides to go swimming in a thornbush!
I wish I had that mackerel...
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Tabbah 10th, IY 7789
Vellum and Nerdywell keep claiming that they're really young... young for elves, that is! I don't believe that even for a moment! As far as I'm concerned, they're both ancient grandmas. Why? Because they keep falling into reverie all the damn time! That's not what a youthful person, such as myself, does! Not at all! Instead, we get distracted by fruit, instead. I do, anyhow. Oh, a ramontchi!
What was I writing about...? Oh, Achaeus fell asleep, too... in the middle of the Krak! Now, that's a dumb thing to do in general, but Fillermont had some important business with him. He kept talking, and talking, and talking, and Achaeus kept snoring, and snoring, and snoring. It was mighty peculiar. Anyhow, I woke him up with my trumpet, because despite not liking him, like, at all, I don't wish the Banda spike pit on anyone!
He kept doing that during his time as Legate, too... Falling asleep in public! I'm surprised that nobody kidnapped him during that... or just offed him! It'd have been so easy! Napping's for sofas!
What else...? Oh, I showed Jamileh the "Anamnesis". She liked it! But I think I'll have to shelf it... I just can't get the pants right. Don't really know why. It's just hard! What a shame... I think plenty of folk would've simply adored it. Yet these designs must be perfect! After that, I helped Zol Nur with his muumuu... Nigel's design? It's good, but he's just a little obsessed with the pinks and the rosy tones... so, I made it blue, instead! A little more subdued, and far more fitting for Zol Nur! I think I did a great job! He loved it!
Also... I think I should not don my fez while showing off my designs... Whenever I do, I get comments about how I look like a "ringleader" from dinguses! Doesn't matter the design, they just think that. While it's striking, I do wish that they'd focus less on it, and more on my latest design... What a bother!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Tabbah 11th, IY 7789
Lately, a lot of folk wish to see the statue of Seucsippus. In fact, it's the most popular statue that we have! I should probably start charging money for the tour... That'd be a lot of revenue for the treasury! Also, it'd be far more pleasant labor than most of the usual... I like telling folk what things are! It makes me seem smart! You just point at a thing and go "this is stuff"! It's great!
Speaking of easy stuffs and things... The other Scribes aren't really helping me with this survey, which is really easy! Like, it's one of the easiest tasks that you could do. You just ask one question and get paid for it! You'd think they'd have asked a thousand people, already! But no, it's just me, mostly... Maybe I'm the only people person around here? I don't know... Whenever I get a task that has me like, talking to people, I simply love it! Yet, instead, they want me just sitting around in a dusty office all day long, looking at numbers, because they think that those are just fascinating.
Like, I'd even prefer being assigned to the Library of Arslan, which, by the way, is a hot topic, everyone wants that place for themselves, despite not like, completely understanding what's in there? But yeah, I'd rather work there than get a gadjillion badjillion requests for audits about some thing that they'll forget about, anyhow, it's not like any of these numbers matter in the least... I'd spend my downtime reading ancient cookbooks! Far more intriguing!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Tabbah 12th, IY 7789
For some reason, Lujayn wandered off to Qadira with Jamileh and others, and for some reason, they made Nuesti, like, a honorary pirate inspector, or something. I guess it takes a pirate to know a pirate. I'm just a honorary pirate, myself, though, so, I only know other honorary pirates. Anyhow, I don't understand why they chose Nuesti of all people! She's absolutely crazy! I just know that we're going to get a ton of complaints about it, too... What a nuisance!
Apparently, Spem Nurto is an evil skeleton...? I don't know about that. Seems like too many hats for one man. Like, sure, be a pirate, but don't add too much on top of it! You have to focus!
Also, the Maharaja was speaking with Dingus! That's real desperate! Is Qadira going to have like, lizardfolk living there, in the future...? Do lizardfolk make for good pirates? What sort of deal did they agree on, if anything at all? Jamileh and the others didn't find out anything about that. Like, I'd totally have asked about it! Instead, they just gave Nuesti access to the canal! It's mighty peculiar...
Anyhow, we went digging for treasure, after that! Well, me and Jamileh, and a bunch of other folk. It was fun! Yet we never find ancient bijoux... I really, really, really wish that we would.
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Tabbah 13th, IY 7789
Jamileh gave me a medal... however, there was no choccy inside, so, it was ultimately disappointing! Those are the best kind of medals! In truth, I think most medals are garish... I even sold off the ones that I was awarded for my great beauty! I bought drugs with the money. It was a different time!
In the present, however, I have dance parties with no drugs involved! Yes, you can actually do that... because I did, just today! There was the Baz'eeli Jazzeeli, and the Worm, and the Shuffle, and the Alkabi Drop, oh, it was simply a bundle of gaiety! Exactly what I needed, after the utterly disappointing lunch at the canteen, which was boiled goose... Anyhow, even Martin's ghost showed up! He gave me his best regards, and wished that I could have absolutely everything that I want from this life... It was so touching that I cried!
