A Courier's Journal

[tinfoilhat]

Can hardly sleep these days. Past while it's just been wake up and run around in meetings until sundown. Hard to say where we stand sometimes, I alternate between hope and despair by the hour. But I figure if Enmur is still hustling, we have to still have a chance.

FUCK YOU THE WRAITH!!!! STAY OUT OF MY SHIT!

Lot of people have seemed puzzled as to why we haven't or didn't "cut" Vaskr loose, even with all the warts and problems he brings.

They can't understand what it means to be crew. Everyone and everything topside is treated like some sort of business associate or employee. A future liability. As if Vaskr is just some guy we "hired"  on.

People call me paranoid, and it's true.. but I'll always gamble on my chums, cause I know he would do the same.

Now to just keep him from killing himself...

Gone almost a week without any treats. What a terrible time to choose to... At least I can blame election stress.

Little bit of mizz should be okay though, right?

[tinfoilhat]

Coming up on the last day. Bit of last second hustling will do me good. Head's throbbing, but I gotta work through it. Vaskr's struggling too - it's easier when you see a chum going through the same, I figure.

See if I can get Welly onboard, Shum don't seem the type to heavily meddle in his peer's affairs.

I can't believe it.

Never seen Buster look so hopeless. I got to be there for him.

Going to scream. I can't understand Fex, and I suspect he can't understand me. Maybe Buster's right... But he's got to be making it worse, right?

Just need to get through this. Keep our heads on our shoulders. We didn't spend all this time making chums and hustling just to get set up and thrown to the lions.

It's my secret. Mine. Not for you. Not even for Buster.

A voice so soothing, so familiar, and so dangerous. Was it really her? I can't remember...

Think I've finally managed to get things under control, at least for a couple days. Taking the long loop through all the settlements alone will do me good - clear the head a bit. The shakes are mostly gone, figure I can stride the dunes without cacking things up too badly and getting myself killed over something stupid.

Hoping Buster will be alright. Should have refilled his cigar box before leaving... I'll get him and the chums a couple souvenirs though.

[tinfoilhat]

Vellyn's got me signed up for a job at the pyramid. Chums are a bit skeptical of it, considering the timing and upcoming elections but I figure it'll be good to do some community service and let the heat simmer down a bit.

She wants me to lead it which makes me nervous, but maybe Ilmaz were right about certain things...

Violet - potential

Margie if you read this you're short as hell and it's pretty rude to read people's journals without permission!

Took a message to a new face downstairs. Gave a feeling I haven't had since I gave up the treats. Maybe not the smartest idea with all that going on still, but I needed... Something. 

Vellyn called me to present Operation ARD at assembly. I were struggling a bit with all the attention on me but think I stumbled through it okay. The ambassador from Kha'esh came up and interrupted my shit so I gave her a splendor vial that Jan handed me. Probably not wise to insult dangerous people like that but sometimes things need to be said.

Okay maybe I didn't say it directly but these are the sorts of things I think the Well struggles with - the finesse work and games.

I deserve a few drops of happiness before I finally turn the page.

I'm fucking due that much at least.

There's so many other people in this Well that would love this sort of thing. They would relish this chance to be "important"...

She has the gall to give me that look of pity when she tells me what I already know.

I don't know what to do. I'm dreading that conversation now.

[tinfoilhat]

Though I never knew them, I know they'd be proud of you Buster. Tomorrow we prove that even in this age of ash, even as fear and uncertainty grips our hearts... we can be better people. You've shown me that more than you can ever know.

No more running. Time to roll the dice and turn that page.

Sink or swim

[tinfoilhat]

Violet - we just became chums and already it's time to say goodbye. I thought about heading to Elossi's in your honor or having a little treat, but I figured while you probably would have liked to see me indulge an old need, I'd be doing you a disservice by crawling back to a past self.

Sorry to disappoint one last time, chum. But I'll be keeping the rest of this pack you gave me as a memento.

Amani - I never got the chance to really catch up since we went down our separate paths so long ago. Some things I figure I should have confessed. Every time you'd say "There's no debt between us" there'd be a little pang of guilt in the bottom of my gut after I'd say nothing or just nod.

Not sure how much you dwelt on the old days, back when we were all new arrivals to the Well. I was clueless then, trying to find the remnants of myself within the animal of the ash. I'd stand around the plaza just watching people, and you'd occasionally come up and gather up what hands you could for the real shit jobs. The ones involving rummaging about dank holes or riffling through pockets of dead adventurers deep in the gutters.

There were times where I had schemed to rob you and Buster both - or in more cowardly moments simply  plan to watch as ghouls and other horrors ripped you apart and go through your pockets after. It's not something I was unfamiliar to before coming to the Well - it was a thing of necessity, the animal had thought. I could write an entire book as to how and why things changed over time, but the short of it is someone... people in general started giving a nobody like me a chance for once.

You were a terse sort, and I know you wouldn't have ever really fit in with the crew, but part of me always wondered what if we had. What if you led us as mercenaries like Buster and I kind of thought you would in those early days? I suppose it doesn't matter now, a hundred little decisions led us both down separate paths for a long time.

We'll get the job done right - figure your spirit won't get rest until we do. I'll be sure the paperwork's done right and the logistics done as efficiently as possible.. though you know how much I struggle with my numbers.

Day fucking one, and the cack is neck high at the shore like it's high tide. We knew what we were signing up for though.

400 to wear Orin's perverted outfit were way too little. I guess wizzard's really are an eccentric sort.

Maybe he'll feel a little guilty and we can get him in with the Buster Brews extended business a bit easier...

We got the machine though! Finally some fresh air! Buster or Bust!

You're still watching me, aren't you?