The Journal of Bashir Khatara

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Hziran 16th, IY 7788

Elias visited our offices to apologize... I forgave him. And I had to apologize too, because I didn't know that he was one of the people trying to save Zain, in the first place... He said that he considers me a friend...? I think I'd like that... Though, in the past, when some have claimed that so soon, actual friendship hasn't figured much into it... But he seems genuine enough. I'd be glad to have him for a friend...

I had a really long conversation with Akna... Mostly politics. Not really a topic I care for much in private, but it is obvious that she is stressed by much, so, I might as well listen so that she can let it all out... Politics are one of the sadder reasons to lose friends, yet I think licensure somehow manages to be even more of a depressing cause for such. I do wonder if Akna and me can stay friends after all this...?

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Otherwise I've been stuck in a malaise... Just trying to go through my routine, yet it feels so hollow. My mind keeps wandering to Xon, and to Zain, and I worry for him so much... Just this constant barrage of doubt, regarding if it could happen again, and why did it happen, in the first place, and if it could happen to me, too, or someone else I care about, even just some innocent that's caught in the middle of this insanity...

And nowhere feels safe, really. I've been attacked in public before, and it wasn't really taken that seriously... At this point, if I am killed, I think the sentence will just end up being a 500 dinar fine, because the advocate will be that Hilton woman, and the judge will somehow be Qari, again. And everyone will just immediately go back to doing boardwork afterwards, because most of the involved folk here don't mourn at all. It's sickening.

I voted. I got my sticker. It's a little thing. I wish I could focus on such... Just the little things, and none of this. I want to go to the Spring's birthday, but I do wonder if I will just bring down the mood, being like this...

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Hziran 17th, IY 7788

At this point, my theory about the aspectral energies being influenced by emotion simply must be true... I chakra transferred the aspect of "Null" to Miranda's wand, and that was exactly what I was feeling.

However, the Spring's birthday managed to cheer me up... It was a truly joyous occasion. We were surrounded by the most quaint aroma of incense, and both the food and drink were simply delicious... Spicy, just like I like it. Everyone got garlands on their head, too... I gave mine to Tonka, once I got home.

A lot of tales... I loved all of them. Narwen sang about how the Spring and the newborn came to be... I've heard it before, but not in the form of a song. Kind of made me think about it differently... How many things are born from a wish...? Alejandro's tale was about farting... Well, it was actually about the fragility of love, but, I mostly just remember the farting. It was really funny! Farts can bring people together... And Richo's tale about Little Luca, and the big ol' meat pie, was simply precious! I could listen to a hundred more stories about her!

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Yet, after such joyous occasions, one has to return to their labor. And so, we set out on the mission that we had talked about a week before. The missing caravan from the Spring... I felt like I had to help, too, so I went along. And while I was able to help, I do wonder if I shouldn't have gone, in the end... Slavers. Hundred Princes. They took those poor newborn, and slaughtered them, all for the sake of some fucked up experiment... It is simply awful. Yet not a single one of those malignant slavers breathes today, nor does their fortress remain... So. Retribution. I wish such happened to all slavers...

Narwen's mad at us, though. Mad at me. But things like this have to be handledquietly. The caravan's route was secret. The Well catches wind of such an event, and suddenly everyone knows the route. So, we didn't tell anyone. I do wish that I could've told her, but we did promise Quendi... I do understand if she doesn't want to talk to me, anymore.  It is, in effect, upholding the trust of one, while breaking another's. Yet the elves of the Gift must have their secrets... Sometimes they simply must be kept from their wayward siblings, as well.

Anyhow, Hypatia said something about Martin liking whips...? I don't know how to feel about that. Sounds like utter nonsense!

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Hziran 18th, IY 7788

The bastard who hurt Zain is dead. I won't shed a single tear. I hope that his employer chokes on some barleycake, or whatever fucked up garbage it is that he eats for breakfast, now.

Capturing the assassin was an utter mess... I do wish that people would actually organize before setting forth on such missions. I've no real idea why there were two different taskforces, when the second didn't even accomplish much beyond making the diplomatic situation worse. Paying a hundred thousand to a den of pirates...? I seriously hope we won't end up doing that... When it comes to such negotiations, I am not sure where to start the bidding at from our side, however, when the initial bid is outrageous by design.

In fact, I don't even know if I'm cut out for this Vizier business... Maybe the very first assignment of note will end up getting me fired in a most embarassing fashion.

