Dear Ma and Pa,
I'm glad to hear that you are doing well. Pity about uncle Kaveh, though. How many times has he gotten stuck inside that hall clock, already? I know you've told him time and time again to see a priest about his sleepwalking, but don't give up! Tell him that he's going to lose the house if he keeps waking up the neighbors with his screaming.
They sent me off to some place called Ephia's Well to take a look at their pipes, which I almost couldn't find. In the end, I did discover the sewer, but it was an absolute mess. Just a rusty wreck, filled to the brim with worms. Infested! I don't know how they let it get in such bad shape. Still, the air around here is much nicer, even if the town looks like a hurricane ran through it. Maybe that's why it's so crisp.
Since handling those gutters was simply too big of a undertaking, and I wasn't certain if they're even paying me, I had to look for other endeavors, and managed to find a few.
Some janissary gave me coin to fetch him falafels. I figured I might as well do that, since he was just completely bored out of his mind. Supposedly, he was guarding his boss, who was stuck inside a bottle. I thought that was an euphemism for him being a horrid drunk, but apparently, he was actually stuck inside a bottle! I think a crone cursed him. They got him out, eventually.
Then, this ancient wizard brought me to his ancient mansion, which could only be reached through a magic portal. It was a marvellous place. He paid me five hundred dinars to fix his pipes. Considering how little labor was involved, he really overpaid! Place really was ancient, but it seems like magical mansions have some warding on the pipes to protect them from the absolute worst? Smart move. Not great for my business, but still... smart.
After that, I met the mayor of the town. She and some architects were meeting with a Gohari director! They offered me a job. Well, a chance at a job, anyway. It's not really anything final, at the moment. And you know what? The architects were a nun and a wizard! Imagine that!
I think I kept talking too much about pipes. It's just that I'd rather advertise something that I know I can handle. I'm still pretty insecure about my own inventions. Still haven't managed to come up with something truly awesome! I know that you always tell me to be more confident, but outside home, folk can get absolutely furious if you don't get things right on the very first try.
With lots of love,
Abbas
Dear Mro Po,
Your falafels are the best. I eat them every day. Then again I've only been here for two days... yet I've had them on both, so it's the truth. I would have them for breakfast, but that's āsh o'clock for me. I wish you served āsh. I like mine with extra kashk. Please consider adding it to your menu, thank you.
Your biggest fan,
Abbas
(https://i.imgur.com/Bo9E4S9.png)
Illul 14th, IY 7789
This lady by the name of Apple Jam lent me a bundle of gear. She's really nice! Apparently, she's both the state diplomat and archaeologist. That's wild! I guess she's able to regale dignitaries with tales from the past. I think she's the one we sold those turbines to. I say "we" but I don't know if three years is enough to count as Tlonsiyyan. I don't think so! But yeah, she's pretty great. Even Raonn and Me'raz don't seem to mind her much. Then again some utter bastard tried to kill them when they first visited, so in comparison probably just about anyone else seems simply dandy.
Then, a mountainous Stonefolk, by the name of Zol Nur, bought me dinner at Mro Po's. It was full-course! It was awesome! Apparently, he's spent most of his life on his lonesome, so now, he wants as many friends as he can get. And you know what? I'll absolutely be his friend after such a succulent meal! Anyone who buys me food, especially in such vast quantities, is all right in my book. This scribe by the name of Eizo got dinner too. I don't think he's from around here, because he kept trying to eat falafel with a stick. It was wild!
"By the name of"? There's too much repetition! I need to make this all sound more intriguing, in case someone reads my diary. It has to sound awesome... then I'll be awesome too!
Steam-powered Coffee Steamer
Steam can be used to heat stuff... and power stuff! Brewing coffee produces steam, and the heat from it can be converted into mechanical energy, and it can also brew the coffee! A loop!
So, if the conversion rate of energy can be made 1:1, then we're talking about perpetual coffee. As long as you have enough beans and water. And you produce more steam than you use up. And you can somehow stop both the conservation and entropy principles.
This idea sucks donkey eggs!
(https://i.imgur.com/Bo9E4S9.png)
Illul 15th, IY 7789
Business is slow, but at least there's some of it. This scribe keeps paying me to dig through camel poop. Most of my kinsfolk would rather piss glass than do that sort of stuff... yet I was paid for it, and I don't want to bother mum and pa for allowance too much. And by way of Izdu's blessings, I found an awesome stone of power. Dunno why the camel ate that. This town is strange. I'm going to show my stone to Apple Jam and ask her if she thinks that it's awesome. I hope so. She's awesome and I want to impress her.
I miss my wrench. I wish I hadn't lost it. There was an okay hammer for sale, but it just isn't the same. One day, I'm going to smith a wrench, all by myself. I'll make it out of orichalcum, or maybe mithril, or some other awesome ore. If those aren't good for wrenches, it'll just be my vanity wrench, and I'll invent some awesome alloy, instead. Then I'll sell the secret of my awesome alloy to the highest bidders, and I'll use all of the money for charitable deeds. Okay, most of it, I still need to eat.
