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Messages - Don Nadie

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Screen Shots & Obituaries / Re: Adhira Kashvi necrologue
« on: January 19, 2022, 08:48:50 AM »
No more drunken bears for you :'(

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Screen Shots & Obituaries / Celestina Wagglecraft, of Wagglecraft fame
« on: January 17, 2022, 01:22:37 PM »


Celestina Wagglecraft, of Wagglecraft fame, was made because I was feeling sad and wanted to have a fun character, full of whimsy and good for a bit of evasion. In no small measure, she was also brought to life by the Christmas Loot, as I hoped to get a witch hat… (And I did! My one loot, yay! Thanks to Quartermaster for taking the time to make it!)

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The build was basically made on the run: a dip in druid and a main of wizard. I did soon come to regret it: while the flavor was great, the lack of level 5 spells and the extra feat was really, really painful. Live and learn! Still, druidism added a lot of cool stuff to her background and motivations, and allowed her to interact a little differently with the world around her… All of which I did enjoy! It’s not all about reaching lvl 5 spellslots!

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Her basic inspirations were the gnome family from Baldur’s Gate and the witch+matchmaker+ bossgirl Celestina, from the Spanish play of the same name. I wanted to have weird conversations with people about their love-life, insist on marrying youngsters and also be obsessed with the power of turnips. She would be pushy, unsubtle and generally weird, but also (and unlike her theatrical namesake) have good intentions and a lot of kindness… Which were not always understood that way.

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The only people she found unforgivable were necromancers, due to her attachment to the Willow in the Ponds. For a while, she did try to ambush Kross in the Drips, after he almost caught her in the alchemical laboratory! And eventually, she got him! My special thanks for Kross's player for making such a cool adversary for everyone!

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 It was fun to come up with stories about her cousins, aunts and uncles. I had a little list of fun stories, not all of which I got to tell… Specially how she kiii—lost her fourth husband. I do hope others were entertained by my silliness and enjoyed crossing Celestina. I did find it fun. Sadly, I don't have screenshots of all the absolutely great conversations with many of you, players... Because I'm dumb! But do know that I enjoyed it!

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As for motivations, I wanted her to run the rings (I love ringrunning, and I might run again when I forget about things a little!). I decided Celestina would be ringrunning in search of a way back home and a cure for the first thing that welcomed her in the City: the Willow Tree.

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Ultimately, this would be her end. After having said goodbye to a few important people, preparing as much as she could and readying herself, Celestina was killed in dramatic fashion as she attempted to cross a deadly ring challenge. Perhaps they went too fast but, after losing a member, many of the Sojourners were feeling understandably impatient. And so, Celestina went the way so many wizards have gone before: trying to heal their tank and becoming surrounded by an endless barrage of very big enemies from whom there’s no escape.

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Now, to wrap things up: thanks to all of the people that made her fun to play! On the Ponds side, all the dr00d crew (Tik, Aman, Felix, etc) and the assorted weirdoes and whackos (I’m thinking Liv and that messy ratboy in particular :P). On the Peerage side, my thanks to Sorcha and Ryden, who were the Peers Celestina got to trust and love. Jhorn, Artemis, Argalie, Walykos, Tris and many more were also a joy to adventure, negotiate or just spend time with… They gave me plenty of opportunity for whacky hijinks with an enjoyable dose of emotional drama. The same applies to the Sojourners, specially Hilde and Elric, who helped me RP moments of both tenderness and utter idiocy. The perfect combination, really.

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Last but not least, my thanks to all the hot singles that joined the matchmaking service, some of them even turning it into interesting parts of their character development. I hope the singles’ ads I made brought you a smile. They certainly helped me.

Thank you all!



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Correspondence / A letter to Sorcha, left in Bawkins pot
« on: January 17, 2022, 11:21:16 AM »
Time has passed since the tiny, elderly gnome of Wagglecraft fame was last seen in the Ponds. Eventually, some of her friends make their way behind the ruins of the Sunpurse Mannor, where the brave the imprecations and projectiles of a rather mad pot-dweller to find a letter addressed to them.

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Dear Sorcha,

I am very much dead. Not at the time of writing, of course, because a lady hasn’t reached the level of madness where she’ll try lichdoom, but at the time you’re reading this. By then I’ll have, very definitely, found a horribly painful death in the ring 64. Unless you’ve threatened Bawkins and found my hiding stash, I suppose. In which case: STOP NOW! Wait till I’m a little dead before you disrespect my wishes!!!

