The Book of Big Bash

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Tammuz 14th, IY 7789

It was in that moment that I knew that it was all a lie.

An ancient design, started by... who? Does it even matter at this point...?

The search for it was never worth it. Just a ploy, among countless others, all designed to feed the cycle, to have it repeat, and repeat, and repeat, to feed upon people's suffering... And for what? Just to grasp onto whatever it is that you thought you had? And in doing so, dooming the future of any and all that come after you...?

How does someone even begin to delude themselves of their own importance to such an extent?

Was there ever any truth to it? Are we just repeating their lies and mistakes without realizing it...?

Climbing onto that ash sail, holding onto the wood, looking at the others... To see so many of them relieved, yet to also witness so many distraught over Bet Nappahi's condition... to see it covered in ash, to see parts of it burn.

Yet if you know what that infernal jungle is... what it truly is, and what it actually represents...

You would cherish that moment for the rest of your days, short as they might be.

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Tammuz 15th, IY 7789

Just been distracting myself with the work. Only thing keeping me sane, really. Crying in private. Don't want to talk. Just want to cry. My eyes hurt. They really hurt. Haven't been able to eat. I did try, but I vomited right after.

It's Selwyn.

I really wanted them to have something better than this. Anything, really. They didn't deserve to be here. They didn't deserve this life. I know that nobody does, but... They were my best friend, really.

And it all floods in, all of the regrets, all of the intrusive thoughts about not spending enough time together, not truly understanding what you had until it's too late.

I was going to try and renegotiate the deal, give them and Cork a chance at something better. Even if deep inside, I knew that it wouldn't happen. That the deal was for me, and me alone, and that the details wouldn't be changed, and even if they were, the cost would've been demanding enough to simply ruin it all.

And... well, I know that the deal's a lie, in the end. Just being used, like always. Valuable enough to be kept alive. Valuable enough to not be let go.

I don't know what to do. It's hard to move on. It's just that... very little remains here. I keep losing one friend after the other, and that's just the norm here. Something to be accepted. Yet I can't do that. I don't want to. It's painful, but... if you don't feel any pain, did any of it really mean anything, in the first place?

Can't replace them. Don't want to replace them. That's the wisdom you learn over the years... You loved them for a reason. You never truly lose that love, even with them gone. Wanting to replace it, as if some actual void was there...? Not truly understanding any of it. Disrespectful, really. Not strong enough of a word, but the emotions always outnumbered the ways to describe them.

Find myself stuck, looking out of the window. Not even thinking about anything. Just stuck amidst sorrow. Or, well... not stuck, really. It's there for a reason. It's not something holding you back.

I don't think words can describe what we had.

I think that's just fine.

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Tammuz 16th, IY 7789

Working on these... commemorative designs... is just plain peculiar. Inky said that they're "encomiums", but I don't even know what that means, and their understanding of language is pretty alien.

NAY! THEE CLOD AND LUMMOX! MINE LEXICON IS CONSUMMATELY COHERENT!

"Lummox"...? I really wish that I hadn't given my old mirrors for princes to you... I thought they'd have like, handsome lads in them, but it's all just a bunch of boring blather about decorum! And well, this is just proof that those books are bad for you...

MINE QUINTESSENCE IS THAT OF THE PRINCELY POTENTATE, QUOTHA!

"Quotha"...? That's it, I'm changing your diet! Anyhow... it's all so strange. You kind of have a clear picture of someone, when it's just been such a short while, but when you really try to focus on that, there's just a stream of memories, and it's really difficult to join them into something cohesive. I don't think that's a bad thing... It's great, really, in a way. Just means that you shared a lot of pleasant moments...

For design, though... Well, folk want something unmistakeable, they want something that outright screams its intent, but... I'm not really going to do that. I don't want to. They'll moan and groan, I just know it, but that's their problem. Something filled with so much emotion can never be so simple! And, well, I don't really like overt simplicity much, in general.

Just complaining, really. The work itself is relaxing. It's sad... but it's relaxing.

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Tammuz 17th, IY 7789

Inky is such a nuisance, and so gross! Like, in general, but lately, it's just way too much! Now, they seem to have... absorbed...? Whatever it is that they do, I don't really get it... Anyhow, they digested the ancient wisdom of Bet Nappahi, which like... caused them to grow a few sizes. Or maybe it was just the ancient pigments that they were so obsessed with... Who knows, and who cares? Well, anyhow, their regular form is still real tiny, but notably bigger, but like, that form they take to talk to people, it's like, huge!

MINE SUBSTANTIAL FORM IS NAUGHT DISTENDED! RETRACT THINE FALSE STATEMENT!

Oh, come on, you don't believe that for even a second! Also, can you, like, just talk, or write, like, regular, for just a second?

YAH. HOWZIT, CHOMMIE?