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The election is simply apathetic... Nobody seems to care much. I don't even know who I want to win, really. Marcellus is experienced, yet his tendency for sundowning and daydreaming up situations that didn't happen makes our work much harder, never mind the risks it poses for any serious diplomacy... He might dream up that the Vizier of Kha'esh summoned a giant apple pie to feed the whole Disc, for instance, and then be terribly confused when everyone's still hungry.

As for Akna... She has had a tendency to fold, in the past, and she is far more inexperienced, but at least she is becoming more informed of the political and material realities surrounding her... And there is at least a chance that she'd improve conditions for our labor force. And I mean, she hasn't forgotten to invite me to any parties, or beach vacations. There's that too. That's a big difference, actually...

And why's Martin sleeping in the rafters, again...? How many times do I have to tell him to stop doing that? It's just weird. And he is going to fall on someone at some point. That's pretty much guaranteed!
   

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Hziran 19th, IY 7788

Aurelio gave me a butterfly... It's a really pretty one! I think it's from Hufaidh... A lot of memories there. Tonka loves the butterfly, just as much as I do! Her eyes keep following it all over! She very much lacks the hunter's insticts, still... I don't think I've seen her hunt anything at all. It's weird. Anyhow... Either Aurelio was drunk enough to forget that I'm a guy, or there's a side to him that I never really noticed...

I'm not sure if I like keeping such a beautiful creature inside a container... Or any creature, really. I think I'll just release it to the Terrace, next time I visit!

I get a lot of strange questions because of this job! This time, someone asked me about pooping. As in, where do people poop? I mean... The lavatories...? Admittedly, we don't have many, and they aren't that fancy, but they're still there. Apparently caravaneers do it out in the dunes. And now I've thought about this enough to last an entire year. We should appoint a Sewage Scribe! Mostly so that I don't have to lower myself to think about such disgusting things...

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For a moment, it appeared as if Alejandro was dying of excess curiosity, and only orbing could save him, but in the end, it turned out that he was merely acting... That's so mean! Now, if he actually has a curiosity related incident, and he actually requires some orbing, I just might hesitate long enough that he might get permanent brain damage! Or something. I'm not a physician. My doctor, Vijaya Bollimunta, is one, of course, and she says that permanent brain damage is the worst type of permanent bodily harm.

Hazezon held the race for his vote again. Gedwyr won! Somehow, it was just him and Horton, in the end. I suppose Horton has some surprising talents...? Like almost winning strange competitions organized by overly competitive guys whose employment status is extremely vague so you kind of just wonder where they're getting their money from... Granted, that is an extremely specific talent!

Marcellus is Legate again... Which means that my shopping list will have a lot more milk on it than usual!
   

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Hziran 20th, IY 7788

Something weird was going on, yesterday! The wind was particularly cold, and it kept going through the Krak... I think somebody left a window open. Or a big ol' door! I suppose it would've been a nice change if it wasn't so eerie... Also, my uniform got stuck in something, and I tore a hole in it, so I had to spend some of my drink break on mending it. Which is fine, since I love mending things!

And I guess that wind might've signified the coming of the orcs... Maybe? Anyhow, they came and gave the invitation that there's been some talk of. Sooner than I thought... Still not too much of a surprise. The Clans are planning some kind of a celebration...? A feast? They brought this absolutely disgusting banner that depicted Marcellus and Iakmes eating Diakos! It was so gross! Now, I'm pretty sure that it's just symbolic, but everyone else seems to think that we're actually going to be eating Diakos...

This is why I avoid symbolism in my books! Everyone's so literal here!

Anyhow, all Ephians, the "people of the Heron" as the Clans call us, are invited to that... battle... feast, whatever it is. I'm not sure if I have to attend...? It'll probably be a horrid bloodbath, and that's not really my forte. My expertise is in... foreign relations... that don't involve bloodshed... or me directly talking to any dignitaries of note... preferably just stand there and make notes of their traits and quirks... Yeah, I think I might be terrible at my job!

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We were talking about all this at the Temple of Izdu, and... apparently Martin sleeps in Marcellus' bedroom...? Well, he did it this time, I'm not sure if he's done it before. He probably has. It's Martin. He does stuff like that. It should also be noted that he slept under Marcellus' bed. He also called Marcellus "dad" again! Which he really should stop, before those rumors start spreading again! Squashing rumors is difficult work, especially when they're absolutely, completely, definitely false! There is categorically no chance whatsoever that Marcellus is Martin's papa!

Probably...?