Now, presuming I’ve found a horrible, painful death, there’s one advantage. Being dead, I can do the most effective emotional blackmail of my life. Here’s my dying wish to you: stop drinking. It’s going to kill you. And there are enough things trying to do that already!

Now, my dear. I wanted to say that I like you and really appreciated your apology. There are many Peers who have treated me less than ideally. There is only one who reconsidered. And since you apologized, I too, am sorry that I talked shit about you for a few weeks and pondered whether or not to curse you with anal warts. Of the bad kind. 

I do hope you’re more successful than I was. I do hope you’ll reach Bab’azel and find what you want. I do hope you’ll be happy, with a nice girl. You deserve better than remaining in thrall to a House. You deserve happiness.

With love,

Celestina Wagglecraft


Foremost turnip-wizardress of the City of Rings
Matchmaker to the metaphorical stars
Ringrunneress extraordinaire
Dead

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Correspondence / A letter to Ryden, left in Bawkins pot
« on: January 17, 2022, 11:18:57 AM »
Time has passed since the tiny, elderly gnome of Wagglecraft fame was last seen in the Ponds. Eventually, some of her friends make their way behind the ruins of the Sunpurse Mannor, where they brave the imprecations and projectiles of a rather mad pot-dweller to find a letter addressed to them.

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Dearest Ryden,

If you are reading this, I have of course found a cruel and horrible death. Now, to quote my Great Grand Aunt Federica, “Nobody is gone, so long as they’re loved… Or competently mummified”. She did go on to become a necromancer, but that’s neither here nor there. The point, rather, is that I find some solace thinking that, even if I’m missing, I’ll be remembered by a lovely youngster like you.

Now, since death has found me, I might as well tell you a few hard truths. They are, I’m told, a good distraction from all that mourning.

The first one, my dear, is that I was (or, at the time of writing “am”) what the Peerage calls a changeling. Now, you might think this meant I spent my free time poisoning wells and hunting children of the Steadings, but that is, sadly, the lie you’ve been told. The City, my dear boy, is made of hurt, it’s walls choke us all. Like it trap, it catches many from elsewhere and erases their life and memory. I was so scared when I arrived here, when I felt the memories of my family like the hazy mist of a dream. But I managed to survive thanks to what received me, the grass and the Willow Tree that refused to be choked by brick. As a changeling, I tended the gardens and tried to erode, slowly, the walls that constrain us. I hope some of my work remains, subtle. When you see grass making its way through the cobblestones, against all odds, think of me. Remember that it is not there to hurt you, but to make you free.

Here’s the second truth: you’re better than your Peerage. When you told me I would be aunt to a whole generation of young Peerage boys, I was amused and a little heartbroken. You are a good kid. You have good intentions, a lot of kindness, and more decency that the rest of your House put together. So hear my advice: leave them. You can do it. An oath is a thing made of faith, and there are better things to believe in. Run deeper into the rings, break your oath and renounce your cursed House and the sickness that is the Ward. I want you to thrive, to meet a girl and to marry, to raise children. I don’t want you to die for the causes of rotten tradition and poisonous politics. I do not think they deserve you.

To end this, in the interest of thriving, please find enclosed in this letter my aunt Hermenegilda’s Guide to the Safe, Pleasurable and Reasonably Acrobatic Arts of Love. While some of the positions might require more partners, genders and pulleys that you might want, I’m sure you’ll find it enlightening.

With love,

Celestina Wagglecraft


Foremost turnip-wizardress of the City of Rings
Matchmaker to the metaphorical stars
Ringrunneress extraordinaire
Dead

5
Correspondence / A letter to Tiktika, left in Bawkins pot
« on: January 17, 2022, 11:17:12 AM »
Time has passed since the tiny, elderly gnome of Wagglecraft fame was last seen in the Ponds. Eventually, some of her friends make their way behind the ruins of the Sunpurse Mannor, where they brave the imprecations and projectiles of a rather mad pot-dweller to find a letter addressed to them.

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Dear Tik,

I couldn’t tell you in person but, thankfully, you are sufficiently known in the Ponds. I’m sure Bawkins will make this letter reach you. I just hope he hasn’t first tried to marry it. I’ve never enjoyed families breaking apart.

Now, if you’re reading this, I’ve found a horrifying and painful death in the ring 64. I have failed. I won’t find my way back to the shadow of the Tree. There won’t be a cure for her, or at least I won’t be the one who delivers it. Still, as cousin Gurmeros, Slaughterer of the Innocent and Fear of the Unborn used to say: “Great advances are not made by great men, but by the steady, silent work of many”. She did go on to commit war crimes, but that’s neither here nor there. The point is that I hope what I learnt, and where I got, will help some other Students reach further and find deeper answers. I would’ve liked to guide them. Others, I hope, will instead.