What on...? Stop that! Just write like I do, I guess... Oh yeah, my big question. Why'd you start... coating me with yourself...? It's so gross! It feels awful!

LIKE, I DON'T KNOW, I WANTED TO, LIKE, PROTECT YOU AND STUFF, AND SINCE I'M LIKE, SUPER POWERFUL NOW, IT'S JUST, LIKE, SO CONVENIENT, YOU KNOW? IT'S WHAT BUNKIES DO, HONEY. US SISTERS, WE'VE GOT TO LOOK OUT FOR EACH OTHER OUT ON THESE MEAN STREETS!

I don't write like that! That's highly offensive!

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Tammuz 18th, IY 7789

Cogsworth's birthday bash was a most jolly affair! There was tasty food, riddles, grease wrestling, cockfighting... The riddles were way too hard! Also, okay, it wasn't really cockfighting, which I do not approve of, it was two weirdo wizards engaging in the transmutative magickry... I wouldn't normally call Nibb a weirdo, but like, transforming into a chickadee, and then fighting another chicky, is really weird. Must be all the funny mushrooms that he's been taking...

Anyhow, Ritz had prepared this mango salad... I think it was called... "Bangin' Mango Salad"! Something like that, anyhow. It had a bang of taste to it, for certain! I think it's my new favorite salad. Maybe. I mean, my famous muhammara salad is kind of hard to beat, even though I'm no chef, but like, dumping a bowl of muhammara onto tasty greens isn't really much of a challenge, and like, food doesn't have to be difficult to be delicious!

I can't remember who won the grease wrestling... Some dwarf, I think. I vaguely recall something like that. I was too distracted avoiding all that grease... and laughing at Jamileh. She donned the towel, and was spinning around, doing pirouettes upon that greasy arena! I don't think it was on purpose. Jamileh doesn't seem like the balet type... Like, at all! Anyhow, magickians really should learn how to handle their grease, instead of throwing it like, all over the place. Should've just gotten a tub of turkey grease from Sargus...

That stuff is disgusting! Especially if you know what ol' drunkards use it for! GROSS!

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Tammuz 19th, IY 7789

I can't believe I lost! It stings, a lot... Real bitter. Now I feel so insecure. Was my work really that terrible...? Or was it the fault of those dingus caravaneers, whom started drinking brews, and hooting and hollering devilry and diablerie, to magick themselves up, all because there was like, an accidental punch, or something. Folk around here have no respect for the arts! Well, they don't have respect for anything at all.

So, yeah, I told them to fuck right off! I think that cost me a point or two... or three. Yet I truly think that these designs were absolutely immaculate... Yet with such a low score, now I'm wondering if I'm deluding myself, and I really don't know what I'm doing at all. It's horrible. I really wanted to make fine apparel that reminds folk of Narwen and Selwyn, but now I'm not sure at all if I managed...

At least Jamei's winning design was simply wonderful. Maybe she's far better at this than I am. I don't know, I kind of don't feel inspired at all, now. Yet I have to work, work, work, at least on these pyramid plushies... The design I have in mind for them at least manages to bring a smile to my lips, I guess. Working with mohair is grand, too. Tonka tries stealing some of it, though...

Maybe it'll be all right? I don't know. Maybe Zol Nur will throw the plushies right at me and tell me to do better...

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Tammuz 20th, IY 7789

After copious amounts of coffee, I managed to do it... the pyramid plushies are finished! And what a catchy smile they now bear... I handed them off to Zol Nur... after having to wait for, like, hours, because his breakfast lasts for, like... hours. Anyhow, it's fine, I just was really excited about them and wanted to show them off, and the coffee really wasn't helping my patience any. So, it's completely and utterly fine if Zol Nur takes forever with his breakfast. I think that's healthy, even, because by the time he's finished, he's like, used up more energy than the food gave him! I think.

I really need to find the pepberry if I'm going to be working like this...

Anyhow, as grand as those plushies are, it really doesn't help my reputation, because right after, Jamileh was like, trying to hand off some of her ol' dusty dolls to me, as if I care about them at all. I swear, it's offensive, having everyone in this stinky town, assuming that I like dolls, for who knows what reason! I hate dolls, they're so creepy, and after you turn like, I don't know, twelve, you should like, abandon all dolls, and give them to charity, or something. Unless you're a cat or a dog or a parrot, then it's like, fine until the very end of days, because of like, I don't know, natural law, or something.

Plushies are neat, though! I need to make some for Tonka, too.

Oh yeah, thankfully, Zol Nur seemed to really like the plushies. I had to like, really study his face to figure that out, because of his like, steadfastly stoic mien, but like, I could see the joy!