Speaking of eating, I tried eel eggs today. I think eel is whitefish, and it's eggs anyway, so it's okay. I've had them before, but that was ages ago. I think they're nice, but too salty. Too much salt makes me feel woozy, and then I have to drink a lot, and then I'm too full of water to work. So I prefer a balance to my salts. Most of my experiments with the elements produce salts, too, but not the kind you can eat. I kind of wish I'd get a giant explosion instead, because that'd be really neat and impressive, but I also lost my fireproof apron and my mask and a bunch of other things. I should keep a list of my stuff and where it is!
Most importantly... by the Wheel, I cannot believe it! I met the famous Shum Sheroy! He's awesome! Though he told me that he's retired from dancing... He's an astronomer now! That's a wild career change! What's even wilder, is that I get to do his plumbing! Well, he lives where he works, so it's plumbing for all his colleagues, too. Still, really exciting! I think he's the biggest celebrity I've ever met... in Ephia's Well!
I also tried politics but I don't think I get them.
Steam-pow
NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!
Chute-Based Mail System
Chutes are the cousin of pipes! Like pipes, they're really sturdy. A common threat to couriers is that those ignorant of Izdu's teachings are likely to stab them and steal their deliveries. You can't stab a chute. Okay so yes you can do that but it's real loud and won't actually pierce the metal. So if someone did that, a guard would hear it and arrest the chute stabber! So, you just install a system of chutes in every building, that go from top to bottom, and into different rooms, and your internal postage needs are all solved!
At the top and bottom, you'd have metal boxes that need keys to open, so nobody unauthorized can tamper with the mail! I guess you could also have thick glass in the middle so you can see what's in there so you don't receive pranks like a toad or something. For fragile deliveries, install a cushion at the bottom! To ensure employment for former couriers, you should grant them a mentoring program in the mail chute's use.
This idea is absolutely awesome!
Wait, what about tubes? That'd be even more awesome!
(https://i.imgur.com/Bo9E4S9.png)
Illul 16th, IY 7789
Would boys like me if I get an awesome bottle label from Babu the Bottler? Most boys don't like me. They say I smell bad and that they don't want to taste oil while kissing. I bathe every day, but then I get dirty right after because there's so much work to do. Maybe if my bottle had "Baz'eeli Top Shagger" written on it, that'd catch their eye. Okay so maybe that's a bad idea. I think boys are more impressed with stuff if you made it yourself. I made my first boyfriend a clock and they really liked it but then they met someone far richer and they could just buy all the clocks in the world with their pa's money and lie about making them themselves.
Mum says that the way to a man's heart is through their stomach, but I never learned to cook. I got banned from using our kitchen. Yeah, the salts smelled bad but I was just trying to make the Philosopher's Stone. I'm pretty sure ammonia's the key. It just smells so shitty that everyone refuses to work with it. Sounds sensible enough to me.
This town doesn't get any less weirder, but plenty of people are real helpful. Eva gave me a chisel. Actually, it's a combination chisel and saw. It's really useful! I think she's a mystic. She said she voluntarily shaves her head. I think only mystics do that, though occasionally back home we had this fad of shaving your head and it looked really weird because most people's heads aren't shaped right for that so I just outright refused to do that and everyone thought I was weird and they made fun of me for having hair. I thought it was fucking stupid.
I wish I'd find more work. All these caravaneers just stare at a board, and then they find some king's crown in a gnoll village and get paid a ten thousand finder's fee for it. It's not fair. I don't know how to find crowns, and gnolls are really scary.
Charity for the Week of Illul 14th, IY 7789
Hasheema's Hope: 2000 dinars
The Big Bash Charity for Kids Who Can't Math Good: 2000 dinars
Plumbing Initiative for Promising Engineers: 2000 dinars
Mr. Silhar al-Zarib, Most Dutiful Caravan Attendant,
I dig through camel poop every day. The pay from it only affords me two sendings in the Office of Announcements. Can I have a discount on sendings if I shovel camel poop for a whole month? Thank you. You do great work. I can tell that the camels love you and your brother.
Your hardest working shoveller,
Abbas
(https://i.imgur.com/Bo9E4S9.png)
Illul 17th, IY 7789
I'm having a hard time finding work that actually pays well, so I was eyeing the Sandstone College that they have here. The tuition costs more than what I make from shovelling poop... but Jamileh was really awesome and paid for it! She's great. I hope that I can give her something in return, soon. I broke her sofa and I felt really bad about it but I've never built a sofa before. I was thinking of making a couch out of pipes but that's too hard to lay on, even though she sleeps everywhere. Maybe I can build a shelf that auto-organizes all of her archaeological finds. Something like that sounds useful.
Zol Nur paid for my license, too. There's a lot of charitable people around here. Maybe it's not as bad as people say. Or maybe I just lucked out and met the nicest people. I don't know. Anyway it turns out that the merchant work is not for me. You sit around a lot and people come by and look at your stall and don't buy anything. I mostly had water and apparently there's so much of it around here that people don't buy it. They just find it in a cave somewhere and drink it all up. Maybe once I get my tinkering license, I can sell my inventions instead.