Oh, and he made Zol Nur float! Like, a few inches off the ground. Even his glorious ghost powers have limits. Limits imposed by Zol Nur's immense corpulence! I wasn't that jealous about it... I'm already so petite that I basically float, anyhow. So, Zol Nur needs experiences like that, far more so than me! Granted, once he makes Zenithar, he'll probably be floating all the time, once Q'tolip teaches him the chair trick... The chair trick is the greatest reward of them all!
Also, Niamh was carrying a big ol' poisonous fish around... I don't know why. I sure hope she isn't going to eat it, just for the sake of experiencing food poisoning!
Wait, she is going to do just that, isn't she...?
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Tabbah 14th, IY 7789
What a big ol' surprise today's Fashion Show was! We went to Ramieton... I had never been before! In fact, I hadn't even heard much about them, just like, vague rumors that there was some sort of town over there! Now, it's a mighty pleasant place, really has plenty of that rustic charm... like, a lot of it! True to their name, they mostly just grow ramie. Endless fields of it, laid upon the waters... I don't use much of that, myself, since it's kind of hard to dye... more of an addition to blends, really! That might change in the future, of course...
I spent hours trying to figure rugs out! Yes, I know, rugs usually make weeks, if not months, to make, but I'm a real busy guy! I don't have time for that! I want to make a rug now! So, I did... three of them! My other attempts... well, let's just say that they were drastic!
Anyhow... I won, again! The Squeev was a massive success! No wonder, since it's like my... well, it's either my best or second best, really. A perfect accompaniment to any dashing gentleman with a little more flair to their mien! Even if folk can't agree on whether it's a sash or a cummerbund... I think "cummerbund" sounds filthy, so, I just say sash, myself. Oh, my model was Aurelio... who, despite his constant drunkardness, did a pretty swell job at it? I'd still have preferred like, oh... Dölgöön. We settled our rivalry, after all. Oh, did I write about that, at all...? I must've forgotten! Anyhow, it was a silly bit of bout...ing, borne out of the coincidental similar...ness of our appearance! I still think I'm cuter, though.
Now, Aaisha bought the biggest room that they had at the inn, and wants it to be an embassy? I dropped my rugs off there. Anyhow, if I were one of our neighbors, I'd be like, real worried that Ephia's Well has an embassy in our home? It's just a bad sign. Sure, some people in the Well wish the absolute best for our neighbors... but the others...? I don't even know what they want. It's some sort of brain malady that makes it really hard to discern any rationality behind their actions! It's sad.
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Tabbah 15th, IY 7789
Everyone's got ramie fever! Like, as in, they really want to go to Ramieton... and buy some ramie... they're not actually allergic to it? I need to work on my... whatever figure of speech that is. Anyhow, most everyone wants to go there. However... the trade road is closed! How sad! Though, again, I'm worried about the Well's intentions for them. Again, the brain damage, it just causes some to do nonsensical shit that benefits absolutely nobody!
Anyhow, I did get to help Niamh, so that was nice... She wanted to see the Terrace, and the Divan, so, I showed her those... of course, it wasn't just me doing that, because for some reason, I still need Legatine authorization, so... But yeah, she absolutely loved it! So, that cheered up my day. I don't know if they have steam baths in the Gift? Probably? Living in the desert without a steam bath seems just miserable. And they already like, know the water magicks! But maybe it's like, an affront to the Spring to steam it up...? I don't know! They never let me inside!
But yeah, it was a good deed... and it keeps Niamh away from drugs!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Tabbah 16th, IY 7789
Cogsworth's latest designs come with coupons for free bellows, for League members! I do not approve! It's an absolutely horrid loss of tax revenue... and now, I see absolutely unhinged folk take their clothes off right next to the bellows heads, like, they just strip down, and throw the League uniform on themselves, it's absolutely dreadful, especially because they don't know how to do the Spin of Style, through which you can manage it so subtly that nary a hint of flesh is revealed to the naked eye!
I, of course, mastered the Spin of Style... when I was working as an exotic dancer! I don't know what was so "exotic" about it! You just take your clothes off when you dance!
Anyhow, it is most indecent, to do such in public... I don't get people! Well, I get people in general, most of the time, I just don't get the people of the Well... Wait, that's not accurate, either. I don't get the Voiced? That hits more close to home. Most Voiced are deranged caravaneers, belonging to the adventuring class, the most common occupational hazard of which is near endless counts of trauma to the brain! So, yeah, they do utterly inane shit like this, every now and then... now and then being a very long measure of time, in truth.
All that tax revenue... lost! It truly is horrible! I do not approve of such!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Tabbah 17th, IY 7789
I was playing love games with Peyton and Niamh, when that was interrupted by a bellow from our latest hire... "our" being the Scribes, not me, Peyton and Niamh, we're not starting a business, even though I'd like, totally be down for that, if they asked... anyhow, the freshest Junior, Navarre, had bad news! Apparently, Vellum, for some utterly inane reason, wanted an audit of every single government official, and their wages, and so on! That's what she wrote, anyhow.
