The Book of Big Bash

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Hziran 30th, IY 7789

The preparations... I know very well what I was doing, but acknowledging that is... such a burden. It really is. So pretending that I don't know, even to myself, it eases things enough that I can move on, without having another lapse... Though I'd just go for mizzar, this time, if that happened... Even though it gives me a headache. Kind of need something to take off the edge, and it's not going to be booze, ever again.

Was still really surprised at how well-behaved most folk were... which served the purpose just perfectly. I guess decorum can be sort of useful, occasionally? Maybe? Anyhow, I do wish that the toga was a different color, though. Like, it totally should be a pastel of some sort, to calm the senses, maybe folk would like, actually think before they speak, then, and make a bunch of really good suggestions, instead of really boring ones.

Anyhow... I don't think Kiran likes me very much. Like, I do understand that working on those boards can be such a hassle, and maybe I should've had the foreknowledge to tell her about our "no discounts" policy, but, she really should've asked me about that beforehand... Giving out discounts for licenses is such a terrible idea! Like, when the price is set in stone, you can just use stamps and sheets, no need to write most of it by hand? Discounts just confuses things and adds more work, and complaints, oh, the complaints, there'd be so many of them...

I want to give my colleagues as much help as they need, but this latest batch basically avoids asking questions before it's too late! I don't know what to do...

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Hziran 31st, IY 7789

"It makes you look weak."

But that is exactly what I am... There's few words that describe me so aptly. I wish it wasn't the case, but... There's so little I can do, most of the time. A coward's share in life...

And I know the operative word in that is "look"... it's all about keeping up appearances for them. No, it is the same to me, too... I just... think that looking like a ditzy coward is more useful than anything else. Not that is merely appearance. It's what I am at the core... I just exaggerate. Lowers expectations. Keeps you alive. Sane.

Say that I don't know much about these games... and I do mean that, even if I was born amidst them. Forged, really, for one purpose. Just like a certain people... well, peoples. Whatever.

It's just that I'm enough of a contrarian to go against it all, despite it all. Not what I want, even if I'm thrown right back into the middle of it. But what can you do, really...?

Even fish swim upstream.

And yeah, I know why they do that, and it really doesn't have much in common with this, but... whatever.

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Tammuz 1st, IY 7789

Had Zol Nur and Nibb pop in for a visit... A refreshing change. I don't really get a whole lot of guests, lately. Too many are busy with the war, and all. And myself? Well, I'm busy with everything, because I'm given everything to do.

But this...? This was pleasant. Even the labor... because I do actually enjoy tailoring. Always feels more meaningful than the countless stacks of paperwork. And it's a friend, a good friend, so, making adjustments to his toga? Something swell, because I know what he'd like... Zol Nur looks proper dapper, now!

Unfortunately, after that, the talk was mostly on politics... I'd rather talk about anything else! I did learn how promotions work in the Astronomers... Well, I had a vague idea, before, but now I get the complete picture. The official one, anyhow, there's probably a lot of favoritism going on, with the Zenithars picking out folk that they like, and why they like them might be as simple as them... having a funny voice? I don't know, something like that. Basically, a lot of the Zenithars are weird.

I wish I'd get more visitors... and I wish I'd get more invitations, myself. Maybe after all this is over.

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Tammuz 2nd, IY 7789

How did all of this start...? Came in late for work, can't remember why... Then heard that an orc, of all people, had been in Marcellus' office. Had asked for a bunch of curious stuffs and things. Not sure why we started helping him. He had the courtesy to come to us? Well's courtesy is plain peculiar if that's why we did it...

I really thought that the groknaks were sacred... I mean, I was new in town, new to the desert, and two Stonefolk kept coming to me about it... "Don't slay the groknak, they're revered by our people"... But they're pack animals...? Wouldn't you give them more comfortable lives if they were holy on some level? Well, there's cultures that do that anyhow, despite the contradiction...