Bring my regards to the tree. Tend to the growth of our gardens. This City and its walls try to choke all that live within it… But I am glad so much refuses to wither. Do keep the hope, give young Students guidance and, if you ever meet my cousin Rodolfo, ask him for the money he owes me.

I will miss the Ponds. I will miss the grove. I will miss the Willow. I suppose this dread in itself, shows how valuable these things are. I will miss you, too.

Love,

Celestina Wagglecraft


Foremost turnip-wizardress of the City of Rings
Matchmaker to the metaphorical stars
Ringrunneress extraordinaire
Dead

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Correspondence / Re: Left in the pot for Celestina Wagglecraft
« on: January 14, 2022, 12:49:32 PM »
*A gnomish hag makes her way into the halls of the old Moonspear castle. After numerous terrified reverences to a simple page boy, she delivers a letter addressed at Luciana Orza. The missive has been excessively perfumed and stinks of roses. The calligraphy has an absolutely unnecesary amount of flourishes and the style clearly belongs to a person unused to writing to the rich or the powerful*

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To the Most Honourable Lady Orza, whose Beauty, Strength and Morals make the stars pale with dreadful envy,

It fills me with regret and pain that the highly specific bachellor you sought hasn't attended to the call of your chaste and noble desires. I still strive to find him, traversing the dreadful swamps, asking about big bird-like creatures and their hunters... To no avail, alas! I still do and will continue my work, however... For, would it not be an honor, getting eaten by a troll in the course of finding a lady of such ability, fearsome skill, power, cleanliness, pleasant face, shinning hair, lovely features *the list of flattery goes on for some excessive three pages* ... the paramour she seeks?

Still, while the bachellor is found, and in the interest of performing my matchmaking duties, I'd consider it a betrayal of Your noble self not to point other availible bachellors that might be of interest to Your Wealthyness. Please, do forgive the audacity in doing so of this dedicated matchmaker, whose only obsession is the fullfilling of Your Holiness's desires.

Firstly, the noble Ser Adrian Velstra has contacted me hoping to meet new and availible Ladies of high rank. With none being higher than yours, I believe the noble Velstran might provide, if not the perfect beloved, a rather reasonable and enjoyable paramour to entertain the heart of Your Ladyship. It is my duty to also inform you that the noble Ser Adrian has a bounty on his head, and it wouldn't be a surprise if his paramours do become targets of assassination. While I pity the assassin that dares threaten a woman of your power, ability, agility, skill *the list again goes on, again for a longer than necessary*, you might not wish to bother with the violence and subsequent cleaning of assassin entrails from your noble person.

Secondly, I have been in contact with the Moonspear retainer Ryden Blackmyre. He is a young and noble man who would no doubt be able to adore and serve Your Gracefulship with enormous dedication. The only flaw in this delightful bachellor is, of course, the lack of a highly noble title. If I bring it to Your Honor, however, is because I believe that no man could aspire to a title as high and noble as Lady Orza. Wouldn't it be, in fact, insulting, to partner a Lady of Orza with a man of similar rank, as though they could in fact be equals when Your Powerful Ladyship can and must, by nature and right, remain above? Furthermore, while not my place to speculate on the affairs of the High and Mighthy Houses of the Peerage, it would seem to me that snatching a retainer of Moonspear and, through marriage, making him swear fealty to your House, could be either a marvelous show of cooperation or, perhaps, a most amusing stab.

If Your Most Noble and Clean Ladyship wishes, I'd be happy to arrange for a meeting or to encourage the young Ryden to write to Your Fancyness. Being well-aware of Your Generous Tipperess's independence, however, I've also included at the end of this letter how and where to contact both of these bachellors.

I remain you faithful, humble and dedicated matchmaker,

Celestina Wagglecraft


Foremost turnip-wizardress of the City
Matchmaker to the metaphorical stars
Ringrunneress extraordinaire
Financial advisor for both goat-herders and goat-hoarders

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Advertising Litter / Re: Matchmaking!
« on: January 13, 2022, 07:15:11 PM »
HOT SINGLES NEAR YOU!

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Tafari Xillain, the Ponds's pride!

If you've been arround the Ponds, you may have seen this beautiful handsome  homely man of /exotic/ elven blood, usually being a decent sort and helping the local elderly. And now he's availible!

