Author Topic: Starsong's Journals and Observations  (Read 852 times)

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MAGIC

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on: April 17, 2019, 12:52:31 AM

Truth without compassion is foolishness.
Compassion without strength is weakness.
Strength without reason is recklessness.

Any of these would be suitable for my next virtue.
Yet I feel myself drawn instead to another, one that governs all things.
One that I feel I am woefully lacking in.

Our power resides not in what we do, but in what we don't do.

I have tried to justify my actions with the Faerie Creature, but the truth is that I acted without thought. On an impulse. I was angry, I was curious. I was envious. I was caught up in the wonder of that strange, otherwordly magic. I was fortunate that the change was mostly beneficial. It had no right to be.

Angel of virtue, I know thy name, and it is Severitas
Yours is the providence of self control.
Your countenance stern, yet fair.
I will contemplate your virtue.





MAGIC

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on: April 19, 2019, 11:55:55 PM
Excerpts from a very awful book in progress that steadily acquires new pages, The Passion of the Rings: Book 1 - Heirs of Desire

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Malindra admired his clothing. It was a fine silk doublet of a deep carmine. So deep that it was almost black, with a maroon undershirt. He had a most puffy collar. She felt a strange feeling that she was having difficulty identifying.
“Hello I am a young noble Lord of House Sunpurse and I am also secretly a vampire. You should not trust the young noble Lord of House Glitt who is secretly a changeling even though you have feelings of attraction towards him.”  It was true. She did have feelings for young noble Lord of House Glitt, even though he was a rough, unkept, unshaven, uncouth, sometimes smelly man. She also had feelings for the young noble Lord of House Sunpurse. This conflict of romantic feelings is called a love triangle.

She should have been bothered by the fact that he was secretly a vampire. Vampires are beings who feed on the blood of mortals, a set of the population of the city which she was a member of.

Quote
Malindra looked at his muscles, which were large and well defined. She felt a feeling that she identified as longing. This is a feeling that people sometimes have. It implies a physical and emotional want for something, in this case, the thing that she was feeling attraction to was his muscular body. She was a normal person in this regard. She told him this. “Hello. I am a normal person and I feel a physical attraction to you.”
"Thank you." he responded.



MAGIC

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on: April 20, 2019, 06:10:44 AM
(Written in fairy-blood)

None of us are without sin.


Who is the progenitor of House Nephezar?




MAGIC

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on: April 21, 2019, 06:05:18 AM
It hurts more than it has any right to. What good is being virtuous when so much of the city is given towards unwarranted cruelty, wickedness and sin? Even those that would guide me are not without sin or faults. So quick to see vice and sin in others, so slow to see it in themselves.


I do not know what I am doing. Where I belong. Everywhere, nowhere.

I do not belong in the Peerage Ward.  I am not human, I have no friends there.
I have friends in Ticker Square, but they will no longer abide or safeguard me.

I am an elf.
I am a fairy.

I am a chef who struggles to sell any food.
I am a sorcerer who has no magic of her own.

I am a sinner.
I am penitent.

I am a student.
I am a teacher.

I am weak.

I am alone.




MAGIC

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on: April 27, 2019, 03:10:28 PM

Lori is dead.

I feel as if I have failed her. As I have failed all of my friends.

Could I have done more for her?

Did she understand me? Did I understand her?

Our paths took us apart, yet I cannot help but feel had we remained closer together then things would have been different.

I will treasure the memories we made together, Lori.



MAGIC

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on: April 28, 2019, 04:13:42 AM

What is faith?
It is, ultimately, a matter of trust. Trust, even when doubts arise.

Trust is earned, never demanded.


Should I trust Eryeth?
She does not tell me what I want to hear.  The things she tells me are often painful to hear and ponder upon.  She does not mollify me with sweet words, empty assurances. I believe that everything she tells me is, as far as she knows, truthful. The passage of ages may have worn away at the foundations of this truth, lies and distortions may have weathered the message itself, but there is enough truth in it to trust the underlying message if not the precise words.

Yes, I believe that Eryeth has earned my trust.

I must temper my hope. I do this not for the gift that she has offered me - I scarce believe that it is possible. Yet the things I have seen tell me that it must be.

I do it because it is virtuous. Because it is right.

Because I must atone.



I miss selling my pastries at Ticker Square. I hate the things that they say about me.


16 5lb (80lb total) bags of flour
100 eggs
8 5lb (40lb total) bags of sugar

Where can I get this much?
Eggs sometimes arrive in the dispensary. Not frequently enough?
Who can sell me that much flour and sugar?
Where can I find a large enough oven?

What am I even doing... this is ridiculous.




MAGIC

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on: May 08, 2019, 02:26:57 PM
Eryeth is gone. Eryeth is gone and I am once more filled with uncertainty and doubt. Uncertainty, doubt and despair.

Friends have stepped in. Comfort and assurances provided. Assistance rendered, instead of unfulfilled promises.

I am not worthy of their kindness. Yet, even in their eyes I see pity, judgement. They despise that I seek atonement under the guidance of the House of Nephezar. They do not understand. And I lack the words to explain.

I failed to secure the victory in the Clash of the Cantrips. I did not anticipate that there would be no casters left whom I could draw magic from - that the only people left would be a warrior using summon totems, and a cantrip casting bard. I could have won if I weren't being chased by summons. In my hubris, I reached to the sky to command the lightning. I was not prepared to try to catch it, in the manner of the Lightning-Catchers of old.