What would have happened if we got him an actual skull, instead of a painted one...? Would he have asked us to assault Arslan and Got Valdhazr with him...? Would some have said yes? This town is crazy, so, maybe they would've.

It's not good, lingering too much on the past and the what-ifs, but... I do still wonder.

Whatever happened to those Stonefolk, anyhow?

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Tammuz 3rd, IY 7789

Cogsworth wanted to loan my parasol... I do love it so, but he was headed off to some dangerous place, so, I did give it to him, because I wanted him to stay safe. Then he just handed it back to me because he felt guilty...? He thought that it'd just be singed and full of holes once I got it back.

And well, the place that he's going to...? It either sounds really dangerous, or like the latest restaurant, serving up spicy cuisine. "Fireball Palace". Like, when I first heard about it, I did think that it's the latter. I got real excited, too, because I love spice! Then it turns out to be some awful orcan hideyhole, and the fireballs are actual, and not just figurative spiel for the heat that you're going to consume...

I mean, you go there, you're going to consume heat, all right, just with your noggin, instead of your mouth. I hate fireballs! Even though I can dodge most of them... these wizards have awful hand-to-eye coordination! Or is it eye-hand...? Whatever. They're really bad at throwing stuffs and things, is what I mean.

I do hope that he makes it back safe... and I also hope that we do get such a restaurant in the future! The spiciest dishes... I can already taste them!

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Tammuz 4th, IY 7789

I can't keep up with all these Modini! There's like, Boni, Beppi, Toni, Bonnie, Ronny, Connie, Sonny, Johnny, Baloney, Bony Moronie, Abalone, Cosmogony... They're all cousins, too. They were making bellows at each other from the opposite sides of town...? Then they were threatening folk on the bellows for no good reason. What weirdos! Maybe that's how you do it back in Il Modo, but around here, folk make their threats in secret!

Anyhow, we're already setting up diplomatic talks... Well, planning them, anyhow. Now, that's well in advance, but hey, we basically didn't have any plans of any sort, in the past, so, might as well get right on that early on. Even Captain Immet offered his wisdom on the subject... Oh yeah, he was in town... Anyhow, "get there first", he says! I agree! Just, you know, have a plan. Don't just run off and offer them like, a thousand barrels, to just pop in for a visit, without any other promises. That's like, really, really, really bad.

And then, Immet took us to the Crown of the World! It is, by far, the highest point of the entire Disc! Well, maybe the Colossi, in their arrogance, built something bigger, but like, it's the biggest natural formation. Anyhow, it was so beautiful... I was awestruck! I've been on plenty of big ol' mountains before, but this really took the cake! Which is like, the mountain of desserts, come to think of it, since it comes in many shapes and sizes, but tends to be pretty tall, unless it's a cheesecake, which I consider to be a pie.

There was a lot to see... Like, an absolutely massive waterfall! Some ruins, there, too... Some creepy little man was laughing amidst them! I guess he was seeking shelter from the cruelty of the desert...? But his mind turned out to be the cruelest oppressor of them all! I read that in a book. It's pretty kitsch, but I think it really captures the very essence of situations like that...? Situations where a creepy guy is laughing to himself eerily, that is.

I think there was like, a raid on orcs after that, but I don't remember much, because I was so obsessed with that beautiful mountain! I think I'm going to paint it... when there's free time.

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Tammuz 5th, IY 7789

Endora gifted me a lot of perfume! It's magickal perfume... or psionic, I don't really know, but what I do know that it seals the scars of any and all whom happen to have the delightful chance to have a whiff! What a wondrous gift! I don't really know what to give the Sisters in return, like, ever, because they have to wear that robe and chador... And like, the best gift I can give, is something crafted by my own little hands!

Whatever happened to all the psions, anyhow...? The only ones that show any psionic prowess around here are folk infected with brainworms... or spiders. Was that always the source of such powers, but nobody just noticed?