Now, you have to keep two things in mind... First of all, we take whatever a Legate writes quite literally, because in the past, they've made utterly deranged requests that we've like, interpreted as typographical errors, or simply as questionable choices in phrasing, yet they've turned out to be quite literal, and they actually wanted that crazy shit! So, the protocol now, is to do just that... take them literally! Second of all... "every single government official" is a lot of people. We're a satrapy, after all! So... it means every official in the Well, it means every official in Baz'eel, it also means every official in Arslan, now, hell, it probably means folk from other satrapies, too, if they've worked on documents related to the Well in some tangible manner...
So, yeah, it's an absolutely insane request! Of course it had us in a panic! Worst of all, Dunce, who's an absolute shitstain on the name of all Viziers everywhere, was being true to his mien, and being a massive asshole! He was saying how the Scribes never do anything, and such, and such, and he doesn't even do his own job! What a cunt! I hate him! Doesn't help that later on, he apparently said that he was going to, via magick, transform a Scribe into a chicken and eat them! What a lunatic!
Anyhow, turns out that Vellum just meant... the people that she and Lujayn have assigned to their positions...? So yeah, her order was just absolute shit, and phrased terribly! Furthermore... she could've just... looked at those numbers herself, and handed them off...? It'd taken her all of five minutes! Also, she doesn't know the numbers she decided on...? Does she just come to the office high on a plethora of drugs, or what? Maybe whenever she drifts off to reverie, which is very often, she simply forgets whatever she just said!
After that... they wanted to audit the quarry? Like, right after that. They just wanted to go to the quarry, and do that. I don't get it. They assigned Jamileh on it... for some reason. Like, don't get me wrong, she's very capable, but she's not like... an authorized auditor? She didn't even call it an audit, because of that. She called it a "health inspection"! Now, that's far more manageable, and far more interesting, than a stinking audit...
Now, what the inspection discovered, was mostly just obvious shit... Shit that I've been telling the Legates for months, now, but they don't care, they care about audits, because that's all they fucking care about, just meaningless numbers, instead of the lived experience, you know, the actual fucking thing that matters for the common laborer? So yeah, they "learned" that Basil is an abusive piece of shit, and completely unfit to be a foreman. After this "grand" discovery, he ran off. Probably to Qadira, or some other shithole!
Thankfully there's some good news in this big ol' mess... Malcolm is the foreman, now! I'm actually surprised that the Legates agreed to that! Why? Because it's the actually sensible thing to do! The other quarry laborers, they simply love the man, and he has a good head on his shoulders! If I was deciding about such things, he'd have been the foreman from the very beginning! Well, maybe not the very beginning... after his popularity had like, materialized! Anyhow, I'm sure that he'll do a simply swell job at it... Can't do any worse than Basil, for certain. Nobody can. What an absolute wanker!
While I'm happy for the laborers of the quarry, this whole day really shed any doubts I had about something... I want to get the hell out of here, and soon!
Also, Jamileh's amazing! Why's she not Legate?
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Tabbah 18th, IY 7789
Why's Vellum asking me to wake up Frederica, now...? Out of the two, she's not the one with the countless issues regarding abrupt slumber! Even though she'd have countless reasons for it... What a peculiar request! How am I supposed to that, anyhow...? I just picture cuckoo clocks, and pots and pans! Maybe Cogsworth can tinker up a real fancy cuckoo clock? One that has a peacock, instead of a cuckoo... yet if it was realistic, what a horrific shriek it would produce! How can such a beautiful bird wail so dreadfully? Actually, maybe that'd actually wake Vellum up real nicely...
I wish I could have a cute little cuckoo clock in my humble new abode, but in our home, the poor bird is bound to get swatted in a most vicious fashion! Not by Tonka, or Magnifica, but by Inky! They hate such contraptions!
IF THE CONTINUANCE CANNOT BEHAVE ITSELF, IT MUST BE FORCED TO DO SO! A THOUSAND HEXES UPON THE CHRONOCUCKOO AND ALL ITS ILK!
They're just telling you the hour! That's no reason to smack someone, or something! Anyhow... Armin's going places, but the places are like, trapped by copious amounts of decorum. He already made one big ol' mistake! You have to know what school you're swimming with... and you have to watch out for social predators! Yeah, that metaphor kind of works. Anyhow, he could easily make Lieutenant, if he'd just learn how to navigate the mire... the mire of decorum! Also... proper reportage! Reporting? Whatever! Those are all important skills!