What else...? Oh, right. Nasreen and me had a really long conversation with Narwen... I really hope that she believed me. I think a lot of people assume that I lie about things because of my job... Which, granted, I occasionally do, but only occasionally, and even then, it's because there's countless lives at stake, or something like that... This time, I wasn't lying though! I don't want to lose Narwen as a friend... Especially when I was just trying to help... Why can't things ever be easy...?

   

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Hziran 21st, IY 7788

Zol Nur has prepared a beach vacation for me! Well, for me, and Alejandro, and Athelia, and Narwen, and Richo, and Zol Nur himself! I can't wait! However, Alejandro and Zol Nur are looking for swim trunks... I only have briefs! And some far more revealing options that are not suitable for such company... I guess I have to go shopping...? I don't want to be uncouth!

At the Assembly, Nasreen demanded that Qadira pay reparations for hosting dangerous criminals, and insulting Ephia's Well! Ambassador Rejavi hated that! She took it for a declaration of war, and left... Wars can be fought in many ways, and since they really just have a navy of corsairs and pirates, I guess they're going to try and starve us...? Which Alkab won't like! If they find out... Should send a missive, I suppose...

Anyhow, Pook Ulbo is so loyal to Marcellus, that he was ready to load his magic carpet full up of balefire and fly it straight into Qadira! I don't think we're going to do that. He's been renting that carpet for so long, that he owes the rental company almost a hundred thousand dinar! Also, they are holding his wife hostage.

I don't think I'd be ready to give my spouse up for Marcellus... More of an obsession than loyalty, at that point, really.

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Anyhow, Martin gave his keys to the Temple of Izdu to Rejavi... For some reason. I'm not going to ask why, because Martin acts completely arbitrarily, much like dogs and ghosts. There was an investigation, but I don't think the Ambassador did anything... yet.

Then, later, Martin also revealed that a hidden hatch was hidden below Marcellus' bed, at the Temple... He had hidden 153 or 156 cursed togas there! The Toga Crone gave them to him! Now, these togas are most fashionable, but the Toga Crone really should be more careful with her gifts, because nobody wants to be cursed. Especially not Martin, who already is. The togas probably didn't help him any... Now Martin is cursed at least two hundred times!

Much like academics, crones have to specialize in something really specific, because cronery is a much contested professional field! Togas are a fine choice... Pity that cronery also involves cursery. Also, I learned that crones are scared of jazz'eel. Which is useful information in case the Well is invaded by crones, eventually...

Amidst these revelations, one of the longest standing mysteries of Ephia's Well was finally solved... The Mystery of Marcellus' Gun! Martin gave it to Squeev! Squeev shot someone. Probably just to watch them die. But in a heroic fashion. Because the someone Squeev shot was most likely some unscrupulous mountebank, due to Squeev being a real stand-up guy. For a drug dealer.

Martin can be such a nuisance, even if he means well... most of the time. However, the fates are not so cruel as to attach some poor soul to him for all of eternity... Martin will never have a spouse! He doesn't like guys, or the ladies! Some folk are like that, and that's just fine... Love doesn't have to be romantic! Even though that's the absolute best kind of love! And I can't really fathom how anyone could live such a life... But I won't judge!

Not too much, anyhow...

Anyhow, I guess Martin might have a flatmate, at some point?

I feel so sorry for them, already...

Wait, that's just Marcellus, at this point!

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Hziran 22nd, IY 7788

This Mr. Beaumont keeps giving away confections and pastries as gifts, but I heard that he makes all of it out of worms! I'm not eating a baba au rhum if it's made with worms! He'd probably make the rum out of worms, too, somehow! Anyhow, he has a bunch of big plans. Too big? It was all really theoretical, and I'm not sure if any of it can work in practise, especially because some of it involved the gutters, and there's about a hundred different threats down there every week!

al-Marain's law is gone, now! Everybody's kind of blaming Akna for it, though. Which is just political profiteering, because she's actually here as a convenient scapegoat and al-Marain is... I don't really know where he is, or what he is doing. Probably blessing Qadiran cannonballs, or something. I do wish Legates would consult Scribes before passing legislature... Could at least phrase them in an understandable fashion, through that!

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Nasreen joked about fooling the orcs into a marriage ceremony... A marriage ceremony between Marcellus and Iakmes! What a horrific mental image... Even now, I have to do my best not to imagine it! But I have to! Ag'kal will roar "with this axe, I thee wed as man and orc", and then he'll throw the axe at some random crowd member's head, and then Marcellus will forget where he is, and ask if Zaniah paid the reparations to Kha'esh already, and Iakmes will put his hands on his tummy and let out a hearty guffaw, and yell "that's why I love you, baby", and then he'll kiss Marcellus...

