Messages

[Tabbah 26th, IY 7789]

Tabbah 26th, IY 7789

Nerdywell is an absolutely detestable hag! I've no clue how such a querulous beldame became part of the Mother's clergy, or why the fuck she's a Prelate! I don't even care about her utterly nonsensical bullshit regarding myself, because I'm used to that, because everyone in these cabinets is utterly insane and blind to all the labor I do... But insulting my colleagues? Calling them "useless furniture", and then trying to paint that as a complete misunderstanding originating from me, even though everyone else in the room heard it regurgitated from her disgusting lips?

And then Vellum had the gall to say that "both sides were out of line"... What a spineless coward! I don't give a shit if you want to marry her, which I don't understand at all, either, if your wife-to-be acts like that, you should recognize it, and apologize, and force her to apologize, too! Me and my colleagues labor endlessly to keep this sanatorium running, and what do we get? Her insane cabinet constantly insulting us, just because a single individual cannot handle each and every task! Like, they're genuinely offended that nobody wanted to help a drunkard build a castle in the clouds! OH MY, I WONDER WHY THE FUCK THAT IS THE CASE?!

Having to pretend to like, or even tolerate, these richsters is the absolute worst! I hate it, so much! They do not appreciate anything at all you do in reality, they only pretend to do so when it's convenient! FUCK YOU!

I can't wait to leave. I really, really, really can't. And these utter monsters, they'll probably fill the bellows with how they're sad to see me go... Oh, who am I kidding, no, they won't, because there won't be any benefit in it for them anymore, no little ragdoll to stab in the heart repeatedly... It'll just be people that actually care, at least on some level. But how many people like that are there left here, anyhow...? Not many. I guess that's a blessing in disguise... a shit-covered disguise, granted, but still... because I won't have to write to countless people after I do leave.

Writing to people you actually love is much more pleasant, anyhow.

[Tabbah 25th, IY 7789]

Tabbah 25th, IY 7789

I was taking a nap inside Orin's trunk... it's just so comfy in there... when somebody opened up the lid, and woke me up! It was Io! Apparently, someone tried to blow Orin up for his brains, or something like that. And turns out that "someone" is the Ladder Mafia! It's because he wrote an essay about ladders. I didn't read it. I don't read essays. Even if they're about actually useful things, like ladders, instead of completely and utterly useless things, like the mathematicks or the philosophy. I've got far better ways to spend my time!

They even left a broken ladder behind as a warning... It symbolizes his spine! Because they're going to break it if he doesn't stop with these ladder shenanigans! Crunch!

Anyhow, we didn't solve the mafia mystery, so, we just headed off to Jamileh's place... well, me, Eva, Zol Nur, Peyton and Jamileh, anyhow... There's a ton of animals living with her, now! Apparently, they're all Niamh's friends, and they live in her bush, which is really big and fits all sorts of stuff inside it. She really should prune it, though. An unkempt bush is most uncouth! Anyhow, I met this sheep, and we became immediate friends! Apparently, there was a mammoth, too, but he had headed off somewhere... What a shame! I haven't seen a mammoth in years...

Jamileh wants Richo to be Hakem... I don't think that's a good idea! While he is far more in touch with the gods than most, he simply can't stay put! And as Hakem, you have to go to a bunch of boring meetings, where you have to sit a lot, so... yeah, that's practically an impossibility for him! I don't know whom I'd like as Hakem, really. It should be like, someone real nice, who'll like, meet with absolutely everyone, including the children, and they'll give them sage advice about like, fishing, and maybe some candy. I think that's how the clergy should approach the layfolk, anyhow!

I'm so sleepy... Back to the trunk!

[Tabbah 24th, IY 7789]

Tabbah 24th, IY 7789

Some bird's dropping bijoux all over the place... whether accidentally or on purpose, I've no clue! I'm just going to keep picking them up, and give them, oh, a month or so, to get them back. They can fly, so, reaching my new home shouldn't be so hard, if they do wish them returned! It seems like their favorite color is green, because... well, yeah, they're all green. Every single one!

Peyton wants to date Richo... oh yeah, he's back in town. Anyhow, I'm pretty sure Peyton will date anyone that has even a hint of muscular...ity, I don't know why. Like, sure, it looks nice, but you need more than that! I should know! I dated guys based merely on their pectorals for years, and all I got from that was a bleak lesson... about how you shouldn't do that! But yeah, he's completely blinded by physical fitness, and somehow isn't at all disturbed by the fact that you can see most of Richo's bones at all times! It's getting so bad, that I'm afraid a a novice necromancer will kidnap him for a tutorial piece!