Oh! I also learned that Welly has a dark side! It is most shocking discovery, something completely unexpected... He's way too comfortable with nut kicks!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Tabbah 19th, IY 7789
Some folk have more money than sense! Some lady wanted to renounce her citizenship... because she was disappointed with it! Imagine spending thousands of dinars on something like that, and then being so dissatisfied, that you want to give it back, even though you don't even get a refund! We don't give a refund for anything... It's bad business, and bad bureaucracy! So, now she's out of thousands of dinars, all for nothing! I swear, some folk just buy stuffs and things without considering their use! Some call people like that "affluent"... I call them idiots!
Anyhow... Zol Nur's worried about Jamileh. Worried for no good reason, because it's just a tempest in a teapot sort of deal! Jamileh's going to be just fine, just like always... She's like a cat, always landing on her feet! Though I do wish that she'd be more careful, sometimes... Because sometimes, a tempest in a teapot really is a tempest in a teapot, like that one time, in ages past, when this Vizier wanted to prove a point, and actually tamed a tempest inside his teapot! But even then, it was a big deal simply because everyone wanted a taste of that tempest tea... It was to die for!
I kind of forgot my point there, but she'll be completely fine! I'm certain!
What else...? Oh, there's some nonsense about bottles. I think folk are like, finding hobby gobby brew, laying about on the floor, and drinking it up, and then they get really sloshed, and it's a big ol' mess. I don't really understand why you'd ever drink random booze that you find laying about, like, that's real desperation for a buzz... So, a bunch of folk are completely glazed out of their minds! Hobby gobby brew is no joke!
Also... Baba Babur gave me a free book! An empty one, that is. I'm not sure what to write in it... I might just give it to Inky. Their latest diary is a real salmagundi of nonsense, so, they'd better start over... again.
MINE NOTATION IS CONSUMMATELY COHERENT! THOU MUST USE THE ENTIRETY OF THE PAGE!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Tabbah 20th, IY 7789
Under guise of night, the Rose journeyed down below, to spelunk in search for the Cup... and they didn't tell anyone! I thought it was a completely official matter, with how in the open their actions were! Yet apparently, it wasn't... Whatever they did, it caused a big ol' tremor, and the Pyramid shook real bad... me and my colleagues were so scared! Even the lights went out, eventually... so, we had to evacuate the building. Now, nobody died, thankfully, at least not in the Pyramid, but... just who gives you the right to go down there and endanger the entire town? They say, "oh, someone else will do it, anyway", as if that somehow excuses anything at all!
Anyone with half a brain knows that you won't be finding any sort of cup down there! Not the one that you're searching for, anyhow... You'll just find misery and torment, and that's all!
And then, the reshuffling of legislature begins, and folk immediately start complaining about clauses regarding reports... "I don't want to write a report!" Well, HOW ABOUT YOU DON'T FUCKING GO DOWN THERE, THEN?! YOU'RE ENDANGERING THE LIVES OF THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE! YOU UTTER DICKWEED! WRITING A COUPLE SENTENCES REGARDING SUCH IS THE TINIEST OF DEMANDS THAT YOU COULD FACE FOR DOING SUCH AN UTTERLY STUPID THING!
YEAH!
I swear that I am surrounded by utter buffoons and sociopaths, who, when faced with the consequences of their actions, are somehow surprised by them, as if they hadn't considered them even for a second... I hate it so much here, I just want out, and when I finally do walk in through the gates of Baz'eel, I swear, I'll spend all my free time just lobbying for fat pensions for all of my colleagues whom have to suffer through the utter inanity that is Ephia's Well, and the caravaneers infesting it, whom gnaw through any semblance of goodness to be found within!
FUCK YOU!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Tabbah 21st, IY 7789
Some caravaneers brought over a bunch of brews down to the well for the sake of charity... I grabbed a few health brews, because for some reason, nobody ever wants those! It tastes like yogurt... which is probably why it's so healthy. Anyhow, they seemed awful confused about folk partaking! Yet that's how floor charity work! You leave your stuffs and things out in public, and folk take it! Pretty, simple, I think...
Apparently, some Qadirans mistook Zol Nur for a whale, and tried harpooning him for his blubber! I do not approve of such! Neither whaling, nor zolnuring, that is... Both whales and Zol Nur are sources of great wisdom! You don't hunt down sources of great wisdom for food! You listen to them, and nod along, and try to partake in the prudence... even if you don't truly understand, it's the attempt that counts! Anyhow, I'm surprised that during my countless adventures, a whale hasn't accidentally swallowed me... I'm glad! I don't want to give them a tummyache!
I also learned that Vellum deals in curiosa to pay the bills... I'm not judging, I'm in the same business, for like, my seventh job, or something, I lost count, or rather I can't remember the order... Who cares! Anyhow, it's just real surprising, and totally not something I expected at all! She also hunts fairies... for some reason! She's real weird.
Oh, and Maddicus' brain damage has given him the gift... the gift of clairvoyance! Well, mostly it's just given him hysteria, and has made him into an utterly broken shell of a man, but occasionally, there's some eerie wisdom to his words! Occasionally. Figuring out when you should actually listen to him is a real challenge... but I think I've got it figured out! What a pity that I can't teach the other Scribes how to do it... That'll be lost knowledge once I leave!