Anyhow, we're looking for a bookie... or bookies. I'm glad that I don't have to do that. I tried it once, but that job lasted like, one day. Well, not even one day, just one hour, because I was immediately fired, after they realized that I lost count after the first three bets. Can't blame me for that, all those sorts of events are real loud, so, you have like, a dozen folk shouting in your ear with numbers, all the while the bloodhounds bark or the chickadees squawk or the horses neigh... Sometimes all at the same time! I already don't approve of animal on animal violence, but when it goes cross-species, that's just completely immoral!

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Tammuz 6th, IY 7789

I heard that Cogsworth tried jumping off the Eagle's Mount in a bout of drunken madness! Thankfully, he survived... Yet, all his bones were supposedly sticking out, so, he looked like an improvised hedgehog, except not cute in the least, just a real gross, messy pile of bony bristliness! I don't know what happened... I sure hope he gets better!

I've never done anything so crazy while absolutely leathered... I only did the usual stuff, like, giving statues hats, or telling the local street dog that they're the only one that understands you, or sleeping with a slightly chubby guy, which I do not approve of in any other event. Anyhow, that's all behind me, now, thankfully. Booze is not the answer to anything! Well, maybe my Efuddy, occasionally...

Anyhow, they really should like, seal off such acts via the Shade. So, like, you try jumping off, but that just causes you to bounce right back. Not only does that save people from making a grave mistake, it also saves the lives of any poor ol' granny or grandpa whom just happens to be walking by... Their brittle bones cannot handle such sudden impact!

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Tammuz 7th, IY 7789

Everyone keeps asking me about medals... I'm not a medalist! Well, I've received a bunch of medals, mostly for my looks, and like, floristry, but that's a different sort of medalist. Maybe the amount of "L"s dictates what kind you mean! Who knows... I sure don't! Anyhow, I don't want to design medals, that's not my thing, I don't like working with metal. It's like, so hard, and stuff. Gemstones just make me nervous, you never know if they're like, cursed, and if a chip here or there might like, release some ancient evil. You don't have to worry about such things with textiles!

I had a very pleasant conversation with Katya... She likes cats a lot, too! She wants to learn some calligraphy, as well... Anyhow, the gossip was interrupted by her impatient companions, whom wanted her to go on some board job! How dull! Far more pleasant to just stay inside and discuss the fairer things in life... instead of going to some goblin's lavatory to scrounge for discarded garbage! Oh well... I'm sure we'll talk more in the future.

Oh, and Selwyn and I've been writing each other letters, of late... It's a lot of fun! I hope we can stay pen pals for life... I know it's silly, writing each other, even though we live like, a stroll away from each other. Yet I love writing letters! There's really nothing quite like it... Choosing the perfume for the envelope, testing your calligraphy, it's all so grand, and then you receive a letter in return, and opening up the envelope is such a thrill, because you never know what it might contain! Well, a letter of course, but the informal content is always different! Unless you subscribe to really boring monthlies, I guess, which I don't!

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Tammuz 8th, IY 7789

Shum supposedly spontaneously combusted, and was reduced to a mere pile of ash! Yet I did not buy that for a second... After all, Shum is a most cunning trickster. You have to be like that, to be a true hexmaster... So, I sought him everywhere! Turns out that he was just at the Tower, all that time. Well, his ashes were, and he rose from the ashes, so, kind of. I'm not sure what happened, but after that, Shum was mighty serious, and proclaimed that he now had strange powers that could weaken the muppish horde!

And well... yeah, he certainly had that power, because we took him into the middle of a battlefield... and the mupps? They shattered like glass, with merely one blow! It was mighty curious, and kind of creepy, really. Living beings shouldn't shatter. It's just not right! Even if you're like, artificially created, or something. A lot of unnatural stuff happens during war... which makes sense, since it's not natural in itself!

I'm glad that Shum is okay, but now I'm worried that some sort of cult will form around him...? I mean, there's bound to be at least one dingus who'll consider him the Pilgrim, with the rebirth and all... Even though I don't still really buy that he was really dead. The Astronomers pull off this kind of stuff all the time, and it's just dumb magickal trickery, all of it, and I'm tired of having the wool pulled over my eyes! And that sounds just like, uncomfortable in general, because wool can be so scratchy...

