Secrets of Mistlocke!

[HaveLuteWillTravel]

Secrets of Mistlocke

   

Written by [tface=salt]Abigail[/tface]

   Characters:
  Donyarth Aberdenn
  Rhemer Caermyn
  Caermyn Skald
  Chorus
 
 

Act I

   The play opens upon a Mist-covered and ancient road. The Chorus enters and center stage
 
  Chorus: Our home, the port town of Sis Liman has been destroyed by sea reavers most vile! All has been lost, and our beleaguered people huddle in camps under the boughs of these Misty woods. The woods are fey and dangerous, and many go missing without a trace each night. But we have hope yet! Donyarth Aberdenn, the famed explorer and adventurer, leads an expedition on this desperate search. With him on his quest most perilous, Rhemer Caermyn, the patron of Clan Caermyn who tagged along once the whiskey ran low.
 
  The Chorus takes his place near the back of the stage, and a man wearing the colors of House Aberdenn enters, Donyarth Aberdenn. He puts a hand to shade his eyes, peering off into the distance.
 
  Donyarth: None have been this deep into these woods before, and the dangers they carry are many. But for the people of Sis Liman, we cannot falter. [He then looks around, an annoyed scowl showing on his features.] Rhemer, Rhemer! Where have you gone off to now, man?
 
  Rhemer Caermyn enters looking quite disheveled, with a whiskey bottle in his hand. However to the audience something is very noticeable, Rhemer Caermyn is actually a woman wearing the clothing of a man. He stumbles to stop near Donyarth, over-balancing dangerously before catching himself.
 
  Rhemer: Hey there, Donnie. I had to stop to pee... so where we at? All these bloody trees look the same, yeah? [Waves the bottle around vaguely to indicate their surroundings.]
 
  Donyarth: [With a sigh, he puts his hand to his head.] I know you made your coin importing whiskey, Rhemer, and you’ve said that the business is in your blood. Truly, with as much as you drink the stuff I certainly agree with your claim.
 
  Rhemer: [Leers, his face breaking into a wide grin as he waggles the bottle toward Donyarth now.] I told you, Donnie, but you wouldn’t believe me. Caermyn women don’t got milk in them tits o’ theirs, you know.
 
  Donyarth: [Closes his eyes with disgust.] Right, well shall we continue? And please do keep up. You’re stopping to piss so much you’re going to wind up with a rash on your cock.
 
  Rhemer: Umm…I don’t think I’ll be having that problem, but thanks for yer concern.
 
  The two depart, and the Chorus takes front stage once more.
 
  Chorus: And so our two heroes, one brave by heart, one made brave by whiskey, venture deeper yet into the woods. Let us hope brave Donyarth finds us our home, and that Rhemer does not stumble into a hole and break his neck.
 
  The Chorus exits. End of Act I.
 
 
 

Act II

 
  Act two opens within the woods, still. The Chorus enters, and takes center stage.
 
  Chorus: And so brave Donyarth travelled ever deeper into the woods, Rhemer in tow. Many vile creatures of the Mists did he need vanquish, mostly whilst his companion napped. The quest seemed hopeless, until…
 
  The Chorus steps back as Donyarth enters once more, Rhemer behind. Donyarth takes a heroic pose, looking off into the distance, while behind him Rhemer drinks and staggers about.
 
  Rhemer: Oy! Gotta pee!
 
  Donyarth: [Ignoring Rhemer.] Wait…what is that within the trees? Do I see a tower? Yes, a tower, and the thatched roofs of houses! Come quick, Rhemer!
 
  Rhemer: [Looking blearily toward the tower now.] There a loo there too?
 
  Donyarth dashes to the front of the stage, Rhemer stumbling behind, nearly falling over.
 
  Donyarth: [Throws his arms wide, and turns a circle in a grand gesture.] Yes! We have found our home! A village within the woods, and it is quite abandoned! It is glorious, our people our saved, Rhemer! I shall name it…Mistlocke!
 
  Seeming not to hear Donyath’s proclamation, Rhemer lifts his bottle drunkenly, looking down at the ground as he moves a few feet off the side.
 
  Rhemer: Oh ho! Donnie, wonderful, huh? Right here, this’d be a grand place for a still where I can brew up some whiskey. [Pours some of the whiskey onto the ground.] Yes! Here, right here! Mistshine! My dearest Molly ‘ll be so happy!
 
  Donyarth: [Sighing, he doesn’t bother to turn around to look at Rhemer.] We must fetch our people and tell them we are saved. Come, Rhemer, we are off.
 