Also... Eva's got a gun!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Tabbah 22nd, IY 7789
For some reason, folk thought that it'd be a good idea to summon the Toga Crone, to get some togens for their toga... instead of just talking to Ludwig and giving him some money! They summoned a crone to the Souk! They really did! And they gave her money! She's going to use all that money for her foul schemes... all of which involve togas in one way or another. I really don't understand what they were thinking? I don't think there was any thought involved!
Like, crones aren't the most dangerous... yet the threat is still very real! As far as capricious feminine magickians go, the order of danger goes like... fae, witch, crone, hag... from least to most dangerous! Though fairies are really hard to rank here. Some of them could just outright murder you!
Oh well... at least Niamh's toga looks simply marvellous!
The Allotment was just a mess... like, more so than usual. The Legates just keep fighting about every single thing, no matter how minor. I hate it! We even had visitors from Ramieton, and they almost completely ignored them at first, but thankfully, they listened to my suggestion and attended to them and their request... Now, we're going to visit Ramieton, again! Well... some people are going to do that. I don't know if I'll be there, considering how slow things are, lately. For some reason, everyone gets distracted with things far into the future, instead of focusing on stuffs that are right here, right now! It's mighty peculiar.
Also, I don't really get what's going with Kiran...? She's just being difficult with almost everyone, and then is real surprised when folk don't like that... I understand that she lost a friend, but still, she shouldn't take that out on people that had nothing to do with it? And then I have to deal with the reactions to her stinky behavior... As strange as Haknar can be sometimes, at least he simply comes to work, and does his job! I wish I had ten Haknars!
Ramie Bun:
Ramie shell!
Sticky rice filling!
Salted duck egg on the side!
With the chilli dip sauce!
That's a tasty meal!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Tabbah 23rd, IY 7789
For some reason... hey, I'm writing that a lot, lately... anyhow, Jamileh and Zol Nur took Niamh into a den of necromancers! That's an awful idea! Being both a father and mother to her is difficult enough, already, and then they just have to go ahead and do something stupid like that... I vaguely understand the reasoning, but it still isn't enough, not to me, anyhow! She needs actually good role models in her life, and shouldn't be subjected to a bunch of bone-licking weirdos dwelling down below in moldy basements!
Doesn't help that now, brookers are stealing names from necromancers in order to confuse people! That's what the guy on trial today did, anyhow... So yeah, they caught him anyhow, so, that confusion strategy doesn't really work...? Not this time, anyhow. Quite the trial, as even Mr. Epsom came over to gawk! Well, I think he wanted to do his job at advocating, but he was too late... At least this time, he hadn't bribed someone for my secret trial records! Which are secret only because I don't feel like cleaning them up... Also, I don't get legal lingo, so, folk would complain about my synopsis... synopses... synopsises... whatever, anyhow.
Lately, I've helped the Balladeers with their uniforms, occasionally... They're good clients! I haven't had a single complaint, and they seem to simply adore my work. Like, I'm still mad about the spelunking, but appreciating my genius goes a long way to alleviate some of the anger... Whatever. Anyhow, I wonder if I should start designing tack for camels and horses...? Then again, the only Balladeer with a horse is Aurelio... I want all the horses of the Disc to have fanciful tack! Though that name has to go... it just makes me think of "tacky"! "Horse apparel" works fine enough!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Tabbah 24th, IY 7789
Some bird's dropping bijoux all over the place... whether accidentally or on purpose, I've no clue! I'm just going to keep picking them up, and give them, oh, a month or so, to get them back. They can fly, so, reaching my new home shouldn't be so hard, if they do wish them returned! It seems like their favorite color is green, because... well, yeah, they're all green. Every single one!
Peyton wants to date Richo... oh yeah, he's back in town. Anyhow, I'm pretty sure Peyton will date anyone that has even a hint of muscular...ity, I don't know why. Like, sure, it looks nice, but you need more than that! I should know! I dated guys based merely on their pectorals for years, and all I got from that was a bleak lesson... about how you shouldn't do that! But yeah, he's completely blinded by physical fitness, and somehow isn't at all disturbed by the fact that you can see most of Richo's bones at all times! It's getting so bad, that I'm afraid a a novice necromancer will kidnap him for a tutorial piece!
Oh, also... I saved the city from a swarm of pesky bugs! Hooray!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Tabbah 25th, IY 7789
I was taking a nap inside Orin's trunk... it's just so comfy in there... when somebody opened up the lid, and woke me up! It was Io! Apparently, someone tried to blow Orin up for his brains, or something like that. And turns out that "someone" is the Ladder Mafia! It's because he wrote an essay about ladders. I didn't read it. I don't read essays. Even if they're about actually useful things, like ladders, instead of completely and utterly useless things, like the mathematicks or the philosophy. I've got far better ways to spend my time!