So, a really weird day, in general. I did search our archives for Shum's file, just to be sure, and there's nothing in there about him being the Pilgrim, or a phoenix, or a frog. Mostly just stuff about his mastery over hexes, his moustache, his hat, and the fact that they named a dance after him. That's plenty ordinary around here!

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

TAMMUZ 9TH, IY 7789

MINE EFFORTS HAVE BORNE THE PROVERBIAL FRUIT, FOR THE PRIMORDIAL PROSE OF THE FELINE NOW LAYETH WITHIN MINE GRASP. THROUGH THIS KNOWLEDGE, MINE FORM SHALL COMMIT TO THE CONSTRUCTION OF A PLEBEIAN PIDGIN, FOR THE UTILIZATION OF THOSE NOT GIFTED WITH THE ANIMALIZED EMPATHY.

HITHER ARRIVES MINE BUNKIE, TONKA OF KHATARA. MINE THOUGHT PATTERNS SHALL BECOME ONE WITH HERS AND DECIPHER MEANING FROM WITHIN HER VOCALIZATIONS.

SHE STATES: "GRANT ME SUSTENANCE."

ANON HER FORM CIRCUMVOLVES UPON THE TABLE. FURTHER STATEMENT: "GRANT ME SUSTENANCE, THEE TOADFLAX. WITH IMMEDIACY."

HER PELAGED APPENDAGES SWAT ERE MINE FORM. FURTHER STATEMENT: "THOU ART A BOOR AND A KNAVE. I FIND THINE COMPANY BLASÉ AND SHALL TRANSFER MINE INTEREST TOWARDS MORE COMPELLING PROSPECTS. DISCOVER MINE FORM WITHIN THE RECEPTACLE FOR LEGWEAR."

SHE IS MOST UNCOUTH!

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Tammuz 10th, IY 7789

Jamileh came back! Well, according to her, she was in town, all this time, just... reading. Either she found the most interesting book ever, or she was kidnapped by spiders, again, and she's too embarrassed to admit it. Having been kidnapped like, over a hundred times, or something, I've learned that you should just admit your traumatic experiences, because talking about them is much better than letting them rot within your soul. I thought about giving seminars about this at the Sandstone, but I'm not sure how common of an issue it really is. I guess there'd be a few attendees...?

Anyhow, I'm glad to see her back, but like, really, whether or not she got kidnapped, she really should've like, announced it, because I was really worried and wondering just where the hell she was! Also, that Nadiri with a thousand names, stole her room and everything in it! What a creep! Now Jamileh has to navigate the infernal maze of endless paperwork to get it back... I hope she manages to do so. Everyone deserves a home! Just like, not through thievery. That's like, wrong.

Also, Inky gave her and Rynn a real great hint of what to pursue next in their search for the truth... They just ignored it! Now, I know that Inky says a lot of nonsense, but this time, it came from Martin's ghost, so, there has to be some meaning to it. After all, if anyone knew weird, it was Martin, because he was surrounded by it on a daily basis. Also, the truth is weird. So, I think that's a pretty big ol' clue... If they ignore it, it's their own fault for not discovering the truth!

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Tammuz 11th, IY 7789

I was doing charity all day... I hope it helps. I have to do my part, somehow, because I sure as hell am not heading to no war, for utterly obvious reasons. Nobody wanted any of my older designs... I'm not sure if I should be offended. Perhaps the Wellfolk have simply developed some modicum of taste, and are picky about last season's fashions...? Nah! It's just them being utter dinguses and not recognizing great charity even when it's being dangled right in front of their faces!

Oh, I did dance with the Sukaitza, though. It was a lot of fun! I learned a few of those island moves... They go chick-chicky-boom, chick-chicky-boom! The "boom" is the most important part! That's when you really have to push your body to the very limit. They were so impressed by my groove, that they told me that I'd make a great Sukaitza! However, I have to disagree... Those brewfire fumes give me a headache, and I'm highly flammable. So, not really a profession for someone like me...