Oh, also... I saved the city from a swarm of pesky bugs! Hooray!

[Tabbah 23rd, IY 7789]

Tabbah 23rd, IY 7789

For some reason... hey, I'm writing that a lot, lately... anyhow, Jamileh and Zol Nur took Niamh into a den of necromancers! That's an awful idea! Being both a father and mother to her is difficult enough, already, and then they just have to go ahead and do something stupid like that... I vaguely understand the reasoning, but it still isn't enough, not to me, anyhow! She needs actually good role models in her life, and shouldn't be subjected to a bunch of bone-licking weirdos dwelling down below in moldy basements!

Doesn't help that now, brookers are stealing names from necromancers in order to confuse people! That's what the guy on trial today did, anyhow... So yeah, they caught him anyhow, so, that confusion strategy doesn't really work...? Not this time, anyhow. Quite the trial, as even Mr. Epsom came over to gawk! Well, I think he wanted to do his job at advocating, but he was too late... At least this time, he hadn't bribed someone for my secret trial records! Which are secret only because I don't feel like cleaning them up... Also, I don't get legal lingo, so, folk would complain about my synopsis... synopses... synopsises... whatever, anyhow.

Lately, I've helped the Balladeers with their uniforms, occasionally... They're good clients! I haven't had a single complaint, and they seem to simply adore my work. Like, I'm still mad about the spelunking, but appreciating my genius goes a long way to alleviate some of the anger... Whatever. Anyhow, I wonder if I should start designing tack for camels and horses...? Then again, the only Balladeer with a horse is Aurelio... I want all the horses of the Disc to have fanciful tack! Though that name has to go... it just makes me think of "tacky"! "Horse apparel" works fine enough!

[Tabbah 22nd, IY 7789]

Tabbah 22nd, IY 7789

For some reason, folk thought that it'd be a good idea to summon the Toga Crone, to get some togens for their toga... instead of just talking to Ludwig and giving him some money! They summoned a crone to the Souk! They really did! And they gave her money! She's going to use all that money for her foul schemes... all of which involve togas in one way or another. I really don't understand what they were thinking? I don't think there was any thought involved!

Like, crones aren't the most dangerous... yet the threat is still very real! As far as capricious feminine magickians go, the order of danger goes like... fae, witch, crone, hag... from least to most dangerous! Though fairies are really hard to rank here. Some of them could just outright murder you!

Oh well... at least Niamh's toga looks simply marvellous!

The Allotment was just a mess... like, more so than usual. The Legates just keep fighting about every single thing, no matter how minor. I hate it! We even had visitors from Ramieton, and they almost completely ignored them at first, but thankfully, they listened to my suggestion and attended to them and their request... Now, we're going to visit Ramieton, again! Well... some people are going to do that. I don't know if I'll be there, considering how slow things are, lately. For some reason, everyone gets distracted with things far into the future, instead of focusing on stuffs that are right here, right now! It's mighty peculiar.

Also, I don't really get what's going with Kiran...? She's just being difficult with almost everyone, and then is real surprised when folk don't like that... I understand that she lost a friend, but still, she shouldn't take that out on people that had nothing to do with it? And then I have to deal with the reactions to her stinky behavior... As strange as Haknar can be sometimes, at least he simply comes to work, and does his job! I wish I had ten Haknars!

Ramie Bun:
Ramie shell!
Sticky rice filling!
Salted duck egg on the side!
With the chilli dip sauce!

That's a tasty meal!

[Tabbah 21st, IY 7789]

Tabbah 21st, IY 7789

Some caravaneers brought over a bunch of brews down to the well for the sake of charity... I grabbed a few health brews, because for some reason, nobody ever wants those! It tastes like yogurt... which is probably why it's so healthy. Anyhow, they seemed awful confused about folk partaking! Yet that's how floor charity work! You leave your stuffs and things out in public, and folk take it! Pretty, simple, I think...

Apparently, some Qadirans mistook Zol Nur for a whale, and tried harpooning him for his blubber! I do not approve of such! Neither whaling, nor zolnuring, that is... Both whales and Zol Nur are sources of great wisdom! You don't hunt down sources of great wisdom for food! You listen to them, and nod along, and try to partake in the prudence... even if you don't truly understand, it's the attempt that counts! Anyhow, I'm surprised that during my countless adventures, a whale hasn't accidentally swallowed me... I'm glad! I don't want to give them a tummyache!