Tafari is looking for someone, literally anyone... For while he'd never considered the option of having a partner, he's just now realized that there may be someone for him out there! You're welcome! Ladies (and possibly gentlemen? People need to be more clear in their letters!)... Now it's your chance!

Will you be that someone? Do you want a Pondsfolk who has /most/ of his teeth and is /mostly/ not insane? Who is strong and able to defend himself but, also, not a bandit? Will you share a frog skewer with the Pond's most charming bachellor?

Only one way to find out!


Celestina Wagglecraft will not be liable for indigestion, diarrhea, diphteria, chollera or any other illness acquired in the course of a date at the Ponds.
Celestina Wagglecraft can offer Mahar's antiseptic ointment to those intending a date at the Ponds.
Celestina Wagglecraft cannot certify that Tafari Xillian is, in fact, not insane.


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Diego Alcántara, the handsome arm of the Law!

Many are the ladies who've dreamed of being entangled with a Blackjack... And now you've got a chance! In between prosecuting criminals and gathering coin for charity and not at all personal use, the handsomer Alcántara brother is now seeking a paramour!

He wants to find the woman of his dreams, and since he doesn't specify, it could definitely be you! He also claims very convingcingly to be an expert lover who will totally know how to please you, and everyone knows that no men lies about those things. What a catch!

Do you want to be embraced by the arm of the law? And if you don't dare face such an expert, are you alright with maybe getting his slightly less handsome brother? I mean, it's two options for one! Will either of them make you happy and/or give you herpes?

Only one way to find out!


Men definitely do lie about many things, particularly these things.
Celestina Wagglecraft will not be legally liable for any sudden fees requested by Blackjacks for "love", "kisses", or "cuddling".


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Brie Cesmé, Orza's woman of business!

The modern working woman doesn't have time for marriage or kids, but that doesn't mean she doesn't want to have fun... And none knows better than Brie Cesmé!

This young-ish, recently awoken retainer of Orza wants someone to enjoy fascinating conversations with. She seeks someone classy who will discuss current politics over some wine. It's totally not spying if you do it with some wine!

Are you smart enough to earn her interest? Classy enough to woo her? Will you tell her /everything/ about you? And about your friends, House, and family?

Only one way to find out!


Even if done while sharing a bottle of wine, it might be construed as spying.
Celestina Wagglecraft will not be liable for the revelation of trade secrets or propietary House information by prospective paramours of Brie Cesmé.
Celestina Wagglecraft will not be liable for any injury incurred by interacting with House Orza in general.


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Adhira Kashvi, the huntress of Velstra!

Do you like hunting? Do you like wine and cigars? Do you hold no fear for drunken bears that could very likely maul you while having a picnic? Well, do I have a single for you! Sneaky but never mousy, Adhira Kashvi is out hunting… For love!

As open minded as she is generous, the Velstran retainer seeks a man or woman with whom to enjoy a good picnic, fun stories, and whatever else may come. Do not listen to the very exaggerated rumors: she is a very functional alcoholic!

Are you ready to stealth with the Peerage’s greatest prowler? Are you cool enough for her?

Only one way to find out!


Celestina Wagglecraft will not be legally liable for any death by bear-mauling.
When carrying weapons and travelling with a Velstran, please drink responsibly.


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A man, the mystery!

He might have asked for my discretion, but if you’re right for him, you will have noticed already: he’s as handsome as he is strong… And I’ve seen him bend steel! The mystery man is 24 years of pure muscle, and recently awoken. Is he rich? No. Is he gonna be? Definitely not! Still, he’s nice to talk to, nice to look at, and promises to put bread on the table, mostly by bludgeoning stuff.

He seeks another man of similar age who likes children, is decent, and washes under the armpits. Necromancers, bandits and other exiles from the Ward, abstain: he won’t be travelling to the Rat-Raft for a kiss!

Are you the man who’ll make him a home in these strange rings?  If not, are you at least going to be like steel, and bend for him a few times?

Only one way to find out!


Celestina Wagglecraft is legally bound to say this man is not, in fact, coach Jhorn.
For the sake of friendship, Celestina Wagglecraft assumes coach Jhorn can also bend steel with his hands.


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A tiny woman pushes her way into the Dusk Craddle, where she leaves a letter adressed for Ryden

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My dear boyser,

In fulfillment of my matchmaker duties, I have perused the different hot singles of the region, and bring to you only the most suitable aspiring paramours. In searching for good girls, I've made sure to find some more experienced than you, so that they may be able to give you a much-needed lesson in matters of the heart and the loins.

