Chapter 6 - EFU: Sands of Intrigue - Rumors, Gossip & Tales of the Desert

[DangerousDan]

Hziran 20th, IY 7789

Old Man Trips on Wall

The Parchment can EXCLUSIVELY reveal the details of a brutal battle fought at an Orcish fortification deep in the Scald. It is said the so-called Purple Pair - former Legate Marcellus Saenus (you've got to love him!) and then-Legate Achaeus Saenus (any relation???) led the combined forces of Baz'eel and al-Nasr to a great victory over the barbarian foe.

All of Baz'eel mourned to hear that Marcellus, who was in his dotage even during his early Legateship, tragically tripped over the so-called 'Abulmahhu' and cracked his skull, dying some hours later surrounded by his loved ones. The beloved leader - who some call the Unifier, because he united the hearts of all the people - was buried in an official state funeral some days.

Any rumours to the contrary are categorically false.

The Emir's Gaffe

During the recent state visit of Emir Jaiyan Ibn Sharev to Golden Baz'eel, the hapless ruler committed a dreadful breach of protocol that remains the subject of lurid gossip and speculation within the Sublime Garden.

The Parchment can EXCLUSIVELY reveal the indelicate blunder of the bungling baron.

During a morning Water Service, the Emir neglected to refer to our Beloved Sovereign by his just and rightful title 'Overthrower of Abuses and Scourge of Bad Governance', and furthermore wore a turban that was off colour to the mutually agreed Water Service Palette.

Osman, being benevolent and furthermore gracious, merely smiled at this outrageous breach of protocol. However, in the weeks which have followed, courtiers have grown to see a shocking reality. Far from an innocent blunder, Jaiyan Ibn Sharev, as is typical from those of his treasonous line, instead intended this omission as a calculated SNUB!?

Something simply must be done.

Useless Old Trees; Kindling for the Front!

A genius strategem has been devised upon the front in the hateful Scald. So great are the corpse-mounds of the barbarian dead, our brave boys have been complaining about the terrible stench of their rotting flesh.

The Tenth Legion to the rescue! The Parchment can EXCLUSIVELY reveal that the brave Tenth have settled upon an ingenous strategy of using the great KUSATMA to blow up some rotten, useless old trees (who heard of trees out there anyway?) in order to build orderly and handsome pyres - eliminating the twin scourges of Toxic Odour and litter in one fell swoop.

Keep it up, boys!

Inside Kusatma - A Welder's Tale

Serialized EXCLUSIVELY in the Parchment over the coming months- the true story of how one metallurgist with a dream took some battered old bronze and fashioned it into a wonder if Baz'eeli engineering - the fearsome KUSATMA, whose howls can be heard even as far as the Sublime Garden itself.

With nothing but his hands, his humble workshop and an uncompromising vision, Tairan ibn Ghalish tells all, in:

I AM BECOME DEATH, DESTROYER OF WORLDS

Azarmidokht Parties while World Burns

The Golden Vizier's depraved and decadent diversions continue, with the salacious sorceror hosting yet another masquerade ball while the brave Janissaries of Baz'eel's Fourth fight and die beneath the wicked heat of Pra'raj (some say at his cruel bidding). The venue? Our very own Osmani Canal!!!

The Parchment can EXCLUSIVELY reveal that Azarmidokht the Golden, using moneys embezzled from the illegal sack and occupation of our dear little sibling Arslan, has purchased a luxurious pleasure barge from which he hosts weekly debaucheries.

What is going on in there? Are slaves involved? Why is the Parchment not invited?

Whatever is happening, it can't be good. Baz'eel MUST seize and impound this bawdy barge.

Sorazin Bey Recalled to Baz'eel

The Parchment can EXCLUSIVELY reveal that Sorazin Bey, the tragic scion of the antique al-Komayyad clan and commander of the Fourth Legion, has been urgently recalled to the Sublime Garden for a private audience with our very own Sultan Osman the Sixth, Sultan of Baz'eel &c.

At the time of printing the Scribes are currently drafting an exquisite letter of invitation that will no doubt dazzle the benighted Bey, who is (in our humble opinion) sorely deserving of such a fantastic and mysterious honour!

Oops, did we spoil the surprise?!?

Silver Drake's Baby Feast in Occupied Arslan?!