Gramps is great. He showed a bunch of people his awesome mansion. The "DCS" thinks that he's committing tax fraud though, but I'm not sure if that applies to magical mansions between the boundaries of existence. I don't think so, anyway. He also revealed the big secret of Ptheshka and everyone was really impressed by his ancient knowledge. I probably wrote that wrong but I'm not good with ancient names. One day I'll know all the ancient names and then my dog can have a really neat name and people will ask what it means and I can tell them what it means and they'll be impressed.
I also learned more about politics. It's all about appearances, and looking good, and making sure that the Sultan doesn't cry. I don't want the Sultan to cry so I'm going to read more about politics. Though pa once told me that whenever the Sultan cries an oasis is formed, but in hindsight that's just a silly thing that you tell babies and I'm not a baby anymore.
(https://i.imgur.com/Bo9E4S9.png)
Illul 18th, IY 7789
Apple Jam went down below into some ruins, and unsealed some ancient pipes that hadn't flowed for centuries! So much pressure had built up in them, that all the water rained down upon the Plaza. Okay so the holes in them didn't help any. I think they're full of holes, anyway. She wondered if it was maybe purposeful. I guess rain is a joyful thing in the middle of a desert, so maybe. I'd have to take a closer look at those pipes but there's kind of an entire town built on top of them, so finding the exact pipes wouldn't be the easiest task.
I asked the elven mayor if I could have ten thousand dinars to inspect the pipes, but she said that the human mayor would have to sign off on it, too. I sort of wish that it had been my big break. There's so many charitable causes I could've helped with that money. At least some folk were charitable and paid me to solve the pipe mystery. Okay so it wasn't solved but I apparently provided some important clues and I think that's enough from just one boy.
Oh, and the elven mayor, she's really weird. She sneaks and skulks wherever she goes and she doesn't like being the mayor. She prefers going to gnoll temples and engaging in sinful slaughter, instead. She said that if I listened to a meeting between her and Jamileh, they would blame me for Apple Jam's schemes, but I don't know what she's talking about, because Apple Jam doesn't have any schemes. Okay so she was going to steal a dog to save it from its horrible owners but I told her not to do that because it'd cause an international incident. I was just curious, and thought that maybe if they happened to have questions about plumbing, I'd be able to help. It's not fair that I'd get charged with high treason for that.
Whenever I visit Apple Jam from now on, I'm going to ask her if there's a mayor hiding in her room, because I don't want to get charged with high treason.
(https://i.imgur.com/Bo9E4S9.png)
Illul 19th, IY 7789
They held a sensational tournament! This wizard called forth illusionary magics to make it look like Frostport. There was snow and ice and everything! It was so exciting, even though at its core, the event was utterly sinful and everyone should be ashamed! Maybe that's why the fight was so disappointing. It was over within minutes. I think they should've had a caribou race, instead. I hear that in Frostport they have caribou the size of elephants and they have races around the glaciers and it's so popular that even the yetis calm down for just one day. After that it's back to kidnapping innocent travelers, though.
People seemed so bored over the whole affair, that they wrestled afterwards. I can appreciate wrestling, because it's not actual violence and usually it involves oiled up superhunks and it's a show for one and all. However... some crazy warlock stole the wrestlers' souls! He just sucked them all up and ran away to the sewer or the desert I'm not really sure where he went but everyone was chasing him.
For some reason the wrestling made me real buff for about an hour and I looked so graceful and I was hoping that I'd stay that way but then it was over and I was really sad because I was hoping that that my rippling musculature would impress a dreamboat and then I could get married and live the good life. I think it's unfair but maybe if I do yoga in the middle of the day too instead of just mornings and evenings I'll be a stunner too.
Orin told me that it takes months to graduate from the Sandstone. I don't really want to study for that long, I already studied for years in Tlonsiyya and the Sandstone seems like utter shit in comparison. I don't want to be rude but it's the truth I mean everyone and I do mean everyone including even the professors think that.
If I write a thesis, I'll have to relax, and breathe slowly, and write like this, so people can actually understand what I'm trying to communicate. I prefer writing quickly though because it saves time and time is the most important resource of all because it affects everything else unless you're like in middle of an anti-temporal void or something I've heard that's a thing that exists but I'm not sure if I believe sounds like hot air to me.
O, Magi, please forgive your humble servant for calling the Sandstone College "utter shit". All institutions of learning are worthy of respect, no matter their approach. I'm only a lad, my mind still dispossessed of the undeniable wisdom provided by your eternal guidance. I shall strive to make amends by correcting my many faults, and by meditating amidst frosty waters. May the lamp shed clearly.
(https://i.imgur.com/Bo9E4S9.png)
Illul 20th, IY 7789
The mayors passed some stupid law that makes a bunch of people into kids including me which is absolutely ridiculous I'm old enough to drink and marry though I'll only do the former when I do the latter alcohol clouds the mind and is sinful. One of the janissaries beat up Niamh and they beat me up too it was horrible I've never had one of the janissaries act violently towards me it was so scary and I felt like crying and leaving. The deputy mayor is even more awful she didn't want to help her younger kin she just called them children and was really condescending. So some spring elves had to leave town because they can't work anymore and it's awful I wish I could've helped them more but I could only afford to give them enough money for the caravan.