I also learned that Vellum deals in curiosa to pay the bills... I'm not judging, I'm in the same business, for like, my seventh job, or something, I lost count, or rather I can't remember the order... Who cares! Anyhow, it's just real surprising, and totally not something I expected at all! She also hunts fairies... for some reason! She's real weird.

Oh, and Maddicus' brain damage has given him the gift... the gift of clairvoyance! Well, mostly it's just given him hysteria, and has made him into an utterly broken shell of a man, but occasionally, there's some eerie wisdom to his words! Occasionally. Figuring out when you should actually listen to him is a real challenge... but I think I've got it figured out! What a pity that I can't teach the other Scribes how to do it... That'll be lost knowledge once I leave!

Also... Eva's got a gun!

[Tabbah 20th, IY 7789]

Tabbah 20th, IY 7789

Under guise of night, the Rose journeyed down below, to spelunk in search for the Cup... and they didn't tell anyone! I thought it was a completely official matter, with how in the open their actions were! Yet apparently, it wasn't... Whatever they did, it caused a big ol' tremor, and the Pyramid shook real bad... me and my colleagues were so scared! Even the lights went out, eventually... so, we had to evacuate the building. Now, nobody died, thankfully, at least not in the Pyramid, but... just who gives you the right to go down there and endanger the entire town? They say, "oh, someone else will do it, anyway", as if that somehow excuses anything at all!

Anyone with half a brain knows that you won't be finding any sort of cup down there! Not the one that you're searching for, anyhow... You'll just find misery and torment, and that's all!

And then, the reshuffling of legislature begins, and folk immediately start complaining about clauses regarding reports... "I don't want to write a report!" Well, HOW ABOUT YOU DON'T FUCKING GO DOWN THERE, THEN?! YOU'RE ENDANGERING THE LIVES OF THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE! YOU UTTER DICKWEED! WRITING A COUPLE SENTENCES REGARDING SUCH IS THE TINIEST OF DEMANDS THAT YOU COULD FACE FOR DOING SUCH AN UTTERLY STUPID THING!

YEAH!

I swear that I am surrounded by utter buffoons and sociopaths, who, when faced with the consequences of their actions, are somehow surprised by them, as if they hadn't considered them even for a second... I hate it so much here, I just want out, and when I finally do walk in through the gates of Baz'eel, I swear, I'll spend all my free time just lobbying for fat pensions for all of my colleagues whom have to suffer through the utter inanity that is Ephia's Well, and the caravaneers infesting it, whom gnaw through any semblance of goodness to be found within!

FUCK YOU!

[Tabbah 19th, IY 7789]

Tabbah 19th, IY 7789

Some folk have more money than sense! Some lady wanted to renounce her citizenship... because she was disappointed with it! Imagine spending thousands of dinars on something like that, and then being so dissatisfied, that you want to give it back, even though you don't even get a refund! We don't give a refund for anything... It's bad business, and bad bureaucracy! So, now she's out of thousands of dinars, all for nothing! I swear, some folk just buy stuffs and things without considering their use! Some call people like that "affluent"... I call them idiots!

Anyhow... Zol Nur's worried about Jamileh. Worried for no good reason, because it's just a tempest in a teapot sort of deal! Jamileh's going to be just fine, just like always... She's like a cat, always landing on her feet! Though I do wish that she'd be more careful, sometimes... Because sometimes, a tempest in a teapot really is a tempest in a teapot, like that one time, in ages past, when this Vizier wanted to prove a point, and actually tamed a tempest inside his teapot! But even then, it was a big deal simply because everyone wanted a taste of that tempest tea... It was to die for!

I kind of forgot my point there, but she'll be completely fine! I'm certain!

What else...? Oh, there's some nonsense about bottles. I think folk are like, finding hobby gobby brew, laying about on the floor, and drinking it up, and then they get really sloshed, and it's a big ol' mess. I don't really understand why you'd ever drink random booze that you find laying about, like, that's real desperation for a buzz... So, a bunch of folk are completely glazed out of their minds! Hobby gobby brew is no joke!

Also... Baba Babur gave me a free book! An empty one, that is. I'm not sure what to write in it... I might just give it to Inky. Their latest diary is a real salmagundi of nonsense, so, they'd better start over... again.

MINE NOTATION IS CONSUMMATELY COHERENT! THOU MUST USE THE ENTIRETY OF THE PAGE!