Notorious turncoat and murderer 'Silver Drake', lately the Envoy of the Sordid Vizier, is rumoured to be participating in cannibalistic excesses as part of the ongoing tragedy of Arslan. The Parchment cannot print some of the more shocking reports it has received, but it would encourage shrewd subscribers to read between the lines and make up their own minds.

He has been furthermore rumoured to be kicking street dogs for sport, and has a perverted shrine to a notable member of the Sovereign Clan hidden in a filthy den he maintains in that City, which the Parchment can EXCLUSIVELY reveal has not been cleaned in months.

[DangerousDan]

In the early hours of the mornning, a gilded Ashsail was seen berthing at the Eagle's Mount, arrived from the direction of Baz'eel. A hobbling figure daubed in green was soon seen boarding the vessel, which set off without delay towards the Sublime Garden.

[Bearic]

The Green Leaflet - A Ramieton Newsletter,

-::Print: Illul 14th, IY 7789::-

Bottles are IN! -

News from Ephia's Well suggests that bottles are all the latest rage and style. Word from our sources outside Baz'eel say that glass sales are projected to continue well into the next quarter! Don't be the last one to collect your own personal bottle!


Buster's Brews are out of Business! -

Sad news today, as the already difficult to get brews are completely out of business due to difficulties in the supply chain. The regular joe's cup of joe out of season and out of stock. Word on the street is a former business partner stole the recipe and sold it to an agency in Il Modo, then filed a suit against Buster and his Brews! How droll!


Big Bash is Retired! -

Famous stylist BIG Bash has taken a knee and moved to bigger fashion trials in Baz'eel. Rumor has it that this move was to avoid a possible scandal involving a failed venture in purchasing a flower company in Ephia's Well that was to sell boutiques styled into friendly faces of animals, however when resident war hero Aurelio D'lyon mistook one for a djinn the whole shop was burnt down. Tragic!!


Carlos Cogsworth found Crushed by his own Clock! -

In other sad news, famed inventor of the cool down orb and THE Towel has died around the date of Illul 6th, IY 7789. The cause? Witnesses claim that Carlos was assaulted by a cloaked figure who cowardly destroyed the support beams on one of his many inventions and crushed Cogsworth to death! No statement was given on whether the murderer was apprehended.



Giant Ants Spotted in the Canyons! -

Local entomologist and self-proclaimed farmer, Dan, has reported that after losing his farmland to a Titan attack on a refugee camp, his new home is being overrun by giant ants! When asked for details he said:

Ever since that witch cursed me all them years ago, I've had nothing but problems! There's so many bugs out here! I wish someone would do something about them so me and hoagie could have a simple life.

~New~ District in Ephia's Well! -

A big scoop, inside story straight from the source and now to you! We've learned that two new Architects are beginning design of the new high fashion district of Ephia's Well! In works with Gohari Industries, the two new Architects, one Calliope Faith, and the infamous Mae Stern!

Mae Stern is notably rumored to have summoned some horrible red meteor that ruined the ramie crop of IY 7787. Word on the streets is that she might be engineering anti-gravity chambers so that resident cultists known as Astronomers may float about freely. As well as legalizing the practice of "orbing".

Calliope Faith, Cousin of the new Legate Faith Kruehtzer, on the other hand, is rumored be in fierce competition with Buster's Brews and has at least on three occasions gotten Scribes of the Sublime Garden to shut down Buster's Brews on baseless health code violations. Nicknamed "Coffin Coffee" Calliope, we may see a huge chain of Calliope's Coffees replacing the Pop Shop of Buster and his Brews.

Word has it that Gohari Industries is doing their best to keep these separate interests from interfering too much with plans, when we asked a representative for some time and details on the above they had this to say:

What, no, no comment. Go away."

Troubling indeed.



Windmills or Dragons!? -

Rumor has it that Ephia's Well has spent a great deal of dinar on the purchase of Windmills for the new district and since then raised the local taxes, sales, sending, housing and et-all to all time high levels!

But, dear reader, we have to ask, why would they spend so much on Tlonsiyyan Windmills? Rumor has it that the actual dinar was spent on a large dragon egg and the Windmills are just a cover story to distract the local populous into paying for the incubation station. We have to ask, dear reader, which makes most sense to you?



 
Remember friends, if you want the best fabric buy from Benito! Only the Best from Benito!


COME AND VISIT RAMIETON! New bridge opened for guests to our NIGHT MARKET!