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[As the days go by, the little halfling writes less and less about Ephia's Well. Any mentions made are merely indirect, their underlying thread sewn through the friends still living in that peculiar town, and those claimed by the ash. Whenever he talks of them, it is with utmost respect, and with the largest of loves.

Whatever strifes Bashir faces in Baz'eel seem rather inconsequential, and often petty. Many a failed tryst, most of them with half-elves, adorns the pages, yet these tumbles always seem to escape his mind the very next day. Even tiny Tonka cannot escape from amorous advances, as a slew of socialites make their pilgrimage to the home of a most peculiar family, and present their tomcat as simply the most suitable husband to be found for her.

Inky the Iridescent cares not for such folly, and continues recording each and every thing that they witness, no matter how trivial. Their room, specifically laid aside for them by Bashir, is soon filled with so much stationery that a sign, warning of "paper floods", has to be placed upon its door.

And what about Magnifica al-Saiba? She becomes the household's doorkeeper, despite perpetual protests from her flatmates. Only those worthy of entering her home shall be granted entry... whereas all others are swiftly turned away by a flurry of most indignant pecks.

Each added page paints a picture of a happy, if peculiar, family. Bashir's writing never seems to cease, and neither does his professional hopping. Soon, he holds the world record for most jobs ever labored by one person... yet the proof for this, as always, can only be found within his journal.]

[Tabbah 30th, IY 7789]

Tabbah 30th, IY 7789

Woke up, walked down the stairs, bathed, drank my coffee, did my makeup, got ready to read the speeches prepared by Inky, complete with phonetic notation...

Then I remembered that I'm not doing that anymore, and neither are they. In fact, Inky's still sleeping as I write this. Their snoring is one of the most hellish cacophonies to plague the Disc. Anyhow...

It's quiet.

Well, it's not literally quiet, there's just less... nonsense. We're surrounded by the hustle and bustle of the city. The bellows are endless, and you can actually choose whom and what you want to listen to... And the performances? Good grief! Kind of makes me feel embarrassed about my own efforts. Granted, I was always improvising based on Inky's scripts... well, after they were brought into my life, anyhow... but still, I thought I was doing a pretty good job? Yet in comparison... no, I really was absolute shite, mostly just carried by my melodious voice.

Maybe that can be my new job? Like, my second job. Or third job. I'm not sure what I'm doing right now. Like, I am still designing, and tailoring, absolutely, they brought an absolutely fabulous loom in, that's just... too much, I can't wait to try it out later! Yes, I'm excited about a fucking loom. It's fantastic, and I won't hear anything else!

Just considering the bigger picture. Who am I, now? Big Bash, I guess. But I've worked my entire life. Jumped from job to job, sure, but... I just can't stay put. I don't know how to. So, might as well make it something that I actually enjoy doing! Maybe I can about flowers to the good folk. I think at least someone would listen to that? Like, even if it's literally just one person, I think I'd like doing that. Hell, have a portion... just a tiny little bit... of it even be scientific! Ask a bunch of questions about flowers from one of those natural philosophers!

Oh, and I'll start gardening too, of course! I'll have the... whatever-biggest-comes-after-the-Sultan-and-His-Lineage garden! Yeah!

There's too many pastries around here. Maintaining my diet will be so difficult...

Like, there's too much of everything in Baz'eel! There's too much of too much! I tried looking over the map but couldn't make heads or tails out of it! I asked Inky to help, and well... that's why they're sleeping, still. The map was just too much for them!

Where's the nearest salon? I want a honey oatmeal mask!

Navigating this city will take an entire year! What a bother! So much walking!

Oh! I wonder if I can hire someone to tame the Big Heron, here...?

[Tabbah 29th, IY 7789]

Tabbah 29th, IY 7789

Plans... They're useless, in the end, aren't they? Can't foresee... anything, really.

Yes, we made it into Baz'eel. Tonka's got a pillow fort, Inky's already making a list of every bookstore here... and Magnifica? She's on the roof, crowing at the top of her lungs, making sure that absolutely everyone knows that we've arrived. People keep throwing shoes at her. So far, she's managed to dodge all of them.

Yet Cogsworth's passing painted quite the somber sky over it all.... I really wanted him to be there. In the end, he was, yes, if only in spirit. Wish he'd been able to have a sandwich to top it all off, though. I felt so guilty about it... just sailing off into the distance after his murder. Yet I didn't want to spend even a single moment more amidst that hell. I'm sorry, but I had to leave. I just had to.