It's horrific!

Anyhow, thanks to Martin's tailor token, which, by the way, was utterly disgusting because it was covered in sausage roll crumbs... Anyhow, thanks to the token, I have a most fashionable toga now! It's pink. Well, it's more of a rosé pink. A pink rosé. If the rosé had some burgundy mixed in it. I mean to say that it's a really red pink... Amaranth? Yeah, I think it's an amaranth. I look absolutely fabulous in it! What a pity that I'll probably only get to wear it once a month or so...

I should renegotiate my contract and get a clause that allows me to wear whatever I want!

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Hziran 23rd, IY 7788

Alejandro's book handles a lot of ancient history... Some of the people involved I've just about completely forgotten about! I suppose that's bound to happen to some... Kind of sad, really. But some folk probably don't even care about being remembered... Anyhow, I do hope that Lily Historian actually pays a Lot of Money to Alejandro. It'd be simply terrible if it turned out that she's completely broke!

I don't understand anything about the Shade! Seems like the assortment of materials that go into maintaining or expanding it have absolutely nothing to do with each other! I'm half expecting them to start asking for... beets... when they get a new Apothar, simply because that Apothar will be really fond of beets, and see a chance to get them through state funding!

Oh, and turns out that Vico killed that Nadiri that disappeared weeks ago... Nobody told me anything about that! I guess I'm going to keep a few secrets of my own, then... Which I was already doing. So, I'm just going to keep more of them!

Also, what really goes into brews...? Meadow hinted that the secret to some of them might be truly disgusting! Thankfully, I don't really buy them much, anyhow, but when I do, I'm going to be highly suspicious in the future... I knew that it couldn't be just magick and water!

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Domergue's back...? It's so weird. She's surprisingly resilient for her age, I suppose. Going into the middle of an ash storm, drunk off her arse, and coming back after a few months, none the worse for wear... Anyhow, all of the sapphiric ladies in the Well had a party at the Krak...? I'm not sure if it was just to celebrate Domergue coming back. Those parties sound awful. Everyone's dated each other, and their breakup wasn't on good terms, so, a dramatic brawl might break out at any moment... And then you have a boozehound like Domergue present, who just might drink all of the wine by herself... All of it!

Anyhow... everyone loves my new toga! I got dozens of compliments! It's so grand... I think I might wear it during lunch hour...? But maybe it's too fancy for that. Maybe when I eat fancier salads?

Also... where are these guys getting these shirts that reveal their massive pecs for everyone to gawk at?! It keeps happening! It's so distracting!

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Hziran 24th, IY 7788

That damned feast... I wasn't going to go, because everyone was saying that I shouldn't, because it'd be a bloodbath, and it was! I was just conversing in the Plaza, and then the Big Heron swooped down, and grabbed me, and dropped me right into the middle of Nusrum! I don't know what that blasted bird wants! I think that some birds teach their young how to hunt like that, but I don't want to hunt orcs, or anything at all, I just want to stay home and read my novelettes... Well, I don't mean the ones I wrote, but the ones I bought... The latest one I got is about a masseuse who solves crimes, because his magic touch, which is actually magical, gets his criminal clients to spill the beans...

Anyhow, the feast of war was held at this big ol' ruin, with a big ol' throne. I think some colossi lived there, and taught the younger peoples from atop its throne, or something. And it was an actual feast! I actually liked the food a lot! Especially the quail. It was absolutely delicious! While we were eating, more and more orcs kept coming in... Then Iakmes wanted to speak with Marcellus, and so he did, and Iakmes even hugged him and it was kind of awkward because Iakmes is really big and Marcellus is the size of an average human which isn't that big but I guess he's still much taller than me...

Marcellus has strange habits, sometimes! He turned his back to Iakmes! Not only is that a faux pas, it's kind of... a really dangerous thing to do to someone like that...

Anyhow, Iakmes wanted Marcellus to form groups of warriors, to take part in some ceremonial fights, and so he did... The first two groups made sense. The third group, on the other hand, didn't make any. It was a bunch of random folk, most of whom I had never seen before, and then there was one of the Creep murderers...? It was so weird! Oh, yeah. Atticus was there, too! The Bum Knight!