I was struck me drown.

I eliminated myself from the tournament.

In the words of Sir Errilam, pitiful.




MAGIC

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on: May 13, 2019, 10:53:46 PM
The handwriting changes - gone is the careful, elegant script, and in its place is a shakey, rough lettering.

I will not despair.

I will not fall into grief.

I have seen the Golden City.

I have felt the Angel's presence.

My wings are gone

But I still live

Broken,

But

Even a stunted tree reaches for sunlight.





MAGIC

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on: May 14, 2019, 04:01:48 AM

I have taken a life.

I have killed before, but this was different.

I listened to the others argue over his fate.

Mercy.

For an assassin who has murdered in cold blood.

For a demon summoner.

For the one who helped capture and maim me.



They were going to give him mercy.

I fear my judgement was clouded by my anger, yet I also know this man had done terrible, wicked things.

If I had let him live, would I be responsible for his sins?

Would each future death weigh upon my soul?

I have learned one thing from Sir Errilam - You must be decisive.



The scriptures say that Justice is a Virtue, and that an Angel stands in representation of it.

Angel of Justice, I know thy name and it is Lustitia.
« Last Edit: May 14, 2019, 06:02:27 AM by MAGIC »



MAGIC

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on: May 16, 2019, 03:03:35 AM
I have been cast out again. Abandoned, because they are afraid and I make a convenient outlet for it. Rather than defend the House, rather than engage in politics and manuevre their opponents into a weaker position - they blame it all on me and discard me like a half eaten pastry.

Can I blame them for being afraid? I lived my own life in fear, though I knew not what it was. Just a pervading dread that encompassed everything, influencing my decisions without me consciously knowing it. The fairy glamour allowed me to see things, feel things, understand things. It was terrible and wonderful.

I cannot feel it as keenly anymore, but I can still understand it.

Huizhong said that I was afraid. I was not. I was angry. I was angry that they were going to let this murderer and diabolist free. My own suffering fed that anger, but that was not the sole cause. It is wrong to allow such acts to go unchallenged. It is wrong to ignore all of his crimes and the suffering and anguish of his victims because he had not been granted one chance of mercy yet.

Yet what is the calculus? When does something become unforgivable? How is this determined?

I must atone. Even if it was a just act, I have still stained my soul with the sin of murder.

I must atone. And I am running out of flour.



MAGIC

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on: May 17, 2019, 11:35:49 PM
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Valindra,

I want you to know that House Velstra was unimpressed by the Thaumaturges' betrayal of you. It was a courageous thing to strike down the warlock, knowing the immense personal risk. You have done the world (and my family in particular) a great service by delivering justice to that villain. Even Errilam balked at the spinelessness of your erstwhile masters in abandoning their own agent; no small thing, you know how he normally is about elves.

Before her disappearance, I was personally in negotiations with Nailah Massari for her hand in marriage, as part of a compact to stand as her champion in duels against House Orza. It was bewildering to hear that the challenge was changed, accepted, then cancelled entirely, in the space of an hour, while I was indisposed with morning duties.

Such a shriveling terror among the servants of Heaven, when confronted with a thing of Hell, does not inspire confidence. We often wonder now if they'll be as timid if it stops being convenient for them to support us.

But I still can scarcely believe it.

How could those stupid, shallow children have cast out someone more worthy of being a Thaumaturge than any of them?

We choose to remember, even if the communion closes its eyes, what you have done for all mortal souls in Ring 99. You have earned favor with the Velstra family. Speak to me when you are ready to claim it.

Choose wisely the nature of that favor.

Respectfully,
Retainer Adrian Winespill






MAGIC

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on: May 17, 2019, 11:47:31 PM

I have neglected cultivating my sorcerous powers as I focused on my pursuit of the virtues and my artistic endeavors.

I need to remedy this. I must find out more about the source of magic. I must find out more about Amastacia. She was an animancor... and I have a middling talent with animation.

I think that I may have been a little crazy while under the influence of the faerie glamour. I look back upon my notes and plans and I am baffled. A Cake Golem? Animated whisks and spoons? Magical Candies? Did I really think any of that would work? (Note: find out if it will work.)

I must find balance.

And something to help with the pain. The Chamber of Golden Springs is no longer accessible to me.








MAGIC

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on: May 18, 2019, 11:09:06 AM

I do not recall anyone ever asking me what it is like, my gift, my curse.


I stand alone in a field of gray.,
Beneath a dull, muted blue sky,
People and things are drab ashen things.

Everything is gray to my eyes,
Everything is bland to my tastes,
Everything is numb to my touch.

There is another world,
The immaterial world,
The world of aether and magic.

I sense colours flowing through the air,
Leaving in their wake vibrating trails,
Drifting like ribbons.

I feel winds of magic blowing against my skin,
Each wind a different colour,
Each colour a different sensation.

I feel ethereal grass brushing against my legs,
Tugging on me, wrapping around me,
Yearning to embrace me.

Auras surround people and things
Pulsing with colour and force
Strands trail out from these cocoons of magic

These things all brush, push and pull at my immaterial spirit,
Yet my physical body feels them not.
The gulf between them is vast.

I can reach out to these sensations,
I can pull them towards me, and in doing so,
I pull myself towards them.

We rise to meet together,
I embrace it, it embraces me,
The world becomes a little less gray.

The magic becomes part of me,
I become part of it,
Together we are whole.


This is the best I can do for now.