I never realized that it can be that sudden. Death, too, I guess, but I'm talking about becoming a ghost, more. I always thought that there's a bunch of bureaucracy involved, a bunch of forms to fill about how you're going to spend your afterlife and such. Then again, maybe there is, and he just got that done with real quick. He was real smart, after all. I also approve that his very first ghostly duty was to prank Vellum! I wish I could've seen the look on her face when he manifested!

At least Jamileh, Zol Nur, Peyton and Eva were able to make it there, safe and sound. The latter two might not be among my closest friends, but... I like them, and I think that if you like someone, you should show that, and a beach vacation is simply the best way to do that. One of the best, anyhow. I enjoyed our conversations... running along the sands... having a dip in the waters, so pleasantly warm. I was happy... even if I knew that I'd most likely never see any of them, ever again. Yet you want those last moments to be happy...

Even Pakas came to visit! The engineers had juiced up his auto-sail. It practically flew along the waves, at Richo-like speeds! Oh, Richo, I wish you'd been able to see it... Only you could truly appreciate such velocity! Thankfully it was just a friendly visit, no diplomacy to be handled... A business that I can happily say that I'm retired from, forever!

I kind of wish Ricardus had been there... yet I suppose it was as fine an occasion as it could've been, considering the circumstances.

Wish it would've lasted an eternity, though.

It's strange. It's as if my shoulders were relieved of a unforgiving burden... and in its place, the support of pure bliss.

Yet I miss them, already. Just the people, and only a few, admittedly... yet I wish they were here.

I can at least write to them... maybe read about their adventures... and perhaps even invite them over, sometime in the future.

Yet I miss them, so much. All of them.

It's only the very first hours of the very first day, and the longing is already so strong.

Yet I can't help but smile, anyhow.

Having such dear friends that you miss them so much on the very first steps...? It's a good problem to have.

The best sort of problem, really.

[Tabbah 28th, IY 7789]

Tabbah 28th, IY 7789

Check, recheck, repeat. Each preparation readied quietly enough to go unnoticed. Tell just one friend in this town that you're leaving and everybody knows. So, yeah, there's a lot of improvisation going into this. It has to be abrupt and sudden enough to succeed. Give them no chance to negotiate, nor outright stab me in the back just when I reach the wharf. A lot of stuff has to be left behind, but... it's just stuffs and things. None of it really matters. I want something better for myself, for all four of us. With every passing day, it becomes obvious that none of us can find that here.

Yeah, there's a tinge of cynicism to that. Satured with it, really. But can you blame me? Every single time I foolishly start thinking that things are getting better, they kidnap me, or stab me for 50 dinars, or they elect someone whose syphilis has completely rotted through their brain. None of that's going to stop. Ever. No amount of money can make it worth suffering through, and that's all they have.

They spit in your face, pay for the pleasure, then act confused when you're still offended. All they understand is transactions.

It's all a welcome respite. Relief, reprieve, all that. A beach, all for our own. The pleasant heat of the sand under your sandals. Laughs, smiles, good conversation, all shared between good friends, 'neath giant parasols. All I need. All we need... If I could, I would give such to one and all. Folk that deserved it, anyhow. Surprisingly many around here that don't.

Oh, and by the way?

I'm Seucsippus.

That's right. All along, I've been hiding amongst you, stoking the flames of each and every scheme. Casually acting oblivious to it all, while turning each ploy inside out, corrupting their intent, until everyone involved thinks that they're the one in control, even though none of them are. Why? Because it's really, really, really funny.

No, I'm not. Yet you probably believed that for a second.

Don't know who I'm writing this to, really, but I'm painfully aware of how diviners are. Curious to a fault. I do wish that you'd use your powers for something actually useful, though. In short... stop reading my diary. It's not meant for your eyes. It never was.

I'm just a working man. Used to labor just to feed myself... Now I do it in order to feed my family, as peculiar as we might be.

I hope that you can respect that.