Oh. I guess Knight Vagabond is a better title, because it has no questionable connotations... Not too many, anyhow...

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Anyhow, then the orcs made our warriors dress up as lizards for the first two matches, and as orcs, for the third match... The matches were basically just re-enactments of ancient orcan history. Basically some really tragic events from their past, all of them involving warfare. And... the battles were so horrifying...

Especially the third one! The orcs had imprisoned a big ol' dragon, and that group of mostly strangers wasn't doing so hot, and even Iakmes wasn't feeling too good about it, so, he allowed the rest of the Well to assist, so, a bunch of people jumped down into the pit, including Marcellus, despite me and Mevura's protests! At first, he was at least doing smart stuff, like healing folk, but at one point, he was trying to smack the dragon with his tiny sceptre... That didn't do anything at all! Yet, in the end, the foul, acid breathing dragon was slain...

But the aftermath was so horrible... Kroggnought and Elyse are dead... Kroggnought was so brave, and so strong, and now he's gone, and I'll never see him learning to read, I was going to suggest so many books to him... And Elyse, she was so nice, and I wish I could've spoken with her more... And I feel terrible, because I couldn't help them at all, against that dragon... If such strong warriors and magi could barely pierce that big ol' lizard's hide, what could the pitiful shots from my sling do...? I wish I could've done something...

Now, we're at war... Actually at war... Not just some random jaunts to Nusrum. Actual, horrific war. They're slaughtering refugees, setting fire to caravans, leaving nothing but destruction in their wake... It's all awful. I don't know how we'll manage to survive this... These orcs seem endless, and Iakmes has such powerful magicks on his side. That mysterious trio that appeared seemed to be quite peeved with him, though. Maybe they could help, somehow...? Probably not. Nobody really gives a shit about Ephia's Well!

An unsent, perfume-clad letter to Kroggnought. Notes: just musk, and nothing else.

Kroggnought,

I know that you are still learning how to read and write. It is very difficult hard. Ask Samton to help you read this if it is too much. Maybe thinking about these questions will help, too!

How are you?
Do you like your new job?
What is your favorite color?
What is your favorite food?
How did you get so strong?

Martin says "hi"!

Bashir

[close]

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Hziran 25th, IY 7788

There's a drunk clown, now...? An inebriated jester...? Drunko the Clown? Apparently there's a clear distinction between clowns and jesters. They go to different schools, and everything. Well, according to the boozer, it's the same building, but they study different stuff. Clown College sounds real hard... And they really slather on that makeup, really! Both of them! Subtlety is the key to makeup, not such excess... But I suppose the purpose differs. Anyhow... there's also harlequins, and that's where it gets even more confusing! Who can really tell the difference...?

The War Assembly was a curious affair! The Majordomo was there, and presented words from the Sultan, regarding the war... We're not getting direct military assistance from Baz'eel, but we are getting funding. A lot of it. But I'm pretty sure there's plenty of clauses to that promise... They also want that Warmaster appointed. Again. That kind of fell through the cracks at some point. A lot of things do. Despite my reminders! I should just write a big ol' list with "DO THESE THINGS" written in really big letters at the top, and adhere it to the Legates' desks.

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Of course, since nobody can really agree on anything here, people immediately started bickering about everything. Especially that Warmaster's position... Aurelio and Mirielle want it. Mirielle called herself "diplomatic". Thankfully there were no lexicographers within hearing range, because they would've had a heart attack! The Warmaster should be someone responsible, instead of someone who'll send people on suicide missions out of sheer spite...

I also had to write a letter to Alkab. I'm not sure if it will reach them...? Or if they'll even read it? I hope that they do... I'm not sure what assistance they could give, beyond more crops. I suppose those ancient magicks could help, somehow...? Maybe. They also wanted Akna to work diplomacy with Frostport... because... she's from a cold place...? That's such an offensive reason! Her culture is completely different! Her tenure as Legate should've been the deciding factor, there!

The reason for Aaisha's prospective assignment was even weirder! Old people have such strange ideas!

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Hziran 26th, IY 7788

I had just handed a document to Alejandro at the Ambassador's Rest, when Samton started shaking the curtains! The shaking was so vigorous, that it was audible! Swoosh swoosh swoosh went the curtains, and then he asked if we wanted to toss some dice... Then Martin came in, and told us that someone had licked him!