The first beloved I've considered for you is Luna Wintergold. She is a lovely young woman who is perfectly fine with a man who doesn't know how to handle his weapon.... So long as said weapon is large. Since I've often seen you using a halberd, I do not doubt she will be happy, and might even teach you a thing or two.  Now, do bear in mind that she is inclined to slightly illegal activies, which may or may not be something that you're into.

Secondly, I'd like to recommend Cybel, a very small and rather powerless goddess of beauty. She's a charming woman who just asks for a man who is respectful, has a good sense of humor and will worship and adore her. Better yet: she's a goddess of beauty, so I can also presume she's rather experienced, and might also be able to give you some good, important pointers.

Finally, there is Lady Belmore. Now, this one is tricky: you may need to become a noble yourself before courting her. I recommend finding a magical sword in a slab of stone.

Personally, I'm inclined towards Cybel. You need kindness, and her heart is as big as her forehead.

Please find attached her profiles, as well as her contact details.

I'll continue to evaluate the local hot singles, and bring to you whatever novelty may come.

Yours,

Celestina Wagglecraft

(Matchmaker to the metaphorical stars)
(Foremost Turnip-Wizardress of the City)
(Ringrunneress extraordinaire)
(Financial advisor for goat-herders and goat-hoarders)

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Correspondence / Re: Celestina Wagglecraft, c/o Insane Pot Dweller
« on: January 11, 2022, 11:53:49 AM »
A letter makes her way into the hands of a Velstran courtier, who brings it to his lord. It would appear that the missive was extracted from the generous cleavage of a rather tiny old hag. It smells strongly of Ponds water and turnip, and the calligraphy is tacky and flamboyant, based on someone's idea of what nobles might like. The style is overwrought, and one can see that, at several points, words were scratched to be substituted by dramatic and a stupid metaphors. Her grasp of noble titles and addresses also seems quite tenuous... But at least she's trying!

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Your Honourable Honor, Ser Adrian Velstra,

Many flowers may be smelled, and perhaps even plucked, before finding the one that fits in your vase. None shall judge a man of your honor, chastity, decency, wisdom, brave heart, perfect smile, strength, presumably good manners, clean armpits, severe but fair judgement, expert eyes, glorious drinking-habit, grand loyalty...

*The list goes on for several pages, before finally going back to the business of matchmaking*

As I perused my singles, I believe I have two that might be of your interest. Both have noble blood, though their means might differ.

The first one is Lady Sarah Belmore, who seeks a man good for eating and hunting Ghyl. Knowing Your Fateful Serness's martial prowress and given your House's fame, I believe you can certainly fulfill both requests. She's very likely not an assassin in disguise (at least not of Velstrans). The only problem is that she seems to lack finantial stability, though her Estate can very certainly be turned profitable with the right investor.

The second is Lady Luciana Orza. Your Most Graceful Lordship might have met her already. She's definitely of noble blood. I cannot speak for her desire to murder anyone, but I also don't believe she'd disguise it, and it does not seem adressed to you. She wants a very specific man who is hunting a bird-like thing in the swamps. If you're him (or want to be him?) maybe she could become your paramour.

I shall continue to gather new singles that might fulfill the expectation of Your Most Noble Generalship. Please find a small portrait and the contact details of both bachellorettes at the end of this letter.

Yours, humbly,

Celestina Wagglecraft

(Matchmaker to the metaphorical stars)
(Foremost Turnip-Wizardress of the City)
(Ringrunneress extraordinaire)
(Financial advisor for goat-herders and goat-hoarders)

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Advertising Litter / Re: Matchmaking!
« on: January 11, 2022, 11:39:19 AM »
More brave  singles dare Bawkins insults and so, slowly, more leaflets appear.

HOT SINGLES NEAR YOU!

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Iono Cassal, Glitt's once and future handsomest!

Who said men can't be pretty? With a beautiful face, this young boy conquered many a heart... Until he got dramatically cursed in unclear circumstances!

He's looking for a fast fling, a last note of joy before the curse consumes him... But is that all? Ladies and gentlemen, if I've learnt anything from fairytales is that True Love's kiss can break even the deadliest magics!

Do you believe Love overcomes? Do you want a fast thing with a reliable expiry date? Are you into beauty marred by horrifying magic? Do you have a strong stomach for deformity?

Only one way to find out!