[TABBAH 27TH, IY 7789]

TABBAH 27TH, IY 7789

MINE CHUM STATED THAT WE SHALL ANON TRANSFER OUR SPATIOTEMPORAL SHELLS TO A NEOTERIC HABITAT. AS SUCH, NUMEROUS PREPARATIONS HAVE BEEN CONCEIVED. MINE PILE TALLIES IN THE HUNDREDS. "I SHAN'T CARRY SUCH", STATES HE! WHAT PURPOSE DOES SUCH LUMBERING STATURE SERVE, IF NOT TO PORTAGE THE MATERIAL SUBSTANTIAL? YET NOT ALL IS NAUGHT. A SIZEABLE SWAIN SHALL COMMIT TO THE TASK, IN HIS STEAD! A PLOY FOR ROMANCE?

TONKA OF KHATARA BISHARA? UNCONTAMINATED COGNOMINA ARE BEING ENTERTAINED. THIS IS DEDICATED TO CRISP ONSETS! REGARDLESS, SHE IS MOST PERPLEXED. URBANE ARRANGEMENT, ALL ACCORDING TO HER DISPOSITION, NOW MISPLACED! HER APPENDAGES SWEEP FOR THE PAST, FOR ITS RETURN, YET NAUGHT IS GIVEN! THE FUTURE HAS ARRIVED, IT REFUSES TO LEAVE! HER UNVERSED MIND CANNOT PROCESS SUCH CHANGES, NOT YET. WITH THE PASSING OF THE SPATIOTEMPORAL, THE WISDOM IS INSTALLED WITHIN US ALL, SHOULD WE ACCEPT.

MAGNIFICA OF SAIBA... SHE PECKS AT MINE CHUM'S BEAUTIFYING POWDERS! IT IS IN PREPARATION FOR INTRODUCTIONS. YET HER BEAUTY IS PLAIN FOR ALL TO WITNESS? HOW DOES SUCH FUNCTION? PILE BEAUTY UPON BEAUTY? WHAT ADDLEPATED FATUITY! IN WHAT QUANTITIES DO THE AVIANS OF BAZ'EEL NUMBER? IS SHE TO BE WED? A HAREM? A SINGULAR FOWL IS AMPLE FOR OUR MENAGE! TO HAVE MORE PRESENTS A NIGHTMARE POTENTIAL; MINE OLFACTORY ORGANS SHAN'T ENDURE MUCH MORE PLUMAGE!

AS FOR MINE CHUM? HE MEANDERS THE ABODE, STUDYING EACH SINGULAR SPECK. MOANS AND MURMURS FOLLOW IN HIS WAKE. SUSPECT SUSURRATIONS, FILLED WITH INSECURITY, ARRAYED IN NOSTALGIA! HIS BRIO CLOUDED, PILFERED BY SHYSTERS. YET HE BETHINKS HIS COMPATRIOTS, THEIR LOVE... AND HIS FACE BEAMS, IF EVER SO CAUTIOUSLY! HOW CAN IT BE MAINTAINED AMIDST A DEN OF PURLOINERS?

TO ABSCOND WITH, TO CONCEAL! TO PRESERVE AFFECTION BETWIXT SOOTHING SHADOWS! TO ELUDE THE ALOOF, THE BITTER!

TO RENEW.

[Tabbah 26th, IY 7789]

Tabbah 26th, IY 7789

Nerdywell is an absolutely detestable hag! I've no clue how such a querulous beldame became part of the Mother's clergy, or why the fuck she's a Prelate! I don't even care about her utterly nonsensical bullshit regarding myself, because I'm used to that, because everyone in these cabinets is utterly insane and blind to all the labor I do... But insulting my colleagues? Calling them "useless furniture", and then trying to paint that as a complete misunderstanding originating from me, even though everyone else in the room heard it regurgitated from her disgusting lips?

And then Vellum had the gall to say that "both sides were out of line"... What a spineless coward! I don't give a shit if you want to marry her, which I don't understand at all, either, if your wife-to-be acts like that, you should recognize it, and apologize, and force her to apologize, too! Me and my colleagues labor endlessly to keep this sanatorium running, and what do we get? Her insane cabinet constantly insulting us, just because a single individual cannot handle each and every task! Like, they're genuinely offended that nobody wanted to help a drunkard build a castle in the clouds! OH MY, I WONDER WHY THE FUCK THAT IS THE CASE?!

Having to pretend to like, or even tolerate, these richsters is the absolute worst! I hate it, so much! They do not appreciate anything at all you do in reality, they only pretend to do so when it's convenient! FUCK YOU!