[Tabbah 18th, IY 7789]

Tabbah 18th, IY 7789

Why's Vellum asking me to wake up Frederica, now...? Out of the two, she's not the one with the countless issues regarding abrupt slumber! Even though she'd have countless reasons for it... What a peculiar request! How am I supposed to that, anyhow...? I just picture cuckoo clocks, and pots and pans! Maybe Cogsworth can tinker up a real fancy cuckoo clock? One that has a peacock, instead of a cuckoo... yet if it was realistic, what a horrific shriek it would produce! How can such a beautiful bird wail so dreadfully? Actually, maybe that'd actually wake Vellum up real nicely...

I wish I could have a cute little cuckoo clock in my humble new abode, but in our home, the poor bird is bound to get swatted in a most vicious fashion! Not by Tonka, or Magnifica, but by Inky! They hate such contraptions!

IF THE CONTINUANCE CANNOT BEHAVE ITSELF, IT MUST BE FORCED TO DO SO! A THOUSAND HEXES UPON THE CHRONOCUCKOO AND ALL ITS ILK!

They're just telling you the hour! That's no reason to smack someone, or something! Anyhow... Armin's going places, but the places are like, trapped by copious amounts of decorum. He already made one big ol' mistake! You have to know what school you're swimming with... and you have to watch out for social predators! Yeah, that metaphor kind of works. Anyhow, he could easily make Lieutenant, if he'd just learn how to navigate the mire... the mire of decorum! Also... proper reportage! Reporting? Whatever! Those are all important skills!

Oh! I also learned that Welly has a dark side! It is most shocking discovery, something completely unexpected... He's way too comfortable with nut kicks!

[Tabbah 17th, IY 7789]

Tabbah 17th, IY 7789

I was playing love games with Peyton and Niamh, when that was interrupted by a bellow from our latest hire... "our" being the Scribes, not me, Peyton and Niamh, we're not starting a business, even though I'd like, totally be down for that, if they asked... anyhow, the freshest Junior, Navarre, had bad news! Apparently, Vellum, for some utterly inane reason, wanted an audit of every single government official, and their wages, and so on! That's what she wrote, anyhow.

Now, you have to keep two things in mind... First of all, we take whatever a Legate writes quite literally, because in the past, they've made utterly deranged requests that we've like, interpreted as typographical errors, or simply as questionable choices in phrasing, yet they've turned out to be quite literal, and they actually wanted that crazy shit! So, the protocol now, is to do just that... take them literally! Second of all... "every single government official" is a lot of people. We're a satrapy, after all! So... it means every official in the Well, it means every official in Baz'eel, it also means every official in Arslan, now, hell, it probably means folk from other satrapies, too, if they've worked on documents related to the Well in some tangible manner...

So, yeah, it's an absolutely insane request! Of course it had us in a panic! Worst of all, Dunce, who's an absolute shitstain on the name of all Viziers everywhere, was being true to his mien, and being a massive asshole! He was saying how the Scribes never do anything, and such, and such, and he doesn't even do his own job! What a cunt! I hate him! Doesn't help that later on, he apparently said that he was going to, via magick, transform a Scribe into a chicken and eat them! What a lunatic!

Anyhow, turns out that Vellum just meant... the people that she and Lujayn have assigned to their positions...? So yeah, her order was just absolute shit, and phrased terribly! Furthermore... she could've just... looked at those numbers herself, and handed them off...? It'd taken her all of five minutes! Also, she doesn't know the numbers she decided on...? Does she just come to the office high on a plethora of drugs, or what? Maybe whenever she drifts off to reverie, which is very often, she simply forgets whatever she just said!

After that... they wanted to audit the quarry? Like, right after that. They just wanted to go to the quarry, and do that. I don't get it. They assigned Jamileh on it... for some reason. Like, don't get me wrong, she's very capable, but she's not like... an authorized auditor? She didn't even call it an audit, because of that. She called it a "health inspection"! Now, that's far more manageable, and far more interesting, than a stinking audit...

Now, what the inspection discovered, was mostly just obvious shit... Shit that I've been telling the Legates for months, now, but they don't care, they care about audits, because that's all they fucking care about, just meaningless numbers, instead of the lived experience, you know, the actual fucking thing that matters for the common laborer? So yeah, they "learned" that Basil is an abusive piece of shit, and completely unfit to be a foreman. After this "grand" discovery, he ran off. Probably to Qadira, or some other shithole!

Thankfully there's some good news in this big ol' mess... Malcolm is the foreman, now! I'm actually surprised that the Legates agreed to that! Why? Because it's the actually sensible thing to do! The other quarry laborers, they simply love the man, and he has a good head on his shoulders! If I was deciding about such things, he'd have been the foreman from the very beginning! Well, maybe not the very beginning... after his popularity had like, materialized! Anyhow, I'm sure that he'll do a simply swell job at it... Can't do any worse than Basil, for certain. Nobody can. What an absolute wanker!