Celestina Wagglecraft will not be liable Iono Cassal's curse is contagious.
Celestina Wagglecraft cannot legally assure that True Love will break the curse threatening Iono Cassal's life and/or face.
Celestina Wagglecraft will not be liable for any trauma incurred by loving, then losing, Iono Cassal.
Celestina Wagglecraft will be able to offer grief-counseling to those who love, then lose the handsome Iono Cassal.

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Cybel Tauslee, the Goddess of Beauty!

While she refuses to monetize her divinity, this girl tries everything else... HARD! She's got a clear heart, a winning smile and the big, shining forehead that could (one presumes) launch a thousand ships!

The Goddess of Beauty seeks an open-minded man or woman who likes exhuberance, jokes and is ready to just adore her.

Will you worship this woman? Do you see your future reflected in her eyes and/or brow?

Only one way to find out!


Celestina Wagglecraft cannot assure that Cybel Tauslee's claims of divinity have any basis in fact, metaphysics or theology.
Celestina Wagglecraft will not be liable for blinding of prospective paramours by either divine light or sufficiently reflected sunlight.

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Sverry, the Augur of Arrhenius!

Covered in bones, omens and secrets, this ancient man is one of the sights at the Ward. But while he might keep the records of the dead and open mysterious paths in his fated struggle with the Count... That doesn't mean his heart is impervious to love!

He seeks a mature woman who will understand him. Prospective paramours should be interested in the memory of the deceased and also posessed by the spirit of an ancient Augur.

Will you graze hands while passing pages in the Book of Bones? Will you share visions of a long-gone age, as the spirit of Arrhenius takes over your souls?

Only one way to find out!


Prospective paramours must find their own ancient sage to become posessed by.
Celestina Wagglecraft will not be liable for what Fate might have in store for either Sverry or his prospective paramour.
Like meat on the market stall, the local hot singles offer themselves to prospective paramours... And await, with fluttering hearts.

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Advertising Litter / Re: Matchmaking!
« on: January 10, 2022, 12:39:56 AM »
As more and more people brave the insults and possible fecal-projectiles of the pot-dweller to submit an application, more leaflets appear. Some are even decorated with a miniature painting of the subject!

HOT SINGLES NEAR YOU!

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Sarah Belmore, the Belmore heiress!

She's beautiful, first of all. Then, she's got the land, the noble title, and a convenient lack of brothers to claim either from her... Boys, what else do you want in a woman?

While, yes, she might be going through a small financial hic-up and her estate might need a bit of paint, there's no doubting this young woman, who has definitely never commited murder, will make a delightful wife.

Are you fun enough for her delightful pranks? Strong enough to share her meals? Will you manage to completely and violently erradicate the Ghyl by the side of this marvelous lady?

Only one way to find out!


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Celestina Wagglecraft will not be liable for any murder, ghyl-related accident, or finantial ruin resulting from a romantic entanglement with Lady Sarah Belmore.
Celestina Wagglecraft cannot promise that the pictures used in these profiles are equivalent to the real person under daylight, all dissapointments must be addressed with the artist.

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Andraag Red-Gull, the glorious freebooter!

Ladies, hold your pearls- literally! For the greatest freebooter this side of the rings has come to grace our wards! This one, however, won't steal your wordly goods... But your heart!

He's adventurous, brave and, as a descendant of a Queen and/or Goddess of some sort, you know he's blessed! Plus, he has a winning smile... And can paint!

He didn't give me many indications, so... Are you a breathing female with all her teeth? Will you get beautifully portrayed whilst wearing only your jewlery?

Only one way to find out!


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Celestina Wagglecraft cannot promise that the pictures used in these profiles are equivalent to the real person under daylight, all dissapointments must be addressed with the artist.
Prospective paramours are encouraged to learn what the "code of the freebooter" entails, just in case it stands against their own moral proclivities.

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Ser Adrian Velstra, the valiant knight!

He's famous enough for a dozen fairytales and, to top it up, he's handsome and a noble! Oh, but that's not all: he also has a terribly tragic past, with enough romantic loss for a dozen novels!

Velstra's most famous bachellor seeks a woman who is attractive, noble, competent and not harboring some secret murderous intent.

Will you become the happy ending of  his tale? Will you be the one who snatches him? Will you survive the many dangers on the way his heart?

Only one way to find out!


Women wishing to pursue Ser Velstra are strongly encouraged to remain warded and armoured at all times.
Celestina Wagglecraft is legally bound to note that undeath, curse, kidnapping and murder are all statistically probable results of a romantic entanglement with Ser Adrian.
Celestina Wagglecraft shall not be liable for any undeadening, curse, kidnapping and/or murder resulting from a romantic entanglement with Ser Adrian.