I can't wait to leave. I really, really, really can't. And these utter monsters, they'll probably fill the bellows with how they're sad to see me go... Oh, who am I kidding, no, they won't, because there won't be any benefit in it for them anymore, no little ragdoll to stab in the heart repeatedly... It'll just be people that actually care, at least on some level. But how many people like that are there left here, anyhow...? Not many. I guess that's a blessing in disguise... a shit-covered disguise, granted, but still... because I won't have to write to countless people after I do leave.

Writing to people you actually love is much more pleasant, anyhow.

[Tabbah 25th, IY 7789]

Tabbah 25th, IY 7789

I was taking a nap inside Orin's trunk... it's just so comfy in there... when somebody opened up the lid, and woke me up! It was Io! Apparently, someone tried to blow Orin up for his brains, or something like that. And turns out that "someone" is the Ladder Mafia! It's because he wrote an essay about ladders. I didn't read it. I don't read essays. Even if they're about actually useful things, like ladders, instead of completely and utterly useless things, like the mathematicks or the philosophy. I've got far better ways to spend my time!

They even left a broken ladder behind as a warning... It symbolizes his spine! Because they're going to break it if he doesn't stop with these ladder shenanigans! Crunch!

Anyhow, we didn't solve the mafia mystery, so, we just headed off to Jamileh's place... well, me, Eva, Zol Nur, Peyton and Jamileh, anyhow... There's a ton of animals living with her, now! Apparently, they're all Niamh's friends, and they live in her bush, which is really big and fits all sorts of stuff inside it. She really should prune it, though. An unkempt bush is most uncouth! Anyhow, I met this sheep, and we became immediate friends! Apparently, there was a mammoth, too, but he had headed off somewhere... What a shame! I haven't seen a mammoth in years...

Jamileh wants Richo to be Hakem... I don't think that's a good idea! While he is far more in touch with the gods than most, he simply can't stay put! And as Hakem, you have to go to a bunch of boring meetings, where you have to sit a lot, so... yeah, that's practically an impossibility for him! I don't know whom I'd like as Hakem, really. It should be like, someone real nice, who'll like, meet with absolutely everyone, including the children, and they'll give them sage advice about like, fishing, and maybe some candy. I think that's how the clergy should approach the layfolk, anyhow!

I'm so sleepy... Back to the trunk!

[Tabbah 24th, IY 7789]

Tabbah 24th, IY 7789

Some bird's dropping bijoux all over the place... whether accidentally or on purpose, I've no clue! I'm just going to keep picking them up, and give them, oh, a month or so, to get them back. They can fly, so, reaching my new home shouldn't be so hard, if they do wish them returned! It seems like their favorite color is green, because... well, yeah, they're all green. Every single one!

Peyton wants to date Richo... oh yeah, he's back in town. Anyhow, I'm pretty sure Peyton will date anyone that has even a hint of muscular...ity, I don't know why. Like, sure, it looks nice, but you need more than that! I should know! I dated guys based merely on their pectorals for years, and all I got from that was a bleak lesson... about how you shouldn't do that! But yeah, he's completely blinded by physical fitness, and somehow isn't at all disturbed by the fact that you can see most of Richo's bones at all times! It's getting so bad, that I'm afraid a a novice necromancer will kidnap him for a tutorial piece!

Oh, also... I saved the city from a swarm of pesky bugs! Hooray!

[Tabbah 23rd, IY 7789]

Tabbah 23rd, IY 7789

For some reason... hey, I'm writing that a lot, lately... anyhow, Jamileh and Zol Nur took Niamh into a den of necromancers! That's an awful idea! Being both a father and mother to her is difficult enough, already, and then they just have to go ahead and do something stupid like that... I vaguely understand the reasoning, but it still isn't enough, not to me, anyhow! She needs actually good role models in her life, and shouldn't be subjected to a bunch of bone-licking weirdos dwelling down below in moldy basements!

Doesn't help that now, brookers are stealing names from necromancers in order to confuse people! That's what the guy on trial today did, anyhow... So yeah, they caught him anyhow, so, that confusion strategy doesn't really work...? Not this time, anyhow. Quite the trial, as even Mr. Epsom came over to gawk! Well, I think he wanted to do his job at advocating, but he was too late... At least this time, he hadn't bribed someone for my secret trial records! Which are secret only because I don't feel like cleaning them up... Also, I don't get legal lingo, so, folk would complain about my synopsis... synopses... synopsises... whatever, anyhow.