  Donyarth turns to leave, Rhemer waddling behind, putting a hand between his legs.
 
  Rhemer: [Plaintively] But Donnie, I gotta pee!
 
  Both depart and the Chorus comes to stand center again.
 
  Chorus: With salvation singing in Donyarth’s heart, and whiskey swimming in Rhemer’s bladder, the two men did return to their motley camp. The people were joyous that their deliverance was at hand. But Donyarth realized there was much work yet to do, and he was determined to see his people through. Rhemer’s thoughts, however, turned to gold and greed…on the rare occasions he was coherent.
 
  The Chorus exits. End of Act II.
 
 
 

Act III

   The scene begins within the hamlet of Mistlocke, a skald of House Caermyn stands to the side as the Chorus enters to take center stage.
 
  Chorus: One year has passed since the miracle visited upon his people by Donyarth Aberdenn. During this time he has been off in search of clues to the previous inhabitants of this ancient hamlet, and devoted his time to unlocking the secrets of the Last Keep. In the meantime Rhemer Caermyn has stayed safely within Mistlocke, taking credit for its founding, and rebuilding his fortune with his vast array of Mistshine stills! It is during this sad state of affairs that Donyarth returns to learn of the Caermyn lies.
 
  The Chorus moves to the rear of the stage as the Caermyn Skald takes center.
 
  Caermyn Skald: Peoples of Mistlocke! I come to you with an announcement from House Caermyn! Today is the day of Mistlocke’s discovery, give or take a tenday, Patron Rhemer’s memory is a little foggy. In honor of his auspicious discovery this day has been declared Caermyn Day, and in celebration our whiskey shall be sold on this day, and this day only, for a mere 50 golden ducats a bottle, this is down from our regular price of 52 ducats! All hail Clan Caermyn!
 
  Donyarth Aberdenn enters, looking to be very annoyed.
 
  Donyarth: [In a loud roar.] Enough, enough of this, Caermyn! You rape my people with your prices, you lie and deceive, and claim your drunken patron a hero! I shall not have this abomination take place further! Where is your master, Caermyn dog?
 
  In the face of Donyarth’s rage, the skald cowers away.
 
  Caermyn Skald: [Meekly.] It is as I said, saer, he is indisposed.
 
  From backstage Rhemer arrives, looking groggy as he just finishes pulling up his pants. The front of his tunic is unbuttoned and it is apparent he is very drunk.
 
  Rhemer: [In a drunken slur.] What’s this bloody noise! You’re disturbin’ me an’ Molly!
 
  Donyarth: Rhemer, you spineless coward. You shall set straight what has occurred. These lies can go on no longer!
 
  Rhemer raises a finger and advances toward Donyarth. But just as he reaches him he slips and falls flat on his back, his head bouncing off the ground. Rhemer comes to a rest at Donyarth’s feet, quite dead. However in the fall his unbuttoned shirt opens, exposing a pair of naked breasts. Donyarth gapes at this revelation, as the skald kneels beside the dead Rhemer and cradles his head.
 
  Caermyn Skald: [Wailing.] Oh, my patron, my Lord! A man most noble has fallen!
 
  Donyarth: [Pointing at Rhemer’s chest.] Are you daft, man? That’s no man, Rhemer was a woman!
 
  Caermyn Skald: Oh lies most foul! And what of his dearest Molly? What of his children? They have lost their husband and father!
 
  Donyarth: [Taking a sardonic tone.] Yes, well I think maybe someone should wonder which beds Molly’s been sleeping in that she bore children. Those, sir, are most certainly breasts.
 
  Caermyn Skald: [Looking toward Rhemer’s chest.] He was a great swordsman, muscles finely honed from years of swordsplay!
 
  Donyarth: [Reaching down to jiggle one of Rhemer’s breasts experimentally.] No no, those are tits.
 
  Shaking his head Donyarth begins to wander off. As the Patron of Clan Aberdenn leaves the Caermyn Skald finds his courage once more and yells at Donyarth’s departing back.
 
  Caermyn Skald: Oh murder most foul. This shall be war between our clans now, of this I promise! I swear it through the ages!
 
  Donyarth exits leaving the Caermyn Skald still cradling the head of the fallen Rhemer. The Chorus takes center stage.
 
  Chorus: Harken to this tale, people of Mistlocke, for in its telling one learns of our past, the war between clans, and the secrets which the Mists have obscured through the centuries. Our lives are owed to those of brave heart who founded this refuge within the Mists, may we praise their names!
 
  The curtain falls.
 
 

The End