I can't concentrate I helped this knight called Aurelio survey land for his keep and there was a bunch of people there too and we went into some melek hole I don't know why I don't think you should build keeps in melek holes it was so scary I was afraid for my life and everyone else too and I nearly died and I screamed and I cried but nobody noticed that I cried they did hear the screaming though and it was so embarrassing. I never want to go into a melek hole ever again they are truly cursed. We did make it out of there and we did eventually survey actually suitable land and it was really hard because I was still so shaken and I had never done that before I just inspect pipes and fix them. I did get paid so maybe I did a good job I don't know it just feels like I stated obvious things. I don't know if I want to go surveying with these people anymore my heart nearly exploded.
This is an absolute mess! I must meditate, and then meditate even more, until the cloud surrounding my mind is completely gone. I must focus on the good, like this necklace of Izdu that Jamileh gifted me. It's really awesome, unlike melek holes or stupid nonsensical laws.
Dear Ma and Pa,
I hope that you two are doing well. Something really bad happened here. I don't really understand what or why, but it has me worried. I don't want to worry the either of you, so if the situation grows worse, I'm either staying at auntie Soudeh's, or coming back to Baz'eel. I'll be really careful, so really, please do not worry.
I've met a lot of nice people. Jamileh is an archaeologist and a diplomat. She keeps helping me every day. She bought me an amulet of Izdu. She also paid for my tuition. Don't worry, it's not a loan and there's no interest. Oh, my tuition at the Sandstone College, here. It's not a very reputable school. Most of the professors don't seem to believe in the establishment, and the ones that do, seem addled. The reading material is really basic, too, but there's a few obscure tomes. I don't know if I'll be able to finish my degree before I have to leave, though. I hope that I can.
I also met Zol Nur, and his student, Eva. Zol Nur is an ancient Stonefolk, and he knows a lot of olden wisdom. He's very sad, though. I hope that he can find joy in his life. Eva's a really capable mage, and everyone here loves her. I hope that I can strive to be as accomplished as her one day. There's Niamh, who's Jamileh's roommate. She's a spring elf, and she has a bush blessed by Kula that has rare wildlife living in it. It's truly miraculous as it seems to have more space inside than how it appears from the outside. I also met the famous Shum Sheroy! He's not a dancer anymore.
I like most of the people I've met, but they have been given a truly troubled share in life. I think Ephia's Well might be just as cursed as uncle says. I pray that Izdu shall illuminate the darkness and lead them towards better days, yet my faith in such falters. Many here are driven by sinful tendencies and misunderstand so much.
Oh! Some children of the giants live here. I met one. He was as big as they are in uncle's stories. So maybe he truly met one, too. However, they're in danger. I pray for them every night. Sometimes I cry when praying because it makes me so sad. Nobody deserves such hardships. If I could help them, I would. Yet after today's events, it seems that having to leave, much like many refugees are doing, seems far more likely. I hope that my new friends understand if it comes to that. They can visit me in Tlonsiyya. I think I want to stay with auntie.
With lots of love,
Abbas
(https://i.imgur.com/Bo9E4S9.png)
Illul 21st, IY 7789
It's all so much. Just too much. The poor children. I prayed so much today, it was nearly hourly. I prayed to Izdu, and I prayed to the Mother, and I prayed to the Martyrs, I prayed and prayed and prayed and I'm not sure what else to do. The strifes here are so abundant, so ever-present. From crisis to crisis, and that appears to be all that people know here. How can such injustice exist? Will it ever end? Every sorrow I witnessed before coming here pales in comparison.
And now, they're here. I just know it. It could not be anyone else. I've never heard anything good regarding them, not a single thing, just nightmarish tales of sins so atrocious, that they could have only been committed by fiends so depraved that they forsake their very souls. I can only hope that the people of the Well heed my warnings. Yet my heart quivers with fear and doubt. Oh Izdu, make them see reason, make them acknowledge the signs before their very eyes. Prepare them for the wearying weeks ahead. Grant them the wisdom and will required to repel the sinner, the heretic, the enemy.
Auntie was right. Uncle was right. Coming here was a giant mistake!
(https://i.imgur.com/Bo9E4S9.png)
Illul 22nd, IY 7789
Everyone's so angry and sad. I don't blame them. Yet I hope brighter days are ahead! At least they were able to assist one of the Wellfolk. It sounded like it, anyway. I couldn't do much else but pray and cry, myself. I wouldn't know what else to do. I've not much else to say? It just hurts to think about.
Orin messed with the wrong people by promoting the wrong product. I don't really get it but now he's waylaid by constant ladder-based schemes and it's really weird. They even killed some poor gnome to get at him. I think he should pray for Izdu's guidance and strive to be more careful with his recommendations in the future you never know who you might offend. For example you shouldn't recommend Cogsworth orbs to geomancers they'll get real mad I learned that lesson the hard way even though the Cogsworth orbs are far more conveniently sized than the old ones who can carry such a humongous orb around not me?