It was the Phantom Licker! They had been most disrespectful of Martin's boundaries, and had told him that he had "the flavor"! I don't know which flavor that is. Probably sausage rolls. Or cursed despair. I don't want to think about that anymore. Later, Martin said that it was a multicolored gremlin that did it, which seemed to refer to Peepo the Clown... She did admit to it, too! But... for some reason, I have this hunch, that there were actually two Phantom Lickers! It is just strange enough for the Well!

After all that gross lickery business, we finally got down to that dice game... Samton told Zol Nur to make a circle... and so he did! That magickal circle of the stars! Which was really pretty, and made me mauve. I like being mauve. Not too often, though. A little mauveness goes a long way. However, the dice game was soon interrupted, because Martin was about to burn some letters to Marcellus, which I had to promptly save...

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They were all from that boy who's obsessed with Marcellus! No, not Pook Ulbo. The other boy. The actual little boy, not the man with the mind of one. The boy who puked or something when he finally met the Purple Wanderer... I gave the letters to Marcellus! He has a lot to read, now. There's a war ongoing, but I think it's a good idea to read something light, like letters from tiny little fans. He probably drew a bunch of cute pictures of Marcellus wandering around the gutters, but I didn't read the letters, because I respect the Scribe-Letter Writer Confidentiality!

I really wanted to see the cute drawings, though!

Anyhow, that dice game was fun... Alejandro won. Usually I win, because of my wondrous luck! Oh well, I did come in second place... Not that it matters much for dice games. Unless there's a prize for the second placee. Which there wasn't. Beyond the good cheer shared by each and every tosser! Dice tosser.

Who will the Warmaster end up being...? I hope that we find out today!

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Hziran 27th, IY 7788

A surprising amount of people seem to have a twin! Even Lightdew has one. She just has raven black hair! They were chasing each other around the Pyramid... Well, it was really just Lightdew chasing after her. They must've not met each other in ages! Which, for elves, can be very literal. Also, this geezer, who's really into shanking knives, had his grandson pop up, who then proceeded to talk about honor. Sometimes family reconnect in the strangest of ways...

A ton of smoke about the Plaza... I think Elossi got a shipment of some especially potent mizzar, and everyone was really getting into it. That's where we went to take a look, anyhow... And then, Owain visited us! Even he wanted to get zooted! So, Horton gave him some pocket change, and the two proceeded to smoke it all up. They were getting along really well, too, discussing monkey philosophy, which Horton knows a lot about, for some reason... Then Owain fell asleep. That tiny monkey can't handle that much mizzar! For the rest of the day, he was having monkey dreams...

What's going on with Marcellus' health...? He was feeling woozy, and then he stumbled to the floor, and was unconscious for about an hour or so, and when he woke up, he was crying, and told us that he had had a vision, and the vision was horrifying, and then, somehow, Hu Prak returned, knocking at Marcellus' door, and told him that it was time to go... Time to go to the mysterious, manly Lodge, full of sweaty, muscular men, who worship the Axe by doing a hundred push-ups and pull-ups every single day!

I didn't get to go. I'm kind of angry about that... But I also understand. So, it's an understanding sort of anger.

I really wanted to see that damn lodge, though! It's not like you get the chance to go to a lodge full of strapping lads every single day... Well, there was that one month in Mirabar...

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Zain showed me his tapestries! They're for some sort of art event... They were so gorgeous! One showcased the hustle and bustle of Ephia's Well, and it even featured me and Alejandro on it! It made me so happy to see that... The second was about the Astronomers, and it revealed a lot about what he thinks about his colleagues... Had a real warmth to it. Azimi looked really creepy on it, though! I wish I could have such tailoring talent, some day, but Zain's a genius, and I'm kind of not. Not just kind of. Not at all...

Anyhow, two new Junior Scribes... The guy I interviewed is a bit weird. Freshly awoken. I don't know what to think about him, really, other than that he's real peculiar, and his answers to the interview were some of the weirdest I've ever had! All I know about the other guy is that he sneezes a lot. Which is disgusting! I'm not handing him any important papers if he keeps that up!

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Hziran 28th, IY 7788

I was sitting in the Plaza, waiting around for Marcellus, when a dozen Narwens ran past in an awful hurry! I wonder what that was all about...? I think that might be Narwen's secret... Her secret to such efficient fundraising! She's simply in twelve different places, all at once!

And what a long wait it was... Margarine even took me to the Tower, to look at Zains third, secret tapestry. It was... gloomy. I do wish he would speak of such things with me, openly, but he doesn't really have a tendency to do that. Especially not with me, I suppose... I'm kind of undependable, in the eyes of some...