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Tammuz 21st, IY 7789

The Twins really need to be more clear about what kind of surveys they're doing... I mean, they do surveys, and then they do surveys. I thought they were like, interviewing landmarks, but they were like, taking measurements and mapping them out, instead. You can't blame me! They come from Baz'eel! They have an academick background! I think that pretty much guarantees that you know some geomancy, and can like, talk to random pebbles on the road, and stuff. Which is a talent that I wish I had! Sometimes I accidentally kick a pebble and I feel so guilty!

Also, apparently, some sorcerous lady transmutated into like, a goblin, and now like, they're in a big heap of trouble. That's no good! It's not her fault that her ancestors courted gobbos in pursuit of great magickal power... which is a real dumb thing to do, because most gobbos are like, shamanistic, which is like, completely different. You could've just asked them how to tame the spirits of the land, instead. Though I guess the gobs tend to speak with the really gross spirits...? Like, spirits of tar, smoke and stinky, and such. So, you're not really getting much out of that.

You shouldn't court for such things, in general, really. You should court for hot love!

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Tammuz 22nd, IY 7789

Stern stirred from her spiritless stupor, so, naturally, I had to hurry to the Pyramid to warn the Legate about that. Any meeting with her lasts like, countless hours, so, we can never predict how long they last, so, when someone asks when the Legates will be free during such dolor, we can only shrug our shoulders and offer vague estimates. Folk don't like vagueries, so, they really get in a huff about that. Not our fault! It's the Mevura method! It tires everyone out, and in the end, you're kind of left wondering what was the point of it all.

Anyhow, she did come to the office, just like I predicted, and then there was just an endless flood of other guests, and the room was just bursting with petitions and red tape, which you'd think would be one of my favorite tapes just because of the color, but instead, it's just a dreadful waste of everyone's time! Then they kicked me out of there, which was really mean, because I like to be in the know, and if I'm not in the room, then nobody tells me anything at all.

I did let Nibb in there afterwards, as revenge. Well, I was looking out for my buddy, too, of course, but like, if you're going to kick me out, then I'm like... kicking... somebody else... in...? I don't know.

Anyhow, I get a lot of information requests from Kiran, lately. I like it! It's the kind of labor that I can handle... Kind of pleasing, really! I wish my job was just that. Well, this job. Or that job. I have so many! Well, it does help that her requests are actually interesting, instead of like, constant demands for audits, or other utterly boring bullshit!

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Tammuz 23rd, IY 7789

Some clients are just absolutely annoying! Like, this guy ordered a bolero from me. So, like, I get kind of excited, because I don't have a whole lot of orders for those. Boleros are grand, and involve a lot of subtle layering to wearing them well... Anyhow, this guy just kept yammering on, and on, and on, and they were not satisfied with anything I did, because apparently, it was not "unique" enough! All my works are unique! Each and every one...

He kept flirting with me, too! It was awful! And then they tossed magickal lights around, which was even more distracting, and I couldn't concentrate, and they just... kept... doing that! And the constant barrage of questions and commentary... I felt like, abandoning the entire project, just walking away right then and there. Yet I need to pay the bills, so, I just had to weather the storm of obnoxery! I think that's a word.

So, in the end, I got paid, and because of their constant demands, I had to abandon my original design, which I'd put a lot of thought into... Really had to consider the balance of hues and such. I was disappointed in the finished product, and so was he, probably, too. But it's his own damn fault!

I really need to establish a policy of like... you absolutely, utterly, never, ever, can watch me work. Or, if you absolutely have to, I'm charging an extra fee. Also, for every single comment that you make during that, I charge another tiny fee! Also, if you don't actually know what the article of clothing that you want looks like, you guessed it, there's yet another fee!

A BOLERO GOES OVER YOUR DAMN SHOULDERS! IT IS NOT A VEST! IT IS NOT A COAT! IT'S A BLASTED BOLERO!

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Tammuz 24th, IY 7789

Good heavens! I really should be in the room during any and all important decisions... Well, maybe the intriguing ones. Anyhow, apparently they scheduled the tournament, and like, renamed it...? And, and, and, they were expecting me to have the victory laurel ready for it, all this time, without telling me when the deadline is! They literally told me nothing! I can't work under such stress!

I was really looking forward to making it, too, but now, I don't know what to do, it's just like, so stressful! What a burden!

Anyhow, at least I had some pleasant labor, for a change... Enki, the Goat Shaman, ordered a shamanistic semblance from me! Oh, that's different from Enki, who's like, my new friend. I think "Enki" is just a common name among Stonefolk. Have I written about Enki...? Like, my friend, Enki, not Enki, the Goat Shaman? I like Enki a lot, they're real nice, but they seem like a troubled soul, and I want them to find something new here... or well, maybe somewhere else, preferably, after they find just a little bit of fortune here! Oh, and I do mean Enki, my new friend, instead of Enki, the Goat Shaman.