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Luciana Orza, the grand mistress!

She's well-known for riches, beauty and a most appealing ability to wield deadly force! She's, of course, the pride of Orza and hence one of the most alluringly intimidating women in the world: Luciana Orza!

Now, Luciana is the kind of woman who knows what she wants: a strong man, who has killed before.

Are you someone who can hold his own? Are you, very specifically, on a quest in the swamps to find a really big bird? Do you want to be?

Only one way to find out!


Celestina Wagglecraft will not be liable for any injury incurred in the pursuit of any bird-like creatures in the swamp.
Celestina Wagglecraft will not be liable for any injury incurred by interacting with Luciana Orza.
Celestina Wagglecraft will not be liable for any injury incurred by interacting with House Orza in general.
Celestina Wagglecraft has no idea of what those bird-things are about.
Celestina Wagglecraft is also too scared to /not/ put a leaflet for this highly specific bachellor

12
Screen Shots & Obituaries / Re: A Witch's Final Hex: This was Rowena
« on: January 09, 2022, 09:25:33 PM »
:( As the other old lady in the Ponds, she'll be missed!

13
Correspondence / Re: A muddly letter left at the stall
« on: January 08, 2022, 10:29:20 PM »
Dear mister Tafari,

I'm seeking what-ifs for my own use, but I'm always happy to exchange some with a fellow collector. Perhaps we can meet, and exchange some we each have in abundance?

Yours

Celestina Wagglecraft

Foremost turnip-wizardress of the City
Matchmaker to the metaphorical stars

14
Advertising Litter / Re: Matchmaking!
« on: January 08, 2022, 08:09:33 PM »
Those visiting Wagglecraft's shop or traversing the Ward might find some cheap leaflets full of garish, flamboyant calligraphy.  On one side, it reads:

HOT SINGLES NEAR YOU!

The other side varies from leaflet to leaflet. All seemingly containing the description of different bachellors, bachellorettes and singletons, all of whom have requested Celestina Wagglecraft's matchmaking services. 


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Xiv'rahk Shuul, the mystery singleton!

Of abyssaly noble birth, this single is a mystery! Are they male or female? Tall or small? Old or young? Alergic to peanuts? All we know is that they are an attentive person that will notice you first... And that they are rich beyond belief.

They are seeking another person to walk, hand in hand, through the romantic shadows of the night, and then attend the fanciest balls. While others sleep, you and your paramour will waste the hours away, engaging in wholesome activities such as spellslinging or fencing.

Do you have what it takes to tame the least known man of the entire City? Will you be the one to change them?

Only one way to find out!


Velstran servants preferred.
Celestina Wagglecraft will not be liable for any danger to your person or inmortal soul, criminal altercation or court fees proceeding from a romantic entanglement with the most notorious "bad-boy" (or girl? or neither?) of the outer Rings.

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Ryden Blackmyre, the pride of Moonspear!

Despite his youth, retainer Blackmyre of Moonspear knows sacrifice. He's been dedicated to House and duty! He's braved the odds and survived grave dangers! And, in the end, he's found his heart shattered in a million pieces!

Our brave and chaste Moonspear seeks a nice girl to teach him the ways of love and help heal his heart. He can offer no wealth... But who needs that? Isn't his strong, masculine embrace better than landholdings? Aren't his tears and smiles greater tribute?

Are you the sweet, kind woman who will mend his heart? Will you show him how to be happy?

Only one way to find out!


Celestina Wagglecraft is legally bound to remind possible matches that the strong embrace and sincere tears of a man are not enough to fill one's larder.
Informative leaflets for the wedding night can be made availible to prospective paramours for a nominal fee of 10 groats.

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Luna Wintergard, the entrepeneur of Velstra!

She might not be noble, but she's getting there! This young girl is building a mercantile empire with nothing but grit, smarts and the backing of one of the most powerful Houses in the Ward.

The lovely youngster seeks a man who isn't afraid to break the rules, likes to hug and has a big, big weapon. She might happily teach him how to use it, too! While retired from the adventuring life, there's no doubt she has the experience!

Do you think you're good enough for the most up-and-coming merchant in the Ward? Can you learn from her, or teach her new tricks?

Only one way to find out!

 
Celestina Wagglecraft will not be liable for any criminal altercation or court fees proceeding from a romantic entanglement with Luna Wintergard.

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Jett Moreau, the herald of Winter!