Lately, I've helped the Balladeers with their uniforms, occasionally... They're good clients! I haven't had a single complaint, and they seem to simply adore my work. Like, I'm still mad about the spelunking, but appreciating my genius goes a long way to alleviate some of the anger... Whatever. Anyhow, I wonder if I should start designing tack for camels and horses...? Then again, the only Balladeer with a horse is Aurelio... I want all the horses of the Disc to have fanciful tack! Though that name has to go... it just makes me think of "tacky"! "Horse apparel" works fine enough!

[Tabbah 22nd, IY 7789]

Tabbah 22nd, IY 7789

For some reason, folk thought that it'd be a good idea to summon the Toga Crone, to get some togens for their toga... instead of just talking to Ludwig and giving him some money! They summoned a crone to the Souk! They really did! And they gave her money! She's going to use all that money for her foul schemes... all of which involve togas in one way or another. I really don't understand what they were thinking? I don't think there was any thought involved!

Like, crones aren't the most dangerous... yet the threat is still very real! As far as capricious feminine magickians go, the order of danger goes like... fae, witch, crone, hag... from least to most dangerous! Though fairies are really hard to rank here. Some of them could just outright murder you!

Oh well... at least Niamh's toga looks simply marvellous!

The Allotment was just a mess... like, more so than usual. The Legates just keep fighting about every single thing, no matter how minor. I hate it! We even had visitors from Ramieton, and they almost completely ignored them at first, but thankfully, they listened to my suggestion and attended to them and their request... Now, we're going to visit Ramieton, again! Well... some people are going to do that. I don't know if I'll be there, considering how slow things are, lately. For some reason, everyone gets distracted with things far into the future, instead of focusing on stuffs that are right here, right now! It's mighty peculiar.

Also, I don't really get what's going with Kiran...? She's just being difficult with almost everyone, and then is real surprised when folk don't like that... I understand that she lost a friend, but still, she shouldn't take that out on people that had nothing to do with it? And then I have to deal with the reactions to her stinky behavior... As strange as Haknar can be sometimes, at least he simply comes to work, and does his job! I wish I had ten Haknars!

Ramie Bun:
Ramie shell!
Sticky rice filling!
Salted duck egg on the side!
With the chilli dip sauce!

That's a tasty meal!

[Tabbah 21st, IY 7789]

Tabbah 21st, IY 7789

Some caravaneers brought over a bunch of brews down to the well for the sake of charity... I grabbed a few health brews, because for some reason, nobody ever wants those! It tastes like yogurt... which is probably why it's so healthy. Anyhow, they seemed awful confused about folk partaking! Yet that's how floor charity work! You leave your stuffs and things out in public, and folk take it! Pretty, simple, I think...

Apparently, some Qadirans mistook Zol Nur for a whale, and tried harpooning him for his blubber! I do not approve of such! Neither whaling, nor zolnuring, that is... Both whales and Zol Nur are sources of great wisdom! You don't hunt down sources of great wisdom for food! You listen to them, and nod along, and try to partake in the prudence... even if you don't truly understand, it's the attempt that counts! Anyhow, I'm surprised that during my countless adventures, a whale hasn't accidentally swallowed me... I'm glad! I don't want to give them a tummyache!

I also learned that Vellum deals in curiosa to pay the bills... I'm not judging, I'm in the same business, for like, my seventh job, or something, I lost count, or rather I can't remember the order... Who cares! Anyhow, it's just real surprising, and totally not something I expected at all! She also hunts fairies... for some reason! She's real weird.

Oh, and Maddicus' brain damage has given him the gift... the gift of clairvoyance! Well, mostly it's just given him hysteria, and has made him into an utterly broken shell of a man, but occasionally, there's some eerie wisdom to his words! Occasionally. Figuring out when you should actually listen to him is a real challenge... but I think I've got it figured out! What a pity that I can't teach the other Scribes how to do it... That'll be lost knowledge once I leave!

Also... Eva's got a gun!