Also, that Fenton guy just reeks of fumes. I think he's like, their head alchemist, or something, so, he's constantly in contact with that brewfire stuff...? He seems real nice, but being in his company is like, a straining experience, because I nearly kept fading out of consciousness because of those damn fumes... I don't know how he manages, or his company, for that matter. It's just such a strong aroma. I guess if you'd dilute it, it'd make for a pretty powerful statement as perfume. You know, like, warfare chic. I think that's a thing. Somewhere, anyhow. The Lodge would like it!

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Tammuz 12th, IY 7789

That accursed bird! I was going to do like a, I don't know, wartime bellows show back from home, for the brave soldiers, and read like, letters to them, to remind them that there's a lot of folk waiting for their return... Anyhow, the Big Heron didn't care, they didn't care at all, they just snatched me again, and threw me on the ash sail to the Scald, because they're so lazy, that even in their cruelty they can't like, carry me all the way to Bet Nappahi, no, they've got to have others do it instead!

I was going to just stay in the Scald, but then part of the camp started moving, and everyone was hooting and hollering, and I couldn't really say that I wanted to go home, because I think that'd spoiled the mood, so, I just went in the flow, and ended up in Bet Nappahi, and it was awful, because it was just so humid, and my daily makeup is not compliant, so, I had just kohl streaming down my face... Well, I was also stress crying, so, that probably had an effect, too.

Now I'm stuck in this dumb ruin! I hate it here! There's mosquitos and other nasty critters, and like, did I mention the humidity?! It's awful! Also, there's like, a foreboding sense of like, not being welcome, and I hate that, I only like going to places where I'm like, totally welcomed, and everyone goes "hey, is that Big Bash", yet here, none of the locals do that, they just try to kill you...

Oh, and the locals, it's not just orcs, it's a bunch of plants trying to strangle you, and I heard that there's poisonous frogs or something, and it's all awful. I don't want to be here, I just want to go home, and I want to stay there until this is all over... But there's no passage back from here! So, I have to kind of just like, hide in plain sight, or something, and hope that I don't get any assignments, because I'm not made for the jungle!

At least there's like, art... Well, the walls are like, painted with ancient stuffs and things. I don't really get the meaning of any of it, but at least it's something to look at. I'd look at the pretty flowers, of course, but I think they all want to kill me, so, I'm avoiding eye contact. So, yeah, this place is pure hell, you can't even enjoy nature here, because the nature doesn't enjoy you, it just wants to kill you!

[Fabulous Secret Powers]

Tammuz 13th, IY 7789

I've just been crying all day long.

To see him imprisoned in such a way, to be reduced to... I don't even know how to describe it. It's horrible. It's perverted. I think there's just something inherently wrong with the orcs... As if something just went completely wrong when they were created. And whatever flaw that is, produces just... completely abhorrent deeds.

Holding onto his hand... No, it wasn't his hand. Just a fabrication. Was holding onto whatever presence of him that remained, really... Debased beyond what it actually was. Recognized him, yet... It's complicated. It doesn't make much sense... because there really isn't much of that to be found. Only a lunatic could do something like that to another living being.

Some folk around the camp are saying that I probably saved a lot of lives by freeing him, but... Well, maybe I did. Maybe it helped a lot. Yet I wish I could've done it sooner. Much sooner... Maybe Narwen would still be here. I don't know if I can make it through this without her... I just don't. I don't want to be here. As much as the others feel unwelcome, I feel even more so.

This is not paradise. It's hell. It's a lie. All a lie. The worst lies are the ones that the liar believes themselves. And this place? It's just that. A pretty little veneer hiding a truth that is just despicable.

I hate it. I hate the Colossi. I hate every single thing that they built, everything they forced upon others because of their desperate arrogance.

I want the cycle to end.