That's not meant as a slight towards Enki, the Goat Shaman, it's just that I don't know him as well. His goat is really cute, though. Anyhow, I finished the garb for him, really got those shamanistic touches in there and there, and well, he was simply overjoyed when he saw the finished product! As overjoyed as a Stonefolk can be, anyhow. It's subtle, but I know it when I see it! What a joy it is to bring joy to others! It's the best part of the labor!

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Tammuz 25th, IY 7789

Endora's emptying the gallery to make room for newer works... She handed off one of Zain's old works to me. It's curious, really. I do want to keep it, but I also don't. It's just such a sorrowful tapestry. I know it's important, but looking at it just fills me with such melancholy, that I don't know what to do. So, it's an artwork that I can't really even look at, yet keeping it hidden in a closet just seems wrong, too... I really, really, really don't know what I'm going to do with it. It's just so confusing.

Magnifica seems to like it, though. She nestled atop it, and refused to leave, for a few hours. Food did lure her out, like always, though. Honestly, I know it's probably... wrong... of me to think so, but I'd rather have had the tapestry featuring her. I'd rather have a pleasant memory, than one filled with pure sorrow, and not much else. Maybe I'll learn to see it differently, but right now, it's just that. But yeah, I don't know where that particular work went. I'm kind of curious now, but I also don't feel like digging up the past, too much.

Tonka was pretty confused with this new addition. She judges every addition to the house very carefully, and her opinion is usually pretty clear. With this one, however, she just kind of kept tilting her head in confusion. I guess we're united in that, really.

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Tammuz 26th, IY 7789

One of my least favorite parts about these elections is the hushed conversations with candidates, the kind that you're kind of just forced into... Like, they all feign having some sort of interest in you, just to get you to vote for them. And it's all given through whispers, because by doing that, they're not actually beholden to anything that they're saying! So, they can promise you the very moon, but they don't have to actually do anything, because nobody else heard it.

Thankfully, Kiran arrived just at the right moment to save me from all that, so, I took off with her to the office to discuss business. Vellum's not pleased with the Twins at all, so, there's an air of tension about the office. It's a shame, because their work is really promising. Like, yeah, I don't like how they talk of elves, at all, or well, like, how they talk about anyone that doesn't resemble their idealized Baz'eeli, or whatever... But we also have a massive shortage of labor. Which is just inevitable, here, because it all keeps piling up. I am going to have a talk with them, of course, if they keep it up, though. Yet I really don't want to fire them...

Otherwise, it was mostly just... dredging up old bothers. Reminded me of a lot of bothersome memories. Not something I want to get caught up in, ever again. Made that clear, too. Have to make that clear to anyone, really. You want that kind of business taken care of, you go to someone else.

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Tammuz 27th, IY 7789

Inky grew again! It

BEHOLD MINE POWER!

Hey! Stop it! Cease being humongous, this instant!

NAY! MINE FORM CONVALESCES! IT SURGES WITH THE ANTIDELUVIAN MEMORY! THE PROTEAN PIGMENTS HEED MINE CALL, AND ARE CONJOINED WITH MINE QUIDDITY! THOU WITNESS THE TRUTH! THOU WITNESS... INKY THE IMMENSE!

That's a terrible name! I'm not going to call you that... Like, not even once.

OH, COME ON! YOU'RE RUINING IT FOR ME! JUST DO IT!

Like, no. Just... no. Tell you what, I'm going to give you a far better name! How about... "Inky the Insolvent"!

THOU CLODPOLL! THOU BOBOLYNE! THOU MUMPSIMUS! THAT LEXEME DOES NOT CARRY THE MEANING THOU THINKETH IT DOES!

It doesn't...? I really need to check some documents, then... Oh, anyhow, how about... "Inky the Iridescent"!

▓▓WHAT BE THIS? ▒▒ MINE FORM, IT ▒▓▓▒ SHAKETH, TO HITHER AND THITHER, TOING AND FROING ▒▒▓ FROM THE PUREST OF PASSIONS ▒▓▒ THEMSELVES! WHAT CAUSES SUCH? ▓▒ WHAT HAST THOU DONE? ▓▓▒ WHAT OCCURS! TELL ME! ▒▒▓▒ REVEAL THY INTENT! ▒▒

Did I... Did I just make you cry?

NONE HAVE GRANTED INKY THE IMP IRIDESCENT THE GIFT OF A NAME! I WELCOME THY LARGESSE!

THOU ART A TRUE FRIEND, IN SOUL AND DEED.

That... well... You're my friend too, Inky. Like, a really good one. The kind that I can really count on... despite all the weirdness... Love and respect, and all that. But can you like... go back to regular size? This is really bothersome to read. I have to like, crane my neck backwards to make any sense of this. Like, a lot.

CERTAINLY, MINE FAITHFUL COMPANION.