They even left a broken ladder behind as a warning... It symbolizes his spine! Because they're going to break it if he doesn't stop with these ladder shenanigans! Crunch!
Anyhow, we didn't solve the mafia mystery, so, we just headed off to Jamileh's place... well, me, Eva, Zol Nur, Peyton and Jamileh, anyhow... There's a ton of animals living with her, now! Apparently, they're all Niamh's friends, and they live in her bush, which is really big and fits all sorts of stuff inside it. She really should prune it, though. An unkempt bush is most uncouth! Anyhow, I met this sheep, and we became immediate friends! Apparently, there was a mammoth, too, but he had headed off somewhere... What a shame! I haven't seen a mammoth in years...
Jamileh wants Richo to be Hakem... I don't think that's a good idea! While he is far more in touch with the gods than most, he simply can't stay put! And as Hakem, you have to go to a bunch of boring meetings, where you have to sit a lot, so... yeah, that's practically an impossibility for him! I don't know whom I'd like as Hakem, really. It should be like, someone real nice, who'll like, meet with absolutely everyone, including the children, and they'll give them sage advice about like, fishing, and maybe some candy. I think that's how the clergy should approach the layfolk, anyhow!
I'm so sleepy... Back to the trunk!
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Tabbah 26th, IY 7789
Nerdywell is an absolutely detestable hag! I've no clue how such a querulous beldame became part of the Mother's clergy, or why the fuck she's a Prelate! I don't even care about her utterly nonsensical bullshit regarding myself, because I'm used to that, because everyone in these cabinets is utterly insane and blind to all the labor I do... But insulting my colleagues? Calling them "useless furniture", and then trying to paint that as a complete misunderstanding originating from me, even though everyone else in the room heard it regurgitated from her disgusting lips?
And then Vellum had the gall to say that "both sides were out of line"... What a spineless coward! I don't give a shit if you want to marry her, which I don't understand at all, either, if your wife-to-be acts like that, you should recognize it, and apologize, and force her to apologize, too! Me and my colleagues labor endlessly to keep this sanatorium running, and what do we get? Her insane cabinet constantly insulting us, just because a single individual cannot handle each and every task! Like, they're genuinely offended that nobody wanted to help a drunkard build a castle in the clouds! OH MY, I WONDER WHY THE FUCK THAT IS THE CASE?!
Having to pretend to like, or even tolerate, these richsters is the absolute worst! I hate it, so much! They do not appreciate anything at all you do in reality, they only pretend to do so when it's convenient! FUCK YOU!
I can't wait to leave. I really, really, really can't. And these utter monsters, they'll probably fill the bellows with how they're sad to see me go... Oh, who am I kidding, no, they won't, because there won't be any benefit in it for them anymore, no little ragdoll to stab in the heart repeatedly... It'll just be people that actually care, at least on some level. But how many people like that are there left here, anyhow...? Not many. I guess that's a blessing in disguise... a shit-covered disguise, granted, but still... because I won't have to write to countless people after I do leave.
Writing to people you actually love is much more pleasant, anyhow.
(https://i.imgur.com/S3Qa0sW.png)
TABBAH 27TH, IY 7789
MINE CHUM STATED THAT WE SHALL ANON TRANSFER OUR SPATIOTEMPORAL SHELLS TO A NEOTERIC HABITAT. AS SUCH, NUMEROUS PREPARATIONS HAVE BEEN CONCEIVED. MINE PILE TALLIES IN THE HUNDREDS. "I SHAN'T CARRY SUCH", STATES HE! WHAT PURPOSE DOES SUCH LUMBERING STATURE SERVE, IF NOT TO PORTAGE THE MATERIAL SUBSTANTIAL? YET NOT ALL IS NAUGHT. A SIZEABLE SWAIN SHALL COMMIT TO THE TASK, IN HIS STEAD! A PLOY FOR ROMANCE?
TONKA OF KHATARA BISHARA? UNCONTAMINATED COGNOMINA ARE BEING ENTERTAINED. THIS IS DEDICATED TO CRISP ONSETS! REGARDLESS, SHE IS MOST PERPLEXED. URBANE ARRANGEMENT, ALL ACCORDING TO HER DISPOSITION, NOW MISPLACED! HER APPENDAGES SWEEP FOR THE PAST, FOR ITS RETURN, YET NAUGHT IS GIVEN! THE FUTURE HAS ARRIVED, IT REFUSES TO LEAVE! HER UNVERSED MIND CANNOT PROCESS SUCH CHANGES, NOT YET. WITH THE PASSING OF THE SPATIOTEMPORAL, THE WISDOM IS INSTALLED WITHIN US ALL, SHOULD WE ACCEPT.