[Tabbah 20th, IY 7789]

Tabbah 20th, IY 7789

Under guise of night, the Rose journeyed down below, to spelunk in search for the Cup... and they didn't tell anyone! I thought it was a completely official matter, with how in the open their actions were! Yet apparently, it wasn't... Whatever they did, it caused a big ol' tremor, and the Pyramid shook real bad... me and my colleagues were so scared! Even the lights went out, eventually... so, we had to evacuate the building. Now, nobody died, thankfully, at least not in the Pyramid, but... just who gives you the right to go down there and endanger the entire town? They say, "oh, someone else will do it, anyway", as if that somehow excuses anything at all!

Anyone with half a brain knows that you won't be finding any sort of cup down there! Not the one that you're searching for, anyhow... You'll just find misery and torment, and that's all!

And then, the reshuffling of legislature begins, and folk immediately start complaining about clauses regarding reports... "I don't want to write a report!" Well, HOW ABOUT YOU DON'T FUCKING GO DOWN THERE, THEN?! YOU'RE ENDANGERING THE LIVES OF THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE! YOU UTTER DICKWEED! WRITING A COUPLE SENTENCES REGARDING SUCH IS THE TINIEST OF DEMANDS THAT YOU COULD FACE FOR DOING SUCH AN UTTERLY STUPID THING!

YEAH!

I swear that I am surrounded by utter buffoons and sociopaths, who, when faced with the consequences of their actions, are somehow surprised by them, as if they hadn't considered them even for a second... I hate it so much here, I just want out, and when I finally do walk in through the gates of Baz'eel, I swear, I'll spend all my free time just lobbying for fat pensions for all of my colleagues whom have to suffer through the utter inanity that is Ephia's Well, and the caravaneers infesting it, whom gnaw through any semblance of goodness to be found within!

FUCK YOU!

[Tabbah 19th, IY 7789]

Tabbah 19th, IY 7789

Some folk have more money than sense! Some lady wanted to renounce her citizenship... because she was disappointed with it! Imagine spending thousands of dinars on something like that, and then being so dissatisfied, that you want to give it back, even though you don't even get a refund! We don't give a refund for anything... It's bad business, and bad bureaucracy! So, now she's out of thousands of dinars, all for nothing! I swear, some folk just buy stuffs and things without considering their use! Some call people like that "affluent"... I call them idiots!

Anyhow... Zol Nur's worried about Jamileh. Worried for no good reason, because it's just a tempest in a teapot sort of deal! Jamileh's going to be just fine, just like always... She's like a cat, always landing on her feet! Though I do wish that she'd be more careful, sometimes... Because sometimes, a tempest in a teapot really is a tempest in a teapot, like that one time, in ages past, when this Vizier wanted to prove a point, and actually tamed a tempest inside his teapot! But even then, it was a big deal simply because everyone wanted a taste of that tempest tea... It was to die for!

I kind of forgot my point there, but she'll be completely fine! I'm certain!

What else...? Oh, there's some nonsense about bottles. I think folk are like, finding hobby gobby brew, laying about on the floor, and drinking it up, and then they get really sloshed, and it's a big ol' mess. I don't really understand why you'd ever drink random booze that you find laying about, like, that's real desperation for a buzz... So, a bunch of folk are completely glazed out of their minds! Hobby gobby brew is no joke!

Also... Baba Babur gave me a free book! An empty one, that is. I'm not sure what to write in it... I might just give it to Inky. Their latest diary is a real salmagundi of nonsense, so, they'd better start over... again.

MINE NOTATION IS CONSUMMATELY COHERENT! THOU MUST USE THE ENTIRETY OF THE PAGE!

[Tabbah 18th, IY 7789]

Tabbah 18th, IY 7789

Why's Vellum asking me to wake up Frederica, now...? Out of the two, she's not the one with the countless issues regarding abrupt slumber! Even though she'd have countless reasons for it... What a peculiar request! How am I supposed to that, anyhow...? I just picture cuckoo clocks, and pots and pans! Maybe Cogsworth can tinker up a real fancy cuckoo clock? One that has a peacock, instead of a cuckoo... yet if it was realistic, what a horrific shriek it would produce! How can such a beautiful bird wail so dreadfully? Actually, maybe that'd actually wake Vellum up real nicely...

I wish I could have a cute little cuckoo clock in my humble new abode, but in our home, the poor bird is bound to get swatted in a most vicious fashion! Not by Tonka, or Magnifica, but by Inky! They hate such contraptions!

