A Leaf-Bound Journal

Started by MAGIC, April 20, 2023, 09:45:50 PM

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MAGIC


MAGIC

Alejandro is dead. Tempo is dead. Devlin is dead.

I was told that I could pick something of his. A memento to remember him by. And so I held his shield in my hands. That my friend would be reduced to this... picking through his things for a physical token to remember him by. But it is a good token. I look at the shield on my shelf and I remember the times we spent together. I smile.

His funeral is today. I will have to say something.

MAGIC

The bad feelings are coming back.

I feel alone despite being surrounded by my family. It is not logical but matters of the heart rarely are.

They need me to be strong and so I smile for their sake.

I look at my friends and wonder if they are going to die. I know that all things die eventually but I don't want them to die a meaningless death. I don't want them to die trying to get some rocks for the Astronomers. Can I still talk them out of it?

I showed Aletta how to make a paint that glows when you sing a certain way.

MAGIC

I might die tomorrow.

I've faced death and terrifying situations before. But they were for things that I thought were worth doing. Causes that I thought were worth the risk.

That is not what is happening here. The Astronomers want more bloodstar samples. What will they do with them? How will it help them 'destroy' the Goreheart, as they claim it will? I do not know. I do not see the path from here to there.

The Seer said it is suicide. The community has said that someone must go. We must help even if it is against our better judgement.

I suppose it is best that it is me. Maybe I will finally prevent the deaths of one of my family.

~

This Kardesler was interesting. Watched the Arbiter closely. Observed the movement of his feet and hands. Listened to the cries he made. Wondered if it was a practice that is passed down from generation to generation. Do they find apprentices to teach? Or is there but one Arbiter preserved through time?

Left with a feeling of hope. Arrival of Got Valdhazr was unexpected. Messengers were to be sent to Deep Kulkund so I expected the dwarven war-horns be heralding their arrival.

Concerned that the Kha'Esh War Master will focus solely on the East.

It is a terrible thing, to have to be a Master of War.

I think about the lessons of the Spring. The lessons of the Worldborn.

I try to reconcile all of these things.

Reconciliation takes time.

If you hack and tear at a branch you damage the tree.

I dearly hope my sisters will come to see that.

We should not seek to damage ourselves in our discernment.

Her words tore at me. I forgive her, but I feel so isolated from everyone else.

~

Shared some of my thoughts on heirophany with Sister Nebtu. They all seem so interested in my thoughts. Yet they never want to discuss it collaboratively. My fellow acolytes aren't ready for this yet. I want to help them understand but it must be a gradual realization. Charity is but a bird, a fine bird, but she doesn't understand these kinds of things either. Alejandro was close to understanding what I am grasping at, but he was so busy. And I am so busy.

~

Found some more chaos mist.


MAGIC

I survived. I'm good at that.

Forgot to give Clarissant the Cure in the midst of the fighting and the panic. She didn't say anything.

Found another bottle in my pack. Could have sworn I gave out all nine.

I did as I was told and drank it. I knew what it could mean. I hoped that my memory was playing tricks on me, as it sometimes does, and that a tenth bottle was hidden even from my thoughts. I knew that was unlikely.

I am relieved that nobody else died because of that decision.

The ninth is a serpent with mouth agape.

~

It is speaking again.

MAGIC

It feels as if a great weight has been lifted from my shoulders, and that I now stagger about surprised at how easy it is to move.

I feel as if I am floating instead of crawling.

MAGIC

I watch the sun set. The sky takes on so many colours depending on how much ash there is in the air.

Charity flies off to hunt.

They asked me to give up so much. So much in pursuit of the dream, of the salvation of the world.

And I did.

I had the comfort in knowing that I may have given up everything else, but I had them.

Their love was cold, aloof, distant, but it was there.

Charity comes back.

I am still sitting here.

I keep thinking about it.

I looked at her, offered to tend to her first.

She looked back at me, uncomprehending.

She wouldn't turn around.

So I turned my back to her to let her tend to me.

I stayed as calm as I could.

I don't understand how she could misunderstand so much.

Even misunderstanding, I don't understand how she could bring herself to attack me.

Over and over.

I said I was all right. But that was a lie, because I did not trust my own feelings in that moment.

I bottled them up. Put them away.

If I can't trust my sisters, and I've given up everything else, what do I have left?

The sun rises.

I'm still sitting here.

What do I do?

MAGIC

The teachings say that I must not be angry and I'm not.

But there is a part of me that wants to be angry. It would be so right. It would be so justified.

I don't know what to feel when I look at her. At any of them.

I feel myself becoming more and more distant with each passing day. Adrift upon that sea of sorrow.


~~~

Slavery laws still in place. They allow anyone who isn't a voiced citizen to be enslaved. Legate claims that everyone is a citizen, but that is not what the law says, and he spelled "Citizen" with a capital-C. How can someone who claims to be so law-wise be so short-sighted? Unless it is intentional. Pointed out the fallacies in the law many times. He refuses to amend it. Must be intentional.

Conscription still ongoing.

I know what is going to happen.

I am witness to the the terrible, indifferent cruelty of it. What can be done to stop it? Anything?

They call themselves strong for being willing to "do what must be done" but like Akna, they fool themselves into believing that it must be done in the first place.

I call it what it is, slavery.

I call them what they are, slavers.

I will not live among slavers.