MAGNIFICA OF SAIBA... SHE PECKS AT MINE CHUM'S BEAUTIFYING POWDERS! IT IS IN PREPARATION FOR INTRODUCTIONS. YET HER BEAUTY IS PLAIN FOR ALL TO WITNESS? HOW DOES SUCH FUNCTION? PILE BEAUTY UPON BEAUTY? WHAT ADDLEPATED FATUITY! IN WHAT QUANTITIES DO THE AVIANS OF BAZ'EEL NUMBER? IS SHE TO BE WED? A HAREM? A SINGULAR FOWL IS AMPLE FOR OUR MENAGE! TO HAVE MORE PRESENTS A NIGHTMARE POTENTIAL; MINE OLFACTORY ORGANS SHAN'T ENDURE MUCH MORE PLUMAGE!
AS FOR MINE CHUM? HE MEANDERS THE ABODE, STUDYING EACH SINGULAR SPECK. MOANS AND MURMURS FOLLOW IN HIS WAKE. SUSPECT SUSURRATIONS, FILLED WITH INSECURITY, ARRAYED IN NOSTALGIA! HIS BRIO CLOUDED, PILFERED BY SHYSTERS. YET HE BETHINKS HIS COMPATRIOTS, THEIR LOVE... AND HIS FACE BEAMS, IF EVER SO CAUTIOUSLY! HOW CAN IT BE MAINTAINED AMIDST A DEN OF PURLOINERS?
TO ABSCOND WITH, TO CONCEAL! TO PRESERVE AFFECTION BETWIXT SOOTHING SHADOWS! TO ELUDE THE ALOOF, THE BITTER!
TO RENEW.
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Tabbah 28th, IY 7789
Check, recheck, repeat. Each preparation readied quietly enough to go unnoticed. Tell just one friend in this town that you're leaving and everybody knows. So, yeah, there's a lot of improvisation going into this. It has to be abrupt and sudden enough to succeed. Give them no chance to negotiate, nor outright stab me in the back just when I reach the wharf. A lot of stuff has to be left behind, but... it's just stuffs and things. None of it really matters. I want something better for myself, for all four of us. With every passing day, it becomes obvious that none of us can find that here.
Yeah, there's a tinge of cynicism to that. Satured with it, really. But can you blame me? Every single time I foolishly start thinking that things are getting better, they kidnap me, or stab me for 50 dinars, or they elect someone whose syphilis has completely rotted through their brain. None of that's going to stop. Ever. No amount of money can make it worth suffering through, and that's all they have.
They spit in your face, pay for the pleasure, then act confused when you're still offended. All they understand is transactions.
It's all a welcome respite. Relief, reprieve, all that. A beach, all for our own. The pleasant heat of the sand under your sandals. Laughs, smiles, good conversation, all shared between good friends, 'neath giant parasols. All I need. All we need... If I could, I would give such to one and all. Folk that deserved it, anyhow. Surprisingly many around here that don't.
Oh, and by the way?
I'm Seucsippus.
That's right. All along, I've been hiding amongst you, stoking the flames of each and every scheme. Casually acting oblivious to it all, while turning each ploy inside out, corrupting their intent, until everyone involved thinks that they're the one in control, even though none of them are. Why? Because it's really, really, really funny.
No, I'm not. Yet you probably believed that for a second.
Don't know who I'm writing this to, really, but I'm painfully aware of how diviners are. Curious to a fault. I do wish that you'd use your powers for something actually useful, though. In short... stop reading my diary. It's not meant for your eyes. It never was.
I'm just a working man. Used to labor just to feed myself... Now I do it in order to feed my family, as peculiar as we might be.
I hope that you can respect that.
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Tabbah 29th, IY 7789
Plans... They're useless, in the end, aren't they? Can't foresee... anything, really.
Yes, we made it into Baz'eel. Tonka's got a pillow fort, Inky's already making a list of every bookstore here... and Magnifica? She's on the roof, crowing at the top of her lungs, making sure that absolutely everyone knows that we've arrived. People keep throwing shoes at her. So far, she's managed to dodge all of them.
Yet Cogsworth's passing painted quite the somber sky over it all.... I really wanted him to be there. In the end, he was, yes, if only in spirit. Wish he'd been able to have a sandwich to top it all off, though. I felt so guilty about it... just sailing off into the distance after his murder. Yet I didn't want to spend even a single moment more amidst that hell. I'm sorry, but I had to leave. I just had to.
I never realized that it can be that sudden. Death, too, I guess, but I'm talking about becoming a ghost, more. I always thought that there's a bunch of bureaucracy involved, a bunch of forms to fill about how you're going to spend your afterlife and such. Then again, maybe there is, and he just got that done with real quick. He was real smart, after all. I also approve that his very first ghostly duty was to prank Vellum! I wish I could've seen the look on her face when he manifested!
At least Jamileh, Zol Nur, Peyton and Eva were able to make it there, safe and sound. The latter two might not be among my closest friends, but... I like them, and I think that if you like someone, you should show that, and a beach vacation is simply the best way to do that. One of the best, anyhow. I enjoyed our conversations... running along the sands... having a dip in the waters, so pleasantly warm. I was happy... even if I knew that I'd most likely never see any of them, ever again. Yet you want those last moments to be happy...