While I'm happy for the laborers of the quarry, this whole day really shed any doubts I had about something... I want to get the hell out of here, and soon!

Also, Jamileh's amazing! Why's she not Legate?

[Tabbah 16th, IY 7789]

Tabbah 16th, IY 7789

Cogsworth's latest designs come with coupons for free bellows, for League members! I do not approve! It's an absolutely horrid loss of tax revenue... and now, I see absolutely unhinged folk take their clothes off right next to the bellows heads, like, they just strip down, and throw the League uniform on themselves, it's absolutely dreadful, especially because they don't know how to do the Spin of Style, through which you can manage it so subtly that nary a hint of flesh is revealed to the naked eye!

I, of course, mastered the Spin of Style... when I was working as an exotic dancer! I don't know what was so "exotic" about it! You just take your clothes off when you dance!

Anyhow, it is most indecent, to do such in public... I don't get people! Well, I get people in general, most of the time, I just don't get the people of the Well... Wait, that's not accurate, either. I don't get the Voiced? That hits more close to home. Most Voiced are deranged caravaneers, belonging to the adventuring class, the most common occupational hazard of which is near endless counts of trauma to the brain! So, yeah, they do utterly inane shit like this, every now and then... now and then being a very long measure of time, in truth.

All that tax revenue... lost! It truly is horrible! I do not approve of such!

[Tabbah 15th, IY 7789]

Tabbah 15th, IY 7789

Everyone's got ramie fever! Like, as in, they really want to go to Ramieton... and buy some ramie... they're not actually allergic to it? I need to work on my... whatever figure of speech that is. Anyhow, most everyone wants to go there. However... the trade road is closed! How sad! Though, again, I'm worried about the Well's intentions for them. Again, the brain damage, it just causes some to do nonsensical shit that benefits absolutely nobody!

Anyhow, I did get to help Niamh, so that was nice... She wanted to see the Terrace, and the Divan, so, I showed her those... of course, it wasn't just me doing that, because for some reason, I still need Legatine authorization, so... But yeah, she absolutely loved it! So, that cheered up my day. I don't know if they have steam baths in the Gift? Probably? Living in the desert without a steam bath seems just miserable. And they already like, know the water magicks! But maybe it's like, an affront to the Spring to steam it up...? I don't know! They never let me inside!

But yeah, it was a good deed... and it keeps Niamh away from drugs!

[Tabbah 14th, IY 7789]

Tabbah 14th, IY 7789

What a big ol' surprise today's Fashion Show was! We went to Ramieton... I had never been before! In fact, I hadn't even heard much about them, just like, vague rumors that there was some sort of town over there! Now, it's a mighty pleasant place, really has plenty of that rustic charm... like, a lot of it! True to their name, they mostly just grow ramie. Endless fields of it, laid upon the waters... I don't use much of that, myself, since it's kind of hard to dye... more of an addition to blends, really! That might change in the future, of course...

I spent hours trying to figure rugs out! Yes, I know, rugs usually make weeks, if not months, to make, but I'm a real busy guy! I don't have time for that! I want to make a rug now! So, I did... three of them! My other attempts... well, let's just say that they were drastic!

Anyhow... I won, again! The Squeev was a massive success! No wonder, since it's like my... well, it's either my best or second best, really. A perfect accompaniment to any dashing gentleman with a little more flair to their mien! Even if folk can't agree on whether it's a sash or a cummerbund... I think "cummerbund" sounds filthy, so, I just say sash, myself. Oh, my model was Aurelio... who, despite his constant drunkardness, did a pretty swell job at it? I'd still have preferred like, oh... Dölgöön. We settled our rivalry, after all. Oh, did I write about that, at all...? I must've forgotten! Anyhow, it was a silly bit of bout...ing, borne out of the coincidental similar...ness of our appearance! I still think I'm cuter, though.

Now, Aaisha bought the biggest room that they had at the inn, and wants it to be an embassy? I dropped my rugs off there. Anyhow, if I were one of our neighbors, I'd be like, real worried that Ephia's Well has an embassy in our home? It's just a bad sign. Sure, some people in the Well wish the absolute best for our neighbors... but the others...? I don't even know what they want. It's some sort of brain malady that makes it really hard to discern any rationality behind their actions! It's sad.

More albums:

Whimsy

The Labor

Friends and Loved Ones

The second album is themed around travel and events:

Bashir's Bizarre Adventures