Maqqari brought a workbench over to the dorm it's awesome it's just the right size for me though I wish it was adjustable so it could be sized for big people too because I want to share it. I really want to build my ice machine but I'm not sure where to start and I kind of realized that to make ice for an entire town it'd have to be really big and I've only built really small things so far so that's not great. I have to start somewhere so maybe I can just build a tiny ice machine first and sell it to bartenders to cool off their drinks that'd be neat even if alcohol is a sin. I don't judge though some sins are small and holy in a way Peyton doesn't believe me though I think he's judgmental.
Also some shirtless guy farted a lot at the Krak and it was awful I've never smelled anything so foul and I work with pipes! Nobody seemed to care much except for myself and Peyton and Rashid the mercenary. Maybe people thought it was just silly but his gas was so bad that you could see it and it was red and green I don't think that's normal. I tell a lot of officials about the strange things I see and most of them don't seem to care at all they probably think I'm making things up but I don't lie that's a sin. One day they're going to ignore another of my tips and they're going to regret it when it blows up right in their face! It'll be real embarrassing if it's a giant fart.
(https://i.imgur.com/Bo9E4S9.png)
Illul 23rd, IY 7789
I finally got down to some tinkering and invented a bunch of things the problem is that they're either things that people don't want or stuff that is utterly sinful! So yeah my fishing rod is absolutely awesome but nobody wants one there's not much to fish around here. I guess you could try catching some sand sharks but I'm not sure if it's sturdy enough for that. It isn't sand shark spawning season anyway so it doesn't really matter.
I really need to invent a real popular product something that everybody wants but all these materials cost so much around here! So reaching that goal is in itself very expensive. So I need to invent a money making scheme for my money making scheme. Izdu guide me in this! I hear brewers make ten thousand a week around here I don't know if that's true though and it has to be magic can't just use (SINFUL!!!) hops for that. When I figure it all out I'll shower the Disc in charity never seen before such bounty and succor for one and all that everything will be okay after all charity begets charity so then everyone will start doing it and all suffering shall end!
I really should meditate before writing maybe even during it? I can't even read this myself not easily anyway it's a real mess.
Instructions for Meditation
1. The Song, is the Song, is the Song.
2. Assume the position. The form must be like the bountiful gifts of the Wyld, their roots Below, their blooms Above.
3. Focus on the breathing. Find purpose in concentration. The concentration's purpose is not concentration.
4. Let the mind wander. The Wanderer judges not the steps, for They must wander. Each thought is a step. Each step must be taken. They are part of the Song. They must flow like the Edutu.
5. Listen to the Song. To listen to the Song is to observe the █████. The Song is infinite. It is questions that answer themselves. It is answers that question themselves. It is.
6. Question your mentor, for you are your mentor.
7. The numbers are with meaning for they are endless.
8. The numbers are without meaning for they are endless.
9. The Song, is the Song, is the Song.
(https://i.imgur.com/Bo9E4S9.png)
Illul 24th, IY 7789
I finally got my contract, but it also has a title tied to it. Thankfully it's not a fancy one. I'm just a "Contractor". Izdu teaches humility and propriety in all things. I'm just a simple boy and I don't want to be called "Pipemaster" or something like that. Okay so that isn't so fancy but still. They give titles for just about everything around here and I don't really get it. I just want to work!
They already started complaining that I'm not working but coming up with great ideas take time, and the turbines still aren't here anyway so what else can I do other than sketch and compose? Baublium isn't that common around here either so I can't really experiment much with it. I kind of grew too used to just being able to grab some. Maybe Pakas will give me a discount? Maybe not. I'm just a student!
They want me to build a hammam, too. I'm so excited about that, and I can't wait to get started. I'm going to work so hard. I'm going to perfect the bathing experience! The humidity and temperature have to be just right. Many books have been written about this, and sure I'll read them but I'm pretty sure I can do even better than that. Tradition is important but it's also important to not get stuck within it. If there's a better temperature for hygiene then I'm going to discover it!
I hope nobody will take offense if I suggest that the peshtemals be made out of ramie! It's just prudent and will save a lot of money!
(https://i.imgur.com/Bo9E4S9.png)
Illul 25th, IY 7789
I really don't want to leave. I want to help with the district so the poor people outside the walls can have homes and sustenance.
Yet I have to. Some creep keeps stalking me and threatening to kill me. I've not even said one ill word to him and I even apologized, yet he just keeps at it. I'm not really safe anywhere because he came to the Hope and told me that I have "two days left".
I tried telling people about it but almost nobody listened. Only Kasu of the Balladeers and Ibrahim of the Fourth did. Surprisingly many treated it as a joke. Eva doing that hurt a lot. She even asked me for blood, as if it wasn't painfully obvious what she's going to use it for. I don't think she's a friend.
Someone told me that the creep joined up with the Legion. They actually let a guy join after he'd told that he murders my people for money! So what can I do? Pretty much nobody listens and even the ones that do can't probably do much.
I'll just have to leave tomorrow. I really wish I didn't, but if I stay here, then he'll just kill me, no matter what happens.
(https://i.imgur.com/Bo9E4S9.png)
Illul 26th, IY 7789
It's done. I terminated my contract and I'm staying with auntie.