He's silent, he's flirty, he's teasy and he's fun! He's got gold stained with blood, old curses, ancient rhymes, and very, very new tricks! Ladies: it is Jett Moreau, the Winter Court's most charming representative!

This ancient being of the fae seeks a woman to dance forever, slip unseen through the fresh snow and feel the cold and glittering embrace of the very winter. Hobbies must include the discovery of long-forgotten secrets.

Can you melt his heart? Can you face his steely gaze and look deep into the diamond of his eyes?

Only one way to find out!


Prospective beloved must be able to perform a series of daring, mystical challenges which may or may not result in their death, cursing or kidnapping by fae forces.
Celestina Wagglecraft will not be liable for any attack, deceit or ambush resulting from a romantic entanglement with Jett Moreau

They are single and ready to mingle! For a nominal fee, interested parties may receive the contact details of these delightfully availible persons. The leaflets also include advertising for wedding gifts, a letter praising the healing properties of Mahar's antiseptic ointment and the contact of a discreet lady to take care of unwanted surprises.

15
Advertising Litter / Matchmaking!
« on: January 08, 2022, 09:55:30 AM »
It all started with some Whispers:

Quote
Hello! This is Celestina Wagglecraft, of Wagglecraft fame, foremost turnip-wizardress of the City, ringrunneress extraordinaire, and matchmaker to the best of the best.

Today, I address you on this last but not least of my many vocations, for I have been hired by mister Taeglyn and miss Selphia to find Aaron Goodwil a suitable partner. Someone to be happy with... *A pause, a bit too long* Forever! *Ominous cackle*

Now: Since we have no time to lose, a few things. Mister Goodwill, I'd love to meet in person and discuss what you seek in a partner. Also, and while the bachellor of Velstra tells me what he wants, suitable men and women may plea their case in person or via letter.

Leave missives with Bawkins, behind the Sunpurse ruins. He might leave in a pot, but he's really trustworthy. Do note your sex, gender, age, virginity (if any), income (if any), and noble blood (if any). Thank you!

This particular effort was promptly abandoned, when the Bachellor of Velstra threatened to drown in wine whomever dared to bother him again with marriage attempts. Not to be discouraged, the entrepeneurial matchmaker, Celestina Wagglecraft, made another Whisper:

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Oh, dear. Well, that was a fast matchmaking attempt. Er. Funny joke from mister Taeglyn, I suppose, ahem. Candidates do feel free to apply, yes? Remember: the ward won't repopulate itself!

After some consideration, leaflets have appeared mostly in the Ward.

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Are goblins replacing YOU?!

Think about it, fellow humans! How many people have died? And how many of those were unmarried and childless? Why, considering the recent assassinations, one cannot fail to note that no married person has been killed, just singles or people about to wed. Hence, it is not an unlikely deduction that marriage offers the most reliable protection against sudden, unexpected death. But, alas, childless and single, the Ward is left BEREFT of its people!

And what are the consequences? Well, at this rate, our experts calculate that goblin population will overtake humans BY NEXT WEEK! Think about your ward overrun by goblins, your children forced to learn goblin language in school, your food substitutedby whatever goblins eat....  THE HORROR! But what if I told you there is a solution?

CELESTINA WAGGLECRAFT, matchmaker to the stars!(1)

The City's foremost authority in turnip-wizardry is now offering her services to young bachellors, bachellorettes and singletons. For a moderate fee, she wil sort you a good partner, arrange the encounter, and ensure that you two aren't related(2). For another moderate fee, she won't attend the wedding.

Please apply with a letter send to her most trustworthy secretary,mister Bawkins, who may be found living inside the pot behind the ruins of the Sunpurse Mannor.

Please remember to include your sex, gender, age, virginity (if any), income (if any), and noble blood (if any). Feel free to add any other details that you might find pertinent, such as which of those same things you seek in a partner.

Apply NOW! Don't let the GOBLINS replace you! Don't let happiness(3) slip away!


(1) Not the literal stars who are, of course, the turnips of the sky.
(2) Cases of forbidden love must pay an additional fee for the delivery of forbidden letters, the skuldudgery and the finding of a suitably discreet priest and/or hostel.
(3) Celestina Wagglecraft is not liable for bastards or sexually transmited diseases, though in another of her many vocations, she offers cures for most common ills that may befall the human nether-regions.

Interested parties may want to brave the insults of the pot-dwelling Bawkins and leave letters in one of the urns he seemingly collects, where they will be promptly read by the ringruneress, matchmaker, turnip-wizardress and all-round authority in matters of the heart herself.

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