IF THE CONTINUANCE CANNOT BEHAVE ITSELF, IT MUST BE FORCED TO DO SO! A THOUSAND HEXES UPON THE CHRONOCUCKOO AND ALL ITS ILK!

They're just telling you the hour! That's no reason to smack someone, or something! Anyhow... Armin's going places, but the places are like, trapped by copious amounts of decorum. He already made one big ol' mistake! You have to know what school you're swimming with... and you have to watch out for social predators! Yeah, that metaphor kind of works. Anyhow, he could easily make Lieutenant, if he'd just learn how to navigate the mire... the mire of decorum! Also... proper reportage! Reporting? Whatever! Those are all important skills!

Oh! I also learned that Welly has a dark side! It is most shocking discovery, something completely unexpected... He's way too comfortable with nut kicks!

[Tabbah 17th, IY 7789]

Tabbah 17th, IY 7789

I was playing love games with Peyton and Niamh, when that was interrupted by a bellow from our latest hire... "our" being the Scribes, not me, Peyton and Niamh, we're not starting a business, even though I'd like, totally be down for that, if they asked... anyhow, the freshest Junior, Navarre, had bad news! Apparently, Vellum, for some utterly inane reason, wanted an audit of every single government official, and their wages, and so on! That's what she wrote, anyhow.

Now, you have to keep two things in mind... First of all, we take whatever a Legate writes quite literally, because in the past, they've made utterly deranged requests that we've like, interpreted as typographical errors, or simply as questionable choices in phrasing, yet they've turned out to be quite literal, and they actually wanted that crazy shit! So, the protocol now, is to do just that... take them literally! Second of all... "every single government official" is a lot of people. We're a satrapy, after all! So... it means every official in the Well, it means every official in Baz'eel, it also means every official in Arslan, now, hell, it probably means folk from other satrapies, too, if they've worked on documents related to the Well in some tangible manner...

So, yeah, it's an absolutely insane request! Of course it had us in a panic! Worst of all, Dunce, who's an absolute shitstain on the name of all Viziers everywhere, was being true to his mien, and being a massive asshole! He was saying how the Scribes never do anything, and such, and such, and he doesn't even do his own job! What a cunt! I hate him! Doesn't help that later on, he apparently said that he was going to, via magick, transform a Scribe into a chicken and eat them! What a lunatic!

Anyhow, turns out that Vellum just meant... the people that she and Lujayn have assigned to their positions...? So yeah, her order was just absolute shit, and phrased terribly! Furthermore... she could've just... looked at those numbers herself, and handed them off...? It'd taken her all of five minutes! Also, she doesn't know the numbers she decided on...? Does she just come to the office high on a plethora of drugs, or what? Maybe whenever she drifts off to reverie, which is very often, she simply forgets whatever she just said!

After that... they wanted to audit the quarry? Like, right after that. They just wanted to go to the quarry, and do that. I don't get it. They assigned Jamileh on it... for some reason. Like, don't get me wrong, she's very capable, but she's not like... an authorized auditor? She didn't even call it an audit, because of that. She called it a "health inspection"! Now, that's far more manageable, and far more interesting, than a stinking audit...

Now, what the inspection discovered, was mostly just obvious shit... Shit that I've been telling the Legates for months, now, but they don't care, they care about audits, because that's all they fucking care about, just meaningless numbers, instead of the lived experience, you know, the actual fucking thing that matters for the common laborer? So yeah, they "learned" that Basil is an abusive piece of shit, and completely unfit to be a foreman. After this "grand" discovery, he ran off. Probably to Qadira, or some other shithole!

Thankfully there's some good news in this big ol' mess... Malcolm is the foreman, now! I'm actually surprised that the Legates agreed to that! Why? Because it's the actually sensible thing to do! The other quarry laborers, they simply love the man, and he has a good head on his shoulders! If I was deciding about such things, he'd have been the foreman from the very beginning! Well, maybe not the very beginning... after his popularity had like, materialized! Anyhow, I'm sure that he'll do a simply swell job at it... Can't do any worse than Basil, for certain. Nobody can. What an absolute wanker!

While I'm happy for the laborers of the quarry, this whole day really shed any doubts I had about something... I want to get the hell out of here, and soon!

Also, Jamileh's amazing! Why's she not Legate?