Her latest project is really loud but I'd rather sleep here than just get murdered for no good reason, not that there ever is one. People asked me to stay and hire a bodyguard but not only is that sinful, I also don't have any money for that. Those contracts are really expensive.
Orin and Rashid helped me get back. Orin even kind of lives here now. I guess I can pay him to teleport me somewhere if I get bored or just need to buy materials from elsewhere. I wanted to work with Rashid on the district but that'll probably never happen.
Not many people seemed surprised to see me back. I guess it was bound to happen.
(https://i.imgur.com/Bo9E4S9.png)
Illul 31st, IY 7789
Auntie's prototype is way too loud! I don't understand how you're supposed to get energy from sound, anyway. All that noise just makes me feel tired! Okay so it doesn't help that I can't sleep much at all because of all whoom and the zzzap and the oompah. Also I think those sounds are strictly aurally incompatible. I didn't test it but I don't associate them with each other. I think you need compatibility to produce energy. I don't even know what I'm ranting about but I haven't slept okay.
Sanaz brought a message from the fat man. Apparently they dropped off those turbines already. Now I'm probably going to regret this but I'm going to sally forth and take a look at them! The people of the Well are really incompetent so they're probably going to try reversing the flow or something and there'll be a giant explosion unless someone tells them not to do that. Also if some creepo threatens to kill me again I'm just going to hire another creepo to outcreep them and maybe that'll make them leave me alone. I just want to help out I don't know why anyone would take offense at that.
(https://i.imgur.com/Bo9E4S9.png)
Qdim 1st, IY 7789
Orin has some guy called Igor living with him. People told me that he was living in the toilet, as a prank! Instead, in actuality, he occasionally comes up from the Arteries! I guess he kind of lives between places. The Arteries have mutated him terribly! Anyway I want to interview him because maybe that'd make for a great thesis. I could just call it investigative academia or something. People like reading interviews with intriguing people better than the regular fare anyway. If it's popular enough to make some money, I'll give it all to Igor and he can buy medicine for his horrible mutations.
Writing like this is far better I can actually read what I wrote!
Dear R. Chasen,
"The Adventures of Young Marcellus" is my favorite illustrated periodical! I have a bunch of questions. I'm visiting Ephia's Well and they have a museum named after Old Marcellus. Is Young Marcellus Old Marcellus but young, or is he the son of Old Marcellus? Are burgers the source of Young Marcellus' powers, or are they a blessing from the Axe? Is Young Marcellus going to get married, I think he should and he should marry the Banafsian washerwoman he met during his seventh adventure because she seemed really nice and by far the most suitable for him also what is her name?
I couldn't find an address for Tomas. Despite his moniker, he doesn't appear to live in Frostport? Are you roommates? Please let him know that I love his drawings. He knows a lot about the male anatomy! Though I've never seen guys like that in Ephia's Well. It's mostly weirdos. I was kind of disappointed.
Anyway, please keep making more, it's always the highlight of my week!
Your biggest fan,
Abbas
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Qdim 2nd, IY 7789
Today I learned about big fashion. Apparently it's all about buttplates and dressing up like a rat. So yeah I don't really get big fashion though the rat costume was cute? I didn't know that fancy people get together and dress up as rats that's surprising. There was also this suit made entirely out of glass and it was just a cacophony straight out of my nightmares? I'm going to invent ear goggles.
I kind of have to invent something big something really popular I keep inventing really niche stuff that's hard to sell like my lock solver which also needs a catchier name. My fishing rod would be all the rage if there was anything to fish. I haven't made any progress on my ice machine and I feel really disappointed in myself but I can only believe that one day I'll figure it out! Then everyone will be nice and cool.
I'm really unfocused tonight? I was doing yoga and my mind just kept drifting? I don't know what my thesis should be about?
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Qdim 3rd, IY 7789
They've got me working on the hammam again and they want a statue of Zol Nur as the centerpiece! Well the elven mayor does I don't know about the new tragically appointed human mayor. Zol Nur didn't really seem to want a statue of himself which makes sense he's very humble also he said that it might be blasphemous? I want to ask the Temple if it's okay but the elven mayor just said "we're paying you". That's weird.
Not sure where I'd have the statue anyway maybe in the tepidarium. Ephia's Well doesn't have a whole lot of money so I'll probably have to combine the dressing room with the frigidarium? That'll save some money and they do that elsewhere anyway if someone's offended too bad my budget stinks! Besides a caress of cool air right as you enter is simply pleasant who wouldn't like that?
Also I saw the Crown Princess and the Majordomo and some guy and it was awesome. I don't know who the guy was but he must've been important also everyone was scared of him. They were in town to meet the human mayor who was out doing "boardwork"? He took so long that they left. They were understandably very disappointed. If the Crown Princess was meeting me I'd drop everything and bathe like ten times in a row in quick succession but I'd do it so quickly that I'd be in time. I guess some people have weird priorities!
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Qdim 4th, IY 7789
The funeral was so sad and there were so many mourners! I guess a mayor is bound to know a lot of people so it makes sense. I didn't really know what to do since I've never been to a fancy funeral so I just sat and prayed quietly. They didn't kick me out so that must've been according to decorum!