Even Pakas came to visit! The engineers had juiced up his auto-sail. It practically flew along the waves, at Richo-like speeds! Oh, Richo, I wish you'd been able to see it... Only you could truly appreciate such velocity! Thankfully it was just a friendly visit, no diplomacy to be handled... A business that I can happily say that I'm retired from, forever!
I kind of wish Ricardus had been there... yet I suppose it was as fine an occasion as it could've been, considering the circumstances.
Wish it would've lasted an eternity, though.
It's strange. It's as if my shoulders were relieved of a unforgiving burden... and in its place, the support of pure bliss.
Yet I miss them, already. Just the people, and only a few, admittedly... yet I wish they were here.
I can at least write to them... maybe read about their adventures... and perhaps even invite them over, sometime in the future.
Yet I miss them, so much. All of them.
It's only the very first hours of the very first day, and the longing is already so strong.
Yet I can't help but smile, anyhow.
Having such dear friends that you miss them so much on the very first steps...? It's a good problem to have.
The best sort of problem, really.
(https://i.imgur.com/h2duct3.png)
Tabbah 30th, IY 7789
Woke up, walked down the stairs, bathed, drank my coffee, did my makeup, got ready to read the speeches prepared by Inky, complete with phonetic notation...
Then I remembered that I'm not doing that anymore, and neither are they. In fact, Inky's still sleeping as I write this. Their snoring is one of the most hellish cacophonies to plague the Disc. Anyhow...
It's quiet.
Well, it's not literally quiet, there's just less... nonsense. We're surrounded by the hustle and bustle of the city. The bellows are endless, and you can actually choose whom and what you want to listen to... And the performances? Good grief! Kind of makes me feel embarrassed about my own efforts. Granted, I was always improvising based on Inky's scripts... well, after they were brought into my life, anyhow... but still, I thought I was doing a pretty good job? Yet in comparison... no, I really was absolute shite, mostly just carried by my melodious voice.
Maybe that can be my new job? Like, my second job. Or third job. I'm not sure what I'm doing right now. Like, I am still designing, and tailoring, absolutely, they brought an absolutely fabulous loom in, that's just... too much, I can't wait to try it out later! Yes, I'm excited about a fucking loom. It's fantastic, and I won't hear anything else!
Just considering the bigger picture. Who am I, now? Big Bash, I guess. But I've worked my entire life. Jumped from job to job, sure, but... I just can't stay put. I don't know how to. So, might as well make it something that I actually enjoy doing! Maybe I can about flowers to the good folk. I think at least someone would listen to that? Like, even if it's literally just one person, I think I'd like doing that. Hell, have a portion... just a tiny little bit... of it even be scientific! Ask a bunch of questions about flowers from one of those natural philosophers!
Oh, and I'll start gardening too, of course! I'll have the... whatever-biggest-comes-after-the-Sultan-and-His-Lineage garden! Yeah!
There's too many pastries around here. Maintaining my diet will be so difficult...
Like, there's too much of everything in Baz'eel! There's too much of too much! I tried looking over the map but couldn't make heads or tails out of it! I asked Inky to help, and well... that's why they're sleeping, still. The map was just too much for them!
Where's the nearest salon? I want a honey oatmeal mask!
Navigating this city will take an entire year! What a bother! So much walking!
Oh! I wonder if I can hire someone to tame the Big Heron, here...?
[As the days go by, the little halfling writes less and less about Ephia's Well. Any mentions made are merely indirect, their underlying thread sewn through the friends still living in that peculiar town, and those claimed by the ash. Whenever he talks of them, it is with utmost respect, and with the largest of loves.
Whatever strifes Bashir faces in Baz'eel seem rather inconsequential, and often petty. Many a failed tryst, most of them with half-elves, adorns the pages, yet these tumbles always seem to escape his mind the very next day. Even tiny Tonka cannot escape from amorous advances, as a slew of socialites make their pilgrimage to the home of a most peculiar family, and present their tomcat as simply the most suitable husband to be found for her.
Inky the Iridescent cares not for such folly, and continues recording each and every thing that they witness, no matter how trivial. Their room, specifically laid aside for them by Bashir, is soon filled with so much stationery that a sign, warning of "paper floods", has to be placed upon its door.
And what about Magnifica al-Saiba? She becomes the household's doorkeeper, despite perpetual protests from her flatmates. Only those worthy of entering her home shall be granted entry... whereas all others are swiftly turned away by a flurry of most indignant pecks.
Each added page paints a picture of a happy, if peculiar, family. Bashir's writing never seems to cease, and neither does his professional hopping. Soon, he holds the world record for most jobs ever labored by one person... yet the proof for this, as always, can only be found within his journal.]
(https://i.imgur.com/Z7HRRik.png)