Which is probably why I keep getting reassigned... And that seemed like a real possibility, again, yesterday. Mevura just casually talking about the position of the Vizier, as if I wasn't the same room... People do that a lot. Talk about me and my work, like I'm not even there... I don't know why. I think people here are a bit touched in the head. Well, that was obvious, but especially regarding social mores and such... Then again, that was also obvious. Anyhow, I just don't want to get tossed aside, again, after getting used to this... It's awful, and nobody ever seems to actually ask what I've been doing up until that point. They just leap into the work blindly and then a bunch of stupid shit happens because of that...

But I might be in the work for a while, at least. My fabulous toga is now officially my uniform for it! So, I want to keep the position even more...

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What else...? Oh, they were preparing another game of Pyramid, and I wanted to play so badly! And again, I had to wait, because these sapphiric ladies gossip even more than I do, somehow, and Margarine does weird stuff with magic, so, she set herself on fire while at the Priory and the flames were so hot and volatile that even Eclair was set ablaze, as well, and it was kind of dreadful, really...

Anyhow, in the end, we finally played it! This time, my secret strategy was going to be just collecting foreign aid, on each and every turn, but that didn't work, because it was immediately blocked by the Qari card... Also, Domergue lost immediately! Like, it took about three turns for her to be out of the game! That's a new record! And then, Hypatia lost, because she assassinated one of my Legates, and I assassinated one of hers in retaliation, but she thought it was a bluff, and if you accuse someone of bluffing falsely, your Legate dies, so, she lost two Legates in one go! She could've blocked the assassination, too, because she had a Marcellus! But she forgot. I think the Marcellus card has a hidden downside that makes you forget about stuff!

Then, Margarine just killed her Zaniah card by just revealing it to everyone? Which isn't a legitimate move in the game, it's just something she did on a whim! Then she killed her Sol Auk, too! What a weird game... Anyhow, I lost, and Naelin won, because I only had a dumb Zaniah card left, and I tried to exchange it for two Legates, but, even though it says two cards, you only get one card... The Zaniah card is terrible! At least in the highly specific situation that I found myself in!

Did I forget about something...? Oh, yeah. Colmes is the Warmaster, now! And then he interviewed me... I'm the War Diplomat, now! I need to come up with a better title for that... Anyhow, I am in charge of wartime diplomacy. Which I kind of was, anyhow, already. It's a lot of responsibility! I hope I can do a good job...

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Hziran 29th, IY 7788

Being the War Diplomat – I really need to come up with a better title for this – is a curious affair... Building my cabinet has seemed much easier than gathering a list of people with interest in being part of the diplomatic entourages... Dervish Gilleni is a most trustworthy man, and a talented warrior, and I will certainly make use of his talents when I can... But then there are people like Peepo the Jester, who do seem rather earnest in wanting to help, but I am not certain what their place in all this could be. Vice-Chancellor Oruko might enjoy a jester, I suppose...?

During these talks, this young refugee from Il Modo somehow managed to grab his own butt with that magely hand spell... Which was just plain weird. Supposedly he came here because his parents wanted him to learn the mathematics, and he wanted to avoid his mother's slipper. Which she slapped him with, for not understanding the mathematics. His parents are quite oblivious of the war, apparently!

I was gifted a fez! It is the most beautiful, most wondrous, most fabulous fez, ever. Considering how tasteful it is, and considering how I was simply showered in praise for having it atop my luscious locks, I think it will go a long way in helping me look as presentable as possible during diplomatic talks! Now, of course, this all works if we're dealing with our more... regular... neighbors, but when it comes to some of the more peculiar ones, they simply might not care about fashion, at all! That list of communities to contact isn't getting much shorter after Kha'esh and Qadira... I wonder if we'll have to contact Pthsteka, or Yaxatan...?

Pthsteka kind of sounds like a place where birdfolk live. The name sort of sounds like a complex bird call... Pth-st-eka! Pth-st-eka! I want to meet birdfolk. I'm sure birdfolk would love my most tasteful fez!

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Jordan's old stool, the Second Seat's So-Called Second Seat, had been quite the nuisance! Nobody really wanted to sit in it. Especially not us Scribes. Stools are awful for taking notes. They're awful for acting as an advisor, in a respectable manner, too. So, Marcellus took out his newly acquired axe, and made kindling out of it! And it will be used for actual kindling. I told the custodial staff to deliver the remnants to the kindling storage. Which is a place Martin should be barred from, in an eternal fashion!

