Thank you for your feedback. I completely understand your perspective. In our 15+ years of existence, this has been a common issue that has been raised by other new players over time.
Allow me to explain our general policy -
1) After a few days, most new characters will have the resources to make an enchanted set of any armor type to their aesthetic preferences that will be basically as good as anything they're likely to find on their own (faction loot / DM loot / some very rare specific items being the exception as these items are usually the best in their class)
2) We don't like to permit customizing existing ambient loot (sometimes they can be dyed), because generally these items are specifically designed by a DM to have a look (and indeed sometimes even being "balanced" by having good properties but otherwise being ugly or bad looking). I am personally particularly opposed to having full-plate that has an appearance identical to (for example) the Cleric's Robe, as that can be misleading to other players in PvP situations. Unless it's a very rare item, full-plate should be visibly full-plate. NWN's graphics aren't good enough to convincingly represent robes over bulky armor. Tabards are implemented as appropriate on some armor models, but frequently they are used to represent slightly superior items and not just the first random trash you find from some dead goblins.
All that said, I think most EFU veteran players rapidly do learn how to get the look that they want after a couple of days and indeed many find it a pleasing challenge. Looking good isn't something that will happen on day one, but is another thing to work towards and is really just part of the game.
Get a ragged, dirty looking scarf, rather than a billowing, full-length magic cloak.
Get a simple cloth hood to hide my elfiness, rather than an ornate, enchanted, polygonal metal helmet that are so common I find them in charity boxes and trash.
Make a ragged outfit with a skirt out of the remains of my character's arrival clothing. This is entirely impossible, because skirts aren't possible to modify, since they're robes.
There are many scarf-items (cloak slot) with useful properties that can be found. You don't have to wear a billowing magical cloak.
There are a wide variety of useful invisible head slot items (earrings, necklaces, etc.) that can be found (or some cloak slots that are slightly better but don't allow you to equip a helmet). It's also quite common among many players to just not wear a helmet until or unless they find something that they like. It's a slight but very manageable mechanical sacrifice. We are working to increase the variety and availability of invisible slot items. When supported by models, you can type "/c togglehood" to have a hood.
Not sure I understand exactly what you mean in terms of adding a skirt, but again if there's a look you want you can probably make it. Perhaps in a perfect world we would implement some modest customizability for existing items, but again NWN's armor models are rather clunky and it's just easier to turn off the option altogether rather than see egregious and implausible modifications that don't respect the original theme of the item. We have many thousands of items, and identifying specific items according to their look is also something that experienced EFU players will come to be able to do.
I appreciate your passion about this issue. I genuinely think that if you choose to continue playing EFU you will get the knack of achieving a great aesthetic for your character and will come to understand as we do that our policies are for the best. It is a real achievement to unlock or acquire the best outfits available in this ancient game, and this is something that should not be available to a day one PC.