Zol Nur gave me a job which is good because I haven't had a lot of those. It might pay pretty well so maybe I don't have to skip supper this week. Fasting is a sacred duty but I can't sleep that well if I completely skip supper my tummy keeps rumbling and it's really loud. Also maybe I can do double the charity?
I'm also writing my thesis or maybe it'll just be an essay they don't really tell length requirements for these. I hope people like it it's about a really important subject!
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Qdim 5th, IY 7789
I have a really bad migraine today so I'm just staying at the dorm. I've been praying to the Mother to ease the pain but it's hard to concentrate on that I just feel like laying comatose in my bunk I hope that She'll forgive me but it's really hard to pray like this.
I can't help myself though so I've been reading I know that I should just rest but it gets so boring just laying down doing nothing. Some ancient texts say that there are twelve crones I know one of them is obsessed with togas but what are the rest of them obsessed with? Crones are dangerous maybe I shouldn't read about them.
I crushed a coldstone in some water and then doused my towel in it but that didn't help now I just feel cold like really cold I'm going to sleep.
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Qdim 6th, IY 7789
I met a man by the name of Harry Halberd who true to his name wanted to buy the amazing halberd being sold exclusively here in Ephia's Well and which despite being sinful is dedicated to the Sultana. That sentence was an absolute mess let me breathe deeply for a moment. Okay, there we go. Harry kept saying that he isn't from Alkab, but I'm not sure if I believe that. He was just a little too insistent about it. I visited Alkab once, but I was a tiny babe, so I can't remember much at all.
One day I will visit all the communities of the Disc, including mysterious Ptshteka and the ever-dangerous Yaxatan. Okay, so, maybe not the latter because I hear they're all heretics and they sacrifice any and all visitors to their (false!!!) "gods" of blood! Maybe I can visit in secret so they won't even know that I'm there. But then I wouldn't be able to dine with the locals to try out their cuisine, which is one of the main reasons to visit any place, really.
I wonder if Halberton is a real place. It sounds very silly.
Dear Uncle,
The pickle juice works! Sorry for doubting you, and thank you for the recipe. I'm still not sure if I believe that you got it from a giant. I don't even know what sort of giant would gift you such a thing, really. Again, sorry, but it's just a lot to take at face value.
The giants here look much like your prior descriptions. The "Wellfolk" tower over everyone, dress in ancient garbs and seem to hide their faces behind scary masks. Maybe that's actually their face, I don't know, and I apologize if that is the case, but it truly is kind of horrific. Also the air around them is really humid! And yes, unfortunately, they seem to be in grave danger.
I know that your work is very important, but the neighbors complain a lot. At least get someone to look at the acoustics. I'll do it for free if the cost is the issue!
With lots of love,
Abbas
Better Tanglefoot Bag
The problem with the regular old tanglefoot bag is that it still allows sinful heretics to invite violence upon your form via throwing knifes and other such disgraceful implements, or they can just outright cut themselves free from the tangle! My improved tanglefoot bag doesn't allow any of that. Okay, so, I need to still perform some live tests but I'm pretty sure I've got it figured out. Also, it needs a catchy name. Maybe just like an acronym, like Better TangleFoot (Original). Or "Parafoot Bag". Names are so hard to come up with!
Improved Rake and Shovel
Okay, so, these are great. I perfected every single aspect of both form and function, I'm really proud of the alloy, so, any laborer using these will perform their job far more efficiently and safely! The problem is that tools like these aren't a big money maker, at least not at the scope that I'm making them! You need to mass produce them to break even, and almost nobody ever gets excited about better tools. I don't get some people. Maybe I can sell the plans to some big corporation back home and use the money to start a ranch for orphaned camels.
Featherweight Cauldron
Eva says that these are a real big seller. Relatively, anyway. I'm far more fascinated with the alloy. I'm pretty sure I can perfect it so that it can be used for other stuff, too. If I can manage that, it'll change the whole world... of tools!
Skinning Knife
It's a skinning knife. It's not even better than the commonly found design on the market! It sucks camel eggs!
Toil ever long, 'til dreams peculiar halt
My labor, by the beast of scalded pit.
Plead meekly: "Do be kind, cease your assault",
And so they left, without need of a writ.
This is so difficult! How does uncle do it?
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Qdim 10th, IY 7789
I stayed up all night to witness the trial of the century... in Ephia's Well. Law's real complicated even though it's basically all about guilt or innocence. I'm kind of glad that I only ever did one law course, that's all I need really, and even that's for the sake of business! I wouldn't want to be a barrister it's a whole lot of bother and too much responsibility but I guess plumbing has the latter too.
One of those mafiosos sat behind Orin and made a bunch of vague threats, in fact it was the guy from before who escaped from jail? Nobody seemed to care besides me, Orin and this new Scarab, who managed to arrest the heinous villain. Now we're on a mission to solve this case and save the Well, okay, so, Orin is, I'm kind of just there as moral support. With Orin you kind of have to keep him focused on the matter at hand otherwise he just loses focus. Mum says I have a deficit but I'm not nearly as bad.