Some pepper merchant was at the Krak, acting all stressed... Apparently, Mevura had been bothering him? About pepper? I swear, if Mevura doesn't like pepper, then that's about the badjillionth gadjillionth annoying personality trait that he possesses... Especially if he hassles poor, innocent pepper merchants over his incapability to handle a little spiciness! Anyhow, he wanted me to write something that espoused the positive qualities of pepper to such an extent that twits will leave him alone... So, I did! However, I was so excited that I forgot to sign it! Which was so embarassing that I couldn't just do it after, I mean, who forgets their signature, especially in my line of work...? So, I just told him that it's the message that counts more, than who writes it. Which is actually true, at least in some cases, so, I wasn't really lying. I was just... improvising...?

Oh, and Nasreen can carry a couch, all by herself, like it's no thing at all! Moms are tough!

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Hziran 30th, IY 7788

I'm not going to talk about my relationships to anyone else, ever again, everyone just mocks me, even Martin... I could marry someone, invite everyone, have an elaborate marriage ceremony,  and most folk there would act like it didn't happen, because everyone in the Well has massive brain damage... Doesn't help that Pirouz hasn't been answering any of my letters. He probably fled the Well after the war was announced... And everyone will mock that too. "Oh, your completely imaginary boyfriend conveniently left, that's cute Bashir, I'm going to ignore the fact that it absolutely makes sense that a cowardly asshole would utterly disrespect your emotional needs, and leave you without saying anything at all during a bloody war, and I'm going to use this moment to torture you further, because I'm an utter piece of shit and my life is empty so I don't have anything better to do..."  It's so cruel...

And this diplomacy stuff, it's so stressful too. But so far people say that I'm doing a good job... And because of how people treat me, I don't know if they're laughing behind my back... I have a lot of trust issues...

What's especially stressful... The fact that the Maharaja's son came to the Well, the immediate moment that the War Council was atop a fucking ash-sail. Couldn't meet with him, as much as I wanted... Thankfully Nebtu was there. She handled it well, too, I hear... I'll have to thank her. Yet as is Jimmy's way, he was there too, and insisted on following the Maharaja and his entourage around like a lonely child, desperate for attention. Kept yelling about stuff he doesn't understand, like usual. Utter nuisance...

I hope that I am actually able to meet this Prince, today... Problem is that I also heard that he's hot. So, I have to do my best to not let that distract me!

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Best think of lighter matters so that my head doesn't explode... Peepo lives in a box, apparently. Jesters can contort, so that probably isn't too bad. Saves a lot of money, too! Yet, I'm kind of worried... Supposedly some places in the Desert are full of mimics! Hopefully no mimic imitates Peepo's box home! I don't want her to get eaten!

What else...? There's a Mount Prism...? Supposedly...? It might just be a joke. I don't know. Half the stuff that's been happening lately has sounded like a joke, but has turned out to be the absolute truth, in the end. If Mount Prism does exist, then it's teeming with aspectral energies. It's also a real eyesore. Because prisms reflect sunlight. Or refract. Or diffract. I don't know. I don't really care, either. It's just a reflex, because everytime I talk about stuff like that, some Astronomer goes "well, Bashir, actually it's something different yet similar, and the difference is minimal, yet I'm going to explain this for at least a few hours, hey why are you walking away let me follow you and explain it in elaborate detail..."

I also saw Richo, for a change... He was walking around...? Because of... sausages. He was carrying a lot of them. For his... brain bugs...? He keeps finding these disgusting bug things everywhere he goes. It's really disturbing... Also, he told me that he nearly lost his arm bone, but he just... stuck one of these bug things to his arm, and the bone bug made him a new arm bone...? It's... it's really, really, really weird.

I met that pepper merchant, Mr. Pepper, again, and he told me a bunch of strange stuff, like how he prices his stuff, and it was confusing, because there was the mathematics involved, and I don't like that, and I tried counting, but Akna was much faster, and then I was even more confused, because apparently this guy is making pretty good money from this pepper yet the license is still too expensive for him, though Akna did say that he was selling his pepper at a tremendous loss...? I think he should try selling mustard, too. I like mustard.

Oh, and Narwen's painting me! It is easily the best news I got yesterday... probably the entire week... maybe the month... no, it's probably the best news for the entire year. I don't get a whole lot of good news... Narwen's such a fantastic friend! I wish I could paint her, but my painting is so amateurish...