Oh and I almost forgot the verdict of the trial made everyone mad it was a real doozy! Assigning the worth of one thousand dinars to a person is simply sinful so I don't like it either. I don't really know what sort of judgment would've fared better though?
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Qdim 11th, IY 7789
I lost my limited edition Mastiff Gloom Card somewhere I don't know where it went! May Izdu forgive me for such thoughtlessness! It was really expensive too maybe I should've just donated that money to charity. I don't know what cards to use for the tourney now. Not that the Mastiff's great but it's still an okay backup because I don't know how many people are going to compete? If it's tens of people then you need holos and good ones!
Famous Shum Sheroy is in big trouble! He's got everyone so angry because... well, okay, so, I'm not sure if he actually doesn't feel guilty or he's really bad at phrasing things, I think it's the latter and he just keeps saying the most inappropriate thing possible. He should go to a charm school or just have elocution lessons but then again he can't afford any of that now because he owes a great debt to society and in more ways than one!
Orin still hasn't finished making Orin-Os.
Suggestions for Orin-Os Flavors
Rhubarb Rush
Lemon Lime Lagoon
Orange Oasis
Sticky Date Pudding
Carob Crush
Breadfruit Bonanza
Funky Durian
Banafsian Banana Bread
Coconut Comet
Pomelo Power
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Qdim 16th, IY 7789
I didn't win the tourney! I didn't even make third place. Orin didn't fare much better. In fact, he did even worse! How are we supposed to get the Ladder Gloom Card now? The big mobster will only play against us if we have a card as rare as it! The Wine Card's worth at least fifty thousand dinars or something like that I don't have any money.
Okay I have some money because I sold most of the cards that I had for the tourney but nowhere near that and neither does Orin we're both poor students. Poorish. Comparatively.
That card's an important clue because it'll lead us to the kingpin of the Ladder Mafia because he owns the card. Okay, so, the Wine Card becomes the clue because that will lead us to the other card, now? The situation's changed and it's all so complicated much like all big crime mysteries. I feel like a detective because Orin doubted me about the card being important but it was and now he's on the right track again even though he doesn't have enough money for the caravan. That's a metaphor.
Orin must save the city and develop the Orin-Os and possibly pay tuition I don't know Jamileh paid for mine and she seems richer than Orin even though she has horrible massive debt now?
All strangers, naught but friends yet to join hands,
With which to guide, to spurn the Stolen Sun.
The journeys by them, past these burning sands,
Endure in Song, recalling all hence done.
Slightly better. Slightly. I think. I don't want to ask uncle for help, he'll be so critical!
(https://i.imgur.com/Bo9E4S9.png)
Qdim 17th, IY 7789
The Fourth Legion broke the ANCIENT COLOSSI ORB that they use to vote around here. They've got me fixing it up with some guy, some guy named Pro Bono of Il Modo. I haven't seen him though. Mostly I was just waiting around to see if the Builders get up there because they're real particular about absolutely everything. So, it's a weird gig and mostly just inspecting and waiting. Also I'm not sure if they're even paying me, I hope they are, I need that money for charity and also my education.
Since it's an ANCIENT COLOSSI ORB, doesn't that mean that the Colossi used to vote, too? Or maybe someone retrofitted it for a new purpose. Maybe it was used to vote for the soup of the day in the past. I don't know.
I hope that I can fix the ANCIENT COLOSSI ORB before I leave to visit my auntie and mum and dad and maybe uncle if he's not at some mystic summit, those always take forever. They're making up some law where you lose your citizenship if you leave for too long? The mayors and scribes are that is, I hope it isn't a week, because that's how long I'll be gone for and it'd be real cruel. Actually they can't even do that because I'm a citizen of Baz'eel and only the Sultan's most trusted can revoke that!
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Qdim 31st, IY 7789
Visiting mum and dad and auntie and uncle was great and auntie even has a girlfriend which is a rare occasion because she's usually so picky also how does she even have time from all her inventions I hope this new lady is really patient? I'm happy for her and them and I'm also happy that I got to see a dolphin down by the Edutu and we had a jolly old time which gave me a ton of inspiration and in the future all auto-sails will be inspired by the hydrodynamic qualities of the humble river dolphin! Okay so maybe I don't know sounds great though.
Uncle sleepwalked on the roof again okay so roofs plural because even the neighbors got some of his nocturnal roof wandering it was kind of embarrassing but apparently Izdu granted him some curious wisdom from the beyond and now his latest prophecy will be his greatest yet? Maybe? It's going to have at least a hundred stanzas I think that's too much.
However I forgot about the Parade and I feel so embarrassed no wonder mum wanted me to stay longer it stinks because I wanted to see all the uniforms. Though it seems like a lot of people forgot about it in the Well too and only Ibrahim reminded me of it he gave me a spiteful prayer of the Wroth for the hammam! I hope I'll get plenty more you must pray before you wash and you must pray as you wash and you must pray after and then you must pray some more when you get home. Only through piety can we know community? Okay maybe not at least the Stonefolk seem to be doing well enough for themselves.